CHAPTER SEVEN
"Should I Stay or Should I Go"
Camp Black Bear, Dunkirk, NY: Friday, June 1
When Finn Hudson turned eight years old, he and his mom loaded their fishing poles and tackle boxes into her prehistoric but reliable Oldsmobile and drove to Schoonover Lake. They had spent most of the day fishing and singing along to REO Speedwagon and John Mellencamp via an old cassette player before they'd returned home to have hotdogs and birthday cake with his friends, Noah Puckerman, Dave Karofsky and Azimio Adams.
Finn stood facing Lake Erie and took in its immensity and beauty. The water sparkled like sapphires underneath the mid-day sun. At 6 feet and 4 inches tall, Finn might as well have been an ant standing there on the sandy shore. Lake Erie made Lima's Schoonover Lake look like a kiddie pool. Finn could hardly believe this would be his home, his stomping ground for the next several weeks.
"She's beautiful, isn't she?"
Anders sidled up next to Finn, hands shoved deep inside the pockets of his silver windbreaker. A slight breeze jostled the copper curls adorning his head. His eyes were as blue as the lake that lay in front of them. They were around the same height, although Finn may have had an inch (or two) on him. Anders had the build of a swimmer – broad-shouldered and long-armed, a wide torso tapering off into a narrow waist. During their walk from the Welcome Center, Finn had learned that in addition to playing water polo, Anders had been on the rowing team at the private boarding school he had attended. He had also just turned eighteen, a few weeks prior, and was due to start his freshman year at Cornell in the fall.
Finn nodded and said, "Definitely puts the lakes back home to shame."
"My parents have a house right on Lake Ontario. Some nights I like to stand on the dock. Feels like I'm standing right next to the sea."
"I feel like I might be spending a lot of time standing right here," Finn said, a huge goofy grin on his face.
"Well, good news is, your cabin's real close by," Anders said. "Ready for the rest of your tour?"
"Sure," Finn said.
Anders turned and beckoned for Finn to follow. They moved away from the lake's edge and started across a large field that had been recently mowed. Finn noticed the two goals set up on either side of the field and figured the area was devoted to soccer. While football and basketball were his chosen sports, he had kicked a ball around with Mike Chang on a few occasions and therefore understood the mechanics of the game.
"So, Finn, what brings you to Camp Black Bear?" Anders asked.
Finn had anticipated this question being asked at some point. It was something he'd been contemplating the last few weeks. Yeah, it was nice to get away from Lima and not be reminded of Rachel and their breakup but he couldn't help but wonder if there was something else.
He decided to go with the truth as is.
"I needed to get away," he said.
"I see."
Finn looked sheepish and said, "Pretty lame, huh?"
Anders looked over at Finn and said, "Nope. We all have our reasons for being here. That's the beauty of coming here. For some, coming to Camp Black Bear is the typical summer camp experience but for others, it's a literal escape from whatever bullshit they're dealing with back at home."
"What about you?" Finn asked. "Is this a typical summer camp experience or are you escaping?"
"Maybe a little bit of both. Have you, by chance, heard of Asher Hamilton?"
"Can't say that I have," Finn said.
"I guess I should say Representative Asher Hamilton," Anders said. "Anyway, he's my father. Let's just say I come from a very political family. My older brother plans on running for senator in 2014."
"Wow – that's pretty cool," Finn said.
"I reckon outside looking in it does sound pretty cool," Anders said. "I've been attending political fundraisers and fancy galas since I was two."
"So, why come here?" Finn asked. "Sounds like you could be spending your summers anywhere you want."
"I mentioned my father was a United States Representative, but I neglected to also mention he's quite conservative. Don't get me wrong, my family's very accepting of me – I came out when I was thirteen years old. It's never been an issue for them. I reckon they have my older brothers to carry on the bloodline."
"I'm not too familiar with politics," Finn said. "Kurt says I should be but I just don't like all the arguing. Makes me crazy."
"I get it – it makes me crazy as well and my life is completely immersed in it," Anders said. "But I'm afraid Kurt is right. So much of today's politics directly affect folks like us. I try telling my dad the same thing but all he says to me is things are complicated. That's bullshit. There's right and then there's wrong. How complicated is that?"
"You mentioned your dad was conservative," Finn spoke. "Kurt says conservatives are bad for gay people. Does that mean your … I mean your dad …"
"I'm not a fan of speaking in absolutes but yes, a lot of conservative politicians usually advocate for policies that are harmful towards not just gay people but trans people as well. I'm not too proud to say that my dad is one of those conservative politicians."
"But how can he be supportive of you and still do things that are harmful to people like you?"
Anders sighed and said, "When I figure out the answer to that question, I'll let you know."
The two of them paused in front of a cabin that appeared to be a smaller version of the Welcome Center. There was a small, brass number 8 hanging above the door.
"Welcome to your humble abode." Anders opened the front door and the two of them stepped inside.
The thing Finn noticed first was how stuffy it was inside. He wondered how long it had been since someone had been inside. He also noticed that while smaller than the Welcome Center, the space was quite large. There were eight, twin-sized beds lined against walls and on the back wall was a full-sized bed. Beside each bed was a small chest of drawers for clothes and personal items to be stored. The floors were hardwood and coated in a thick layer of dust and dirt.
"You'll be happy to know each cabin is air-conditioned." Anders moved over to the air conditioning unit in the corner of the room and cranked it up as high as it would go.
"There's a shower room behind the cabin," Anders said. "The hot water runs out pretty quick so I highly-recommend showering at night or waking up early and showering before everyone gets up."
Finn walked over and sat down on the full-sized bed. He lie back and was quite surprised that his feet were not hanging off the edge.
"After two years of having my feet hang off the edge, I demanded that Jake and Katie get beds to accommodate us tall folk," Anders explained. He looked down at Finn who was staring up at the ceiling and asked, "Do you have any questions for me?"
"How many campers are there going to be this year?"
"Usually the max number of campers is 64 but I spoke with Jake this morning and he said only 50 signed up this year." Anders reached inside the pocket of his windbreaker and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. He carefully unfolded it and said, "You'll be the counselor assigned to cabin 8. There's six campers assigned to this cabin. Here's a list of their names, their preferred pronouns and their allergies and medical accommodations."
Finn sat up and took the list from Anders. He saw the names and the preferred pronouns. Kory, Caleb, Tommy K. and Tommy S., Henry and Jamal. Tommy K. used they/them pronouns while everyone else went by he/him. No one had any allergies or anything medical-related he needed to be aware of. All six campers were 13 years old.
"Feeling overwhelmed?" Anders asked sitting down next to Finn.
Finn nodded and said, "I mean Kurt's taught me a lot but there's still a lot I don't know."
Anders took a deep breath and said, "If you don't mind me asking, are you and Kurt …" Finn looked confused, so Anders continued with, "Are you two dating?"
"Oh," Finn said. "No – Kurt and I – we're not dating. He's my stepbrother. Our parents – his dad and my mom are married."
"Huh," Anders said. "I guess that makes sense."
Finn lowered his head and said, "I'm actually … straight."
Anders furrowed his brow and said, "You say that like it's a bad thing."
Finn looked over at Anders and said, "You don't think me being here is weird?"
Anders shook his head and said, "Why would I think that's weird, Finn? Quite the contrary. You're devoting your entire summer to work at a camp for LGBTQ+ kids. Can't imagine too many straight guys were queuing up to apply to work here. These kids are just looking for a safe space to be who they are for twelve weeks without fear of being bullied or judged or condemned. They're not going to care what your sexuality is, Finn."
Finn ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "What if I say the wrong thing. I still don't know a lot of the words. What if I call someone the wrong pronouns."
"Believe it or not, Finn, none of us here are experts. I'm still learning. I make mistakes a long the way. You will, too. But as long as your heart is in the right place, no one here is going to burn you at the stake for saying the wrong thing. Just make sure you are open to learning." Anders reached out and placed a hand on Finn's shoulder. "Try not to worry so much. Jake and Katie are usually a good judge of character and I doubt you would have made it here if they didn't believe you could do the job."
Finn felt the weight of a month's worth of concerns and insecurities evaporate into thin air. Anders was right. These kids weren't looking for someone to have all of the answers. More than anything they were looking for someone to show compassion. Someone to accept them. Champion them. They were looking for a friend.
Anders suddenly stood up and said, "Enough worrying – there's a shit-ton to get done before the campers arrive." He walked up to the chest of drawers next to Finn's bed and pulled open the top drawer. "Before you arrived, I grabbed you a whistle and a few shirts. Is a large big enough?"
Finn said, "I usually go for an extra-large, but Kurt says my clothes are too big."
Anders tossed Finn one of the shirts and said, "Trust me, if I looked like you, I would not be hiding myself under big clothes."
Finn felt himself blush a bit. He looked at the t-shirt and saw that it was the same Camp Black Bear t-shirt he had seen on Jake and Katie. "Am I expected to wear this every day?"
"Except for on the weekends," Anders said. "Now, there's still a few things I need to show you and then we have to get back to the Welcome Center for lunch."
Finn turned his back to the other man and quickly changed out of the old McKinley High P.E. t-shirt he was wearing and changed into his camp t-shirt. The shirt fit him like a glove making him feel self-conscious. He slowly turned around and Anders gave him a quick appraisal. He looked up and gave Finn a wink and a thumbs-up. He then slapped him on the back and pushed him towards the door.
Finn grinned as they stepped outside. For the first time since they arrived, he felt good about things. Perhaps he did belong here.