Disclaimer: I own nothing in regard to GWTW
Author's Notes: Thank you for all the reviews and feedback.
Chapter Seven
All too soon the day they had been dreading arrived. Bonnie's birthday. The day was hard on everyone but especially Rhett. He locked himself away in the library for the day. Scarlett cleaned out Bonnie's things. Over the last six months, they had quietly discussed what they would keep of Bonnie's belongings. A special toy, a stuffed animal, a ribbon that had matched her eyes perfectly, her Christening gown, and a sterling silver rattle Rhett had bought after he had found out Scarlett was pregnant. There would be so few items to mark the life of a child that had been so dearly loved by everyone who knew her. Everyone who had known the child was close to tears or in tears the entire day.
After Scarlett had cleaned the room out. She placed the special items in a small trunk she had purchased just for the occasion. She placed the trunk in the back of her changing room. She didn't know if Rhett would want to see the trunk or not. For now, she would hide it away.
After dinner Scarlett took Wade and Ella on a buggy ride. As they were driving around Atlanta, Wade asked, "Can we go visit Bonnie?"
The questioned startled Scarlett but it was the first time Wade had brought Bonnie's name up. Scarlett wondered if he was finally coming to terms with the loss of his sister and hopefully his aunt. Scarlett said, "Of course. Do you want to visit your Aunt Melly's grave also?"
"And my father's too if you don't mind."
Ella said, "I want to visit my father also."
Scarlett turned the buggy in the direction of the cemetery and said, "Of course."
They walked first to Melly's grave. Wade talked to her then Ella talked to her. Scarlett didn't because she knew she would not be able to get the words out without crying. She didn't want to cry in front of her children.
They walked to Bonnie's grave and Scarlett thought about the day of her birth. Scarlett said, "She was such a beautiful baby." Wade and Ella talked over each other talking to Bonnie and about the child. Scarlett just stood and listened. Listened to their wonderful memories. Wade talked about the dead squirrel again and that made Scarlett smile. She guessed Wade had also been repulsed and intrigue.
They then went to Charlie's grave. Wade looked at his mother and said, "Did you love my father?"
Scarlett started to lie then she knew that Wade already knew the truth probably thanks to India Wilkes. She said, "No, I married him because everyone was getting married, and I didn't want to be left out. I was only sixteen and I was a vain, silly, foolish girl then. I will always believe that if your father had lived, we would have had a good marriage. Your father was a good man."
Wade nodded his head like he agreed with what she had said.
Ella asked the question Scarlett knew she was going to ask. Ella asked, "Did you love my father?"
"Not when I married him, but I grew to love him. Your father was a good man who died doing what he thought was right."
"How did he die?"
Scarlett paused and thought about what to tell the child. Ella was only seven years old. How much could she really understand? Scarlett said, "He die doing something that he shouldn't have been doing. Just like Bonnie and your Aunt Melly."
"I hope I don't ever do anything wrong."
"I will be here to make sure that doesn't happen to you. Come on. Let's stop by your father's grave and then let's leave. All this talk of death is making me sad. We can go get some hot chocolate."
The children were distracted by the offered treat and soon they were sitting in a little café on Main Street drinking hot chocolates and eating pastries. Scarlett encouraged the children to talk about whatever they wanted to talk about.
They drove around Atlanta for the rest of the afternoon. Scarlett pointed out where buildings used to be before Sherman destroyed Atlanta. Scarlett talked about living in Atlanta during the war. She told the children funny stories about Melly, Rhett and her. By the time they returned to the mansion everyone was in a good mood.
They had supper and the mood was still pleasant. Wade talked about a book he was reading. Ella talked about a dream she had and although it tried the patience of the other two people eating supper, they let her tell her entire story. Finally, the children were in bed and asleep. Scarlett went to the family parlor to try to read a book and wait for Rhett to leave his office.
Rhett had not showed up for dinner or supper. When she retired for the night, he was still in his office. Much later she heard him enter their bedroom. He took off his clothes in the dark and got into bed. He pulled her close. Now that he was with her Scarlett could finally stop worrying about him. She quickly went to sleep.
The next day when Scarlett saw Rhett he said, "I stayed on the wagon with both my vices."
"I'm so proud of you."
Those words made all the effort worthwhile to Rhett.
On March first Scarlett was looking for a piece of paper to right a note down on. She didn't have one, so she went to Rhett's desk. It was locked up tighter than a drum, but she had a key. It had been easy enough to get the locksmith to make her a key when Rhett had been in Charleston all those years ago. She had wanted to know exactly how much Rhett was worth so that if he did ask for a divorce, she would know how much to ask for. The locksmith hadn't even questioned her need for a key to be made. He had just made the key and left the house.
She opened the top drawer where Rhett kept paper. There was the material the doctor had given Rhett. She wrote the diagnosis down and locked the drawer and left the office.
She went to see Dr. Meade. She had asked him, "What does coronary artery disease mean?"
Dr. Meade said, "It means the heart is not functioning properly. There is no cure. It means your husband is extremely sick." Dr. Meade knew without being told that Captain Butler was a sick man. He had seen the man several times around town in the last six months. He had not said anything to Captain Butler because Dr. Meade had known Captain Butler would not have welcomed the doctor's intrusion into his business.
"This is all my fault. I couldn't think of a way to get him to see a doctor."
Dr. Meade smiled at Scarlett. She didn't need to lose her husband also, but she really didn't need to blame herself. He gently but firmly said, "Scarlett, this is not something that happened in the last six months or the last five years. Your husband has spent the last twenty years abusing his body and that abuse has finally caught up with him."
"I should have found a way to get him to the doctor sooner."
"Scarlett are we talking about the same Rhett Butler. I feel sure Captain Butler knew things weren't right and decided to ignore his symptoms. I feel sure your husband would have mocked and ridiculed your concerns.
Scarlett gave Dr. Meade a smile as an acknowledgement that what he was saying was true. Hadn't she thought the exact same thing. Scarlett accepted that she was not to blame for the state of Rhett's health. She had not forced him to drink all that whiskey any more than Frank had forced her to drink all that brandy when she was pregnant with Ella. They both had to take responsibility for their own actions. She didn't want to think about Ella and what her drinking may have done to the child. She had to take care of Rhett right now. What was done was done as far as Ella was concerned. She said, "How long does he have?"
"If he takes care of himself – five to ten years."
"If he doesn't?"
"Six months to a year. Let me give you some material on his condition."
She managed to not cry until she had walked out of the doctor's office. She walked to the park. She sat on the bench. She knew in that moment she had probably loved Rhett since he bid one hundred and fifty dollars to dance -with her. Certainly, since he had brought her back the green hat from Paris. She had loved Rhett almost her entire adult life. It had been warm, gentle and constant. She loved him like she loved Tara. She just did. She got her strength from him just as she got her strength from Tara. That was why she had made him stay. That was why she had wanted to take care of him. That was why he brought her such comfort and always had. That was why she had compassion for him and pity for everyone else. That was why his words had always hurt so bad. That was why she felt her world had ended when he had moved out of their room. That was why she had married him.
She had to decide what path to take. Should she let Rhett know she knew or pretend ignorance? She didn't know. Who was she kidding? Rhett would know immediately that she knew. It would be written all over her face.
Should they continue living the way they had been living this last year? No, this last year had been a year of survival. A year were nothing was asked of them. A year to lessen the pain of Bonnie and Melanie's deaths.
One thing she knew was that she didn't want to be in Atlanta when the anniversary of that fateful day arrived. She decided that they needed to leave Atlanta. They would probably be better off living somewhere beside Atlanta. Hadn't they been happier when they were in New York? Yes, they had. There wasn't any reason to stay in Atlanta. They didn't have any friends here and they did have a lot of enemies. The only reason to stay in Atlanta was that it was close to Tara, but they could come back to see Tara whenever she really wanted to visit it. For now, they would go to Europe. Rhett had always wanted to take her to Europe. She went to see Uncle Henry. She told him to sell everything she own including the mansion.
She went home and joined Rhett in the family parlor. She said to Rhett, "Let's go to Paris now. Let's not wait until this summer.
Rhett asked, "Why?"
"Isn't Paris at its prettiest in the spring? In fact, we don't ever have to come back."
"No, we don't."
"There is no reason for us to stay in this house and in Atlanta with all the painful memories. Life is too short."
Rhett said sadly, "Yes, life is too short but why this sudden decision to leave everything behind."
"I want to see Paris and all the wonderful places you have always talked about. I'm tired of living in Atlanta. There is no happiness for us in Atlanta."
Rhett looked at Scarlett's expressive face and everything was written there. Her caring and her concern for him. Her face was filled with worry. He knew she knew he was going to die any day. He gave her a sad smile and said, "How did you find out?"
"Find out what?"
"You are no better of a liar than you were twelve years ago."
Scarlett said, "It doesn't matter how I found out. All I know is I am not going to waste a minute of the time I have left with you."
"Fine! Don't tell me."
"Rhett, the important thing is that I know you haven't got long to live. That is why we have to make the most of what time you do have."
"You are right. Let's make the most of our lives now."
"It may be too late, but I have to say it again. I love you, Rhett."
Rhett did believe that Scarlett believed herself in love with him. Was she really in love with him? He believed she was. She would believe herself in love with him for the rest of his life whether she really was or not. It was good enough. He would accept her love, but he wasn't strong enough to make the same declaration. Not yet. He smiled and said, "Thank you, I am very fond of you."
Not the affirmation of caring Scarlett had wanted but so much better than just kindness and pity.
Rhett drew Scarlett into his arms and kissed her with a tender kiss. A kiss of commitment. It was an almost solemn kiss. Once again, their relationship had shifted for the better.