He'd been sitting outside on the terrace, taking in some fresh morning air when his communicator sounded. He padded back indoors taking a seat at the terminal in the study, schooling his features into command neutral before he accepted the call.
Nechayev started speaking before he'd even had a chance to open his mouth, "I'm afraid it's not good news Jean-Luc."
"Please, go on."
"I've taken the decision not to recall the Enterprise."
"I see…"
"It would not be prudent at this time to disrupt the flagship's patrol of the neutral zone. Things on the border are a little tense and we need to make a strong showing. And," she paused, "personally, I'm very sorry. I wish I could have made a different call."
"No, no… I understand… I am but just one person… I didn't expect… I hoped, of course but…" he paused for a moment, his mind whirring with the secondary options he had hoped would be unnecessary. "And the possibility of a shuttle?"
She shook her head slowly, certainly. "I'm sorry… it is too risky. Given the Enterprise's current location, the shuttle would be vulnerable not only to attack, but also to the extreme radiation levels currently reported in the area. We have explored every option you put forward, and we even had a few more suggestions ourselves, but our discussions have come to nought."
"I see…"
"As for your sector?"
"Yes… I uh…"
"I've taken the decision to hand it over to Admiral Jellico… until you are recovered."
"I see…"
"You seem perturbed by this news?"
"Well… I had thought I would continue… I have it under control…"
"I have no doubt however, I must consider the needs of the captains under your command. Your health is in a rather precarious state is it not?"
"Well…"
"Doctor Vepa has brought me up to speed, her report was really very thorough." She paused, her face relaxed, her shoulders dropped from command position, "Between you and I Jean-Luc?"
He couldn't find the words, he gestured with his hand for her to continue, he wasn't sure how much worse it could get but he knew he was about to find out.
"Your commission is safe. You are one of our rising stars. We have wanted you in the admiralty for a long time. I hope you know how much we value you, I hope you know how much I personally value you. I really do wish this could play out differently. Starfleet recognises that your original period of ill health was incurred in the line of duty and that this is an unfortunate subsequent consequence - we wish to support your full and complete recovery in any way that we can. In effect Jean-Luc, your health is our utmost priority."
He wasn't sure what to say, between trying to stay calm for the sake of his heart and the pacer, and the roiling spread of emotions barrelling through him, he settled on the diplomatic response, "Thank you Admiral."
"Well, if there is anything I can do in the meantime?"
"Thank you, that's very kind."
"I mean it Jean-Luc, say the word."
He nodded his reply, unable to work out what it was that she wanted from him. They'd always had a somewhat tempestuous relationship. He'd been benched, and while he hadn't really expected Starfleet to send the flagship to his aide, he couldn't help but feel like his chances of getting through this had been drastically reduced. With his replacement unit somewhere out in space, he felt pretty hopeless, and pretty vulnerable.
"Well then, take it easy, you are now officially on sick leave. We will wait to hear from you once you are certified fit to resume your duty." She smiled tightly, "There is no rush Jean-Luc. Nechayev out."
Beverly had heard it all, she'd been feeding Theodore on the sofa, a room away from the terminal. Her own mind was racing, there had to be something they could do. She knew the pacer wouldn't be enough to keep his heart in check until a new replacement was crafted. She knew exactly how damaged his existing unit was. She also knew that Theodore's own brush with poor health had been both a blessing and a curse: his pain had clouded her understanding of just how badly Jean-Luc was doing, but if their son hadn't needed the ear implants, they might never have known until it was too late.
She watched as her son fed, his eyes were drooping, milk drunk. He was the apple of his father's eye, their resemblance nothing short of remarkable. Marie had sent her the holos of Jean-Luc's childhood and his own babyhood, and she had to admit, they had somehow managed to create a clone, her Howard genes were nowhere to be seen.
Jean-Luc padded through from the study. He paused in the doorway, watched her feeding his son for a minute, trying to sear the image into his mind forever. She was stroking the baby's hair with her free hand, lost in her adoration of him.
He cleared his throat, not wishing to startle her, "Beverly?"
She turned to him blinking, ripped from the thoughts racing through her mind, "I'm sorry…"
"You heard?"
"Yes."
"So… we wait then."
"We'll get through it." She said, forcing a smile.
He drew closer, perched himself on the arm of the sofa, "What will happen?"
"What do you mean?"
"When the pacer fails, if the new unit isn't ready, what will happen. Will it be… sudden or…"
"Jean…"
"I need to know Beverly, I need to prepare."
"Listen, we'll have plenty of warning, the pacer is communicating all the time. You don't even want to know how much Medical knows about your bodily functions right now."
He laughed, for her, and immediately regretted it as he felt the pacer adding three extra beats. He put his hand over his heart, frowned, and took a deep breath to assuage the discomfort it caused.
"It's a very curious sensation."
"I bet it is."
"It took a lot to get used to, when I first lost my real heart. The first few days, with a pacer kicking in while that unit calibrated… very odd. To be suddenly acutely aware of the organ one's entire body depends on… it's every beat somehow miraculous… having to learn to trust the replacement, get used to its somewhat unique rhythm."
"I have always loved the beat of your heart, for what it's worth…"
He took the hand she had proffered and squeezed it. Theodore, now fast asleep, still sucked away, perfectly content and blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding around him.
"My father was furious. Called me careless. He came out all that way to Bonestell just to tell me to my face… Told me my mother was too upset to make the journey."
"That's awful, I didn't know things were that bad between you."
He sniffed, tried to blink away the memory, "Yes… and I never saw him in person again. Perhaps one or two subspace calls, but he died before I next had shore leave. Not that I would have used it to return to Earth…"
"There is plenty we can do Jean-Luc. The new unit is being formed as we speak."
"But I face the very real possibility that I won't last that long, that this one will give up, the pacer will fail… it could happen at any time Beverly, I am quite well-read on the subject."
She took Theodore from her breast, covered her chest expertly with one hand, and held him up to her chest to rub his little back. "I'm not prepared to entertain that thought… we're not living in the dark ages… even since the original incident all those years ago, things have moved on so much. You can even choose if we fit the standard beat or continuous flow model. Jean-Luc, we're going to get you through this."
Theodore released the wind he'd taken in during the feed then his father took a seat properly on the sofa, taking the baby and cradling him in the crook of his arm. The warm weight of his child plus the peace engendered by a sleeping baby calmed him, forced him to focus on the here and now. His maudlin thoughts paled into the background.
"A good feed?" he asked quietly.
"Yes, he's a pro." She replied snuggling closer to him. "You know, you should be resting, in bed."
"I know…"
"A few more minutes won't hurt…"
"Okay…"
"He's so content."
Neither of them wanted to break the spell of the moment. Each of them suddenly aware that their world had shifted once again. The three of them in their home, sequestered by an ailing heart and a new baby, but somehow, they'd get through it. Somehow, something was going to come good. It had to.