AN: This is the chapter where Bella jumps off a cliff. Like the last few chapters, it's heavy on suicidal ideation and I have a marker for post jump if you need to skip the first part of this chapter due to Bella's ruminations. This is THE chapter before we see some of the Cullen's POVs and see why/how Edward comes back.

I also wanted to take a moment to let yall know Bella isn't getting institutionalized because it would be too difficult for me to write. I won't get into my qualms with how the United States runs in and outpatient mental healthcare. I will always advocate for doing what's best for you even if it's difficult (like checking yourself into a mental ward might be), but I also encourage folks to have people who you can hang with if you feel as if you're a danger to yourself. If I could be that person for everyone who needs it, I would be.

I woke up at noon to a massive headache. I had forgotten to drink water before I went to bed, and my stomach was churning. I stumbled down the stairs to find a letter from Charlie saying he would be gone late again, and a hope I'd get out of the house today. This reminded me that today was the day.

I sipped on my water, taking in my surroundings for the last time. I lost myself to my thoughts. I wondered if ghosts were real, if I'd haunt this home or the one in Phoenix. Would I become a restless spirit, or since I decided this for myself would I move beyond? Part of me hoped there was nothing beyond, part of me hoped there was.

After I shook myself from my musings I went upstairs to change, I didn't want to be found in my pajamas. After making my bed, I laid my final notes on my bed, rolled and tied with corresponding names on the outside. I grabbed my keys and drove to the cliff side in La Push, being forced to drive slowly due to the storm. There was sure to be some flooding.

By the time I pulled off the road by the cliff side it was 3:30pm. I think I lost some time to staring into nothing, I didn't even feel like I was part of my body today. I spent an unknown amount of time sitting in my car with the door open, and my feet barely grazing the ground. The storm was beautiful, cumulonimbus clouds covering a sky which was painted dark blue and grey. The thunder was never ending and there was no sound besides the storm and the crashing waves.

Stepping out of my truck and to the edge, I noticed exactly how steep the drop was, how jagged the rocks would be. I would say I was scared of the pain, but nothing could be worse than vampire venom, right? I found myself entranced yet again by the violent waters, but when I came back to myself and thought about jumping I heard him. Of course he was here for this.

Bella, please don't do this to yourself.

I turned around and saw him reaching out a pale hand to me, just out of arm's reach. "I need to do this. I'll love you forever, Edward."

And with that I fell backwards into the waves. I couldn't help but go feet first, even though I knew it would take longer for me to die. Something in my brain, probably from learning how to swim when I was little, kept me from doing something even more dangerous.

The drop was long and short at the same time, my eyes taking in the sky falling away from me like I was viewing a shot using Hitchcock's Vertigo effect. I didn't see Edward during my fall, so I twisted my face toward the harsh and black ocean. It taunted me with its white caps and murky depths, and soon I was surrounded.

The first few seconds were peaceful, I was floating and as I turned to my left I saw Edward. White tunic and flowy pants, and unruly hair swimming around him making him look like a male siren. I reached out to him as my body forced me to take a breath, but I felt no pain. I couldn't touch him, but he was there nonetheless. As I started to lose consciousness to the black depths I felt a rock enclose my chest. I couldn't tell if I was moving up or down, but the rock was hot and moving me somewhere.

Post Jump

I was a thawing brick of ice. There were hands trying to make me heave, what was I supposed to be losing? Sea water churned through my system unwillingly and came out of my mouth. With the ability to breathe renewed, my senses started to come back to me. There was a frantic voice and the hands were laying me against the sand, I was on a beach.

"Bella, Bella please are you awake?" Jacob. How do I respond to him, everything felt like too much. I wanted to fade back into nothing. I tried to open my eyes, make any sort of movement to let him know I was in fact aware of his presence. "Thank goodness you're awake. You've been out for sec. Are you in pain? What were you thinking it was storming so much, honestly Bella that was really stupid of you. I told you we'd go together!"

I looked at him with bleary eyes, seeing his concerned eyes and wet hair glued to his shoulders and drifting over his face. I couldn't speak, so I touched my throat with a sore arm instead.

"You're shivering Bells, let's get you to my house to warm up and I'll drive you home once I heat up your truck." I didn't even know I was shivering, I thought I was too frozen to shiver. Jacob must have picked me up because there was warmth all around me and I was moving, seemingly fast. I closed my eyes and willed the nausea away, though I couldn't place why I was nauseous.

I felt more than saw Jake open the door to his home, rush me inside, and plop me on the couch before dashing to grab a once white towel that must have been washed with the darks too many times; he wrapped me up in it like a burrito.

"Can you give me your keys, do you have them? Of course you don't have them, you jumped off a cliff in a STORM!" I could tell what I had done bothered him as he stomped around the tiny living room, pacing two steps before turning around and shaking. I was shaking too but his shaking had to mean something worse.

"Jacob, I'm ok. Keys just let me think…" My mind brought up an image of me leaving them in the ignition. "In the ignition, the doors are unlocked."

The warm huff of relief that came out of him made me feel we were suddenly in a steam room. Before I could blink, he rushed out of the room. My body was becoming fuzzy, and I started to finally be aware of my surroundings. My lungs were burning, but I wasn't close to fire. I felt as cold as Jake's mortal enemies and I had never wished for them all back more.

While I love Jacob, I really just wanted Esme to make me tea and Edw-Edward to fuss over me. This thought process brought me back to why I jumped, and I regretted it. This was painful, I should have known they'd find me somehow. I guess that's what having someone looking out for you is like, although he shouldn't be. I'm just leftovers, I'll never again be the Bella I was before my 18th birthday. This Bella was always fatigued, constantly seeking to numb the pain, and never able to recover from losing her first lover.

I couldn't tell you how long I sat on Jacob's tiny couch with reflections on my life and relationships before I noticed he was back and watching me. It had to have been a second though, he was squatting in front of me with his heels to the ground, and I saw a spark of hope in his eyes as he saw my eyes move over him.

"So you're back with the living, Bells. The truck is warm, let's get you home." He waited for me to nod in response, before sweeping me into his arms. It took a lot of effort to look at him and ask him a vital question.

"Jake, what time is it?" I watched his face change from concerned to lugubrious. It must have been awhile.

"It's past 7, Bells. You're still damp though, and shivering. I'll drop you off and get you some food. I've heard good things about D&K BBQ." I didn't know if I could eat BBQ on a stomach that had just spent too much time in the sea, but I didn't have any more energy to refute his attempt to help me. I let him sling me into the passenger side of my truck, which had heated up quite nicely, and watched him behind bleary eyes as he pushed my truck to its limits on the way to my house.

"Can you walk Bells? You need to change into dry clothes, if I bring you to your room can you change?"

"Yeah Jake, I'll be fine." The truck stopped abruptly and I was whisked upstairs faster than humanly possible, but not gracefully. He closed the door behind me and let me know he'd wait outside the door for me to finish, then he'd bring me downstairs again. I noticed the letters on my bed and quickly shoved them under the frame. It took much longer than usual for me to find a long sleeved shirt and some clean pj pants, I couldn't even think about underwear. Wasn't it healthy to go commando every once and awhile? I opened the door to a concerned Jacob.

"Looking better Bells, let's get you downstairs and wrapped up good. Do you know when Charlie will arrive? it's 7:55." Shit, Charlie. I shook my head, but hoped it would be later rather than sooner.

"Alright. Here's some extra blankets, and some water and a trash can if you - uh - don't feel too good. I'll be back in 30 or less, ok?" I nodded, reaching out a shaky hand to the glass of water on the coffee table. He was gone by the time I took a small sip. The forces that had control of my body forced me to spit it out, and followed with me leaning into the bucket on the floor next to my head, and losing the contents into it.

The smell filled the room, vomit and seawater. My throat burned, my stomach heaved, and my lungs cried for help. A few coughs racked my body and I struggled to get the air that I knew was in abundance around me. How I was expected to eat BBQ in a few minutes, I had no clue.

What was I going to tell Charlie? I was stupid enough to jump off a cliff for fun when it was very obviously storming heavily outside? Jacob seemed to think that was it, maybe I could get that to slide by Charlie too. I'd take whatever punishment he could doll out to me, I deserved it for my sheer stupidity.

My train of thought was broken by the door opening, and before I could even turn to see who was home, a gorgeous and pale face was in front of mine, listening to my chest.

AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'm sorry about the cliffie! I've been quite bad at uploading my work but I'm wrapping up chapter 11 right now and the fic is about 25,000 words as I write this! Things are looking up from here for Bella, but we have some difficult convos in the next few chapters. Will Bella be able to hide her self-destructive behaviors? How will Edward and the family react when they find out why she was really on the cliff?