UnbeatableSG: Home sweet home!
UnbeatableSG: Suddenly I have a lot of empathy for animals who have to be in cages.
UnbeatableSG: Let your gerbils and hamsters and birds go free!
ImDudeRadTude: What about my goldfish?
UnbeatableSG: You're safe, but you're on thin ice!
StarkManTony: Glad to hear you're safe at home again SG
StarkManTony: I would've come to rescue you but I had my own superhero thing to deal with
UnbeatableSG: It's okay Tony, my friends and I had it covered!
UnbeatableSG: Fingers crossed that I'll be back to normal today!
Doreen stared apprehensively at the strange device Mary had revealed with dramatic flourish. It seemed to be a very large fish tank with a telescopic lens attached. Doreen suddenly didn't have much hope for this attempt to change her back to normal.
Mary was explaining the premise. "I got the idea with the laser you fired in EpicCrimez's video. It didn't just clean that screwdriver. It repaired all the chips in it and even replaced the handle! It reverted it to how it was when it was brand new! It effectively changed the screwdriver into something different."
"So how does that help me?" Doreen wondered.
"Because it gave me an idea! This ray will transform your body into something new, created from the memory of your human/squirrel hybrid DNA."
"And how is this different from what we tried before?" Nancy asked.
Mary grinned. "Because before, we were trying to just change Doreen into a human. This is designed to reverse the old transformation using a pre-existing template. It's the difference between using programmed libraries versus typing all the code by hand. Technically our old technique could have worked, but we were missing some of the necessary lines of code. The machine had no idea what to do. This time, I've given it everything it needs."
Doreen and Nancy exchanged glances. "Well, I do like analogies that reference computers. I guess we might as well give it a chance."
"Hold on," said Nancy, putting her hand in the way of Doreen to stop her from approaching. "You said EpicCrimez's thing made the screwdriver brand new. This won't, like, turn Doreen into a baby or something, will it?"
Doreen considered having to grow up all over again. Would she have her memories still? Or would she be a truly brand new baby Squirrel Girl? She briefly imagined a scenario where her friends had to take care of her. Mary would try to create an aging device the whole time, but Doreen imagined that Nancy would make a great parent. Probably though, they'd just give her back to her parents.
"No, this is different!" Mary assured. "I didn't say the devices were the same. Only that it gave me the idea for this."
"Is there any chance that it could kill me?" Doreen asked.
Mary considered it. "Well, there's never a guarantee when it comes to rewriting DNA. But the risk is less since it's your own DNA, and your body should remember how to form it. Worst case scenario is you become a weird mutated squirrel/human monster."
"That's not too different from what I already was!" Doreen said with a smile. "I'm willing to risk that!"
Mary picked up Doreen and set her in the fish tank, specifying that she should remain in this spot until the transformation was complete. Doreen looked up at the menacing lens overhead, noticing that it wasn't as much like a camera as she'd assumed. It looked similar to a laser pointer, but felt like staring down the barrel of a gun (Not that she hadn't dealt with that exact scenario, but now she didn't have her super strength and rapid healing).
Mary placed the screen over the fish tank, which shouldn't have felt as threatening as it did. As high as the walls were, she was already trapped here; the screen didn't make her more trapped.
The lens lit up with a shrill sound that caused Doreen to cringe. Mary counted down from three. Upon reaching zero, the beam of light encircled Doreen completely, making her feel limp and tingly. Her feet fell out from under her and Doreen laid splayed out like an animal ready for dissection.
She lost all sensation in her body. She couldn't see, hear, or feel anything, and even thinking was a struggle. Eventually, even her thoughts disappeared and everything was gone.
Doreen didn't know how long she was Gone. But when she awoke, she was no longer in the fish tank. She recognized her bedroom, and all her friends around her.
"Did it work?" Doreen examined her hands. Her human hands with the hint of retractable claws at the base of each nail.
"It worked!" Mary exclaimed. "And I bet I could use the machine to change anyone into anything! I need to experiment more!"
Doreen continued to move each limb individually. Her whole body felt sore. But it was her body. Her familiar human-with-squirrel-tail body. As she moved her tail, she cried out in pain. It was still broken.
"Yeah, we need to go back to the vet," Nancy said, noticing where Doreen's attention was.
"Shouldn't I go to the doctor?" Doreen asked, remembering all her childhood visits to various discrete doctors.
Nancy shook her head. "I'd trust a vet more. Human doctors aren't used to operating on animal tails, even ones attached to humans."
So Nancy took Squirrel Girl back to the very confused vet. Doreen couldn't contain her laughter when Nancy marched up to the desk and spoke in a straightforward tone. "I'm here to follow up on my squirrel's broken tail."
The receptionist stared at them as though she were being pranked, looking at Squirrel Girl's Very Obvious tail with some concern. And probably Doreen's laughter made her suspicious. "Do you have the squirrel with you?" The amount of trepidation in her voice made Doreen feel sorry for this receptionist, who has possibly been pranked before.
"Yeah, this is the squirrel. Is the vet available? I have an appointment."
The receptionist didn't manage to conceal her shock. "The tail is real?" After determining that Doreen's tail was, in fact, real, the receptionist checked Nancy into her system and guided them to a pet-friendly waiting area full of chew toys and scratching posts. Doreen mulled over the possibility of strengthening her claws via scratching post, but she wasn't sure if cat claws were different from squirrel claws.
It wasn't long before the vet appeared to lead them into the operating room. "Did something happen? The next checkup wasn't supposed to be for another four days."
"Yeah, I'd say something happened!" exclaimed Doreen in glee.
Nancy gestured toward Doreen. "This is my squirrel. As you can see, she's outgrown her current splints."
Doreen emphasized the statement with a dramatic tail flourish which she immediately regretted. "Ow! Moving it hurts!"
The vet seemed stunned but didn't lose any professionalism while examining the gigantic tail. "It needs to be kept elevated, and as straight as possible so the bones can grow back properly. We'll need to get a new splint. Maybe even an actual cast, since I assume you can sit still better than my usual patients."
"Not likely," Nancy joked under her breath. But Doreen could still hear it with her squirrel hearing, and began laughing, seemingly inexplicably, as far as the vet was aware.
"So I have to leave my tail out in the open?" Doreen asked, wincing slightly at the vet's examination.
"Depends on how you define 'in the open'," the vet said, "since it'll be in a splint."
"Do you know how long?" Doreen asked. "Cause I do have accelerated healing. Maybe I don't even need the splint!"
The vet regarded her sternly. "If it was going to heal on its own, it should have already done so. Lie here and let me take a look."
Doreen obeyed.
The vet fixed up Doreen's tail, attaching her to a three-foot-long splint which kept her tail in an upright position. When she was finally allowed to sit up again, Doreen scratched at the bandaging a little.
"Patients who mess with the bandages have to wear a cone," the vet said in such a deadpan tone that Doreen couldn't determine whether it had been a joke or not.
Nancy thought the idea was hilarious, and Doreen was inclined to agree after imagining a superhero fighting crime while restrained in a cone. Regardless, she kept her hands off her tail.
"Thanks, Doc!"
The vet nodded. "Come back in a few days, or if anything changes."
"Will do!" Doreen exclaimed, excited to return home. As she left, she flinched when the tip of her tail brushed the top of the doorframe.
She and Nancy enjoyed a peaceful stroll. They'd decided against crowding the subway with Doreen's tail, or taking the bumpy Squirrel Girl Express (aka Doreen carrying Nancy and leaping home). As they passed Central Park, they were crowded by squirrels. Many of them were congratulating her on getting back to normal. Some were lamenting the loss of her superior squirrel form. But Lady Acorn-alot pushed herself to the front of the crowd to give a fervent "thank you" for rescuing her kits.
"It was my pleasure!" Doreen said. "And it's not like I haven't been kidnapped by a crazy villain before!"
"I mean it, Squirrel Girl! I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't saved my babies." Lady Acorn-alot said.
"I know. I'm glad they're safe."
As they left the park, Doreen and Nancy talked. "You better not try to make me go to class with my tail out in the open like this!"
Nancy laughed. "I've learned my lesson: super hero weirdness is more important than education."
Doreen shook her head. "Hey! That's not the lesson here! Education is Very Important! It's helped me in a ton of battles!"
"True. I'll try to take good notes for you this time."
"I don't mind some Cat Thor mixed in with my studies, though," Doreen smiled.
Nancy smiled back and the words of her notebook entered Doreen's mind again. I can't stop thinking about her. Doreen loved the way Nancy smiled. The way it made her nose crinkle just so, and the softness in her eyes. And Doreen realized those words went both ways. She couldn't stop thinking about her.
In the silence, Nancy took out her phone to read while walking. Doreen held Nancy's free hand to guide her around obstacles. She'd gotten into the habit during a previous walk, where it truly registered to Doreen that regular humans didn't really have much in the way of peripheral vision.
"So it looks like EpicCrimez isn't being prosecuted for anything."
"Why not?" Doreen wondered.
"It wasn't technically him who started the fire, so they aren't able to punish him for arson or destruction of property. And the owner of the lot isn't suing him for trespassing because they don't care much for the property anyway."
"And squirrel-kidnapping still isn't a crime, either," Doreen said. "So it sounds like we'll still be dealing with him in the future."
"We'll keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't kidnap any more squirrels," Nancy said with a smile.
Doreen grinned back. "Definitely!"
A masculine scream originating from around the next corner startled them both to alertness. They ran to investigate the commotion and found a man trapped beneath a thick metal gate. It seemed to have fallen somehow, crushing his legs in the process.
Doreen and Nancy exchanged split second glances and moved to action. Nancy called emergency responders while Doreen lifted the barrier. It was good to be back in action!
"Are you alright?" Doreen asked.
The man hissed in pain. "I've been better."
She helped him out and waited with Nancy for the ambulance. "I understand the feeling," she said, gesturing to her bandaged tail. The man didn't acknowledge her attempt to lighten the mood.
The ambulance soon arrived, and Doreen and Nancy continued their walk home. Just an average day in the life of a superhero.
Doreen loved squirrels. She loved being one for a few days. But she was glad for things to be back to normal again.