Thank you all for the reviews, likes and favorites! I meant to write a part two to the last chapter, but I realized that gave me writers block 😊
Hope you enjoy, and have a great Sunday!
Chapter 7
"What would you do?" Castle asks while they're waiting on a warrant.
"What would I do with what?" I ask, half annoyed that he's talking, half glad that he is, because I was getting bored pretending I was actually reading the paper.
"What would you do if the guy you were dating cheated on you. When I told about what mother and Alexis would do, you said 'Yeah, well, you haven't heard what I would do'."
"Why Castle, afraid you would fall pray of my vengeance?" I ask
In a span of a second, his entire demeanor changes. He's far from that happy, a little annoying nine-year old who kept asking questions to satisfy his ever-inquisitive mind. Without saying another word, he gets up and heads towards the breakroom, head down, as if I'd punched him. Unable to stop myself, I follow him.
"Rick?" I ask, cautiously, unsure of how what I said could have hurt him so much.
"I would never do that to you, you know?" Castle says.
"Do what?"
"I would never be stupid enough to cheat on you, if you ever gave me a chance to prove to you just how good we could be," he says.
"I know you wouldn't Castle," I say, unsure as to how to respond, while at the same time conscious that we've never really had an honest conversation about why his marriages ended. He's never been forthcoming about it, and I never felt I had any claims on that regard.
"I get that it's easy to believe what the papers say about me, about being a bad boy with an endless string of one-night stands. But I haven't been that man in years Kate. And I never cheated on any of them for that matter. They knew they were arm candy, as despicable as that sounds to me now. And more often than not, we never made it past the book launch or the movie premier. As fun as sex with a random stranger might look like for some, it's not for me. It rarely ever was, to be honest, and I always preferred a quiet night in with Alexis than doing the walk of shame," he says.
As glad as I am for his honesty, I can't stand the hurt in his demeanor anymore, so I quiet him down by gently placing my hand in his.
"Castle, I know you're not that man anymore, and I'm glad to hear you never truly were," I say. "And I'm sorry."
"Whatever for?"
"My off-handed remark. It's just…" looking up, I realize we're still in the precinct, and I don't think this is the place for us to be having this conversation. But knowing just how good we've been at avoiding any real talk, I need to thread carefully if I don't want for him to assume I'm avoiding him. "Rick. It's way past my shift, and whatever it is we're waiting for can be done tomorrow. Would you like to get out of here, maybe head towards somewhere where we can talk without the risk of being interrupted?"
"Do you mean that? If we leave here now, will we actually talk?"
I hold his hand and silently lead him towards my desk. The bullpen is empty enough that I doubt anyone notices, and I know the only one who'd object to an us would be Gates, and she's long gone for the day. I only let his hand goes to grab my jacket, which he takes from me and helps me put it on. I remove my hair from under the neckline, grab my purse, and head towards the elevator, silently holding my hand in case he wants to keep that connection.
I'm not surprises when he jumps at the chance to rekindle the physical contact.
"Where are we going?" he asks.
"Uhm, I don't know. I didn't actually think that part through. Only that we owe ourselves a conversation and that I didn't want to be interrupted. Where would you like to go?" I say, cautiously. But the smile that breaks on his face is enough to know I have the right answer. If we do this, I tell myself, I'll have to work on making sure I give him the chance to lead sometimes… both in the bedroom and outside!
"Well, if the plan is for no interruptions, maybe we can grab some Thai food and go to your place? I mean, I don't want to presume but well, the loft is bound to have two red-headed women ready to interrupt…" he says.
"Sounds like we have a plan. But we should also grab a bottle of wine on the way. I'm not sure I have any, and I know this is not a night for either beer or tequila…" I say.
"Well, I wouldn't mind recreating page 105… but I know that is not what this is about, so that can wait," Castle answers, quickly backpedaling, as if afraid he'd overstepped.
"I wouldn't mind recreating that scene either Castle, but when we do it for the first time, I'd much rather be sober enough I can remember every second of it…"
"When?" he says.
"Unless we're not on the same page here, I sort of assumed that where we're headed? It doesn't have to be today. Hell, probably shouldn't be today, but Rick, I meant it, I want for us to talk, clear the air, no second guessing or subtext … and hopefully move forward."
He just stops dead on his tracks, holding me back as our hands were still joined. With basically no warning, he drops my hand, holds my face and gives me the sweetest peck on the lips.
"We are. On the same page I mean. We so, so are!"
I kiss him again, less of a peck, more of a we could get charged with indecent behavior attitude, and when we part, both in need of air, we reach for each other's hands, head towards the Thai place. As he waits for the food, I go to the bodega next door and get us a nice bottle of red. It's price tag higher than I would normally go if it were for just me, but I'm aiming for more than a normal evening between two people who clearly love each other.
Because I know he loves me.
I just hope I find the strength to tell him I do so myself before the night is over. I know I've probably given him reasons in the past few months to doubt that, but he truly shouldn't.
We come out virtually at the same time, and with what for an outsider would seem like a long-practice routine, we head towards my home.
Once there, we take our shoes off, get everything ready and head to the couch. Once there, we both begin eating in a comfortable silence, clearly hungrier than we either though. Half way through it, however, I come to the conclusion that I don't want to post pone our talk anymore.
"I meant it when I said I was sorry about my off-handed remark, when I suggested you would cheat on me, Castle. I just … I did what I always do, deflected. To answer your question, if a man ever cheated on my, I'd frame him for murder. I clearly have the knowledge. So, I'd just wait until there's a crime we cannot solve, pin it on him, let him rot in jail, knowing he was innocent of killing someone, but guilty of cheating on me."
"Wow. That's… vindictive. And talk about abuse of power!"
"Yes. But you see, if you're going to cheat on the person you're with, you don't deserve either that person nor the person you cheat on them with. And that, by the way, is the only reason why I left the couch when we were on LA. Things were bad with Josh, and in my head, I knew it was over between us. But I had never told him as much. I actually came back out after I left, saw you closing the door to your bedroom. And I'm glad you were gone. Because I would have either ruined it all by going after you, or I would have forced us to have a discussion I knew I wasn't ready for back then."
"Thank you. For telling me this, and for not allowing us to act on the feelings we obviously had for one another back then," Castle says. "Meredith cheated on me. So, I know what it feels to be on the other end of it. I came back home early from a book tour once, only to find Alexis crying her heart out in the living-room, my then wife screwing her director in what was our bed. Needless to say, the bed was soon gone."
"I'm sorry you had to go through that Rick," I say, honestly. "But, selfishly, I'm not sorry you to are over. Because you see, as walled off as I know I still am, I know it'd be a thousands times worst if you hadn't shown up when you did. After we had that fight, before Montgomery's death, I told him I wanted you off the team, and he said it was doable, that it had always been his decision. And he also told me that I wasn't having any fun before you came along. And he was true. I have a tough job, Castle. And most days, you make it bearable. Even when you work hard to give me reasons to want to shoot you."
"So… does this mean that I can kiss you now?" he asks.
"Well, that depends," I answer, with my best bedroom voice. "Can you stay over tonight? Because you see, I won't let you reel me up only to tell me an hour from now that you have to head back home. We have way too much time to make up for. The fact that we have to back at the precinct in 12 hours is already bad enough."
He answer me by placing our plates on the side table, turning around, and kissing me. Not one to waste time, I turn around myself, lift a leg over his, and straddle him. Twelve hours is not nearly enough for what I have planned. But well… we can spend a few of them just kissing. Because when it comes to this, too, we have too much time to make up for.