Chapter 7 - Farnsworth's Revenge (final chapter)

Fry and Bender both looked unmoved about the week's goings on. They'd suffered enough for it already. For them, now was the time to stop torturing themselves and just sit there rejoicing on the mattress, enjoying yet another cold beer together.

Being with Fry just made Bender almost forget the entire ordeal... until about a month later, whilst they were both in the Planet Express lounge, watching "Sesame Street" on the TV, during their lunchbreak. A newsflash suddenly came up on the TV screen, interfering with their enjoyment, just as the ghastly dustbin resident Oscar was demoralizing geekie Ernie, telling him how his awful dancing stank more than the dustbin he himself lived in.

"This is a special newsflash announcement," informed Linda, the newsreader. "Although only for the rich at the moment, Mom has invented yet another new machine to make life much easier for humans, mainly all the old and frail..."

Morbo interrupted, "Do humans grow really frail once they get older? Well, well, well, you find out something new everyday, don't you."

Morbo laughed wildly at discovering yet another human flaw, and got uncontrollably excited at how his own species remain strong in mind and body for centuries, so it would be a much easier task taking over Earth.

"If we can start destroying these machines before they begin to mass produce them, then none of the older, deceased or weaker humans can buy them. I think us aliens'll have a party smashing them up. If we're gonna rule this planet, we'd better be getting started right away. See you in Hell, old, frail people!" Morbo arose from his chair and ran off to find a youth-giving machine to destroy. Then suddenly... SSMMAASH!

Linda took a look over to where Morbo had disappeared to, then looked back over to the camera and laughed, "Ha, ha, ha! That's the producer's one gone.

"Anyway, back to this machine... it gives the old back their youth, the ill back their health, or simply keeps our wrinkled celebrities looking beautiful. So if you want to avoid seeing the Grim Reaper before your time, and have millions like our producer, then you too can be as young as you want to be. Also, a word of advice: if you have the money, buy it quickly before Morbo and his species smash them all up, as only a handful have been made so far. Anyway, that's the end of our newsflash."

"Sesame Street" then returned to the screens. As the programme was featuring the number 3 today, Big Bird was now reading the children "Goldilocks and the Three Klingons".

Young Farnsworth and his entire crew were stunned at what they'd just heard on the TV. Nobody was even interested in the slightest in "Sesame Street" any more, and it was one of their favourite lunchtime programmes as well. As Cubert was the only person, to whom the professor had given the plans, it seemed to be logical that he was the one who was responsible for passing them over to the witch... and he had still never ever met her in his life. The prof just looked at Cubert blankly, then left the room in a huff to be alone in the privacy of his cabin.

Cubert tried to explain how he had no idea of how Mom got hold of the plans. "But...but... but..." But before Cubert could barely begin, the prof had vanished.

Other than the three crew members who knew everything, the rest of the crew, including Farnsworth, were starting to suspect Cubert. After all, he was the only one who knew absolutely anything at all other than Farnsworth... and the professor certainly didn't snitch on himself.

Although Leela wanted desperately to squirm, even just part of what Bender had told her, she was a woman of her word, and a promise was a promise.

Cubert stood silently, as he stared at his suspicious colleagues. Being accused for his spiteful nature was one thing - he enjoyed the fun of it all - but being accused for something he didn't do, or at least didn't remember doing, was something completely different. He was usually the one doing the bullying, now he just felt like a victim being bullied.

After running off to his own cabin, he escaped the accusing eyes of the crew members, to be alone and away from them. As he sat on his bed, he could still hear their voices saying some nasty things about him from the other room.

Hermes began, "Dat little munster, I knew he couldna stand de heat when I first laid ma eyes on him! We have ta git rid of de little shit sumhow!"

Another man who "seemed to know from the start" was young Zoidberg. "You know, I knew before that little squirm was 'born' that I was the one the prof really wanted to be his successor. After all, Zoiby and the professor have known each other for decades; we're like that." He crossed his claws over to show the others how close he and the prof were. "The professor and I can rule the world till kingdom come, never losing our youth, strength or brain cells. I'm the chosen one!"

Amy interrupted Zoidberg's fantasies of succession, "If you want to know my opinion, the geeky little rascal doesn't just look like a repulsive vermin, but has an uglier face than the squashed head of a Simpsons character! I agree with Hermes, let's get rid of untrustworthy little grass somehow." Amy then continued throwing her scandalous insults towards Cubert, with her face going as pink as the clothing she was wearing, "We all knew he would amount to nothing when we first noticed what an ugly little piglet he was. I mean, if he was as sweet and cute as me, things could have been so different for him!"

Zoidberg noticed Bender, trying to sneak out. "You haven't said a word since you saw the newsflash. If you think you might have eaten something to give you a throat infection, I can twist your head off your body and have a good rummage around it if you want."

Bender rubbed his head. "I shouldn't have come back to work till I'd become completely sober again, I'm only just beginning to recover. I think I might just be suffering from the after-effects, a slight headache or something... you know."

Zoidberg got up from where he sat, and began to walk towards his surgery. Making a hand signal to the robot to follow him, the lobster then called back, "If you come into my surgery, I'll give you a couple of aspirin. My doctor's manual says they work wonders on human headaches, so why don't you just take them down with an alcoholic drink of some kind, then wait a while to see what happens. I suggest you go straight home afterwards, taking the drink with you. I also suggest that you don't come back for about two or three days until you feel a little better, OK."

As not to raise any unnecessary suspicions, Bender agreed to take whatever Zoidberg gave to him then get out fast to go home.

Although Bender hadn't aroused any dubious sixth senses from the rest of the crew, as soon as Cubert heard the robot's voice again from the ship's cabin, the metallic voice seemed to jog back vague memories of a very familiar voice from a very familiar occasion. His thoughts began to flow wildly, until he finally stumbled on one of his biggest clues so far - after all, his entire relationship with his father depended on finding out not just who told the world that Lazarus existed, but also who told all about its total insides and outs. He had to figure this thing out, it was crucial to him, but his only memory of that familiar robot voice was being teased down on the beach about his immaturity. The next thing he could remember, was being picked up for joyriding by the police with a hangover.

But then, suddenly, another thought entered his mind. Little by little, things began to fix themselves together like a jigsaw. He seemed to remember being taken to the liquor store and given an entire bottle of whiskey by... BENDER! The budding scientist had finally worked most of it out. Although his recollection of the actual event itself was still very limited, he felt he'd at least found his culprit!

Evening had come, and apart from Bender, who had taken a few days off, most of the other crew members had gone to sleep in the PE ship within the building, as they had an early delivery, and it was quite a long way as well. Cubert, though, had gone to see the professor, who was sitting in his cabin, on his bed thinking deeply about something.

Cubert sat next to the professor, poured his heart out about what he'd remembered then awaited his reaction expecting his father to disbelieve a word of it.

Farnsworth's response wasn't so ravenous though. "I'm sorry, son, I didn't mean to be so nasty, it was just the initial shock of finding out that made me so angry, it wasn't you. Besides, yesterday I discovered an even bigger secret than you and it's also why I'm in rather a better mood today. I really think that it's something you might find of interest. And since I only just found it after I'd gone back into my lab yesterday night, it took me the whole of today just to make sure whether I was right or not. You're the first person I've told, you know, nobody else knows except you and me now."

Cubert shut their cabin door whilst listening with great fascination.

In her own cabin, Leela lay in her bed under her covers, wondering to herself whether she ought to tell Farnsworth the truth. It wasn't just for his sake, but also to calm down her guilty conscience. She couldn't help it, it kept running in and out through her mind. "Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn't I? Should I? Shouldn't I?"

She finally decided that she'd kept Bender's secret for long enough, and just didn't want to take part in Mom's dirty little scheme.

She got out of bed, put on her white towelling, tie-up robe, and fluffy white slippers, and began to make her way to the professor's cabin.

When she got there, she could hear a muffled voice, which seemed to be Cubert. She finally was able to work out that it was indeed the little, pig-nosed one attempting to make his case clearer to the professor, to try to prove his innocence in this affair.

"See, I told you that I wouldn't lie to you! I really didn't remember a thing about where Bender took me after we got drunk."

"Don't worry, son, Bender's become so experienced in lying, he's evolved into a politician. In fact, he's become so good at acting out his lies, he could even become president. Besides, it doesn't really matter that much to me anyway, after all, the robot seems to have done me a big favour."

The clone then walked out of the lab to go back to his own room. He wore a smirky little grin on his face while brushing past Leela outside the prof's room, raising an eyebrow, with a crafty look on his face which said "I know something you don't".

After Cubert had left the professor, Leela walked inside the lab to tell her secret story. She walked towards young Farnsworth, who sat there where Cubert had just gotten up next to him. She felt a little embarrassed at first as he seemed to be wearing a silk navy-blue dressing gown that ended just below his "utensils".

She then began to explain, telling him how the three of them met at the robot's apartment; how Bender told them every detail about what he did to Cubert for Mom, from getting him drunk, to taking him to Mom's to have his microchip surgically removed; how it had come from the robot's own tongue; how he squirmed everything about Lazarus; and even got paid for it. As Bender had personally confessed his crime to her, Farnsworth didn't have to argue with the robot himself about what was the truth.

While she sat there cross-legged next to the professor, one of her long, slender, shapely legs just happened to catch his eye as it popped through her robe. His concentration slipped for a short while, as his eyes ran up and down their entire silken texture; cravings of lust and passion began to enter his mind, wanting desperately to stroke her thigh and fondle with her knee. He began to mentally undress her, as his eyes began to wander up her body until he met her face.

"Aaarrggghh!".

Wondering what it was that seemed to give Farnsworth a sudden shock, she asked, "What is it, Professor? Has something I've said frightened or offended you?"

"I'm sorry," replied the prof, as he lied through his teeth, "it's just that the news you just told me is so dis...dressing. Please continue, though, I'd like to know everything." What he was really thinking was: "nice legs, shame about the face". But, he couldn't let her know that, unless he wanted reconstructive surgery soon afterwards!

Shaking her head in wonder, she then continued with what she was originally telling him.

The professor never really believed that young Cubert had ever willingly collaborated with Mom, after all, how could he, he's never even met her before... or vice versa.

The story had slowly unfolded like a murder trial: things began to look clearer and clearer to the professor, with every little piece of information Leela told him. He wasn't too upset with Bender, though, after all, as Mom had taken the microchip in Cubert's mind to build her machines, he was the only one who had discovered the big secret of the machine, so he was still one up on her. The prof even felt as if he ought to give Bender a medal of some kind for doing his dirty work for him!

But before Farnsworth did anything else, he was going to have to get rid of the dull, lifeless and boring freak that was sitting next to him on his bed. Although her body had aroused his libido, he just didn't fancy her!

After he'd finally achieved his bad deed of getting rid of the Cyclops, the frisky, young scientist had a much better idea! He made his way straight to the cabin door of the other more exciting, more sexy, and best of all... much more willing female in the building! As far as the prof was concerned, the other female was far better looking, too!

He wore nothing else but his same navy blue silk dressing gown that almost came up to his butt, and his old, "grandfather" slippers. He then approached the cabin door of amorous Amy, and walked straight towards the door to alert the foxy lady of his arrival. Farnsworth's fist rapped on the door thrice.

Amy sat naked on her bed, brushing her spiky, jagged hair. She called out to whoever stood outside, with her cute, squeaky voice, "Who is it?"

"It's me, the Love-meister!" he answered alluringly, in a very deep, masculine voice, put on to impress his next catch of the day, sounding like James Bond to match his hunky new Pierce Brosnan look.

Although he was faking his masculinity, there were still undertones of Farnsworth's voice beaming through it, and Amy managed to recognise who it was at once. "I'm sorry, professor, can you wait a second till I grab my gown or something. I'm afraid I haven't got a stitch on."

That got the Love-meister much, much friskier than he already was.

"Absolutely nothing!" He whispered, talking to himself. "Wow, I'm gonna have a real party tonight!" He said nothing else, but just swung the door wide open, so that he could have a better look.

As the door swung open, his eyes popped out of their sockets as they glued themselves to her seductive body. "Well hello, beautiful!" he remarked, in his very hunky, calm and collected spy type voice.

Amy, who slept in the nude, was struggling with her flimsy, see-through nightgown, just to try and hide anything she possibly could. "Oh, Professor, you really shouldn't be looking, you're much too old for me at 160. Anyway, what about Kif?"

The horny hunk kept the spy tone. "Call me Bond, Hubert Bond... and in answer to your question: what's Kif, some sort of household cleaner? I'm not dirty... just sex-craved. Yeah... the craving for a special lady!"

Amy just returned a blank stare, as if she was in deep thought about something.

"Anyway, I've noticed that you're trying to steal a peep at my wiener from underneath my robe... and you shouldn't be looking either, but I'm not complaining." He walked into her cabin to get a closer look at her and to offer himself back in return. "I've come to give you a scrumptious present, you sex siren." He put his hands to where the tie belt of his own gown was, then pulled the loosely tied silk belt apart. Then, continuing to try and seduce her, the saucy professor walked so close to her, that they were almost touching.

As Amy stood next to Farnsworth, memories of Kif were being distracted by another problem at hand. "Oh, you'll have to wear protection. I have some Titan's washing-up gloves you could wear, Kif's favourite. We wouldn't want you to become pregnant, would we?"

She turned away and daintily sauntered over to her handbag and pulled out a packet of kitchen gloves. The packet had gawdy writing on it, with the words "Titan king, Kif Kroker, says: 'I'll never use anything else!'" Kif could be seen wearing a crown and holding a packet of Titan's washing-up gloves.

"Here you are, put them on."

She then stared as a confused Farnsworth attempted to put his "protection" on. "No, no... on your hands, silly!"

After Farnsworth had put on the gloves, expecting her to demand he scrub the room clean or something, she came close to him, making it look as if they were dancing to a smoochie record, and wrapped her arms around his neck, while his gloved hands enveloped themselves around her tiny waist. She lifted her head to touch his lips softly. Her hands then took hold of his gown, sliding it down his body, allowing it to drop to the ground, revealing a naked professor except for a pair of rubber gloves and grampa slippers!

After they'd re-glued their arms around one another, the experienced love-meister whispered back, "I know a really naughty game that we can both play, with just two players... you and I." The door slammed shut, their game had begun.

The heavy breathing, squeaking bed, and several, deafening lusty hollers, were the only signs it took to let the rest of the crew know that the sexy scientist had lit Amy's fireworks that night.

Early next morning, on his way back to his own cabin from his night of passion and washing up, Farnsworth had almost forgotten about his demonic ex-lover, Mom... until he heard an advert come up from the lounge TV.

It sounded like a young woman aged between 20 to 30: "Try our new beauty product that makes your skin softer, younger, and fills your life with zest and revitalization."

At first, he took no notice, after all, most beauty adverts for creams and lotions all sounded the same anyway. Then he heard the name of the product: "Mom's New Anti-wrinkle Machine." Its blurb continued, "Now you can have skin as soft as a baby's bottom... whatever age you are." It then continued with two grandmothers over a hundred-and-twenty who had used the machine. The two women stood together with several grand and great grandchildren, whereas their own spawn had long since looked like perished prunes. Both women still looked and felt about a hundred years younger.

Then, the young, beautiful woman from the beginning of the advert, reappeared on the TV screen. "My machine worked wonders for me, and if you use my machine, it'll work wonders for you, too!"

It was HER, that evil old battle-axe who had manipulated her robots for her own scandalous, opportunist reasons. Although he couldn't even see her, he heard her name, and besides, he recognised her voice from their younger years together.

The expression on Farnsworth's face had changed almost immediately from the second he walked out of Amy's cabin: from extreme desire and delightfulness to one of hostility, detest and disgust at the sound of the witch's voice. Even if the monstrous, old bat had managed to change her body with the microchip in Cubert's head, she'd never in her entire lifetime manage to alter her sly, corrupt mind... what a crying shame.

She would soon find out the hard way that not all is in the eye of the beholder, as there was something that he only recently discovered that'll make things really messy for Mom, a big secret that'll ruin her forever. It'll be Farnsworth's revenge against her, for both for stealing his plans and for what she'd done to his little boy. It was why his clone had a really big grin on his face when he walked out of the prof's cabin.

The information he had discovered explained a lot about why both Zoidberg and himself had become such, masculine, handsome, young hunks of their species after using the machine. Although any male would probably have the same after effects, females were going to get a very raw deal for their money.

There was a process in the second tube that released many different coloured chemicals to complete the user's metamorphosis and stick the entire process together. What the prof didn't realize at the time was that one of these chemicals greatly increased testosterone levels within the subject, and for women, this would just not do.

Millionaire ex-old women all over the world were going to start growing thick beards, moustaches, and generally become hairy all over their entire bodies. The female user had now secured, for the rest of her entire lifetime, a future of small breasts, giant muscles, gruff voices, and even infertility - she just as well could have signed herself up for a million dollar sex change.

While sitting there, grinning like Cubert had the night before, he thought to himself, wickedly amused how it was now Mom's problem and she had to deal with any of the nasty consequences that came with it. She would be sued and have to pay heavy fines, she would receive hundreds, if not thousands of complaints and death threats from ex-beautiful veteran celebrities, and she would have established herself as the malicious, evil witch that she is. Not only that, she herself would now need to change her name to Pa.

He wondered why he was ever bothered about her stealing the microchip in the first place. It suddenly felt like a lucky opportunity that just fell into his arms, as if he'd just won a fortune! He had another idea whilst he sat there, that because he was the only person who knew why all these females were changing, he would do as much as it took to try and build the media up. Tell all her female customers why they were growing facial hair, and in some cases even go bald, and smother the blame all over her. He wanted to really rub it in order to backstab her, let her corrupt reputation really shine out.

His face lit up with the self-satisfaction that he really was the greatest inventor in the universe. He had built a machine that could finish off his most evil enemy, and begin a gruesome counter attack of his own... and he had Bender to thank for it all!

Now onto finding a way of finishing off Wernstrom. Werrrrrntrom!

The End