Sexual content warning.
CH 7: Drawn Toward the Edge
Dizzy and breathless, Ben held tightly to Anna's waist while she straddled his face and rocked down into his open mouth. She was rough, insatiable, and he thrust his tongue between her folds, drinking his fill while she gasped and arched. Each time he sucked her clit, her nails scratched across his bare shoulders and left behind stark, blazing pink ribbons.
As much as he loved being inside her, this was when Anna was her most vulnerable – her most beautiful. Flushed and at his mercy, she tilted her chin toward the canvas ceiling and cried out, her hips bucking aggressively into the constant assault of his tongue.
Between his legs, Ben curled a hand around his shaft and started briskly stroking himself. Each time Anna whimpered, a responding jolt would spike right through his limbs, leaving him shivering and throbbing between his jerking fingers. Her ecstatic cries enflamed him, and after devouring her with renewed vigor, he choked on a gasp of his own while pumping his leaking cock.
Breasts heaving with breath, Anna glanced over her shoulder and spotted his desperate, manic movements. All at once, she stopped grinding into his mouth and rolled over, rotating so that she was straddling his face in the opposite direction.
Ben peered up at her in confusion. "Anna…? W-what are you-?" He was cut off by the warm, wet sensation of her mouth sliding down around his cock. He twitched in her grasp, moaning softly into her slit as she licked and teased him with her tongue.
This was unlike anything Ben had ever before experienced. It was desperate and greedy and wrong, and with his eyes rolling back in his head, he fought off another groan when Anna rocked her sex back into his mouth, his hips ratcheting up each time she stroked and pulled on his length. He gripped her thighs and edged up to lick her slit, tonguing her with desperation as Anna swallowed around his tip and gripped him with the warm, suction-like ring of her lips.
Oh, God. He wasn't going to last…
Shoulders tensing, Ben snarled softly and spilled into Anna's greedy mouth, her tongue lapping at him while he twitched and thrust through the remainder of his orgasm. Determined to bring Anna over that precipice with him, Ben quickly placed his thumb over her clit and rubbed, his tongue gliding up and down her entrance before thrashing in earnest. While he dipped his tongue between her folds to devour her from within, he felt her walls clamp down around him and Anna gave a soft, desperate mewl.
She started swearing, and then she backed her hips into him, rolling and arching into the fierce assault of his tongue and fingers until she, too, shattered and crumpled down by his knees.
"Holy hell," she gasped out.
Ben chuckled. "I should certainly hope not," he quipped, turning his head to kiss her thigh.
Humming in reproach, Anna shakily rose and turned so that she could take his face between her hands. Despite her essence smeared all over his mouth, she pulled Ben in for a fierce, fervent kiss that rolled through him in ardent waves.
Breaking apart with a gentle bite against his bottom lip, Anna huskily asked, "Are you ready to go again?"
Ben peered up at her with a startled laugh. "Could you give me a few minutes first?"
"Maybe…" Grinning, she propped her chin onto his chest and stroked his arm in soft, absent circles. "You know how impatient I get."
"I do – and more than most, I would imagine." Skimming his fingers over her cheek, he smiled and admired the warm, sated flush to her skin. He wanted to remember Anna like that for always – radiant and glowing and happy. She looked happy, and that stirred something deep within his jaded heart.
"How about now?" With a sly grin, Anna reached between their bodies and cupped him between the legs, curling her fingers around his cock before slowly pumping him.
Ben squirmed into her touch. Face turning pink, he squeezed her hips and gasped out, "You are incorrigible."
"I've learned that from you, you realize." Stooping to suck kisses along his neck, she gave a startled laugh whenever he wrenched her over onto her back, her mirth soon muffled by his shoulder as Ben hefted her thighs around his waist and prodded his cock along her entrance. "Hmm, only half-mast," she teased, lifting to brush her nose against his.
Ben grinned and pressed a kiss to her mouth. "I'm getting there," he whispered. "I'm only human, you know."
"Debatable. Some of your efforts have been rather god-like as of late."
Ben snorted. "Now I know you're trying to stroke my ego."
"Among other things," Anna agreed, pointedly stroking him between the legs. "Let me know when you're ready."
Lowering to mouth at her lips, Ben groaned softly and wove a hand through her hair. "I still think I'm going to need a few minutes…"
Biting back a grin, Anna rose to properly kiss him. "I'm willing to wait…for now."
Ben chuckled and nuzzled into her cheek. "As I said: incorrigible."
It was well after midnight by the time Ben walked Anna back to her cart. Despite her insistence that it was a foolish, dangerous idea, he'd managed to convince her that it was even more foolish for her to go alone, should their fears over the potential turncoat be accurate. Defeated, she'd ultimately agreed.
Moonlight spilled between tree branches as they walked through camp, lighting their path as they ambled side-by-side. Ben felt oddly at peace while they moved in silence. He was lucky in that respect. While many were uncomfortable with the quiet, he and Anna didn't need to speak to show their appreciation – their years of friendship allowed them to just know how the other was feeling. Silence was comfortable. Silence was peace. And after weeks upon months upon years of shouts, screams and artillery fire, it was more than welcome to just be able to stroll along without sounds of pain and destruction – of just being allowed to exist with someone he treasured.
Unable to help it, Ben reached down and took Anna's hand in his. To his delight, she allowed the inappropriate touch. Their fingers interlaced, soft and fond, and then there was a slight dampening between their palms, almost as if he were some ridiculous schoolboy surrendering to a crush.
Ben glanced down at her, and Anna looked up at him, and a jolt throbbed within his chest at the brief eye contact. What was he doing, he wondered? This was Anna Smith Strong – the sharp-tongued, snarky girl he'd always cared for, but ultimately held at arm's length. She had always been someone else's girl. Could he truly delude himself into believing she would ever be his?
"Well…I think we should stop here," Anna whispered, cutting through his busy thoughts. "I don't want to get too close to the cart, just in case we're overheard."
A lump formed in his throat, and Ben halted alongside her. He still held onto her hand, yet now he drew it up to rest over his heart. You are my life, my very breath. Ben didn't know why or understand how he had grown to adore Anna so deeply, but he felt shocked, winded, by just how devastated the idea of being cleaved from her side left him. And the war would inevitably do that. She was in camp with him for now, but for how long? She would leave him. Everyone he loved always left.
Without further hesitation, Ben stooped and pressed his forehead to hers. He thought he heard Anna's breath catch – whether from alarm or exhilaration, he couldn't tell – and drawing her cold hands to rest over his cheeks, he turned his head to press a soft, tremulous kiss to her palm. "Goodnight," he whispered. The word rushed between them in a silvery puff of air, and then her eyes met his again, and Ben finally fell prey to the desire that had plagued him since their departure. Curling a hand around the back of Anna's neck, he urged his mouth strongly over hers and devoured her soft, helpless gasp. Her hands fell to his shoulders, and his own cradled her face in between his open palms. It was a soft, easy gesture that warmed him from deep within like a candle flame. He prayed that he could breathe into her just what he felt – I need you, you've saved me, I adore you – but all he could manage was a soft, "Sleep well," as they slowly drew apart.
Anna blushed and avoided his gaze. "You shouldn't kiss me out in the open," she admonished. Nevertheless, she returned his smile with a look that could almost be considered shyness, and then her hand came up to rest over his cheek, her touch lingering a moment with a soft, tender stroke of her thumb. She ducked her head, and then she turned and headed off for her cart. With each brisk step she took away from him, Ben felt as though his very heartstrings were being shorn apart.
When Anna entered her quarters, she tiptoed toward her bed, only to discover that Selah was nowhere to be found. Her pulse quickened. For just a moment, she expected him to be sitting there waiting for her in the dark, but the longer she stood there in silence, breathing heavily and with her heart pounding in her throat, the more she realized she was alone. Selah wasn't there.
Despite it being an odd development, Anna wasn't overly concerned. Throughout their marriage, he would sometimes take walks at odd hours of the night to clear his head. Selah was a thinker – a brilliant man, whether or not she liked to admit it – so it wasn't unreasonable to imagine him wandering about camp trying to inspire intellectual progress.
Briefly, another quiver of fear spiked through her. What if he'd seen her with Ben? Would he confront them? Demand satisfaction?
Shivering at the thought of a duel, Anna pulled back her covers and clumsily slid between the blankets. She'd already damaged Abraham's marriage to Mary. Did she truly want to keep damaging her own?
Pulling her quilt up to her chin, Anna released a shuddering exhale and attempted to get some sleep.
When Anna trekked across camp later that morning, the whispering was unmistakable. She narrowed her eyes, arching a brow at a small group of huddled women, all of whom stopped and stared at her when she passed. Briefly, panic licked at her throat and caused her to swallow. Did they know? Did they suspect?
Up ahead, a doxy with rotting teeth stopped tending to a soldier's laundry and sneered at her. "Afternoon, Ms. Strong – or I'm sorry…Mrs., I believe?"
Anna nodded coolly, attempting to continue on her way.
"Well!" the doxy exclaimed. "You certainly didn't learn those piss-poor manners from your husband. Congressman Strong is a mighty nice man, indeed. That Major Tallmadge, on the other hand…"
Her words carried over with a snide, hidden meaning, and Anna instantly froze in her tracks, her hands gripping into fists.
"Is it true, then?" the doxy continued. "Are you the Major's sweet little canary, singin' all pretty any time he's in need of a roll through the hay?" When all Anna could do was glare, she prodded, "Tell me: is he as stiff and unbearable as he seems? There's got to be a reason why you'd dismiss that nice husband of yours for-"
"That is quite enough, thank you," Anna spat. Her eyes were wet and fiery, and her chin trembled as she attempted to save face. "I love my husband. You would do well to mind your place, lest he get involved."
"Oh, you would do that then, would ya?" the doxy taunted. "Because somehow, I have a feelin' he doesn't know about your little romps. But please! Do tell him. I love a good show."
Spinning about on her heel, Anna stormed off in the direction of Ben's tent, her heart hammering in her throat as she fought against the tears that yearned to escape.
Unfortunately for Anna, Caleb was present when she burst in through the tent flaps.
"Whoa, whoa, where's the fire, Annie?" he teased, coming over to catch hold of her shoulders. Face melding into that of concern, his eyes scanned her face as he pressed, "You all right, love?"
"I'm fine," she choked out, quivering. "I'm just a little out of sorts, is all."
"What for?"
Glancing over at Ben, she ignored the worry in his eyes and said, "There was a snake in my cart."
Caleb harrumphed, amused. "Is that all? Hell, Annie-girl, you used to wrangle 'em up by the dozens. It seems that Strong Manor has made you soft."
"Maybe…" Wetting her lips, she passed a hand over her hair and asked, "Am I interrupting something?"
"Just raid tactics," Ben assured her. "Anna, if you're sure you're all right…"
"I am," she quickly cut in, nodding. "If you're planning a raid, I want to help."
He shook his head. "You really shouldn't."
"Aye, he's got a point there," Caleb said. He winked while teasing, "If you keep bursting in here like that, all breathless and aflame, folks'll say you two're in love."
In a panic, Anna looked to Ben again, but this time when they locked eyes, the hopeful, pleading quality to his gaze made her chest shiver with breath. Swallowing, she confessed, "That's actually why I came over…the doxies…they already do suspect." Ducking her chin, she said in a rush, "Caleb is able to come and go without rousing any suspicion, but I am not. Seeing how I don't publicly serve this army, they are unsure of just why I am constantly in your quarters, Ben."
Caleb grinned, rocking back onto his heels with a low whistle. "Shite," he swore. "That is a bit of a carry witchet, in'nit?"
Ben ignored him, unamused. "Who's saying this?" he demanded. "Were Selah to overhear…"
"That's precisely my concern," Anna said. "Although this rumor could prove beneficial to our cover, it is not beneficial to my marriage." She drew a breath. "That's why I've decided that as of today, I will no longer be entering your quarters…nor you mine."
A spike of alarm jolted through Ben, harsh and all-consuming. "Anna, no," he pleaded. "I need you…for the ring."
"It's not smart," she coolly said. "Unless you can think of a better idea, I'll have to stick to this new plan."
"Fie," Caleb complained, "I'm beginning to feel like a third wheel here. Should I come back later, Benny-boy, or is this homespun drama going to continue?"
The pressure in Ben's chest didn't lessen. He moved to assure the other man that yes, they would discuss the raid, but Anna cut him off when she said, "You should come back in an hour, Caleb. I'd like to speak with Ben about Selah."
Bemused, the whaler held up his hands, palms outward as he agreed, "Fair enough. I've never been much for Congress anyway." Nodding to them both, he promised, "I'll be back in an hour – maaaybe longer, depending on how eager the doxies are today." With a sly grin and a wink, he turned and headed out the tent flaps, leaving Ben and Anna alone with their newfound problem.
Ben moved to speak, but Anna shook her head, stepping forward and holding up her hands. "Don't," she pleaded. "I know you might think you have a solution, but I want you to listen to me: you're going to speak with those doxies, and see to it that they stop their gossip."
Incredulous, Ben flashed her a disbelieving smile. "Are you daft? Anna, this may be a blessing in disguise…after all that's happened between us, I feel it beneficial to finally discuss our relationship."
Anna scoffed. "What relationship? Ben, I hate to be so crass, but bending me over a desk day in and day out is not a relationship."
His brow creased in bemusement. "But it's so much more than that…"
"You don't love me," she insisted. "You love the idea of me, and what comfort I can bring. That's all."
Finally, Ben was angry. He lifted a finger toward her face, shaking with hurt while he snarled, "Don't you do that. Don't you dare pretend to know what lies in my heart! I am not a child! I know what I feel, and this hasn't just been accumulating over the course of one week!" Breath stabbing in his lungs, he swallowed and towered over her smaller frame. "Tell me you don't love me. Tell me you feel nothing when we're together, and I'll stop."
Anna winced, closing her eyes. "Ben, please…"
"Tell me no, Anna."
"I can't… You know I can't." Her voice broke and her chin quivered, her hand fluttering toward her throat as if somehow, someway, she could keep her feelings from spilling free.
With a sharpness in his chest, Ben blinked back tears and cupped Anna's face between his trembling hands, forcing her to look at him. She peered back into his eyes with such sorrow, such need and regret and longing that it felt as though her very gaze were piercing through his soul.
"Anna," he whispered, a lone tear spilling down into the corner of his mouth, "if there's one thing this war has taught me, it's that you're not guaranteed tomorrow. So yes. I do love you, and I needed you to know in case I never got the chance to speak the truth… I can't keep lying to myself anymore."
Anna reached up and curled her hands around his wrists, her hold tightening as her own eyes grew wet. Her gaze fell to his mouth, and he succumbed to the hint, dipping down to draw his lips over hers in a soft, gentle kiss that lacked all the fire and roughness of their prior entanglements. This time, their touch was warm, ardent, alive, and full of the promise neither were certain they could keep.
Breaking the kiss with a shuddering breath, Ben pressed his forehead into hers and closed his eyes. "I'm so sorry," he whispered. "I should've known this would happen… I-I should have known-"
"What are we going to do?" Anna weakly asked. "I can't be with you, Ben…"
"Why not?" His gaze was hopeful, pleading. "Why can't you be with me? We could leave tonight…just the two of us."
Withdrawing in horror, she spat, "Are you mad? You've truly lost it now, haven't you?" Laughing without humor, she reminded him, "Ben, you are the head of intelligence! The colonies are all counting on you, and yet you're choosing me? You're choosing our sin over the fate of our friends and family?"
Ben flinched, quickly taking hold of her hands. "In case you haven't noticed, I've been choosing you for far longer than the Cause. Always in secret, perhaps, but continuous, nevertheless. I will always choose you, Anna."
Her bottom lip quivered. "We mustn't be rash. You know how I am, Ben, and sooner or later, you will grow bored with me – you'll tire of my attitude, and my fear of commitment, and…a-and I'll inevitably start to keep my distance, because it's all I've ever known. Even with Abe, I never fully surrendered my heart."
Ben drew her hands to rest over his chest, his grasp tightening around hers. "You're wrong," he whispered. "Don't you feel that? My heart is racing, Anna…racing with fear and exhilaration and promise, and all because of you. Just because it's not the 'right thing' doesn't mean I can change how I feel."
Anna quivered, her grip tightening around his hands. "Ben…I-I don't understand how-"
"Did you know that when Abe and I were boys, we got into a fistfight over you?" Chuckling at the memory, he shook his head. "No, I suppose you wouldn't…Abe begged me not to tell since he lost."
Smile fading, Ben leaned down and once more touched his forehead to hers. "But it was I who lost, Anna," he murmured. "I care for you both, so I stepped aside without quarrel. I only wanted the two of you to be happy. But this past week has served as a painful reminder of what I gave up…of what we could've been, had I chosen to be selfish."
Tears spilled down Anna's cheeks, and a soft sob caught in her throat. "I can't," she choked out. "Ben, I can't do this…"
"Do you love me?" he pressed.
"W-well-"
The tent flaps burst open then, and Ben and Anna both jerked apart, quickly whirling about as Caleb stormed over the threshold.
Alarmed, Ben straightened and snapped at him, "Caleb! You can't just barge in here without announcing yourself!"
Caleb, however, didn't appear concerned with what he'd just interrupted. "It's Selah," he said, his face uncharacteristically grave. "That turncoat's got 'im."
A/N: No, I will NOT be killing off Selah. I've always thought it's such a cheap cop-out to kill off one part of a love triangle, so that won't be happening here. I've got some busy things going on IRL right now, so I'm amazed I was able to update this week. Next week might not be so lucky, but we shall see!
Anyway, I do think that show!Ben would do the honorable thing and put his friends over himself (i.e. ignore his feelings for Anna since he also cares for Selah), but since I'm writing about sex addiction, things are a bit different here. And if you'll recall, Ben was practically ready to give up the cause for Sarah, a woman he'd literally just met (and slept with), so I don't think his actions here are too far-fetched. His emotions very much seem hinged on sexual/romantic intimacy.
Also, someone shared the song "Distance" by Christina Perri with me, and it made me think of Ben/Anna in this story, in particular, what with the "Say I love you when you're not listening" bit, so feel free to have BONG FEELS like I did by listening! And yes, I call Ben/Anna Bong. It might be awkward, but it's better than Banna or Benanna, IMO lol.
Historical slang featured:
Fie: an exclamation of disgust or disapproval
carry witchet: a sort of conundrum/riddle