Chapter 7 - Why Am I Still Here?

Shinji awoke with a start, and stared up at what was above him. Since coming to Tokyo-3, there had been several times when he'd woken up in a strange room, but this one was stranger than ever.

'Unfamiliar... really high ceiling?'

He sat up and looked around, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Rows of seats stretched out on both sides of him, all facing towards the same wall that was bordered by red curtains. His brain finally switched on.

Shinji had left the Geofront, and hadn't found it the least bit surprising that nobody had paid much attention to him. Presumably, the personnel were focused on the after-action procedures and had thought he was cleared to leave.

Or maybe they too knew he wasn't worth bothering with.

With Asuka's victory over the Angel, it was absolutely clear NERV didn't require Shinji Ikari; it was time for him to leave. At first he had decided to go straight to the apartment to pack his things, but he hadn't wanted to risk the awkwardness of running into Asuka or Misato. In the meantime, he had needed to find somewhere to wait. It was Friday, so there would be school the next day; he could sneak in while his roommate was out.

'Oh right, I went to a cinema,' he remembered. 'Nobody was here, but they seemed to have forgotten to turn the projectors off. Not surprising considering the suddenness of the attack.'

That had at least helped to pass the time, and the still-warm popcorn in the machine had been enough to stop his stomach rumbling once he worked out how to dispense it. He must have fallen asleep while watching a several-hour-long story about... something. Shinji got to his feet and stretched, wincing at the crick in his neck as he headed for the lobby. What time was it now? He didn't have his phone with him; that was back in the Geofront sitting securely in his school bag, probably still right where he'd put it on the floor on the NERV bridge. Looking around the lobby, he saw a clock that proclaimed it was just after five in the morning. Outside, the sun was starting to turn the sky reddish-orange.

Speaking of which, Asuka was probably aware of his absence by now.

Asuka...

Shinji heaved a sigh. It would be better for Asuka if he wasn't around to distract her from her duty. After all, she was the skilled pilot; no way she would fall on her face and get the crap beaten out of her. And she had Rei now, as both a friend and fellow pilot. Asuka's Evangelion would eventually arrive, so she would switch to that, and Rei would perhaps transfer to Unit-01. They could both go on to save the world without him getting in the way.

As he stepped out of the cinema, Shinji paused and thought things over. He would need to find somewhere to wait until the apartment was definitely empty. Looking around, he saw a train drawing close to a nearby station. He didn't know where it was going, but it didn't matter right now; he just felt like he needed to be moving. Shinji patted his pockets and sighed in relief. Though he had left his school bag in the Geofront, he still had both his NERV identity card, which also doubled as a public transport pass, and his SDAT. That would help the time pass.

The train doors closed behind Shinji, and he scanned his card before heading to a seat. His SDAT's earphones had somehow gotten hideously tangled up, and it took a minute to untangle them before he could put them in his ears and turn the device on. The familiar tune of track twenty-five filled his mind, and as Shinji relaxed into his seat, he wondered why the female singer's voice was so familiar.

Time passed, as did the scenery outside the train window. Mostly dull concrete buildings, but there were occasional gaps filled with either greenery or water. Shinji didn't know where he was anymore, but he was starting to get hungry. Popcorn could only do so much. Shinji stood up and headed for the nearest door, resolving to get off at the next stop. A restaurant was out of the question; he wondered if there was a fast food pl-

"Ikari?"

Shinji blinked in confusion, before looking to the left. Kensuke Aida was standing there, dressed in camouflage gear and carrying a massive bag on his back, with a slightly smaller one in his hand.

"Aida? What are you doing here?" Shinji asked.

Aida pointed to his backpack. "School got cancelled today because of the attack, so I decided to go camping. What about you?"

Looking away, Shinji exhaled as he tried to work out what to say. It didn't seem right to burden Aida with his problems.

"If you don't wanna talk about it, that's fine," said Aida. "I get the feeling you're not just out on an errand, right?" At a nod from Shinji, he grinned. "Why not join me then? I'm always asking Toji to come camping with me, but he never feels like it."

"Um... I don't know," Shinji demurred. "Don't you only have enough supplies for yourself?"

Aida snorted in amusement. "Are you kidding? 'Be prepared' is my motto. I've got five days worth of rations here!" He lifted the bag he was holding for emphasis. "I could theoretically stretch this out to about seven days depending on where I camp out. Collapsible fishing rod, plus there might be edible flora," he added when Shinji gave him a questioning look.

The train stopped, and they both stepped out onto the station platform. The sun was high in the sky now, and the temperature was starting to rise. Shinji thought about simply refusing and walking off to find a vending machine, but the offer was certainly tempting. Since school was cancelled for the day, he'd have to wait a lot longer to ensure the apartment was empty. And maybe getting away from the city entirely would do him some good.

"Alright," Shinji relented. "I'll join you."

Aida looked like he was just barely holding back the urge to cheer. His grin was certainly infectious.

"Great! Hey, could you be a pal and carry this please?" He held out the bag that apparently had the food in it.

Shinji almost dropped the bag when it was passed to him. "Are you carrying an anvil in here?!"

"Nope, that's just the weight of being prepared food-wise."

With a grunt of effort, Shinji managed to lift the bag onto his back, thankful that it had straps. Now that his whole body was carrying the load, not just his arm, it seemed much more manageable.

"Right!" declared Aida as he retrieved a map from a side pocket in his backpack. "We've got about forty minutes of walking to get to my planned camping spot. Reckon you can make it?"

"I'll, uh, do my best," replied Shinji, who was now beginning to regret his decision.

"Good. Off we go!"

Aida practically power walked ahead. Shinji groaned and tried to keep up.

XXX

The view was certainly worth the long walk. Aida had chosen a location practically on the other side of Lake Ashi from the city, relatively close to the water's edge. Thankful to finally be able to set the food bag down, Shinji practically collapsed on the ground.

"You're, uh... not very athletic are you?" Aida remarked as he put his bag down, chuckling at a panting Shinji, who could only manage a weak shake of the head in response. "Aren't giant robot pilots supposed to be fit?"

Shinji's face darkened. "I'm not a pilot."

Aida paused with one hand in his bag and turned to give him a look of puzzlement. "What? Yes you are. You fought the first monster didn't you?"

"Only because it was either me or a crippled Ayanami." Shinji finally managed to sit up, and he sighed. It seemed the only way to get this nosy person off his case was to tell the truth. "I was only an absolute last-minute resort. Afterwards, when I went through the training, it turned out I wasn't suitable. That's why Asuka's here. NERV had to bring her in to replace me. They haven't even given me any training since she arrived."

"Oh... ooohhhh..." Aida had the decency to look sheepish at what his inquisitiveness had revealed. But his sheepishness was quickly trampled by his fascination with the giant robots. "Reckon I'd be suitable? Could you ask whoever's in charge?"

Shinji snorted. "Let's just get this campsite set up."

As they worked, Aida talked about what had happened when he and Suzuhara had gotten out of the Evangelion. Section Two had been waiting for them, marching them off deep into NERV and into a cell. A couple of hours had passed, then they had been marched into a dark room and interrogated for several more hours. Kensuke's camera had been confiscated, even though he had only been using it for the zoom function to watch the fight, then they had been marched out of the Geofront and unceremoniously dumped back in Tokyo-3.

"Why were you even there in the first place?" Shinji had to ask, as he began to hammer a tent peg into the ground.

"Because I wanted to watch," replied Aida, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "And even with everything that happened, it was so worth it."

"Yeah, Asuka was great out there."

"Sure was. Of course, I did help out a bit."

Shinji swung the peg mallet one last time, before letting it drop to the ground as he ran the back of his other hand across his forehead. Setting up a tent was tough work, especially after a long walk carrying a heavy load.

"Why the heck were you giving advice anyway?" he asked. "We've already got a tactical officer."

After finishing his own tent peg, Aida turned to Shinji. "I wanted to help. I was observing the battle, and I did notice things about the Angel. Like how it wasn't able to keep track of Asuka after she jumped."

"Asuka's not stupid, she noticed that too."

"I'm not saying she is. Anyway, my suggestion near the end of the fight was basically to throw up another smoke screen and get out of the way so she could ambush the Angel while it was trying to find her." Aida shrugged. "I guess it had gone berserk or something, because it didn't bother to protect itself like I predicted. Throwing all caution to the wind to try and kill a major threat. Then Asuka... slit its throat or something after it fell to the ground. I couldn't really see what she was doing, but I heard something about a core?"

Shinji shook his head at the hopeful look on Kensuke's face. "I'm pretty sure if I told you anything, we'd both be in trouble."

"Aw c'mon!"

"No."

XXX

The tent and the folding chairs were set up, there was wood ready for a fire, and now Shinji and Aida were enjoying a well-earned rest while looking out over the lake. The only noise around them was the ambient sounds of the woods. Wind rustling the trees, the chirping of birds, and the faint lapping of water against the shore. Shinji felt relaxed for the first time in a long time.

"So what do you come out here for, Aida?" he asked. "I can't imagine you sitting and fishing all day."

"First off, you can call me Kensuke." The boy adjusted his glasses. "I think we've reached that point, don't you?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

"Secondly, I come out here for war games."

Shinji turned his head and gave Kensuke a blank look. "War games? You mean that thing where two groups fight a mock battle?"

"Precisely."

Blinking several times as he tried to wrap his head around this, Shinji asked, "Where's the other group then?" He froze. "Er... are we going to..."

"No no no," Kensuke replied, waving his hands in negation. "I come out here on my own, to fight a war against my imagination!"

"Oh. Um..."

"That probably sounds more boring than it is. Anyway, I'm not gonna do that this time. You seem like you need to relax and get your head straightened out. That's why I brought us to this spot." Kensuke waved a hand in front of him expansively, as though to highlight their surroundings. "This is the most relaxing spot I use when I'm camping."

"...Yeah," Shinji replied, staring at the water. Though Japan was heading towards the hottest part of the year, the shade of the tall trees plus a cool breeze coming off the lake made it tolerable, almost comfortable. "It's really something."

The sound of cicadas filled the air. Kensuke looked around as one began to make noise very close to them.

"Man, they seem to be getting louder every day," he remarked. "When I was younger you barely heard them at all."

"Misato said something about how the ecosystem is starting to return to normal," replied Shinji. "I guess it can only be a good thing that they're getting louder, in a way."

Kensuke huffed and rolled his eyes, but said nothing more.

The sun was just barely touching the top of the trees on the west side of the lake when Kensuke got up out of his chair. "I'm going to get a fire going for dinner. You got any preference?"

Shinji had looked through the food bag earlier and discovered that it was mostly full of MREs and tins, which explained how the military buff was able to take five days worth of food with him. He shook his head in response to the question, and Kensuke picked two random containers out of the bag, setting them to one side as he got to work on building a campfire.

Shinji watched, but Kensuke worked too fast for him to be sure he'd be able to do it himself. Despite the rather warm day, sitting next to the campfire and eating a hot meal was surprisingly comforting. While the MREs weren't exactly top quality food, they were leagues above the school's menu. After dinner, the two teenagers played a few card games by the light of the fire while chatting about school. Eventually, the fire began to die down, and they took that as the cue to turn in.

Kensuke disappeared for a few minutes, and Shinji thought he knew why, but the smug grin on his face seemed odd for a simple bathroom break. His confusion only mounted when Kensuke cryptically stated that he had 'secured the perimeter' before heading into the tent. Shinji spent only a few seconds trying to understand before giving up and doing the same.

XXX

Morning came, and Shinji was the first to wake up. He left the tent and, despite Kensuke still being asleep, went behind a tree for some morning necessities. Afterwards, he washed his hands in the lake and dried them on his pants, before sitting down at the water's edge to watch the sun rise.

So far it felt like nothing had really changed. Sure, he had become friends with Kensuke, but what was the point? He was about to return to Fujikawa, leaving everybody he'd met in Tokyo-3 behind. Asuka would probably be the only person to stay in contact with him through the internet. Or would she be too busy with NERV and school to continue talking to him, now that the Angels were coming?

Shinji took out his identity card and looked at it, recalling that NERV's pilots apparently got their pay put into an account these cards could access. It was only going to be a matter of time before somebody remembered that he wasn't a pilot and freeze that account. He idly wondered if it would be worth buying a bunch of stuff now, before that happened, but then he remembered that he'd have to carry it all back to Fujikawa. It was going to be awkward enough just carrying his cello again.

A faint sound caught Shinji's attention, something that sounded like crinkling leaves. He paid it no mind; it was likely just a wild animal foraging for breakfast. As soon as he and Kensuke were both up and about, it would run off-

Something else reached his ears that couldn't be attributed to an animal; not even Pen-Pen. It was the sound of very loud, very angry, and very familiar swearing.

In German.

"...Asuka?" Shinji murmured as he turned his head to look in the direction of the swearing. He couldn't see anything, so he got to his feet and headed that way. It only took a few seconds of walking before he discovered a certain redhead kneeling on the ground, picking something out of the palm of one hand. She glanced up at him and snarled.

"Who the fuck puts a tripwire near a goddamn campsite?!"

So that was what Kensuke had meant last night about 'securing the perimeter'.

"Um... that was Kensuke," said Shinji. "Apparently he comes out here for war games."

Asuka sighed heavily and wiped her hand on her school uniform's dress. "Why does that not surprise me? Anyway..." She got to her feet and stalked over to him until they were face to angry face, and stabbed a finger into his chest. "What the fuck is wrong with you, Ikari?! Misato dragged me out here after you. Do you know how inconsiderate you are, making me worry like this?!"

"Worried?" Shinji echoed. "About me?"

"Well I wasn't losing any sleep over the performance of the local sports teams!" Asuka retorted. "Misato's in a state too! She stayed up all night trying to help track you down!"

"Oh. But... why?"

Some of Asuka's anger vanished at the question as puzzlement swept across her face, before returning in full force. "Why? Why?! Because she's our guardian you dumbass! It's her job to look after us!"

"Is that all though?" Shinji asked, his voice low. "Just because she has to look after us?"

Utter confusion now made its home on Asuka's face. When she next spoke, she was almost as quiet as he had just been. "What the hell is going on in your head, Shinji? Why did you run off like this?"

Shinji turned away and exhaled, rubbing a hand down his face. He took a few steps back towards the lake before swivelling to face Asuka. "Why am I still here?" he asked, throwing his arms out to the side. "Why hasn't Misato sent me back to live with my teacher yet?"

Asuka put her hands on her hips. "Because you belong here, stupid."

"No I don't! I'm not a pilot, I'm not anything!" Shinji practically shouted. It seemed like Asuka just didn't understand. "I was brought here because of an emergency, but it turns out I'm so useless at the job that it'd be dangerous to use me, and as soon as you got here I should have been sent off back to Fujikawa! Instead I'm just sitting around, waiting for the moment when Misato's got enough free time to kick me back there!"

His tirade sent Asuka reeling back a few steps, but she quickly recovered. "Okay, there is definitely something wrong with you. Misato isn't just keeping you around because it's her job, and she's not going to get rid of you." She moved closer to him. "That big sister act of hers isn't just for show. I wasn't exaggerating when I said she was worried, or that she stayed up all night. I don't think she's even eaten since you disappeared on us."

"She... really?" Shinji faltered. He hadn't thought that anybody would have actually been worried about him.

"Yeah. Which means when we get home you're going to cook something up for her as an apology for making her worry about you."

"Home...?"

"Home," Asuka repeated. "Where you damn well belong. With us."

"What's this, a lover's spat?"

Shinji and Asuka turned to the source of the Japanese voice. Kensuke was sticking his head out of the tent and looking blearily at them.

"Didn't know you two were already living together," he remarked. "Does NERV let its employees marry this young?"

"Wha- I-" Shinji tried to speak, but Asuka got there first.

"You perverted moron!" she yelled. "We're roommates, nothing more!"

"You sure don't act like it. It sounded like an old married couple arguing over... whatever it was you were saying in that foreign tongue."

"Oh, right..." Shinji realised that he and Asuka had been talking entirely in German since she'd shown up. "Um... I was saying that I didn't need to be here anymore since I can't pilot and that I should be getting sent away, and Asuka said that I belong here."

"Well she's right," replied Kensuke. "Just because NERV can't use you as a pilot doesn't mean they don't have something else you can do. And besides, I don't want to see my new friend leave so soon."

"There, you see?" said Asuka, gesturing at Kensuke. "Someone else who'd be unhappy if you left."

"...I guess," said a sheepish Shinji, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head. "I just... didn't think anybody here cared about me that much."

"Oh my god, you bloody moron!" Asuka groaned, slapping a hand on her face. "If Misato didn't care, she would have just sent Section Two to drag you back to NERV in chains. If I didn't care, I wouldn't have demanded that Misato drive me all this way just so I could be the one to bring you home."

"Er, what?"

Asuka shook her head. "I'll explain on the way back. Hey Aida!" She turned to Kensuke. "I'm taking this idiot back home."

"'Kay," Kensuke replied. "I can get back to my war games then."

"War games?" Asuka raised an eyebrow and glanced at Shinji. "You mentioned that before. Does he mean that thing where-"

"Yes," Shinji interrupted with a shrug. "He fights by himself out here. Or something."

Asuka stared in confusion, before raising her hands in surrender and backing away. As she passed Shinji, she yanked him along by the upper arm. After a few steps she turned and began to walk forward.

Right over the tripwire.

"Son of a-" Asuka began to shout, as the two of them got caught up in a tangle of limbs. Shinji twisted them both around so he hit the dirt first with a grunt of pain. He opened his eyes after a moment, to find Asuka's face mere centimetres away, and starting to turn bright red. His own cheeks followed suit as he realised their position.

Behind them, Kensuke snickered. "Heh, sure you're not a married couple? Because you sure look like it right now."

"You asshole!" Now Asuka's face was turning red for a different reason. She dragged herself and Shinji back to their feet before storming off in a huff. Fortunately, they only heard Kensuke's laughter for a minute before it faded away.

Once they were well away from the campsite, Shinji said, "So, um, how did you find me?"

"You certainly didn't make it easy," said Asuka. "I'll start from the beginning, right after the fight..."