Chapter Seven

I slept through most of that next day, and dreamt of being lost on a world made entirely of desert.

That evening, I dropped by Bismuth's forge and found her deep in concentration as she hammered a suit of armor into shape. "For anyone in particular?" I asked.

That got her attention, and her hand returned to its usual shape as she turned to greet me. "If it isn't my favorite Lapis," she said with a smile. "I haven't seen you around much lately." She lowered her voice a little and added, "Peridot's been a little worried about you, but she mentioned that you don't 'sufficiently appreciate' people checking up on you, so she's been trying to leave you alone."

I folded my arms and took a seat next to an array of very sharp axes. "She's right…but I do need to say hi to her, let her know I'm ok."

"Are you?" Bismuth asked, as she dipped the piece of armor she'd been working on into her slack tub.

"No."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked.

"Not really," I shrugged. "But here I am."

"Here you are." She pulled up a stool and faced me. "Should I start guessing, Lapis?" She forced a smile. "Not a fan of how they're pushing a Roderigo/Jasmine romance on the new Camp Pining Hearts?"

I snickered a little. "I don't watch that show any more. Too contrived."

Bismuth chuckled. "I see. Why bother with made up drama when you can find it in your real life?"

I sighed a little. "Something like that."

"Something to do with Jasper?" she asked.

I bolted upright. "What about her?"

Bismuth gave me a quizzical look. "I thought you'd heard about when she was in Little Homeworld this morning."

I glanced around, suddenly aware that I wasn't paying enough attention to my surroundings. "No, I didn't. What happened?"

"She turned up in the middle of town and started demanding to see you," Bismuth explained.

I sank my head into my hands. "Just perfect…"

"I wasn't there when it happened," she continued, "but Garnet and Biggs were quick to let her know that she wasn't going to be welcome here if she intended to give you any trouble."

I shook my head and groaned. "How did Jasper react?"

Bismuth shrugged a little. "Biggs said she moaned and stamped her feet a bit, then left town without a fight."

"I'm so stupid," I muttered.

I felt her hand stoke my shoulder. "Hey, it's not your fault."

I forced out the words. "I went to see her last night."

This surprised Bismuth even more than I expected. "Why'd you do that?"

Well, of course I wasn't going to tell her, so I said, "I had my reasons," which sounded stupid even as I heard myself say it.

"Hmm," she nodded. "And did they have to do with Steven?"

I think I rolled my eyes a bit. "Am I that obvious?"

She let out a belly laugh. "Lapis, you're absolutely terrible at hiding what you're thinking!"

I thought back to the early morning on the beach at Steven, and back to Cestus III.

I'm better at it than you think…

"Steven asked Connie to marry him, and she said no," I blurted out.

Bismuth stopped laughing. "For real?"

"Yeah," I said.

She seemed to take a moment to let that sink in. "Wow. I should go see how he's doing." She looked me in the eye and added "And if you want my advice—'cause you wouldn't have told me anything if you weren't seeking it-you should wait, ok? Give him some time, maybe a few decades—"

"Human, remember?" I pointed out.

"Oh yeah," she chuckled, "Give him a few months, and then let him know how you feel."

I let out a sigh. "That is good advice," I told her. "I should've talked to you a couple days ago…"

I could see her cringe in sympathy. "Ouch. You didn't?"

"Yeah."

"And he doesn't feel the same way?"

"Well—"

"He does?"

"Well…I don't know…I don't know anything anymore."

Bismuth pulled me into a hug. I flinched a little, but then accepted that it does feel nice and comforting to be held.

"There's something you're leaving out, isn't there?" she asked, as she let go.

"Yes," I said, as I thought back to the warmth of Steven's skin pressed against me. "Maybe another day. I think I'm talked out for now."

"Hey, you know where to find me," she said, as I started walking to the door. Before I could leave, she called out, "Hey, Lapis!"

"What?"

She held up the armor she'd been working on. "You asked who it was for. It's for me. Maybe it won't be for a few decades, or a few centuries, but I decided I wanted to have my wedding armor ready…just in case." She placed it aside and added, "It doesn't hurt to be patient, you know? You never know when everything just might turn out in your favor."

"I'll try to remember that," I said, as I headed outside to see night had fallen again.

At first, I only saw a glimpse of a shadow outside my door. As I got closer, I saw it was a human woman-a human girl.

"Lapis, I need to talk to you."

I brushed past her to get back inside my studio. "How long have you been waiting here, Connie?" I asked. "I thought you were spending all your time studying these days."

"Lion brought me here about ten minutes ago," she said, as she followed me inside. "I couldn't get a straight answer out of Steven, so I'm hoping you can give me some answers."

I stopped in my tracks. "You talked to Steven today?" When I'd last seen him, the previous evening, we'd stumbled into an agreement to wait a couple days before we saw each other again, so we could clear our minds a little. Apparently, he'd spent that time talking to Connie…

(I'd confronted Jasper and slept all day, so I admit I hadn't used that time well).

Connie stood—so damn rigid and precise, as always—and stared at me. "I called him this evening to see how he was doing, and his skin was pink," she said. "And part of his face swelled up for a moment."

Again? I wondered, as I began fidgeting with some of my paintbrushes.

"I told him he needed to see a doctor," she continued. "I suggested my mom. But he panicked and told me no, and said he couldn't see me anymore, after what happened with you." She walked across the room, her eyes never leaving me. "Then he hung up."

'That's all he said?" I asked, as I tried not to look at her. I noticed she'd strapped her sword across her back.

"I tried calling him back, and he wouldn't answer," she said. "So I went over to his house, and he wasn't there. His car was gone."

I snapped a paintbrush in half without thinking. "Has anyone seen him?" I asked.

"Kiki said she saw him driving on the path that leads to Little Homeworld, so I headed this way," she said, her voice firm. "I thought he might be here."

I don't know what the hell a "Kiki" is, but I tried to stay calm as I wondered where Steven might have gone. "I haven't seen him all day," I said.

By now, Connie stood only a few inches away. "What about yesterday? He was upset, and panicky, and talking about you."

"It's none of your business," I snapped, as I grabbed my hammer and chisel and searched for some marble to pound. "You told him 'no," after all."

Her rigid stance softened for the first time. "You know about that? Did Steven tell you that?" She strode over to my side and said, "You know, I thought we were friends, Lapis." I must have made a face, because she added, "Ok, at least, I thought we could work together on what's important to both of us. Crystal Temps, remember? We both care about Steven—"

Already, I just wanted to fly out of there and search for Steven's Dondai from the air. "Get to the point, please," I told her.

"I don't know what Steven told you, but he told me he wanted to marry me and live together as Stevonnie. I told him that we're too young to get married." When I tried to look away, she circled around so I'd see her again. "And I didn't tell him 'No," I said, 'Not now'! I want to him to understand that those aren't the same thing!"

I shrugged and lowered my eyes. "Maybe 'Not now' just isn't good enough, then."

"I don't know," she sighed, "but what I don't understand is how you fit in. I know your last experience with fusion wasn't a good one, so I'm not sure what he told you." Now, for once, she began to look less confident in her words. "Look, if you two did fuse…I just want to find him and tell him that that doesn't mean Stevonnie can't happen anymore. I mean, Smoky, Rainbow, Sunstone—I know Stevonnie's not unique, but—"

I began to laugh, and laugh, and laugh.

I turned to see her glowering at me. "What's so funny, Lapis?"

Now I looked her in the eyes, and stared down at her. "You think, because he's fused with you, that you're more than just a human. Maybe you're right, but I'm more than just a gem. I can do all the things you can, and I can be all the things he needs." Although my mind was racing and my nerves were frayed,
I pushed on, because I finally got to say it: "No, Connie, I didn't fuse with him. We had sex."

She shook her head and stammered, "He…Steven wouldn't do that."

"Well, I was there," I said. I didn't really feel like smiling at this moment, but I did.

I wanted her to see me smile.

"Why would—" She stopped and tried to string her words together. "You're a gem," was all she could manage.

"Yes!" I shouted, so it would sink in. "And so is he! We're gems!" I threw my hammer across the room as the storm raged inside me. "He may look more like you, but he's a gem too, like me! You can fuse with him, but I can shapeshift. Whatever you can do for him, I can match it."

Then, I leaned into her face and told her the thought that had been in the back of my mind since I first saw them together and I'd envied her. "You're going to grow old, and get sick, and die someday, Connie! I won't! And you know, in your heart, that whatever changes occur to his body, he's going to survive, somehow!" I turned my back to her and picked up the hammer I'd thrown. "You know I'm right."

Behind me, I heard the door slam shut.

I waited until I heard Lion roar. I stepped outside and saw no one there.

I sprouted my wings and took off to find Steven.