'Hello?' Hermione called into the house later that evening. 'Are you home?'
From somewhere deep inside the house, Andromeda answered. 'We're in the attic.'
Hermione climbed the stairs then proceeded to the wooden ladder that led up to the attic. She poked her head through the hatch. The ceiling was low, not high enough for her to stand but to her surprise, it was completely transparent. It was incredible magic.
She spotted Teddy, who was sitting with his back against Andromeda's thighs. 'How is my sweet boy doing?' she cooed. To her dismay, the toddler didn't react as he was staring at his grandmother's face.
The witch in question kneeled in front of a shiny, silver telescope that pointed towards the stars.
'Hermione,' Andromeda smiled, somewhat relieved to see her despite the knot in her stomach. She reached out her hand and helped Hermione climb the last steps into the attic. She greeted her with a soft kiss on her cheek. 'We lost track of time.'
Hermione waved her off. 'What are the two of you doing up here?'
Andromeda sighed heavily and pointed towards Teddy. 'He's fidgety from all the sugar his great-grandparents fed him. Whenever he can't sleep, I show him the sky. It seems to calm him as much as it calms me.' With a smile on her lips, she brushed some dark-green hair from his face. The night sky had always been her refuge. The steadiness of the stars kept her grounded.
Hermione knelt in front of the telescope and peeked through it. She gasped. The stars were visible with a clarity Hermione hadn't expected. Especially since Andromeda's home was surrounded by bright city lights.
Andromeda chuckled. 'It's charmed. It blanks out the surrounding lights.'
'That's brilliant. What am I looking at?'
'Schedar. It's the brightest star of the constellation "Cassiopeia". If you turn the telescope slightly down and to the right, you'll spot the galaxy I'm named after.'
Andromeda moved closer, reached over Hermione's shoulder and adjusted the telescope. Her chest was flat against her back, and her warm breath tickled Hermione, which made the hair in her neck stand up.
'That should do,' Andromeda said softly and sat back on her knees.
An explosion of colour appeared in front of Hermione's eyes. 'Oh, it's marvellous!' She tore her gaze off the stars and looked at Andromeda. The striking Slytherin was as beautiful as her namesake in the sky, but she didn't dare to voice her thought.
Andromeda's mouth twitched upwards. 'I know, right?'
Hermione nodded and held her gaze for a moment before she reached for Teddy and sat him down on her thighs. 'Do you know any stars, Teddy?'
'Siwius!' he exclaimed and gave them a toothy grin.
'Oh, wow, Sirius!' She smiled at Teddy and clapped her hands. 'Do you think nana will show it to me?'
She looked over Teddy's head towards Andromeda, who had an unreadable expression on her face. Teddy escaped from her grasp and grabbed Andromeda's sleeve. 'Siwius!'
Andromeda ruffled his hair. 'Yes, my heart, let's show Hermione Sirius.'
The older witch kneeled so close to Hermione that their shoulders were touching while she roamed the sky, searching for the correct position. 'There you go, the brightest star in the sky. Further to the right, there's the constellation named Orion.'
'Oh, I've learned about this one in Muggle school,' Hermione exclaimed. 'The brightest star is Rigel, right? Which is followed by Bellatrix?'
The name slipped so quickly off her tongue she didn't even realise it. Her heart sank. Terrified, she looked at Andromeda. Her cheeks were paler than moments before, but she seemed otherwise unfazed.
Andromeda cleared her throat, which didn't help against the sudden pressure in her chest. She swallowed hard. 'Bellatrix, right. It's actually the third brightest.' The tremor in her voice was barely noticeable.
'Bella!' Teddy squealed.
Andromeda smiled a forced smile. 'Yes, darling, B-Bella!' Her voice broke. She was still smiling when the first tear fell.
Hermione noticed immediately. 'I'm so sorry, Andie.' Her nickname felt sweet on her tongue, and she wished she could cherish it. Instead, she wiped Andromeda's tears away with her thumbs.
Andromeda took a shuddering breath and shrugged. 'Don't worry. Sometimes the tears just fall.' Grief was a traitor, visiting her at the most surprising moments. She quickly quelled the tears and wiped her eyes.
A small smile formed on her lips, but to Hermione's concern, it didn't quite reach her eyes. The young witch gathered all her courage and took Andromeda's hands in her own and pressed them against her chest. 'Do you miss her?'
Andromeda closed her eyes. There was hurt she felt for Bellatrix. It was buried deep within, and she only rarely allowed it to surface. Every time it felt like betraying her daughter. 'She took my daughter's life,' Andromeda whispered and shook her head. 'I despise myself for missing her on such bright nights.'
When she faced Hermione again, her eyes were still watery, and the conflict was visible in her face. Hermione wondered how much of her grief she was keeping to herself.
Andromeda took her hand in hers and held it tight. 'It's a blessing and curse that they're named after stars.' Her voice was laced with melancholia as she looked longingly towards the sky. She reached for Teddy with her free hand, then lay down on her back with him nestled into her chest. The small boy snuggled into her embrace and almost immediately dozed off.
Without letting go of her hand, Hermione lay down next to her. They gazed at the stars together.
'I could easily fall asleep like this,' Andromeda mused while stroking Teddy's hair.
Hermione marvelled at the two of them. There was still tension in Andromeda's jaw, but she was gorgeous, laying there with her eyes closed and her face illuminated by the stars. Teddy's hair was in its natural state, and it looked like Andromeda's, dark brown and curly. Unlike hers, his didn't show any hints of silver.
Hermione's heart almost burst. What she felt for the older witch was consuming, electrifying and borderline addictive. In a surge of emotions, she spoke, 'I want to be with you!'
A second later, her face fell because Andromeda's face had turned to stone. The expression tugged at Hermione's heart. She swallowed the lump in her throat and reached for the hand Andromeda held Teddy with. 'Let me be yours,' she pleaded, and her voice was raw and soft and almost cracked.
Andromeda's heart squeezed, and it nearly came to a screeching halt as she heard her suspicion come true. A faint sigh escaped her throat. It was painfully apparent that she had Hermione's heart, and the more she thought about it, the more she knew Hermione had hers as well. Although she was halfway prepared for it, she had trouble stomaching the confession.
With a heavy groan, she pushed herself in an upright posting, careful not to disturb her grandson's peaceful sleep.
'Hermione,' she started, but a wave of insecurity immediately washed over her.
She swallowed the words and the sorrow. Hermione fixated her with her unbelievable brown eyes, which almost melted Andromeda's resolve, but she couldn't give in to her as for now, she had to clear her mind. 'I have to put him to bed,' she deflected and ignored the pang in her chest and the crack on Hermione's face. 'I'll meet you in the kitchen, yes?' She repressed the urge to caress her face.
Hermione's weak nod was her cue to leave the attic.
On her way down, she realised how weak her knees were. Moments later, she leaned heavily against Teddy's dresser, her grandson still in her arms. Thankfully, he didn't sense her distress.
To her relief, she heard Hermione descending down the stairs. She hoped very much that the floo wouldn't flare up. When she heard no other sound, she exhaled slowly.
Carefully, she changed Teddy and put him in his cot. To make sure he was really asleep, she stayed in the room for a moment. She closed her eyes and willed the tears away.
The thought to be loved by Hermione and loving her back made her stomach clench. The warm feeling was overshadowed by the intense fear that eventually, she'd hurt the magnificent witch. It scared her to burden Hermione with her life's story of pain and loss, and she wasn't willing to take the risk. The only reasonable thing to do would be to reject her even though the thought made her nauseous. After a few breaths, she went down to the kitchen.
Hermione had prepared tea and contemplated Andromeda's change in demeanour. She had felt so close to her just minutes earlier, and now there was a cold distance between them which made her stomach queasy. Something was wrong, and she was determined to find out.
When Andromeda walked into the kitchen, Hermione wanted to confront her, but the older witch was faster.
Andromeda held her palm against her heart. The tips of her fingers were pale from the force with which she pressed. With her other hand, she held on to the table. 'This godforsaken pain will be with me until I die. I'm in a dark place right now and I won't allow you to follow me into the darkness! It's mine to deal with.' Her voice broke, and she drew a shuddering breath. Only barely did she manage to stay upright, but her face remained emotionless.
Hermione gasped. The usually proud, tall woman stood there looking hopelessly defeated. She yearned to draw her into a hug and soothe her, but first, she had to get the words out. 'Stop being so sodding proud! You are not alone! You already let me see behind this stony façade of yours. Don't start hiding now!'
Andromeda's eyes snapped up to Hermione's. Of course, the witch saw right through her, but she was in no mood to go through all the emotional crap again. 'Leave it, Hermione!' she growled.
Hermione didn't flinch at the disdain in her voice. Eager to push Andromeda out of her comfort zone, Hermione continued. 'Why do you choke down your emotions?'
Frustration bubbled in Andromeda's chest, and she slammed her hand on the table. 'Because sick of feeling this pain! I'd rather feel nothing at all!' With the last of her strength, she let herself fall down on the chair and gave her a defeated look. Her face contorted into a grimace, and she closed her eyes so as not to have to look at Hermione any longer.
Hermione sucked in a breath but repressed the urge to flinch. 'Andromeda,' she whispered, already regretting that she had pushed her this far.
Andromeda bit the inside of her cheek and looked down onto the table. A myriad of emotions assaulted her, and she had a hard time keeping them down.
Hermione reached for her hands. 'Please, Andromeda.'
Andromeda's lips quivered, and she laid her head in her hands. 'I'm not the woman you deserve to have in your life.'
'Stop it!' Hermione said in a firm voice that made Andromeda wince. 'That is not for you to decide, Andromeda!' Hermione noticed her discomfort and draped her arm around her shoulders. 'Let me help you get better.'
Andromeda swallowed hard and met her eyes. There was a thought in her mind that she had never expressed to anyone before. When she looked into Hermione's warm face, she trusted her so much that it spilled from her lips without a second thought. 'Whenever I try to get better, one question keeps overwhelming me, and no one will ever be able to help me with it.' She squeezed her eyes shut and reached for Hermione's hands to ground herself. 'Why didn't I force my daughter to stay home?'
Her heart ached, and a wave of guilt splashed over her. Paired with her longing for Hermione, it quickly became overwhelming.
Hermione's stomach sank, and the blood drained from her cheeks. When she opened her mouth, Andromeda waved her hand before rubbing her temples.
'Don't, please. I can't bear it!'
Hermione gave her a moment to compose herself but continued despite her plea. 'You told me there was no room for guilt.'
Andromeda smiled weakly and wiped at her watery eyes. 'I haven't been able to convince myself of that.'
Hermione shoved the cup with lavender tea closer to her hands.
Andromeda tried to lift it to her lips, but her fingers shook so much that she almost spilt it. Frustrated, she put it back down.
Hermione held her cold hands and kissed her knuckles. 'If I'm not the woman you want, I'm fine with that, but I don't think that is what is happening here. Allow yourself to feel. Allow yourself to be happy, Andie!'
Andromeda's heart felt raw. Across from her sat this brilliant woman, and she couldn't give herself to her. The young witch looked at her with an expression of empathy and strength. Hermione's gaze pierced her, and she felt as if the witch could see straight into her heart.
'You are the woman,' she said moments later. Her voice broke, and so she stopped herself right there because she didn't trust her voice enough to speak another word. Slowly, she got up from the chair.
Hermione nodded weakly while a wave of relief flooded her body. She grabbed her hands again and kissed her cheek. 'What do you need?
'Time,' Andromeda whispered. 'Grant me a little more time.'
Hermione got up and lay her arm around her. 'Everything you need. Why don't you try to sleep? I'll keep an eye on Teddy.'
Andromeda was grateful for Hermione's hands to hold onto as they gave her much needed stability. Slowly, they climbed the stairs and came to a halt in front of a door with a big Do not enter sign and some muggle band stickers.
Andromeda gave her a watery smile. 'You can sleep in her room. I'm sure you'll find something to sleep in her closet.'
Hermione kissed her forehead and let her lips linger for a bit on the warm skin. Gently, she brushed some stray curls behind her ears. Andromeda relaxed into her touch and cupped Hermione's cheek. Tenderly, she stroked her soft skin with her thumb.
Hermione held her wrist. 'Try to sleep, yes?'
Andromeda nodded and then disappeared into her bedroom.
In the privacy of her own room, she felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, but the ever-present tightness in her chest still made it difficult to breathe. Andromeda opened her hair and stripped down to her underwear.
She sat down on the bed, propped her elbows on her thighs and looked at her hands. The red gold ring on her finger caught her eyes. Slowly, she slid it off and looked at it. Love conquers all was written on the inside and it felt like a bad joke.
Tears blurred her vision. She cursed herself for standing in the way of her own happiness. After all, she had already dared to risk everything for the person she loved. The losses, however, had made her timid. Another characteristic of her new self that she didn't like.
She twisted the ring in her fingers. The warm metal was comforting and hurtful at the same time. After a few more twists and turns, she let it roll off her hand and sunk to the floor.
She missed them. All of them so, so much. Grief rolled through her like a tsunami, and she pressed her hand against her mouth to silence her sobs as she finally gave in to her pain.
-§-§-§-§-§-
Hermione took a deep breath and opened Nymphadora's door. It was so overwhelmingly Tonks, it took her breath away for a second. She looked around the room.
Several posters clung to the walls, but she only recognised the Weird Sisters and Van Halen. One poster had been ripped to shreds that now lay scattered across the room. With a simple spell, Hermione cleaned the scraps up and levitated them into the bin.
The shelves were cluttered with books, CD's stuffed animals and some Hufflepuff memoria. Like the rest of the room, it was clear from dust. It was clear that Andromeda frequented this room from time to time.
She grabbed the plush badger and pressed it against her heart. On the wooden dresser, a photo album lay open. It showed two pictures of Tonks as a toddler. She flipped back to the beginning of the album when she was a baby and then flipped forward again. Tonks aged with every double page and her hair was almost always a different shape of the rainbow. All of them were muggle photographs. On the last page, someone had added a picture of Teddy. It must've been taken shortly after his birth as he was pink and tiny. Before closing the album, she traced his picture with her finger and sighed. She missed her friend deeply.
Like her room, Tonks closet was a mess. Shirts, pants, underwear and everything else were crammed into the shelves without any sort of system. Hermione chose an oversized 'Rolling Stones' t-shirt and bright yellow cotton leggings. A clothing item only someone with a quirky personality like Tonks would own.
She slipped beneath the soft sheets. They smelled of flower-scented laundry detergent and nothing else. She quickly fell asleep.
Sometime later, she woke with a sigh. Hermione wasn't quite sure what had woken her. Feeling groggy, she checked the time. Not even an hour had passed since she had said goodnight to Andromeda. Her head felt heavy, and she was just about to snuggle back into the soft sheets when she heard a sob.
The sound was muffled, but she was sure she had not misheard. Carefully, she got up and went to the door and pressed her ear against it. Andromeda was definitely crying. Her hand fell on the doorknob. She held it in her fingers for a moment but then let it go and sat down with her back against the door. It tugged at her heart, but she had promised Andromeda to give her time.
A short time later, Andromeda's quiet weeping turned into sobs. Hermione felt uneasy. She gathered her courage and crossed the hallway to knock on Andromeda's door. The sobbing stopped, but she received no answer.
After a moment's hesitation, she risked a glance into the room. She let her eyes wander over the cosily decorated bedroom. Andromeda's dark red blouse and black slacks lay crumpled on the dark hardwood floor. Next to the small bedside table, she spotted her wedding band. She picked it up and put it on the bedside table.
Her breath caught as her gaze fell on Andromeda. The beautiful witch was sitting on her knees with her back bent and her arms wrapped around herself. She was still crying, but the tears flowed soundlessly down her sunken cheeks. Her body was covered with goosebumps, and she was trembling.
Without hesitation, Hermione pulled Andromeda's duvet off the bed and placed it over her shoulders before kneeling beside her.
Andromeda welcomed the warmth of Hermione's presence and the blanket. She lifted her head to look at the young witch. Her pretty features were laced with concern. Fresh tears rolled down Andromeda's cheeks. With a hoarse voice, she said, 'I never wanted you to see me like this.'
The young witch firmly shook her head. 'Don't ever apologise for your feelings.'
Hermione wiped Andromeda's tears away with both her hands and held her until her tears somewhat dried up. When she had gathered herself, Hermione helped her up and almost carried her to bed. Andromeda leaned heavily against her and sat down on the bed.
The former Gryffindor looked at her. 'Do you need something, love?'
She hesitated momentarily but then patted the mattress next to her. 'Stay,' she said in a hoarse voice.
'Of course,' the young witch replied.
Hermione helped her slip into her nightgown and then lay on Ted's side. Andromeda briefly wanted to say something but swallowed the words. She stroked Hermione's hand before lying down with her back against her. She didn't dare to look her into her eyes.
After a moment, the younger witch moved closer, put her arm around her waist and grabbed her hand. Her closeness and made Andromeda's heart beat faster as she leaned against her. She stroked the back of her hand and finally allowed herself to relax. She could no longer deny herself Hermione's affection.
Hermione nuzzled her face into her neck and pressed light kissed to her shoulder blade. 'I got you,' she whispered into the darkness.