Breath in….

Breath out….

Ash concentrated on his breathing. He needed to empty himself. Nothing would change if he got upset. He just needed to be there for Eiji.

"Stop looking so solemn." One of the Hiereus said as he bathed Eiji in the pool. His voice sounded far away and tinny in Ash's ears "That will not please Ash. Smile, this is a joyous occasion.". Eiji didn't say anything. His face remained blank. All the light in his eyes had gone out. Ash who was hovering over the water next to him squeezed his hand.

Breath in…

"Lean back a little so I can wash your hair." Eiji obeyed the man without complaint. He was no longer fighting, nor crying. He didn't give any indication that he was aware of the man rubbing ointments into his hair. Eiji seemed smaller now, diminished.

Breath out….

Was breathing always this hard? Ash struggled to get oxygen into his lungs. The barrier that blocked his thoughts was suffocating him. He wanted to break down, but he knew that wouldn't help Eiji. The best thing he could do was to not think about what was going to happen in a couple of hours.

Breath in….

A servant entered the room with brushes and ink. She lay them on the side of the pool. The Hiereuses took Eiji out of the water and wrapped a towel around him. They began drying him off from head to toe. As they dried his arms they pulled his hands above his head and Ash was forced to let go. His hand felt empty without Eiji's, a sensation he knew he had to get used to. In a couple of hours, he would never feel Eiji's hands again. Ash fought to push that thought away.

Breath out…

Once Eiji was dry they began drawing Ash's symbols all over his body. They drew wheat, lynxes, the sun, fire, and fireflies. Soon his skin was covered with inky black markings. Ash never hated his symbols as much as he did when looking at Eiji. It was like a part of him was polluting Eiji's body.

Breath in….

When they finished they clothed Eiji in a simple silk tunic as white as snow with gold lining. Around his waist, they placed a simple sash, decorated with designs of the rising and setting sun. They combed his hair and sprinkled golden flakes upon it. Then they weaved a gold wheat wreath into his dark hair and attached small silver ornaments to it that tinkled when he moved. Around his arm, they placed a heavy jagged band the shape of dancing flame.

Breath out…

They dabbed precious oils in Eiji's hair and hands before sprinkling herbs over him. Soon the room was full of the aroma of freshly picked plants and wheat. The smell made Ash want to puke. Another Hiereus stepped forward and began to apply light makeup to Eiji's face, adorning his eyes and lips, and removing any traces of blemishes.

Breath in….

Finally, they all stepped back to admire their work and Ash realized what that had done. Choking on his inhale as he lost track of his breathing exercises. Some of the Hiereuses shot him concerned glances as he coughed but he ignored them. His eyes were on Eiji alone. They had dressed him in a traditional wedding outfit that was commonly worn to weddings at his temple.

Eiji was being given to him as a sacrificial bride.

Ash's heart stung as he looked at him. How many times had he dreamed of Eiji being dressed this way? Ash had pictured Eiji walking with him through the arch of his temple, the sound of joyful chanting matching their footsteps. Eiji would carry a bundle of fresh wheat and shine purely like the sun. After he set the wheat aflame he would turn back to Ash, his eyes sparkling, and Ash would look upon the man who was about to become his husband.

Now that image was tainted. Instead of eyes glowing with happiness and joy they were dead and empty. Instead of a man going to his wedding was a man going to his death. There were no new beginnings here, only a horrifying and painful end.

"Ash?" Eiji's voice held a note of concern though his eyes remained dull.

Ash realized he was still holding his breath and let it out. As he did the sounds that surrounded him pressed into his ears. He suddenly became aware of the Hiereuses' happy chatter as loud as if they were yelling. Their voice rattled through Ash's head overwhelming him. They were joyful and pleased with themselves. None of them seemed aware of the horrors of their actions. One Hiereues even had sent a servant to drag in a full-body mirror. He turned Eiji towards it, a prideful look on his face.

"Look at you." He said proudly, one hand daintily resting on Eiji's shoulders. "Dressed so finely." He placed the other hand under Eiji's chin and lifted it. "Walk with pride. You are ready now." Eiji stared vacantly at his reflection. He took in the outfit and his eyes widened with realization.

"No, not like this…please." He begged quietly. The Hiereus didn't hear him. He had already turned to instruct the others. Ash stepped towards Eiji and caught his eye in the mirror. Eiji looked away shamefully.

"I always dreamed of dressing like this." He muttered embarrassed. "I always foolishly thought I would dress this way when…." He broke off and shook his head. "It was a dumb thought. That wouldn't happen anyways but…I hate that I'm dressed this way too….." he gulped and clenched his fists.

Ash couldn't take it anymore. The Hiereuses were off doing other things leaving Eiji to stand by himself in front of the mirror. Ash used them absents to wrap his arms gently around Eiji's waist. He could feel Eiji tremble…or maybe it was him trembling.

"Eiji I-"

"I don't blame you." Eiji cut in. "I know you don't want this. You did your best. More than I could" He turned his sorrowful gaze to Ash. "I wish I had been stronger. Then perhaps I could have stopped it myself." He seemed older now as if in accepting his death he had become wise. Ash hated it. He wanted his stubborn, playful Eiji back.

"What are you going to do after I…." he shook his head, clearly trying not to think about it. "After everything's done. You won't need to stay in my village if I'm not there." Ash stared blankly at Eiji. The thought that time would continue afternoon was ludicrous. The universe stopped with Eiji's life. Eiji noticing his expression quickly added. "It's fine if you don't want to tell me."

"No." Ash shook his head. "It's alright. After…. all is done I'll exact my revenge on this country."

"You're going to kill the Hiereus?" Eiji asked.

"Not just them but everyone." The darkness that lingered in Ash's chest flared. "I'll rain fire upon the land and to those who survive I will block out the sun and moon. I will refuse to give them fire. Nothing will grow until everyone has been purged." Eiji pulled away to survey him, momentarily distracted from his own plight.

"I've never seen you so angry." He finally said. "I knew you were going to destroy the Hiereuses but why kill everyone else? They aren't responsible for…this."

"But they didn't try to stop it either," Ash said bluntly his anger rising.

"They didn't know you didn't want a human sacrifice."

"I don't care."

"This isn't like you." Eiji's grip tightened on Ash.

"You don't know what I'm capable of Eiji." Ash said coldly "You can't fathom what I was forced to do when I was under the god of death." He could still hear the screams of the people burning. He could still taste the ash in the air. "You can't fathom what I did to get out of that situation. I killed a god" Ash bared his teeth. "And if I can kill a god then humans are nothing." He stopped and sighed his anger momentarily lessening.

"I'm tired Eiji. I'm tired of humans killing each other for me. I'm tired of having to abandon the country afterward. Do you know how many times I've begged them to stop? Do you know how many times I had to feel a human's soul be torn apart?" His voice rose again to a snarl. "I've been too soft on them. If I want them to stop now I need to show them my full capability. I won't let them get away with this."

Ash's hands flexed in anticipation. He was going to enjoy their fear and horror when he rains fire down on them. They who never listened. They who took everything from him. They who would take Eiji from him.

"I'm sorry." Eiji's voice was soft. Ash's heart broke a little when he heard it.

"It's not your fault" Ash trembled as his emotions weighed down on him "I can't fight this darkness in me anymore." he gazed pleadingly at Eiji "How am I supposed to deal with all of this? How am I supposed to deal with your death? How can I stand your soul being ripped apart?" Ash rested his forehead on Eiji's the last of his anger draining away to nothingness.

"I won't be able to stand it. I'm going to die with you. I will be consumed by my own fire leaving an empty shell of a god behind. Everything that I believe will be gone leaving only my vengeance to purge this world until another god strikes me down."

"I…." Eiji's voice sounded strained as he struggled for words. "I never wanted…. why…why does this have to happen?" He sounded broken. Ash's feelings faded into guilt. He shouldn't have told Eiji that. Eiji was already carrying the burden of his death. He didn't need everyone else's death as well. Ash was supposed to be comforting him.

"I'm sorry." Ash turned away trying to hide the tears that fell. He couldn't control his own emotions, just like he couldn't control the humans. He had been so sure yesterday that he could do it. How foolish he was. After decades of trying to get his Hiereuses to listen, he had been arrogant to think now was any different. He had failed as a god; he had failed as a boyfriend; and how he had failed as Eiji's comforter.

Eiji was quiet for a few moments. Ash had no idea what was going through his mind, but he didn't have the energy to look at him.

"Alright." Eiji finally said grimly. "I understand." His voice had returned to its empty state. Ash looked up to find Eiji's eyes blank again. He wasn't going to fight Ash over humanity just like he wasn't going to fight the Hiereuses. Eiji was shutting down. He no longer cared about anything.

Suddenly Ash wanted Eiji to fight him. He wanted Eiji to hit him across the face and yell that Ash should know better than to take his anger out on humanity. He wanted Eiji to be irrational, stubborn. He wanted Eiji to hold him to an unrealistic standard and be disappointed when he failed. Anything would be better than this. Ash could take Eiji's anger but not his defeat.

"Ash?" Eiji spoke so quietly that Ash had to lean in to hear him.

"What is it?"

"I know I already asked you to stay with me, but can I ask you for another favor?"

"Anything." Ash's voice broke slightly.

"Can you spare my family and friends?" Eiji's hands trembled.

"Of course." Ash kissed his hair gently. "I was going to do that anyway. I would never hurt anyone you love."

"Thank you." Eiji closed his eyes for a second, lifting Ash's hand until both their hands were over Eiji's heart. Together they listened to it beat its last song. It felt like the steady rhythm could go forever but only in a few hours, it would be silent.

Suddenly the sound of someone clearing their throat broke them apart. Ash looked up to find one of the Hiereus watching them. She bowed to Ash.

"I see you're enjoying our work." She said head still lowered. "We're ready for the sacrifice. Please permit me to take him. His litter is waiting."

"No." Ash snarled. The Hiereus too wrapped up in her own world, didn't hear him. She grabbed Eiji's arm and pulled him away from Ash.

"This way please." She led Eiji out of the room and into the hall, Ash following behind. In the hall waiting for them was a fine gold litter covered with freshly picked wheat. Four men stood around it is holding torches. Ash's heart quivered at the sight. It was happening. The ceremony was beginning.

The Hiereus led Eiji to the center and had him sit down. Once he was seated she and another Hiereus began binding his feet and hands. Eiji cried in surprise and tried to pull away. They yanked him back and continued on their work.

"Stop." Ash croaked. "Please." Once again they didn't hear him as they finished binding the man he loved to the litter. Eiji sat there like an animal tied for the slaughter. He had lost his last bit of freedom. He no longer could fly.

Eiji swayed for a moment where he sat, and Ash was worried he would faint. Quickly he sat down by his side to steadied him.

"Ash." Eiji's voice was barely over a whisper. "I'm afraid." He quivered slightly in Ash's arms "I'm so afraid. I can't do this…." He pulled at his bindings "make it stop!"

"Eiji breathes," Ash said as soothingly as he could. "Just concentrate on my voice ok?" Eiji nodded closing his eyes. Ash fished around for something to say. "It's going to be a nice day today, not too hot or cold. It's a bit windy though." He wasn't even sure what he was blabbing about. All he knew was as long as words streamed from his lips Eiji's attention was on him alone.

As Ash continued to talk, four severance approached the litter and picked it up. Eiji jumped a little but he didn't open his eyes. When they left the building a wall of sound hit the temporary drowning out Ash's words. It looked like the whole city had come out to see the sacrifice. Men, women, children roared and cheered at the sight of them. Without the sound of Ash's voice, Eiji opened his eyes again, suddenly becoming aware of the crowd. He let out an unsteady breath, eyes unfocused. Ash cupped his cheek and leaned in.

"It ok Eiji, I'm still here Eiji."

Eiji closed his eyes against the contact, pressing his face against Ash's hand. He was seeking any comfort he could get. Ash was glad Eiji's eyes were closed. He didn't want him to see the ecstatic expressions on the people's faces. He didn't want him to see the High Hierues walking before the litter showing it off to everyone. He didn't want Eiji to see his own tears that streamed down his face.

They continued to parade down the street, Ash sitting on the side of the litter, Eiji bound in the middle. The first light of the rising sun was appearing over the horizons. Ash's heart ached. Time was moving too quickly for him. Noon would be upon them in no time. He tried to bury his feelings as he continued to yammer pointlessly. His words had moved away from the weather and now turned into words of love and comfort. Eiji listened rapidly eating it up as if it was a lifeline.

Ash wanted so badly to do something…. anything…He wanted to appear as a human to them and demand that they let him go but he knew they wouldn't recognize him. If questioned they would say he had run out of the crowd and jumped on the litter. Humans' minds filled in what they saw if they didn't understand it. Unless they wanted to see him they wouldn't. Even the Hiereuses who saw him wouldn't recognize him as a human.

He wanted to withhold the sun or fire from the humans but knew they would just take it out on Eiji and his family again thinking he did something wrong. He wanted to take away his sacrificial fire but not even he could quench his own hunger. It was pointless…everything was pointless….

As they turned a corner to another street Ash was pulled out of his thoughts by a new wave of sacrificial wheat. There wasn't just one bundle burning but at least five. Ash stopped his chatter in surprise. He had tuned out Eiji's family's wheat sacrifices a while ago. It wasn't enough to save Eiji and Ash didn't need their feelings of fear and sorrow added to his own mourning. Now however it was hard to ignore. Sing was at the temple this time burning two to three bundles of wheat every minute or so. His cries and pleas were overwhelming.

"Ash?" Eiji's voice shook slightly as he opened his eyes. "What's wrong? You stopped talking."

"It's nothing," Ash muttered trying to block out Sing. He needed to concentrate on Eiji. Sing was only a distraction.

"Did I tell you how many stars are in the sky?" Ash yammered on. Eiji relaxed as he listened. Ash doubted Eiji was really picking up on anything he said but his words apparently brought Eiji comfort. Reaching out he touched Eiji's arm, wishing he could unbind the ropes.

Another large sacrifice hit Ash and he almost cried with Sing's sorrow. He shut his mouth hard. If he suddenly broke down Eiji was going to be worse off. He wished Sing would just stop. He could burn all the wheat in his field, and it wouldn't be enough. He could slaughter all the animals in his village, and it wouldn't be enough. No, unless Sing jumped bodily into the flames Ash couldn't save Eiji. He needed human blood; any kind of human blood would work. Even if it wasn't lifeblood Ash would take it.

Realization struck him like lightning. Ash gasped and straightened up. He never thought much about human blood, after all, he never wanted it. Now he realized that there was another way to get blood. Humans after all could bleed without giving lifeblood. Normal blood wasn't very powerful in small quantities, but in large quantities, it was worth more than any animal's life. Perhaps there was a way after all…

Ash's chest throbbed. What he was feeling wasn't really hope, all his hope was dashed this morning, but it was something. There was a sliver of a chance that this might work. Of course, it was risky. It relied too much on humans and they had always failed him.

"Ash, what is it?" Eiji muttered gazing at him uncertainly. Ash turned to him. He had to choose his words carefully.

"I have an idea that…might save you."

"Really? How?" Eiji's eyes widened but didn't lose their dead look. Ash paused. Did he have enough time to do what he wanted to do? He needed to be back before noon. No matter what he had to be with Eiji at the end.

"I'll explain later." He finally said, "but I have to go for now."

"No." Eiji's voice broke. "No, please don't leave me. I can't do this alone. You said you'd stay. You promised. Ash."

"Please Eiji." Ash pleased. "I'll be back before noon, I promise. Can you trust me on this?" It was cruel of him to ask and he knew it. Eiji had put his trust in Ash before and it had done nothing but hurt him. Even so, it seemed that Eiji had a little trust left because his shoulders sagged, and he nodded his head.

"Ok." He shivered. "I'll trust you but…please be back soon. I don't know if I can do this."

"Eiji you're strong." Ash kissed him gently. "And brave. No matter how things end I will be there for you." Eiji nodded his hands clenching. Ash couldn't tell if he believed him or if he thought he was being abandoned. It was tempting to stay and try to explain things, but he only had a few hours left.

"I'll be back," Ash promised before leaping into the air. Turning he saw that Eiji had his face slightly raised and was mouthing the names of all his loved ones. He was calling on them to be his strength since Ash couldn't be there with him. As Ash turned to fly away he saw a single tear dripped down Eiji's face. It took everything in him to keep moving. He had to do this. If there was a chance, even a tinny one that this might work Ash was going to try it.