"You bring me out, show me light. I'm sorry if I hide, I'm too afraid to look inside. You carry truth, you make me smile. If it were you and me tonight, I would tame the stars and save the brightest one for you." ~ AMBER PACIFIC
Some serious River angst in this chapter, again I quite enjoyed writing all the angst. It also provided a welcome distraction from College work.
Hope you enjoy :)
In a hidden corner of the University, out of sight from prying eyes, a blue Police Box landed quietly, leaving a faint whooshing sound in its wake. That distinctive vworp, a saving grace for many, was apparently a result of the brakes having been left on. Clouds of dust drawn up from the floor danced in the hazy sunlight that streamed in from a high up window.
No one saw as the door slowly opened and the curly haired Professor emerged, coughing slightly as the dust met her lungs. River closed the door of the Tardis gently behind her, her hand resting on the blue wooden frame for a moment.
"Oh, my love," she sighed, stroking the Tardis exterior gently, eyes puffy and red, still stinging with tears. Fear and despair raged within her and her hands trembled as she locked the Tardis door and tucked the key into her jacket pocket.
The Tardis murmured in seeming empathy as she settled into the corner. The corner that would likely be her home for the foreseeable future.
In her travels with the Doctor, the Tardis had taken a liking to Professor Song, long having forgiven River for having shot at her while still Mels. A child of the Tardis, River shared an intrinsic connection with the ship. And now the Tardis had trusted her to save the Doctor.
The Tardis always took the Doctor where they needed to go, even if it wasn't where they had intended to go. So, if the Doctor needed River, then River would be there, always willing to help.
The Doctor had never given up hope, even in the face of darkness, the Doctor brought light. River hoped she could do the same. Hope. Hope that she could save the person that mattered most in the universe.
"I promise," River whispered. "I'll do all I can for her. You'll have your 'Sexy' back."
River sighed, another stifled sob escaped her lips. She hoped she'd made the right choice. In the end, that was all she could do. Hope.
The notorious Professor River Song was reduced to a quivering wreck, River didn't even try to hide the fact that she's been crying. A nervous laugh escaped her lips, of course it was the Doctor who had left her in this state, just not in a way she'd ever imagined. Ever since their lives had crashed together, she'd felt this unexplainable connection, only strengthened by their shared adventures. Despite the complicated timelines that meant they never met in the right order, in many ways they'd always been connected, moments binding them together throughout time and space.
Their relationship was complicated to say the least, especially given their history and what the Silence had done. But the Doctor remained the person River trusted most in all the Universe, maybe the only person she really trusted. No one understood her quite like the Doctor. No one knew her like the Doctor. Every moment they shared had been wonderful. Truly wonderful.
Stubborn, responsible and fiercely compassionate, the best of her parents. Created to kill the Doctor, so of course she was going to fall in love with them.
She had never met this Doctor before and now she was scared that she'd lost her before she ever got the chance to know her. All she could do was hold onto the hope that they'd get through this too. Always, even when the odds seemed bleak, the Doctor prevailed. The constant force of hope and love weaving its way into the threads of the universe. It was the Doctor who had made her kind, a believer in hope and love as the greatest powers across the stars.
River closed her eyes as memories played through her mind, allowing herself to sink into her recollections for a moment. Whether it was breaking her out of Stormcage or picking her up from the University, the Doctor always showed her the most captivating creatures and wonderful worlds. Every meeting held a new adventure. Karaoke with Jim the Fish, diving from the 50th floor of a New York SkyScraper into the Tardis swimming pool and lots of running. From Sontarans, Judoon and various other species she'd managed to accidently, or sometimes intentionally, anger. Always lots of running, oh how she loved the running. A faint smile traced across her lips as she relived the memories.
And she could still fly the Tardis better, she'd always wondered if the Doctor flew her badly on purpose, just to annoy her. The faces may change but the Doctor's refusal to follow the instructions never did. And now she wasn't even the Doctor anymore and she was at fault for that.
She recalled watching Stevie Wonder perform at the last Winter Frost Fair, just before the Doctor found out who she really was. It hadn't changed anything, if anything that might have been the moment where for once she thought the Doctor might have felt the same way about her as she felt about the Doctor.
But a Sunset can't love you back.
Together they'd fought off Daleks, Cybermen, Silents and Silurians. Menacing and murderous, the most formidable creatures in the known Universe and together they had defeated them. Now she was left alone.
She might never get the chance for more adventures, never be able to create more memories with the person she loved more than anything else in the Universe. She'd caused that. She had used Chameleon Arch, flicked the switch to change the Doctor's entire DNA. She had made her scream.
River took a sharp intake of breath, the realisation weighed heavy in her mind. Her desperation to save the Doctor, to take away her pain, had resulted in the need to rewrite memories and personality. Everything that made the Doctor the Doctor striped away, gone, changed. Pangs of guilt burned in her chest.
All River could do was cling to the hope that this wouldn't be forever. That in changing her DNA from Timelord to human she'd be safe. Safe from the torment of a past that was kept hidden, lives that she was unable to remember. Instinctively, she felt for the fob watch that was still hidden in her pocket, it was all that was left of the Doctor. Her very essence captured in its heart. Her fingertips traced across the cool metal as a solitary tear slipped down her cheek. In the moment River made a silent promise, to herself and to the Universe. That she would keep it safe, protect it at all costs until the time was right and the watch could be opened and the Doctor returned to her true self.
River let out a heavy sigh, uncertain times lay ahead and the continuous gnawing feeling in the pit of her stomach showed no signs of fading. For now, all she could do was keep her safe. Keep safe the human that looked like the Doctor but wasn't the Doctor. Protect her from the memories and an unknown past that had almost destroyed her.
Somehow, River had always known that the Doctor was different, that she had a long and complex past that extended beyond the known regeneration cycles. There was so much that the Doctor had told her, secrets shared only with her, stories of her past no one else could understand. With their shared understanding of the complexity of time and space, River remained one of the very few people that knew the Doctor's true name.
It was just a feeling; but it was one that had always been there, sure her feelings for the Doctor were complicated, but she knew she could trust them. Hidden beneath the sometimes-infuriating personality quirks was a vast knowledge and depth of experience. Whispers of ancient times, untold horrors and dark secrets seldom shared.
The most important thing was that she was safe for now. River didn't know how yet, but she knew she was going to do everything in her power to fix this. To find a safe way for the Doctor to access the locked memories and figure this whole mess out. She had Yaz too. She'd known Yaz for only a few hours, but River was rather fond of the Doctor's latest companion. She could sense a fierce determination and dedication to the Doctor that rivalled her own. There was a love there to, a love that extended beyond friendship, but she wasn't sure if Yaz had figured that out herself yet.
With the Tardis safely hidden away, River joined Yaz back in her office. The young companion was perched on the edge of the sofa, the Tardis blue sofa.
Yaz held the hand of the still sleeping figure of a woman who still resembled the Doctor in every way. Only when she woke up would they know how much the inside had changed.
Silent tears streamed down Yaz's face. River didn't know how she had anything left to cry, her own eyes still dry and raw from tears.
She again wrapped Yaz in a tight hug, "it's going to be okay" she whispered. "I mean it, she's got the both of us. Together we are going to get through this." Heartfelt words of hope, love and determination melted into the silence.