Chapter Seven: What Lie Buried
Harry didn't show up for his charms lesson the following day. He didn't want to see, or to talk to anyone, least of all the excitable Professor Flitwick. Harry just wanted to be alone, to think about nothing.
When he was up on the Astronomy Tower, and that woman, Ms. Goldstein, saw what she saw in his head, Harry had felt violated. He wanted nothing more than to run from the woman, sprint away as fast as he could and duck himself into one of Hogwarts' many secret passages, where he could be alone. Totally alone.
Harry had told Ron and Hermione what he had seen, sure. They deserved that much, for being his friend, for always having his back, for loving him. But he had never intended to share the gritty truth of his parents murder with anyone, not like that, not with that level of depth or detail. She had wormed her way inside his head and burrowed into the place wherein Harry felt most vulnerable. The thought made Harry felt sick.
Harry had laid there for hours, staring upward, trying to keep his mind as blank as he could, and finally, when he could stand it no longer, he sat up with a groan, supremely frustrated. He dug through his trunk, brandishing three items. His father's cloak, the Marauder's Map, and the photo album Hagrid had gifted him at the end of his first year.
He found himself making his way up the Astronomy Tower once more, the cloak proving quite useless as he passed nobody on his trek through the empty halls. Still, Harry kept the cloak on. Unsurprisingly, being invisible helped a great deal with Harry wanting to feel invisible. After a short walk, Harry reached his destination. He sat down at the edge of the tower, his legs poking underneath the guard rail, dangling freely. Harry held the photo album in his lap, and halted just before opening it.
What if the images were poisoned?
What if, when Harry opened this photo album, and where before he saw images of his parents smiling, and happy, what if Harry could no longer see it? What if when he opened this book of memories, all he actually saw were his parents still bodies, or his father's lifeless eyes, staring up at him as Harry strode past, uncaring.
Harry struggled with this for awhile, before letting his hand fall from the album. He gazed emptily over the grounds of Hogwarts. He didn't see them.
Just as Harry was unsure how much of the day he had spent lying in bed, he wasn't sure how long he spent sitting there, kicking the back of his feet idly against the dusted stone of the tower.
After some time, Harry heard footsteps begin to ascend the Astronomy Tower stairs. Harry didn't care. He planned to sit there, under the cloak, silent, until they left him. Harry's plans were quickly averted when he heard Professor Lupin's voice behind him.
"Harry? Are you up here?" The Professor asked gently. Harry didn't move to answer him.
"I heard you didn't go to your lesson with Professor Flitwick this morning." Lupin said, taking the guard rail in one hand, and he began walking very slowly around the perimeter. "Don't worry, I'm not here to get you in trouble, and I'll make sure Professor McGonogall doesn't give you a hard time either. She likes you a great deal, you know."
Harry pressed his forehead against the cool metal of the guard rail, listening to Lupin.
"I just want to make sure you're all right. Really all right. Dumbledore was also worried when you didn't turn up for breakfast or lunch, said you were acting a bit off yesterday." Lupin explained, still walking the perimeter. With every step he came closer to walking into Harry. Harry didn't move.
But Harry was startled when he heard the Professor's footsteps stop just next to him. Professor Lupin crouched down next to the still invisible Harry, and spoke softly.
"Harry I want you to know that I'm here for you now. You know that, don't you?" Lupin spoke into nothing. There was no response, and after a long moment Lupin felt quite foolish, believing himself really to be talking into the empty air. He exhaled, stood up, and strode toward the spiral staircase.
"How did you know I was here?" Harry asked, cutting through the silence and halting Lupin in his place. The Professor turned around to face him.
Harry was pulling off the cloak, slowly, and he set it down to his left, as Lupin walked over.
"Well, this was the place that your mother would always run off to, whenever she was feeling particularly down. She loved it up here." Lupin explained, taking a seat next to Harry. "And I knew you were sitting here exactly, because..." Lupin pointed directly forward from where they were sitting, "Because this spot right here has the best view of the Quidditch Pitch."
Harry smiled lopsidedly, with half of his mouth. Professor Lupin was quite clever.
"What's this you've got here?" Lupin asked Harry, pointing. Harry followed his finger and saw the photo album sitting in his lap.
"It's, um," Harry tried, picking it up in his two hands. He couldn't find the right words, so he simply held it out for Lupin to take.
Harry didn't watch as Lupin opened the album, Harry only went back to resuming his gaze. Lupin also didn't speak for a bit, flipping through the pages idly. They rested in each other's silence, both of their minds settling on James and Lily Potter.
"This one was always my favorite." Lupin said, his finger tapping a laminated photograph. Harry finally pulled his eyes toward the album.
It was a photo of his father and mother, swaying back and forth on a muggle swing set. His mother was very pregnant, rubbing her stomach and smiling wide, watching James as he tried to desperately to kick harder and go higher on the swing.
"It was a few months before they went into hiding. Your mum, Lily, she wanted to take us all to a muggle park. Was a bit tired of James and Sirius ragging on muggle pastimes I suspect." Lupin went on, though Harry didn't reply. "It was one of the most perfect afternoons of my life."
"We all had to grow up so fast. We were hardly out of school when Voldemort had risen to power. They were not good times." Lupin expressed. Harry looked at Lupin's face, who was still closely inspecting the photograph. He dragged his fingers across it gently as he spoke. "I think Lily knew we needed it. To feel like children, to feel free. If just for one afternoon..."
Harry slowly processed his words, letting them rest in his brain. Lupin didn't seem to mind his lack of response, and began flipping through the album once more. Every once in awhile he'd let a bit of air out of his nose in amusement.
"Thank you Harry," Lupin said. Harry turned to meet his gaze, "I didn't think I'd be seeing these again."
"Again, sir?" Harry asked.
"Well, when Hagrid sent me that letter a few years ago, saying he was trying to find pictures of James and Lily for you-"
"These photos are from you?" Harry asked suddenly. He briefly remembered Hagrid saying he had contacted old friends of his parents to get them.
"Well, some of them, sure." Lupin said casually. Harry didn't say anything, and once again leaned forward, resting his head on the metal.
"I didn't know..." Harry spoke quietly, "I'm sorry." Harry felt hot tears well up in the corner of his eyes.
"Whatever for Harry?" Lupin asked, befuddled.
"They were your friends, they-" Harry sniffed hard, and wiped his nose with the sleeve of his cloak, "You should have those. Not me... I don't deserve them..."
Remus was dumbstruck. Lupin thought himself pretty good at talking, in most situations. He'd always tried to keep a level head, and go at situations with the most logical response he could find. This line of thinking was not helping him now.
"I'm sorry..."
"Harry..." Lupin said.
"I'm sorry..." Harry choked out. He was crying hard now, tears leaving wet track marks down his pale cheeks. He forced his eyes shut. "I'm really sorry Professor..."
Lupin embraced Harry suddenly, throwing his left arm over him. Harry leaned into the contact, pressing his head into the nook of Lupin's arm.
"I'm sorry..." Harry repeated again, his wet tears dampening Lupin's sleeve as Harry cried.
"It's okay," Lupin said when Harry took a handful of cloth at the chest of his robes, "it's okay Harry. I've got you."
Harry cried fully and openly for awhile, before his breaths finally grew slow and steady. Lupin rubbed his hand on Harry's shoulder softly, gently reaffirming him with kind words.
When Harry had finally calmed himself completely, Lupin removed his arm.
"Sorry- about that," Harry said, sniffling. He pulled his glasses off and cleaned them, blinking the last few tears away.
"It's quite alright." Lupin replied. As Harry pressed the glasses onto the bridge of his nose, Lupin asked, "Have you ever been to see them, Harry? Your mum and dad?"
The Mirror of Erised appeared in his mind's eye, as Harry sniffled once and responded, "What do you mean, sir?"
"Where they're buried. Has Dumbledore ever taken you?" Lupin questioned. Harry had never considered this, an act as simple as visiting their graves. He shook his head.
"Would you like to? See them?" Lupin asked Harry, tilting his head down slightly as he spoke. Harry pressed his forehead to the metal once again, relishing in the cold feeling on his temples.
"I would..." Harry said.
Harry's knees buckled, and he barely caught himself, shoving his two arms out so as not to let his face smack the pavement. He took a few shaky breaths.
"Ah, yes, well, apparition can be rather unpleasant on the first- Oh dear." Lupin said, as Harry emptied the contents of his stomach onto the pavement. For a tiny boy he really did have quite a bit in his stomach. Lupin used a hand to grip Harry's arm, helping him up. Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times, spitting to try and rid his mouth of the taste of sick.
Harry wiped his mouth with his hand, grimacing, as Lupin looked around to make sure there was nobody around. Harry also looked around. They were on the outskirts of a small village, Godric's Hollow, Lupin had explained. The road they were on seemed to lead out of town, and Harry could just see the first few houses begin to line the street in the distance. Satisfied nobody was there, Lupin conjured a small goblet.
"Aguamenti!" And a small spring of water sprout from the end of his wand, filling the bronze receptacle with fresh water. He handed it to Harry.
"Thanks..." Harry said, after swishing the water around his mouth several times, and spitting it out. Lupin also cast, "Evanasco!" And vanished the vomit. Harry held the empty goblet awkwardly, unsure of what to do with it. Lupin offered his hand, and Harry deposited the goblet, and to his surprise, Lupin simply tossed it over his shoulder. It clanged against them street. Lupin began to walk.
"Sir, isn't that littering?" Harry said, keeping pace with Lupin.
"Huh?" Lupin said, raising an eyebrow. "Hardly. I conjured it." Lupin explained simply. At Harry's blank stare, he continued.
"Harry, you know of the law of equivalent exchange, yes?" Lupin asked. Harry did.
"Yeah, Professor McGonogall explained it in our first transfiguration lesson. You can't create something without something... or something like that." Harry remembered. They had reached the part of the path that connected with the village now. Little houses and cottages littered the streets around them. They all looked rather quaint, and for some reason Harry had a distinct feeling of familiarity.
"That's the gist of it, yes. Well, as you saw I conjured the goblet using magic, I didn't transfigure it from something else." Lupin said to Harry. He had his hands in his pocket as he casually strolled the village. "So, in exchange for the goblet, instead of another object, I used my magic. And when that magic fades, so too will the goblet."
Harry nodded in understanding. He felt as if he was always learning something when he'd talk with Professor Lupin.
"How long before it disappears?" Harry inquired.
"Oh, not long. I didn't put too much into it." Lupin said, "It's quite a similar concept to the needle and matchstick issue you were facing. The effects of a spell are influenced by the amount of magic you employ when casting it. In the case of things like conjuration, or enchantments, one of those things effected is how long it will last. I expect the goblet will be gone by the time we return."
They strolled on only a bit longer, before they came up on a wrought iron gate, a few dozen graves littering the ground beyond it.
"They're in here?" Harry asked timidly. He rested his hand against the metal.
"They are. Come on." Lupin said to him, putting a hand gently on his back and leading him. Harry could feel his heart in his chest, it was beating wildly. Lupin led them through the graves slowly, careful to control his pace as Harry seemed incapable of moving faster than a flobberworm.
At last, they stopped. Harry peered down at the stone tablet that marked his parents graves. Their names were right next to each other and they shared a plot. Even in death, they were together.
'James and Lily Potter,' Harry read to himself, '1960-1981'. They had been so young... only a few years older than Harry when they died. Harry swallowed hard, and turned to see Professor Lupin looking at him.
"I don't know what to do, I-I've never..." Harry trailed off, looking back at the gravestone. Words failed Harry, as they had so often before.
"Talk to them." Lupin told Harry.
"I don't know what to say..." Harry expressed weakly.
"You will. Here, take a knee." Lupin said, gently lowering Harry to the ground. The dirt was soft. "I'll be right over there," he said, pointing to the gate. Lupin left Harry, standing only a few paces away out of earshot, as Harry knelt before his parents.
Harry stared at the names adorning the grave. He once again thought of the Mirror of Erised, their smiling faces looking down on him, so proud. He closed his eyes, and let himself be absorbed in the memory, before he spoke.
"Mum... Dad..." Harry began, "I'm here with Professor Lupin," Harry furrowed his brow, "Or, I guess he'd just be Remus to you two. He teaches at Hogwarts now, Defense Against the Dark Arts. It's my best subject... top of the class." Harry just imagined them, smiling at him as he spoke.
"Dad did you know that I'm seeker on my house team?" Harry asked the grave, "Gryffindor, of course, like you. McGonogall said I was the youngest seeker in a century. I'm quite good too, we won the Quidditch cup this year. I wish you could have seen it- it was a brilliant catch." Harry explained, "We've got this captain, Wood, or, I guess we had this captain, he graduated this year. He's a right lunatic, I'm telling you-"
And Harry went on, and on. He told them everything. He told his mum about how Flitwick still bragged about her aptitude for his subject. He told them both about his first friend, Ron Weasley, how the school was simply littered with the rest of the Weasleys. Harry told them how Molly Weasley treated Harry like one of her own, but he still longed for his true family. He told them about his best friend, Hermione Granger, and how she was the most brilliant and wonderful witch he'd ever meet. He told them how desperately Harry missed her this summer, how he felt like his best self when Hermione was around. Harry talked to them for a long while, until the sun began to retire, and dusk fell upon the boy in the graveyard.
"My birthday's coming up..." Harry mentioned. There were only a few days left in July. "Professor Lupin told me about how awful you were in the kitchen, mum." Harry said with a soft smile. "But I'd give up anything to spend my birthday dinner around the table with you two. I'd lose anything at all to be able to tell you all of this in person."
"But I've got to get back now," Harry said finally, resting his hand atop the grave softly. He rubbed it idly as he spoke, "Full moon is coming up soon, and even though it's not for a few days, I know night times are hard on Professor Lupin so, I've got to go back to the castle."
"I'll be back, I promise. I love you both..." Harry didn't want to say goodbye, "See you later, mum, dad."
The walk back to the apparition point was quiet, and Harry walked close to Lupin's side. When they finally reached it, Harry inspected the ground, looking for the goblet Lupin had conjured. He couldn't find it. Harry supposed, that Lupin was right, in a way. Everything fades with time.
A/N: So, I wasn't the biggest fan of the last chapter, but I really liked writing this one. I love having Lupin and Harry interact. I know it was a lil short, but that's just the way it goes boyos. I'm kinda treating the summer as a bit of time to play around with some concepts, but I promise the plot will keep moving forward once summer ends, I mean, the Triwizard is coming up after all. Again, I literally love getting reviews, you guys are all super kind and I'm just happy you're enjoying it :) be comfy dudes