Hello Friends! So how do y'all feel about a sharp left turn? Also thank you again to the best Guest on FFN for looking over this chapter! On to the chapter!

Set List:

Peace, Taylor Swift. I do not own this song please don't come for me Taylor is just an amazing song writer and this song is perfect for Ari right now T^T

Warnings at end of chapter.

New World, Cilia

"Hey Addie come down here! We're throwing a party!" Shanks called from the center of the growing group of people down on the beach.

Of course we are.

I sighed and headed into the ship to put my new clothes away. Once I made it to my tiny cabin I dropped the pile on my bed and glared at it.

Why did I even take the floral print shit? I hate flowers.

I sighed again before heading out of the cabin and up towards the deck. Once I made it to the deck I noticed Gunther seemingly waiting for me.

"Hey girl, come take a walk with me." Gunther said as the rest of the crew gathered for the party.

Why?

"Um, sure." I said as I followed him off the gangplank and down the beach.

We walked a little ways down the beach, away from everyone else, until he suddenly sat down just beyond where the waves could reach. I scrunched up my nose at the sand but sat next to him regardless.

I know he'll just get bitchy if I don't so just grin and bear it Ariadne…

"So, you've been here for a while now. What do you think of Shanks and the boys?" Gunther asked.

I felt my brow furrow and I said, "They're fine."

"Just fine?"

Where is he going with this?

"What else do you want me to say?"

He turned to look at me and said, "You've been sailin with us for 6 months now and all you got to say is 'fine'?"

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. "Oh I'm sorry should I gush about how wonderful they are? Just how amazing their loyalty to each other is? What do you want from me old man?"

This is so pointless.

"Oh no you don't." He shook his head. "I don't want nothing from you. It's what you want from me."

"Meaning?"

"You want to join the crew don't you?"

I rolled my eyes again. "Don't be ridiculous."

That would never happen… Why would they let someone like me join them?

"I ain't the one bein ridiculous here girl. So you don't want to join because you don't like them?"

"I didn't say that! They're fine!" I shouted.

"Well obviously they ain't if you don't want to join us."

"They aren't the problem here you senile old fart! I am! Don't you get it? They are some of the best men I've ever met let alone sailed with! I would give anything to join the crew but that doesn't change the fact that they don't want me to! I don't belong here!"

He narrowed his eyes at me and asked, "Then where do you belong?"

"Why do you insist on acting like you care?"

"Well maybe cause I do. I have a soft spot for wasting potential."

I glared at him. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? Thanks for the pity but I don't need it."

"Do you think Shanks needs pity?" He asked.

"What?"

"Does Shanks need people's pity?" He repeated as his glare deepened.

"No of course not, what are you talking about?"

"When I met that red headed dip shit he was drinking his life away with absolutely no thought in his head except where he could get more booze. Kid was day drinking at 14."

"He's a pirate. So what?"

"Ariadne don't you play no bullshit games with me. You know damn well there's a difference between liking alcohol and being an alcoholic."

He's right…

He sighed and leaned forward to rest his arms on his creaking knees. It was almost as if I could watch as the decades settled on this man's ancient back. "Roger had been executed months earlier and Shanks had lost his entire family. It's ain't surprising the kid turned to harsher comforts but that doesn't change the fact that he was trying to drink himself into an early grave. Why do you think he doesn't allow drinking at sea? I've had to scrape that boy out of the gutter more times than I can count but that doesn't change the fact that he's become one of the greatest captains I've ever seen. So I'll ask you again. Why don't you want to join the crew?"

"I'm not like them… I'm not…" I shook my head and looked down.

"Not what?"

"Not anything. They're all so confident and loud and sure that the others have their back. And I just- I don't even know who I am…"

"You have to know something." He said.

"I know that I hate myself."

He laughed. "Well you're in good company then."

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking at him. "Everyone on the crew is always so happy."

"Because it's so impossible to enjoy life when you hate yourself." He said with a smirk.

I thought about that for a minute. "But how? I try to be happy and to keep up with everyone but- I just… No matter what I do I'm reminded of how much of a failure I am. How worthless I am."

He looked at me. "I hate myself. I hate what my body has become, I hate that I can't fight, I hate that I am a burden on the crew. But there is one thing I still love in this world, besides the crew of course."

"What?"

He held up the bottle he had at his side. "Whiskey."

I rolled my eyes. "Forgive me for not wanting to drown my sorrows constantly."

I already tried that and it didn't work...

"You think I love it because of how it makes me feel?'

"Don't you?"

He shrugged. "I love the color of a fine whiskey. It's the same color as my wife's eyes. Whiskey reminds me of home. That's why I love it."

"I didn't know you were married."

"Not many do."

"What happened to her?"

"I don't know." He heaved a heavy sigh as he stared at the bottle. "I had given up sailing to be with her. We settled on a quiet little island and set up a whiskey distillery. Had our own little farm and everything. Life was good… But one day I went out to check on the fields, like I did every single day, but when I got back to the house she was gone."

"Did she leave?"

"I don't know. It didn't look like there had been a struggle, none of her belongings were gone, nothing was out of place. But she was gone. I thought that she had just run into town and so I waited for her to come home but she never did. I set out to look for her and… Well I guess I'm still searching."

"I'm sorry."

"It don't matter. Not anymore." He shrugged. "But it ain't all bad. If she was still around then I wouldn't have fallen in with these boys and Shanks would probably be dead in a gutter long ago."

I nodded.

"I met Shanks a few years after I lost… her… Life is a cruel bitch but there does seem to be a reason for it, most times."

"Forgive me if I find that hard to believe."

"I know you don't believe me. But you'll get there, one day. Just trust the crew and let them help you."

I nodded sarcastically. "I'm sure I will."

He chuckled and shook his head. "Enough about my old scars. Let's dig into yours a bit more. That sounds like more fun."

"Fun for who?" I asked as I turned to glare at him.

Seriously what is wrong with this sadistic prick?

"Don't worry about it." He said. "But tell me one thing you love."

"I don't love anything. Love is pointless."

He laughed. "Spoken like a true teenager, congratulations on being just as dramatic as every other person in your age group."

"Oh you're really fucking funny old man. You don't know what I've been through, the shit I've seen."

"No I don't. That's why we're having this talk. So tell me one thing you love. I know there's at least one little tiny thing in this big old world."

I looked at my feet on the sand.

I hate sand…

"I feel like I should love the ocean. I used to love the ocean. But now, after everything…" I sighed.

"The sea is a cruel, temperamental bitch."

"Just like me." I said with a harsh laugh.

He rolled his eyes. "Stop it. We both know you aren't nearly as heartless as you try and make yourself seem."

"Aren't I?"

"No you aren't. I don't understand why you're trying so hard to erase everything good about yourself, but that's your business I suppose."

Did he just-

I looked up at him. "You sound like Peros."

"You know I can honestly say that that is the first time I have ever been compared to one of Big Mom's children."

I chuckled. "He was a good friend to me. He taught me a lot about music."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. He was one of the first people to encourage me to pursue music since I left home. He taught me how to play all sorts of different styles."

"But he wasn't the first person to teach you music."

I shook my head. "No, he wasn't."

"Who was?"

I looked up towards the night sky and sighed heavily. "Been a while since anyone asked about that… You know I still remember the first time I heard true music. My mother runs a tavern so there were always pirates singing shanties there, but that wasn't true music. Not like what they made."

I can still hear their voices…

"It was the marine choir. They would come to Marineford and perform occasionally, I was 6 the first time I heard them perform. They were rehearsing before Revery and I was just walking past where they were while on my way to drills. But I remember the moment I heard their voices I just froze. I stood in the hallways there listening to them and I couldn't move. I couldn't walk, couldn't wipe the tears from my eyes, I could barely breathe. It was so beautiful. The song didn't have any words, it was just their voices, but it sounded like- I can't describe it. It was as if their words were light itself and for the first time I could truly see. It was incredible. When they finished I remember the only thing I wanted was to join them." I paused to take a deep breath. "I never wanted to be a Marine, or a pirate, or the best anything, I just wanted to join the choir."

"Is that it?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No. My dad- or the man who actually acted like my father I should say, loved music too. He wasn't particularly skilled in it or anything but he loved it. He was the one who made sure I could take all the lessons I wanted, made sure that I had all the instruments I wanted… And then when he left I clung to my music so hard because I thought it would bring him home. It didn't of course. So now music is just..."

We fell silent for a few minutes before he said, "Don't you think that music could be a way to remember him then?"

"It was. Until…"

"What?"

"Until I became a pirate. Back when I was in school to be a Marine no one knew who my parents were. Sure I was being trained by Garp but that was more of a formality than anything else. No one cared about me. They didn't care what I did or what I became. All they cared about was that I was useful to the Marines. But pirates… The fucking Whitebeards… They knew exactly who my parents were. Hell the only reason I was there in the first place was because Rayleigh personally went down there and asked them to train me. So from the very moment I set foot on that ship they were constantly comparing me to not only my father but my mother as well. Everything I did was a reflection on my lineage. It was like I wasn't even my own person. No, I was just this hybrid of both my parents. I had to be better than both of them in everything they ever excelled in. And if I ever had the audacity to claim that I didn't want to do what my parents had done… If I ever mentioned my love of music, well lets just say that they thought that was the joke of the century.

"I never wanted to be the best at anything. Not even with music. I just wanted to exist as my own person. I just wanted to do what I loved and enjoy my quiet life. But now I… I'm tired. I'm just very very tired."

"So what do you want now?"

"I told you-"

"You're tired I got that part. But what else."

"I don't want to live." I said. "You know when Shanks found me on that island I was thinking about how practical it would be for me to try and drown. If it would even be possible. Sure it's been fun sailing around with you guys but I haven't changed my mind."

He nodded. "Well if you're truly suicidal then I'm assuming this isn't the first time you've felt this way."

A harsh laugh forced its way out of my throat as I said, "Yeah no shit. Like I said, my life hasn't exactly been a walk in the park."

"Well then why are you still here? Why didn't you go through with it years ago? We both know you had the means."

I took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "I tried… Multiple times… the worst was- it was after I left Totto. I didn't know where to go, what to do, I was hurt, I was mad, but mostly… I was scared. I was so, so terrified of what would happen to me next that I- I couldn't face it." I took a deep breath and raised my shaking hand to push up the sleeve on my left arm.

I ran my hand over the thick scar there and said, "I don't know if I did this to myself or not. I don't even remember it happening. All I remember is drinking as much as possible, as fast as possible, falling down, and bleeding. There was so, so much blood… And right before I passed out I- I saw Daddy's face. I saw his face and in that second I didn't want to die. Because he wouldn't want me to. But it is terrifying when you try to kill yourself but then all you can think is 'I don't want to die' but no matter what you do, it's too late. You can feel your body shutting down, can feel the world slipping away, you know it's too late for anyone to save you. And it's your own fault."

I took a deep shuddering breath. "I never want to feel that again. I don't want to die. I just don't know what to do."

I clamped my hands over my mouth to try and stop my sobs as they wracked my chest. Gunther wrapped an arm around my back and said, "I know. Believe me, I know."

We sat like that for a while and before too long my breaths evened out and my tears dried. I opened my mouth to say something but instead I heard a voice calling from further down the beach.

"Hey Addie! Come here!"

I turned to look for him and saw Guy and Alden with both of them waving their arms frantically at me.

"Go run along now. Leave this old man to his ghosts." Gunther said while nudging me softly.

I smiled at him softly. "Thanks."

Then I stood up and started walking towards my friends. As I was walking away I heard Gunther call out to me one last time.

"Hey Addie, you're a good kid."

I paused and looked back at him. "I hope I can believe you one day."

I took one more sip on my drink as I watched the crew start up yet another rendition of Bink's Sake. They had been singing the song seemingly nonstop all night but somehow it never seemed to grow old. No matter how many times the song was sung, it was always as if it was for the first time. I watched as Roux threw an arm around Max's shoulders as they sang and drank together. Monstar was even having a fun time drinking and screeching where he couldn't sing.

I want to-

No. I know what Gunther said but I'm not ready.

Not yet.

As I watched them celebrate life I felt words to a song come to me and I quietly sang under my breath

"I never had the courage of my convictions

As long as danger is near

And it's just around the corner, darling

'Cause it lives in me

No, I could never give you peace…"

I sighed and clenched my fist.

"I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best

But the rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me"

It doesn't matter how badly I want to join them or how hard I would try to not to trouble them… I will always be a burden...

Guy burst out laughing and turned to look at me. But as soon as his eyes met mine his smile faltered and he turned around.

I should go. I need more time to figure this out. I don't know what I-

Oh shut up you know exactly what you want Ariadne. You just aren't brave enough to take it.

I bit my lip as I felt my eyes start to itch as tears welled up in them. I shook my head, set down my tankard and slowly started to walk away from the party.

I can't make another rash decision. They don't deserve that…

Ace didn't deserve that...

As I walked away from the party I shoved my hands in my pockets and kept my head down. The sounds of the party were slow to fade as I made my way further and further away from them.

Just go find a quiet spot to think and we can figure this out in the morning. If you don't have the courage by then then you never will.

Maybe in another life you-

STOP IT.

Don't think like that. Shanks- there might be a chance for you… maybe...

Sure you had some fun times, but now it's time to face reality. You can't keep running...

I shook my head as if to shake the thoughts out of my head as I felt myself sway on my feet and my head spin. I pressed a hand to my forehead as I tried to stable myself. But as I looked down the ground continued to move, almost as if it was getting further away.

What the hell is going on? I didn't drink that much did I?

No, I know I didn't. So why-

"Well well well. Look what we got here boys. A little birdy got lost." A voice taunted from behind.

I whipped my head around to see who it was and immediately felt my balance abandon me as I nearly fell. I stumbled and barely stayed on my feet.

No.

"You know I was almost worried about how we would get you away from them. I was thinking we would just have to wait until you passed out. But you wandering away all on your lonesome works even better." The voice said.

I blinked hard and saw the blurry shape of a tall, burly man approaching me.

He's one of the men from the town.

Damn it. I should have seen this coming.

"Wha- what. What did you- you do?" I asked. My tongue felt like lead in my mouth.

Another figure walked towards me and poked me on the shoulder. While that little poke should have done nothing, in my current state it sent me sprawling to the ground.

"M-my crew…"

The first man knelt in front of me and smiled. "See they aren't really your crew now are they? Shanks told me himself that you're just traveling with them for the time being. So I don't think he'll mind if I take you off his hands- well, hand. Do you? But don't worry they'll be fine in the morning. Might have an extra bad hangover, but fine. You're the only one we were interested in afterall."

I tried to struggle to my feet but no matter what I did my body just refused to cooperate.

The man smiled as he watched me struggle before standing up and picking me up. I wanted to fight, I tried to fight, but my body refused to move. I only had a few seconds to watch as the ground moved past me before my vision closed in and I lost consciousness.

I'm still too weak...

The first thing I noticed as I felt myself return to my body was the rocking of a ship. The second was the shackles on my wrists.

Where am I?

I had to fight to open my eyes. Once I did it took more than a few blinks to get my eyes to adjust to the dark room I was in. But once they did I noticed that I was chained to the wall of a cage. In a hold with other cages.

Oh, they're slavers.

Well this is a first.

I tested the shackles and quickly realized that not only were they sea prism stone, but they also were too strong for me to break through brute strength alone.

Guess I can't get out then.

I rested my head against the wall behind me and stared up at the leaky ceiling above me.

Of all the ways I could die…

I never thought it'd be as a slave…

Before too long I heard the sounds of several people descending the stairs down into the hold. I didn't bother to look at them, I just kept my eyes on one stubborn water droplet refusing to fall from the ceiling.

"So this is the little beauty you picked up is it?"

"Yes captain. Isn't she beautiful? Just look at those legs!"

"Yes yes I can see that. Where did you find her again?"

"On Cilia Captain!"

"Cilia? Isn't that where Red Hair was last seen?"

"Yeah he was there but don't worry she isn't one of his people."

"You sure about that?"

"Pretty sure. He said she was just traveling with them. Said she wasn't a member of the crew."

"Well alright then. Just so long as that maniac doesn't come for our heads."

"I wouldn't worry about that. There's no way this little bird is anyone of consequence. She didn't even put up a fight when we took her."

"Really? Well that's good."

I heard the door to my cell screech open and footsteps come towards me. I didn't bother saying anything when a hand grabbed me by the chin and forced me to look at my captor. I stared straight into his dark eyes wordlessly.

He turned my head each way before nodding and letting go. "Well she's pretty alright but I can't stand that hair. No one will want to buy a slave with blue hair unless they're a mermaid."

"Well what are we supposed to do about that Captain?"

"I have some black ink up in my office. Go get that and we can just dye her hair."

One of the men left, and it only took him a few minutes to return.

"I brought what I found, Captain but there still isn't much here."

The man in front of me made a sound. "Well then we can just do this."

I watched as he pulled the knife from the sheath on his belt and roughly grabbed my long hair. The blade glinted in the dim light as it came towards me. I heard as each stand of my hair was shredded.

I watched as the pile of my hair grew on the floor. It slowly was growing damp, as was my face.

Before long I could feel a breeze on my neck that I hadn't felt since I was a young child as black ink dripped from the short stands.

"There we go. Now not only is she more marketable but she'll be harder to recognize without that mop!"

Don't bother. No one's coming for me anyways.

The door to my cage was slammed shut and the men left.

No one will ever come for me…

I didn't bother counting the days I was on that ship. Just like I didn't bother with the meager portions of food they brought to me. I knew that I was on my way to an auction house.

I knew I would be sold.

I knew there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

I knew there was no point.

I knew I would die.

I knew I would die alone.

As I deserve.

Once we reached the destination one of the men came down and ushered me and the other prisoners off the ship. Some tried to fight. I didn't. We were herded off the ship and into a waiting building where we were fitted with collars and once again put into cages.

All around me people screamed and begged to be freed. I pulled my knees up to my chest and closed my eyes

Gather up all of the crew, it's time to ship out Bink's brew…

Warnings:

Discussions about attempted suicide, depression, and binge drinking (in an attempt to commit suicide). All of these topics are very prevalent in the first scene of this chapter but depression is shown and discussed through out the chapter so if you think these topics may be harmful for you to read then I would suggest skipping this chapter. A short summary of it:

Gunther and Addie talk about how life can be hard and painful. Gunther talks about losing his wife, Shanks' challenges with alcoholism following Roger's execution, and asks Addie about her challenges in an attempt to better understand her. Addie talks about how she attempted suicide after leaving Totto and her reasonings for not trying again. Then the crew has a party with the locals and Addie leaves to try and think about what she wants to do (if she wants to join the crew or not). Locals on the island had drugged the food and drinks they gave the crew and abduct Addie. They cut her hair and dye it black and she is resigned to her fate.

Whoo second to last chapter of this arc done! I am so excited for this to finally be out and I am even more pumped for the next chapter! As always, thank you so much for reading and if you feel like dropping a review/comment then that would be greatly appreciated! (also if y'all feel like commenting then I could be tempted to share a snippet of the next chapter ;D! Just saying c:) Thanks again and I'll see you next week!