A Life to Live
X-Bucky Barnes-X
Today I woke up and realized that I am thankful for so much in my life, and although it's been one hell of a ride, there are so many things I've taken for granted. I'm one of the lucky ones. I'm alive, so is Steve, my best friend, and so is Avery Rogers, my one true love.
I stand there against the window pane, staring out towards the dark-haired beauty that owns my heart. Flushes of my hot breath stain the window, fogging it up. For hours she's been sitting there, her legs dangle over the ledge but her features show a massive amount of thought. I know she won't jump, not only do I believe it, but neither Avery Rogers nor The Winter Soldier would give up that easily. I won't let either of them, no matter what.
Yesterday's events are still plaguing my mind, haunting my very soul. Avery Rogers; the one true girl I love with all my heart, broke it with her words and even though I know deep down she didn't mean it, her cold words still hurt. I grip the engagement ring tighter in my grasp, I haven't let go of it since the moment she placed it in my palm - I can't, I won't. I can't believe that she would really let go of everything we had. But in her mind, I'm sure she thinks it'll save me from who she's become over this long period of time.
"Is she still there?" Steve asks me, coming up from behind to the glass window, now standing in the space next to me. I turn to him, and as usual, he looks worried for his sister - who could blame him? I am equally as worried.
"Yeah, I nod, still feeling numb after yesterday's events, especially when it plays through my mind every waking moment.
Steve starts to look frustrated, obviously annoyed he can't help his sister - he never did like standing by, not being able to do anything, it's something we really have in common. "Why is she doing this?" He mutters to no one in particular. "She's pushing us away!"
"She's Avery," I say with a knowing tone, lifting myself from the leaning stance, standing up to push my hands into my pockets. "You know her, we both do. She'll keep pushing us away - to protect us," I pause, looking down sadly. "It's why she broke off the engagement. She kept calling herself a monster, a heartless killer who wouldn't care if I died."
"But The Winter Soldier's gone, Avery's back, right?" Steve looks unsure, sometimes I wish he isn't so naive. But then, who can blame him? He just wants his twin sister back.
"That's the problem, Steve." This is what needs to be known, we are never going to have our old Avery Rogers back - it's one of the reasons why we are being pushed away. Ava's probably thinking this new her isn't good enough for us, but it is, at least we still have her back. And that's one of the main reasons I am thankful to whatever God is out there. "The Winter Soldier is Avery, but just another part of her. That girl out there, it's our Avery Rogers…but she's also a trained soldier who can kill within a split second. She's never going to be the same Ava we knew, Steve. Not with everything she's been through since her technical death all those years ago."
Steve runs a hand through his hair. "How are we supposed to get to her?" He questions, not knowing the answer. "If Ava's trying to protect us from the darkness inside of her, you know full well it won't be easy getting her to open up. Let alone let us get close to her. She was always the most stubborn one out of the three of us."
"We'll make her see that she belongs with us." Glancing at Ava, still sitting outside, peacefully unaware we are talking about her right now. "That we'll support her through whatever memories that are haunting her, we'll show her that she's not alone and that she can trust us to be there for her." With a sigh, I put the ring back on the old chain I wore before when I first held onto it. I hang it around my neck, protecting it until the day I will propose again.
I know it will be a while before the relationship builds up to that stage again, but I know that day will come. I'll wait for centuries if it means waiting until Avery is ready again. From this day forward, I will do whatever I can to help Avery through her demons just like she did with me back when we first met. I'm not going down without a fight, and I am going to make damn sure she doesn't either.
From this day on, I am thankful for having a love that will triumph over the hardest of things and I am most thankful for having my Avery back in my life.