This chapter is split between our two women as they both start dealing with the emotional aftermath. I could end it here, but I think I at least need an epilogue. Let me know if you think I should continue.

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Chapter 7

Emma felt charged as everyone made their way back to their realm. She figured that was good because whatever Mal had planned for her would probably take a lot out of her. Zelena gave Regina the vial that contained Emma's magic – it looked like clouded water or even misty milk. "Will it hurt to get that back?"

Regina shook her head. "Not at all, my love, it will probably feel really good. I'll ask Mal, but I think it's best we do it after the cleansing to give you a boost."

Emma stopped as the others headed out of the vault. "Is this soul cleansing necessary?"

Regina tucked some hair behind Emma's ears. "No, but I do think it will help you. Think of it as a shower for your soul. It won't take memories away or anything like that, but it will make you feel lighter. It…it's hard to explain, but it will take away the heaviness of it all. It will convince your inner self that it's over and will help you move on."

Emma nodded and took a breath. "Okay." She stepped out of the vault and looked at everyone. "Thank you for everything you all did for me. I really appreciate it more than I can say." She sighed. "I know he's dead, and I wish that meant that I'd magically be how I was before, but please understand it's going to take time. Right now, standing out here like this, I…I feel vulnerable and scared and I don't know how or when that will go away."

"It's fine, Emma. Take your time and don't push yourself too much." Snow said, hugging her daughter. "We love you so much." She hugged her and then stepped away so the rest could.

Emma took Regina's hand and they used magic to get home. "You're back." Mal said, going to Emma and cupping her cheeks. She looked into her eyes. "Your healing has started. Let's give it a little push." She said, taking her hand. "Your daughter is napping and Henry is playing a game. I asked him to listen for Chloe as I don't know how long this will take."

"Zelena found this." Regina said, holding up the vial. "He drained Emma's magic."

Mal smiled softly and took it. "And now she will get it back. Thank you, Regina." She looked at the blonde. "I have everything set up outside, in the back. Is that okay? It's better this way."

"If I cry, will people hear me?"

"No." She gestured to the back yard where there was a screen tent filled with flowers and a fire off to the side. "I sound proofed it. No one can see or hear you."

"Okay." She said, though she was feeling nervous.

"Regina, you can come with, but I must insist that if you do, you stay quiet."

"I can do that. I want to be there."

The three made their way out and Emma saw what looked like a massage table in the middle. She could smell different scents and it instantly relaxed her. Mal handed her a cup. "Drink this and then strip down and lay on your stomach. Regina, when she does that, cover her from waste down, leaving her back exposed." Mal then turned and started using her breath to warm some stones.

Emma did as she was told and when her head hit the pillow, she sunk into the comfort. Regina covered her butt and legs, leaving her back exposed. She leaned down and kissed Emma's shoulder before taking a seat on a chair she figured Mal had out there for her. Between the heat of the fire, the soothing sounds of the fountain somewhere in the tent, and the scents, she was afraid she'd fall asleep.

Mal came over and gently rubbed Emma's back. "Just let yourself go, Emma. Don't stop your thoughts, but don't worry either. Just relax. If you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like talking, talk and if you feel like sleeping, sleep." Mal started rubbing warmed oils over Emma's back, softly humming as she did so. Emma could feel not only the oils, but also Mal's magic running through her and she welcomed it. Mal placed two warm stones on Emma's shoulder blades, one in the middle of her back and two more close to her pelvic bones. She then started some soft chants as she used a brush made from the softest unicorn hairs to brush different concoctions around the stones on Emma's back.

Emma's mind was blank though she felt it should be full of thoughts. Any time she was close to forming one, it was gone. That's why when she started crying, she didn't know why. She wasn't thinking of anything in particular, but tears were flowing from her. Mal leaned down, breaking her chants for just a moment. "Just let it happen, sweet girl." She said softly and Emma did. She let the tears flow, her body shaking from sobs.

After a while, Emma felt as though her tears and sobs had let something go; like something left her and she felt lighter. Tired, but lighter. "Good girl." Mal cooed as she took the stones off. "You did so well, Emma." She said, cleaning off her back. "Just close your eyes for a moment and relax as I give you your magic back." Emma did and she could feel it being poured on her and her skin seemed to suck it in. Her fingers itched and she flexed them as the magic coursed through her body. She felt so much better, so much like herself. She smiled, feeling more like herself than she had in so long. Maybe she could do this; maybe she could heal and be 'normal' again. She sure as hell would try.

Mal finished and smiled softly at Emma. "Use it to put your clothes on. I trust that you can do it."

Emma wasn't sure, but she took a breath, flicked her wrist and was dressed. "Thank you."

"You don't have to get up yet, Emma. Relax as long as you want to. I…I have a suggestion for you. I know it's hard, but I really think that you need to talk to Dr. Hopper. I think if you let him try and heal your mind and you let me keep cleansing your soul, you'll get back to that person you want to be so much faster." She reached over and stroked Emma's hair. "At least think about it."

Emma did think about it and two days later, she sat in the passenger side of the car as Regina drove her to Archie's. Chloe was in the backseat sleeping and Henry had his first day back to school. "Emma, are you sure you don't want me to come in with you?" Regina asked as she parked the car and took Emma's hand.

"I'm sure. I think later it would help us if we came together, but this first time, I think I should go alone." She looked at her wife. "Thank you for being willing." She faced her more. "Seriously, thank you for everything. I promise our lives will be normal soon."

Regina sighed and kissed Emma's hands. "When have our lives ever been normal, Emma?" She smiled softly. "All I want is for you to feel safe, to feel…happy again. I know you try, I know you fake it, but I want to see your real smile again; the one that lights up a room, the one that – if anyone is watching – they can't help to smile with you."

"I want that too." Emma said, though a bit more sadly. "I want to feel light again and be able to smile and mean it."

"We'll get there. There's no rush, love."

Emma took a deep breath and came inside Archie's office. "Emma." He said with a smile. "I'm so glad to see you. Come in, pick any seat you want. Would you like some water or coffee?"

Emma decided on one of the armchairs and smiled softly. "Water would be great. Coffee still is a bit much for me after four years with no caffeine." She absentmindedly started stroking Pongo's ears as the dog sat at her feet.

Archie went to the mini fridge, popped some ice in a glass and poured a bottle of water into it. "I'm sure there are a few things that are different after four years of being held captive." He said, putting the glass on the table in front of her. "I'm honestly surprised you're already out and about."

"Already?" Emma said, her voice dripping with self-deprivation. "It's been long enough and it took all I had to come here without using magic. I hate being outside, I hate feeling like someone is watching me and will just take me. I hate…I hate feeling like a fucking victim."

"Survivor now, Emma, but yes, you were a victim. Why is that a bad thing?"

"Just…the word. Like, someone you should feel sorry for and someone who deserves pity. I don't want that."

"So, if it was someone else, someone you didn't previously know that he had taken, held captive for four years, did the things to her he did to you, would you not feel sorry for her? Pity her?"

"I would." Emma admitted. "I just…Archie, I don't want that to be me. I decided when I ran from my last foster home that I'd never again be a victim. I worked hard to be a fighter, a survivor, and when it all came down to it, I couldn't. I couldn't fight him, I couldn't fucking save myself."

Archie was glad they had so easily flowed into this as he had anticipated this being a battle. "I understand why you'd look back and think that, Emma, but tell me this; would it have been easier to just curl up and die?"

"Yes, and so many times I thought of doing just that. It would have been so easy."

"Why didn't you?"

Emma kept stroking Pongo's ears and sniffed. "I couldn't. I couldn't give up."

"So you kept fighting."

"Yeah I…" She looked at him, almost as if she'd never thought of it before. "I kept fighting I guess, though I didn't look at it like that. I just kept living."

"You survived." He said, taking out his notebook.

"I did." She said, sitting back. "But I couldn't like actually fight him. I…I just laid there when he did things to me. Laid there and cried. Screamed when he'd hurt me, beg him to stop. It…I was pathetic."

Archie's heart hurt for the woman in front of him. "Pathetic? Emma, correct me if I'm wrong, but from what I've heard, you were chained to the wall, your magic drained from you, and severely beaten down both physically and emotionally." When she gave him a nod, he continued. "Then why do you see it as pathetic when there literally was no other choice? Why do you place the blame on you when he was the one doing those things to you?"

"Because he told me over and over that it was my fault!" Emma said, wincing as she noticed Pongo cower from her. "I'm sorry, Pongo." She said softly.

"Pongo is fine. Emma, there's a lot to look into, but I think where we need the most focus, the urgent focus, is on the mental manipulation he put you through. These thoughts he put in your head about you and your self worth." He closed the notebook. "I want you to know right here, right now, that this is a judgment free zone. I don't judge you; I don't look for a right or wrong answer. There may be times in here that I push you and times you may hate me, but please know that some things are necessary for us to have a breakthrough. That is, if you agree to continue sessions with me."

Emma nodded, wiping at her eyes. "I need help, Archie. I want help. I want to be me again, not only for me, but for Regina and my kids, and my parents. But…mostly for me. Is that selfish?"

"Not at all, Emma. It's good, actually, really good. If you were just doing this for others, it wouldn't work. Because you want this for yourself the most, shows me that this will work because you will make it work." A timer went off and he let out a breath. "I have no one booked if you want to continue. I think it would be helpful if we can start with just telling me what happened from day one."

Emma began talking, telling him of the capture, the abuse, the torture, the magical manipulation. She had gotten through the first year when she realized another two hours had gone by, meaning she'd been there three hours. "Archie, I need a break."

"I understand. Let's set up two, two hour sessions for the next four weeks. I know it sounds intense, but I think it's needed."

Emma nodded and the two worked out a schedule. "I may have Chloe with me if Regina goes back to work. I…I don't feel safe leaving her unless it's with Henry and there's a protection spell around the house."

"It's okay. She's more than welcome here, and it may help you. However, if Regina can watch her when we get closer to her story, it may be better."

Emma nodded. "Actually, I may see if Cora or Zelena can watch her. I trust them and know they can keep her safe."

"Whatever you decide is just fine. Eventually, I think it would be beneficial to you and Regina to have couples therapy as well and maybe even family therapy with Henry and with your parents. You're all going through things and everyone needs a safe space to let things out."

Emma nodded. "I'd really like that, thank you." Emma checked her phone and saw Regina was waiting for her. "I'll see you on Thursday."

~Meanwhile~

Regina watched Emma go into Archie's and sighed before driving off. She wished things between Brooke and her were different as she really needed someone to talk to and felt like it needed to be someone not attached to Emma. However, she wasn't going to do that and instead, she decided to visit Kathryn. They had remained friends and though Kathryn knew Emma, she wasn't as emotionally attached as Snow, or even Cora or Zelena. She smiled as her friend opened the door and waived her in. "Oh is this Chloe? Oh she's adorable." Kathryn gushed as Regina took the little one out of her car seat.

"She's a little Emma through and through." Regina said, smiling as her friend took the baby.

"She has Emma's little button nose and her chin. Oh and those eyes…wow." She smiled at her friend and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I feel horrible because I haven't seen you for a while but Kat…can I vent?"

"Yes, of course you can. Come on, I have fresh coffee. Sit down and I'll bring it out." Once they were settled, Kathryn looked from Chloe to Regina. "What's going on?"

"I feel like a terrible person, Kathryn." Regina admitted, hating the tears already in her eyes. "I've been waiting for years for Emma to come home and now that she has, I feel…disappointed."

Kathryn took Regina's hand. "Because she's not the same?"

"Yes, and that's terrible because of course she's not the same. She's been through hell and back and may never be the same again. I love her, Kat, I truly do, but it's getting harder and harder for me to do what she wants us to do. I got it at first, I understood her wanting to stay home where it was safe because he was still out there. But he's not now, he's dead and she saw it with her own eyes. Yet, when I mentioned going back to work, the panic in her face made it clear she wasn't ready for me to do that. I just…I feel like the house is getting smaller and smaller and then I feel fucking terrible because Emma didn't ask for this."

"Neither did you, though Regina." Kathryn said softly. "Have you tried to just tell her how you feel?"

"I can't. She already feels guilty and said she's making us her prisoners. I tell her she's not, but I feel like she is. God, when did I go back to being such a shitty person?"

"Are you kidding me? You're the least shittiest person I know, Regina Swan-Mills. You're frustrated and that's normal right now. YOU are ready for life to be normal, but she's not and that's okay, but you have to be honest with her. Maybe work out a compromise. You go in two days a week and if she can handle that, then you make it three, then four, then back to the five. But, let me ask you something, Regina. I know you're feeling trapped right now, but before she came back, when she was still missing, what did you always say when you thought about finding Emma."

Regina sniffed, looking into her coffee. "That if I found her, I'd never let her out of my sight again; that I wouldn't take any moment for granted, that I'd work less and be with her more."

"And now that she's back, do you really feel differently?"

"No, I don't. I just…I guess I didn't realize what that would mean."

"Regina, I get that it's got to be frustrating to only be at home, but you and I both know it won't be like that forever. We also both know that if Emma knew how you felt, she'd…"

"She'd feel terrible and cry and blame herself and then I'd feel like the biggest bitch in the world."

"Then you'd explain to her that all you're asking for is a little time. You'd explain to her that it's not her fault at all, that all you need is to take a walk each day, or an hour here or there. Hun, I think she'll understand." Kathryn looked at Chloe and then at Regina. "You still love her, right?"

"With all my heart." Regina said, almost a bit defensively.

"Then focus on that, Regina, and you'll know what to do."

After another couple hours, Regina changed Chloe and then headed out. Archie had told her it would be a long session and she figured Emma would be emotionally drained after it. Emma got into the car and kissed Regina's cheek with a smile. Regina smiled back. "Are you okay? I was…well honestly, I was expecting you to be an emotional mess."

Emma chuckled a bit. "I think future visits will leave me like that, but for now, I'm okay." She chewed her lip as Regina started the car. "Regina? Can we have lunch at Granny's?"

Regina looked at Emma in shock, but tried to recover. "Yes. If that's what you want, then yes."

Emma looked down. "I want to push myself, Regina."

"Then we'll go, but if you start feeling uncomfortable, we can leave."

The two walked in with Regina carrying the car seat and Emma smiled to see it wasn't too full. "Emma!" Ruby called, coming over and hugging her friend. "It's so good to see you out and about."

"Thanks. I figured it's time I start trying more." Emma said, trying to just play it off.

"I'm so happy to see you." Granny said, coming over and giving Emma a hug. "I knew I would eventually." She cupped Regina's cheek. "You've been taking good care of her. I see her clothes fit so much better than they did before. Now, you three sit down where ever you want."

Lunch went without a hitch and Emma really did feel better. Once home, she put Chloe in her baby swing and looked at Regina. "I think you should start going to work again. I'll miss you like crazy, but it's time we start getting to normal. I have sessions with Archie every Tuesday and Thursday and thought maybe you could go to work those days? Unless you wanted to go back full time."

"Not yet, my love. I'm not ready to leave you or Chloe home that much." Regina said, and found she really meant it. "If I go on those days though, what about Chloe while you're in your sessions?"

"I was thinking of asking your mom to come and watch her? Unless that's rude."

"Oh, Emma, she'd love it." Regina pulled Emma onto the couch with her. "Are you sure about this?"

Emma nodded. "Yes. Are you sure you don't mind starting just two days a week and going up from there?"

"I think it's perfect. Though, I'm going to miss you."

Emma laced her fingers with Regina's. "I know you will, but I really think if we don't do this, you're going to get sick of me. I know you say you don't feel like my prisoner, but I don't know how you can't. I appreciate you and Henry indulging me, but it's time."

Regina kissed Emma's fingers. "I love you, Emma. You know that, right?"

"Honestly? Your love for me and mine for you is the only thing I'm sure of."

Emma called Cora who, much like Regina had guessed, was honored and excited to watch Chloe during Emma's sessions. Over the next few weeks, Emma had two sessions with Archie and two with Mal and was really starting to feel better. She still didn't like to be out much, but she started feeling okay with Henry and Regina being out more.

One Friday night, Henry came home from school and smiled at his mothers'. "I'm taking Chloe to Grandma Cora's tonight and we're spending the night with her. She wanted the whole weekend, but I wasn't sure you'd be okay with that."

Emma's heart was pounding. Sure, she trusted Cora, but a whole night without her babies? "I'm not sure I'm okay with one night." She said softly.

"Then we'll come home around eight, but mom, we wanted to give you and mom time together without you being uncomfortable out in public. Like a date night."

Emma could see the hopeful look in Regina's eyes and she swallowed, taking a deep breath. "Okay, one night, but please call me at least once to check in."

An hour later, Regina used her magic to transport Henry, Chloe, and their bags to Cora's house. She looked at Emma. "If you want them back, we will bring them back."

"I want to try this, Regina. I trust your mom, I do, and I want us to have our time."

The two had a nice dinner and then cuddled on the sofa. Emma knew Regina wouldn't push for more as she had told her more than once that she couldn't, so she pushed herself. She turned in Regina's arms and kissed her. It started off sweet and almost unsure, but was soon filled with passion and even a bit of lust. "I've missed you." Emma said softly, as they broke for air.

"I've missed you too." Regina said, her body aching for her wife. "We can stop any time."

"I don't want to stop." Emma said, standing. She reached for Regina's hand. "Take me upstairs?"

The two went up and though it started a bit unsure by both of them, lots of looking for consent and reassurance, eventually they were able to get into their groove and finally make love to each other.

Regina held onto Emma, a small smile on her face after wards. Her wife was back and she couldn't be happier. She felt something wet on her chest and looked down to see Emma crying. "Emma? Emma did I do something wrong? Were you not ready?"

Emma looked up and Regina's guilt ridden face and kissed her. "I was so scared I'd never be able to do that again, Regina. I was scared that if I did, I'd be terrible at it and it would be horrible. But Regina, that…was beautiful."

Regina held Emma tighter. "It was perfect, Emma. You're perfect. You're so strong and brave and I'm so fucking proud of you."

Emma chuckled at that. "Regina, did you just swear?"

"That's how proud of you I am!" Regina said, placing kisses along Emma's face.

Emma looked up at Regina with a smile; one that met her eyes, that made her whole face light up and made Regina smile back at her. "I love you, so much."

"I love you, Emma. More than you'll ever know."