"Wha-what?" Kagome mumbled, shifting in her seat and looking at the wine bottle then up at Sango in total bewilderment, with a hint of fear in her eyes. "What's going on?"
Sango took a very deep breath, closing her eyes as she inhaled and opening them slowly as she exhaled, steeling herself for the conversation. "What happened between you and Inuyasha?" She demanded, really not interested in beating around the bush. The truth was, she was irate - if not downright pissed - that Kagome had kept this all from her. Still, she wanted to give Kagome a chance to explain and fill in the gaps. Why the hell don't I know about him when he clearly matters to her?
Kagome stumbled over her words, her mind backtracking, "I-I told you about this. He called me a slut earlier," she answered defensively.
"No, I'm not asking about that. You and he clearly have a history. I've seen the way he looks at you when you're not looking and I've seen the way you look at him when he's distracted. I also saw the anguish in your eyes earlier when Miroku mentioned what happened between him and Kikyo. There's something between the two of you that you're not telling me and I'm done playing games. So, tell me what everyone else already seems to know," Sango requested, her gaze holding firm as she looked into Kagome's wide eyes, daring Kagome to defy her.
"This… this is why you gave me the bottle…" Kagome mumbled looking down at the fresh bottle of wine and putting two and two together, her heart beginning to pound rapidly in her chest, lungs already constricting in anticipation of the pain to come.
"Yes," Sango replied honestly, "and I have another one too. You're going to tell me what the hell happened. You can't keep leaving me in the dark about this."
Kagome nodded slowly, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth as she closed her eyes and began to twist off the cap to the bottle. She tipped the bottle back, taking a large gulp of the sweet liquid then wiping the excess off with the back of her hand. Kagome took a sharp, shuddering breath as she lowered the bottle, eyes opening slowly, staring at the ground in front of her unable to meet her friend's gaze.
She didn't want to answer. She didn't want to relive any of it. But… it wasn't fair to Sango. She knew that and Sango did too.
"He, uh," Kagome began, her mind already treading into the deep, dangerous pool of memories that haunted her like a curse. "Inuyasha was… my first."
"First what?" Sango pressed impatiently, blinking quickly and resisting the urge to roll her eyes in response to such a vague answer.
Kagome's mouth twitched into a self-deprecating smile before she took another large sip of the wine. She could feel the tears pricking at the back of her eyes already and that dreaded familiar tightness begin to pull at her chest. "First boyfriend, first love, first time… everything," Kagome answered, exhaling loudly at the end and bringing the bottle back up immediately in a weak attempt to head off the pain she felt bursting to the surface.
"So… then how did he end up with your cousin?" She asked, brows furrowing in confusion and trying to speak as gently as possible while still pushing Kagome to clarify.
"I-I don't know how they started dating or when… I just know that he moved away after his mother died. Sesshomaru was his next of kin and Sesshomaru lived in the same town as Kikyo. I begged Inuyasha to stay, but it wasn't meant to be. We tried the long-distance thing," Kagome recalled, sniffling and thinking back to that time in her life reluctantly, "but he, uh, he ended it with me after a few months. I cried for… weeks."
Kagome lifted the bottle, letting the wine warm and soothe her as she avoided Sango's gaze and tried to repress as many of her emotions as possible. She could feel the water building along her eye line, teetering on the edge of her lashes and waiting for the right moment to fall. "During our senior year of high school, he moved back. I was stupid… I thought-I thought we could just pick up where we had left off."
"But?"
Slowly, Kagome flitted her gaze up so that it met Sango's, tears falling over the edge and freely down her cheeks, the wine not nearly strong enough to halt or numb the cascade of emotions that flowed in and around her as she picked apart the memories of her former relationship. She bit down on her bottom lip, shaking her head as she recalled the wretched day that her world had fallen off its axis. "But… he was already dating Kikyo. He made it clear he was taken and… I don't know, that I was chopped liver. I…" she paused, taking a shuddering breath and turning away. What else was there to say? He'd ended it with her and well… Kagome spent the following years trying to pretend that he never mattered as he had. That he hadn't loved her or hurt her as he had. Pretending that the weight of his rejection or how he had so callously and summarily tossed her aside like she was less than nothing, but maybe even a mistake, wasn't slowly crushing her, even now.
Sango sat quietly on the bed, watching as Kagome brought the bottle to her lips again, taking down the wine like it was all that stood between life and death, and, maybe, Sango thought, for Kagome it really did.
"I'm so sorry," Sango murmured, gripping the second, untouched, bottle tightly in her hands.
Kagome's lips twitched up into a self-deprecating smile again as she rolled her already bloodshot eyes. "I told myself I was over it, over him. I really thought I was… but then I saw him. I didn't want to believe that just like that… but… I guess the reality is that I've just been numb to it all. I haven't actually addressed anything or dealt with it. I thought that if I could just get far enough away from it I could pretend it never happened, that he hadn't-doesn't mean as much to me as he does.
"So, you still care for him then?" Sango questioned, leaning in and watching even Kagome's self-deprecating smile fall into a frown before she responded.
Kagome took two more large gulps of the wine. That was the million-dollar question, wasn't it? Of course, she still cared for him, but really, how deep did those feelings run? What really ate at Kagome was that she didn't need to think about it. The answer was more obvious than she wanted it to be and it colored all her actions. "Sango, all he has to do is tell me to jump and I'll still ask him how high."
She nodded her head slowly, contemplating what to do next. She had suspected that they had had some type of romantic or sexual relationship, though she hadn't really been expecting Kagome to still have such strong feelings for Inuyasha. Though she supposed, the more she thought about it the more it made sense.
Sango took a big breath then twisted off the cap to the bottle of wine in her own lap. She took a large gulp - or two - for herself before telling Kagome what she thought. "We should stop the wedding."
"Excuse me?" Kagome spat, almost dropping the bottle in her hands and spilling its delicious contents on the floor. "No. We're not doing that."
"I really think we should," Sango continued, "hear me out for a second."
"Okay, I'm listening," replied Kagome dryly as Sango threw back more of the wine from her bottle.
"First, it's really gross that your cousin would take your sloppy seconds. Second, there's no way he loves her," Sango reasoned, thinking out loud and replaying her brief albeit very telling interactions with the half-demon. "I mean, he hates talking about her, he walked out on her at dinner tonight, she clearly isn't what he needs, like… this is a disaster waiting to happen and I'm not even counting you as a factor yet!"
"That's because I'm not a factor!" Kagome exclaimed, "look, you're right that it was gross of Kikyo to date him after me, it's weird, but there's no way you can know that he doesn't love her! Just because I'm a sad idiot who can't get over her high school boyfriend doesn't mean we stop the whole fucking wedding and ruin two other people's lives!" She lifted up the bottle of wine, bringing it to her lips one final time to polish it off.
Of all the ways that Kagome had briefly envisioned this conversation going, this was not one of them. But maybe that also meant the wine was working, even if it sure as hell didn't feel like it was working.
"I can know and I do! Plus, he's yours by right!"
"What are you even talking about?" Kagome asked, looking at Sango like she had suddenly grown two heads. "He's not property. Plus, I think-I think we've both been drunk since we got here and you're talking nonsense!"
"Um, no, this is like girl code. You fucked him first. You have dibs. That's a thing Kagome. Why else do you think I asked you ten times about whether or not anything happened between you and Miroku? You don't break girl code!" Sango proclaimed, her hands flying into the air for emphasis as she looked at Kagome like this "girl code" was a universal law of physics that everyone was taught in school, like gravity.
Kagome, on the other hand, stared at Sango as if she had just announced that evolution was a fraud. "Sango… hate to burst your bubble here but… that's not a thing."
"Okay, you and I are going to have a long talk about girl code later because that is a thing and you clearly need better friends in your life. That aside, all is fair in love and war so… go take him back!" Sango countered, looking at Kagome excitedly, bouncing even a little at the prospect of their new mission.
"Still, no… we have international laws forbidding and sanctioning certain acts of war, so that's not entirely accurate either. Plus, if all is fair, then Kikyo marrying him is fine!"
"What are the laws of love then! Hmm?! Ms. Smarty-pants?! What international treaties and laws provide guidance in this situation?" Sango exclaimed. "And it's clearly not fine so don't give me that shit! I know by now when you're lying to me Kagome! You need to stop lying to me and or omitting things! And we need to stop this wedding so that you and Inuyasha can both be happy!"
"Sango, I love you but… this is… this is insane. This is dumb."
She rolled her mulberry eyes and shoved her mostly full wine bottle into Kagome's lap. "Keep drinking until you start to agree with what I'm saying," Sango demanded, crossing her arms over her chest and glaring at Kagome.
"I mean… I'll keep drinking…" Kagome mumbled.
"Yes! And-and we will figure out - together - how to stop this wedding!"
"Sango, no! This is-"
A knock at their door caused both of the women to abruptly stop speaking and turn to face the door. Kagome and Sango each quickly looked at each other and shrugged before Sango stood and tiptoed to the door, wary of whatever guest may be knocking at such a late hour. She peered through the peephole and snickered before cracking the door open.
"Hey!" Miroku smiled, "neither of you were responding, but I, uh, assumed you'd both still be up…"
"You assumed correctly," Sango grinned.
"Oh, also… I brought alcohol!" He announced, pulling out a full bottle of rose wine from behind his back, exposing the pink drink that Sango quickly grabbed.
"You may enter," she declared, moving aside and opening the door so Miroku could join her in planning the coup. He nodded sweetly over at her, ignorant of her trap, before noticing Kagome. His old friend was pointedly avoiding his gaze, her eyes slightly red and swollen, but it was the way her mascara - which had been perfect but a short while ago - had run down her cheeks that really gave it away.
He exhaled loudly before revealing what he had hidden behind his back in his other hand, "I also brought this," Miroku continued, holding out a bottle of fruity-flavored liquor. "What should we drink first?" He asked, tossing the question over to Kagome.
"Liquor. We need stronger stuff," Sango answered for her.
"Sango… I'm not really in the mood," Kagome began, though she soon realized that her answer had fallen deaf ears when Miroku took out three shot glasses and filled each one to the brim.
"No," Sango pressed, pointing a finger at Kagome menacingly, "you're going to drink with us until you think my idea is a good one and agree to help me with it."
"What are we doing?" Miroku asked, turning to look at Sango.
Her heated mulberry gaze locked onto Miroku's sapphire eyes with an intensity not normally associated with chugging wine from the bottle or breaking up someone else's relationship. Sango briefly searched his eyes while also daring him to defy her before speaking. "We're stopping the wedding."
Miroku sighed heavily, shifting his gaze over to Kagome. "You told her about you and Inuyasha?"
"Yeah," she replied weakly.
He nodded slowly in response, turning over Sango's statement in his mind before facing her again. Wordlessly, he grabbed one of the shots he'd filled and tossed it back. He re-filled it then looked between the two women, who were watching him closely for his answer. Each seeking a different response. "Okay," Miroku finally exclaimed, "yeah. What's the plan? How are we doing this?"
Sango cheered while Kagome abruptly got to her feet, eyes wide and mouth gaping. "Are you mental?!" Kagome hissed, "you're both insane! This is insane! You know that right?" She looked between both of her friends, wondering when exactly they had each lost their goddam minds because this was not fucking happening! This was crazy! Absurd! Wrong!
Full shot glass in hand, Sango walked over to Kagome and deposited it in her palm. "Drink," was her only command, as she stared down at her friend.
Miroku followed Sango's lead, grabbing the two remaining shots and keeping one for himself as he handed off the other to Sango.
"Why are you encouraging her?!" Kagome spat, instead aiming her vitriol at him.
"Because, I happen to like your friend, a lot. She's very smart and very observant. And… because my best friend has never been happier than when he was with you. We both know that, I mean, even Koga can fucking figure that much out. Kikyo is a great person, she is, but what they have isn't love, isn't real love. At best it's companionship and at worst it's a race to see who can hurl the worst insults at the other. She met him at a time when he needed someone - anyone, really. Since then, he's forgotten what real love is and call me a sap or a romantic, but I think we all deserve love, not to settle for mere companionship."
Kagome bit down on the bottom of her lip, hard. It wasn't supposed to be like this…
"I like the way you phrased that," Sango cooed, smiling over at him and raising her shot glass in the air, clinking hers against his glass before taking it.
Miroku nodded, before turning back to Kagome, "she's been drinking right?" Kagome nodded in the affirmative and rolled her eyes, before throwing back her shot with them. "Anyway," Miroku continued, "you still love him and given how you've easily managed to enrage or otherwise provoke him after the Yura thing, and frankly anytime you do something that doesn't involve him in some way, I think it's safe to say that he feels the same."
"I don't think the off chance that he might have feelings for me because I still piss him off is a good enough reason to sabotage his wedding," replied Kagome bitterly, glaring at Miroku for his role in her current predicament.
"Kagome, come on! He and Kikyo are not good!" Miroku insisted, "they've been fighting for weeks. Your presence is just the cherry on top! He can't stop thinking about you! It's written all over his face and in everything he's done in the last day!"
"No, that-that can't be right!" Kagome spat, tossing the cheap plastic shot glass to the side and clenching her fists. "You're lying," Kagome tried, turning away from him and grabbing the opened bottle of wine by her and throwing back another large gulp. She knew her words might start to slur soon and that in the morning she'd likely regret her choices, but she couldn't stop herself. Not when her chest felt like it was simultaneously imploding and exploding over and over. Her mind was screaming and thoughts clawing at her viciously as she tried to process what her two idiot friends were telling her let alone what they wanted her to help them do.
Kagome desperately wanted to light Miroku on fire. Wasn't he supposed to be the rational one?! The logical one?! This wasn't rational or logical! To break up someone else's marriage?! All of his words were colliding around inside her head and her heart, reigniting that terrible, awful, annoying, stubborn spark of hope that had taken Kagome years to snub out.
She dropped the bottle and her hands sifted through her hair as thoughts and memories of her and Inuyasha began to bombard her. The good days, the bad days, and everything in between, it all swam around her mind with the potency and force of a raging rapid. It had taken years for her to be anything close to "okay" after their break up and even then that was a generous descriptor for the hollow shell of a person she felt she'd become since he left her.
It hurt that all that in a span of a few minutes Miroku's words had ignited all of the progress of her efforts and was more than happy to watch it all burn down in a blaze of glory regardless of the implications. Regardless of the problems that still remained. Was she really the only one that understood? The only one that realized that ending Kikyo and Inuyasha didn't mean what they all thought it did?! Ending it didn't mean he would be happy! It literally just meant that he wouldn't be marrying Kikyo!
"Kagome, I'm not lying about any of this…" Miroku replied, pulling her briefly from her spiral. "He still has feelings for you, I can tell, and if you don't believe me… I can get you alone with him and you can ask him yourself."
"Yes! That's a great plan!" Sango cheered.
"No… no it's not," Kagome fought, shaking her head and stepping away from them. "I want nothing to do with him. I am here as a favor to my mother and then to go home and resume my life. That's all."
"Kagome! This is a good plan!" Sango pressed, "you and Inuyasha can hash everything out and, if you need us, Miroku and I can be mediators!"
"No," Kagome reiterated, taking another step away from them and shaking her head. "Every time he and I have interacted with one another since I got here has been bad. Love isn't supposed to hurt like this and I refuse to be part of this-this scheme!" Kagome cried, a hand coming up to her chest, hot tears beginning anew and sprawling down her cheeks. She didn't give two shits about the "plan". It didn't change anything to her… how could it? The present… was defined by the past and the past hadn't changed. They were just making her relive every agonizing detail of the life she wanted and making her re-acknowledge that she couldn't have everything she'd wanted because… he hadn't wanted it with her. Who was she to stand in his way now? Who was she to declare him unhappy and act on that?!
She swallowed hard, looking away from her friends and at the floor, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. It felt like her entire world had been thrown up into the air, leaving her to stand there and watch it all crash and burn around her. Miroku's words echoing through her mind and making her ill.
Kagome needed space. She needed to process everything. She needed to get out of the room. It was all suddenly a little too much. Miroku and Sango thought it was so easy… all they needed to do was end the marriage and then he and Kagome could be together and all would be sparkles and rainbows. But it didn't work like that! It never had and never fucking would! All it did was dangle her dreams in front of her and make her spin around in circles as she tried to grab at her nonexistent tail.
Even if they were right and Inuyasha did have feelings for her, Kagome couldn't fathom the idea of being with him again. Not with the memories of their previous relationship and subsequent demise swirling around like a toxic miasma in her brain, and certainly not with two drunk idiots plotting to stop his wedding.
"I-I know you want to help me and him or want to protect us or whatever, but I don't need saving," Kagome declared, looking between them, her resolve hardening. This was a bad idea and no amount of liquor would change that. "This wedding hurts, yes, but what you're proposing is-"
"Everything you want but can't accomplish alone," Miroku finished.
"Insane. It's insane." Kagome snarled, "Inuyasha loves Kikyo. End of story."
"It doesn't have to be the end though!" Sango cried out, "Miroku said they don't love each other! That they aren't happy! Don't you want him to be happy?!"
"Yes! That's all I fucking want!" Kagome screeched before walking backward only to hit a wall. Maybe it was the liquor or maybe it was the years of repressed emotions surfacing all at once, whatever it was it was too much. The dam of numbness that had held her together for so long was cracked and crumbling. Her emotions were pouring through her and ravaging her mind and body with an intensity so ferocious Sesshomaru would quake at their power.
Kagome took rapid shallow breaths, her gaze unfocused and her mind spinning violently but the alcohol had nothing to do with it. All of this… they were acting like Kagome should be glad to hear it all! To hear that Inuyasha and Kikyo were a disaster and that he had seemed happier when he was with her. But that… that wasn't what she wanted to hear. Not even close, because even if he had been happier, the problem still remained that right now… he wasn't. That right now… he was very possibly miserable.
That ate at her in a way she couldn't handle.
She had made a deal… a deal with herself years ago when he'd unceremoniously come back into her life but not to be with her... Yes, she had run to shield herself from further anguish but also because Inuyasha was supposed to be happy. Kagome knew that if she was a constant presence in his life or Kikyo's, in their life, that that wouldn't happen, or that, at the very least, finding and maintaining their happiness would be harder. That her presence would make a mess of things, as it had been doing since she stepped off the train. She had left for both their sake, because at the end of the day what she wanted more than him - more than holding him and hearing him whisper sweet nothings or making her feel like she was the most precious thing in the world - was for Inuyasha to be happy. For him to laugh and smile and to experience every joy life could provide, because that's what he deserved. Even if it wasn't with her.
The deal was… she wouldn't make a scene. She wouldn't come at Kikyo. She wouldn't do anything. She would let them be and shrink into the background like she had senior year of high school and had done all throughout college. As long as Kikyo made him happy, Kagome would stand back. She'd avoid the wedding events and only attend because her mother had begged her and even then Kagome had planned to stay as far out of sight as possible, all so he could be happy.
But… that's not what Sango or Miroku were telling her. They were saying the opposite. They were telling her that Inuyasha was borderline catatonic. That Kikyo wasn't holding up the end of Kagome's unilateral bargain with herself. So all of it… was… meaningless. This… whatever this was… it wasn't part of the deal and it made her feel immeasurable remorse and anguish as that realization began to sink in.
Kagome clenched her jaw tightly, the tears and the devastation of their admissions making her nauseous while simultaneously suffocating her. He… he was supposed to be happy… I-I was supposed to move on…
Miroku could see it as it happened, as their words became too much for her to handle. He reached out for Kagome, but she sputtered backward, sliding along the wall of the hotel room, closer toward the door. Her eyes, normally so warm and loving, were filled with conflict. "Kagome," he murmured softly, not wanting to cause her any more harm than he already had.
"I need some air," she croaked out before spinning on her heels and abruptly walking out of the room, letting the door slam behind her before walking down the streamed down her cheeks in free fall as she speed-walked through the hall, her body twitching in the elevator while avoiding eye contact with the other patrons stuck in the cramped space with her. Kagome broke out of the elevator as soon as the doors opened, ignoring the disdainful sneers of the people she'd pushed past to get by. Standing in the lobby, desperate for an escape, she turned this way and that looking around for a place to hide, a place where she could just think and-and process the hell that was this goddam weekend all the unwanted realizations that came with it.
Then she saw it. A sign pointing toward the hotel's gardens. Sango had briefly mentioned them on the train. The majestic expanse of fauna from all over the world that had been specially cultivated and brought together in the city to create a beautiful haven of nature in the middle of a concrete expanse. Kagome figured that if there was any place in this goddam hellscape that she would find peace or silence it might just be there.
She walked down the corridor and out of the hotel toward the gardens, sniffling and fixating on the path in front of her, one foot going ahead of the other, ignoring the rest of the world around her. The gardens were almost like a labyrinth full of different flowers and fauna, each plant and space coming together to form a strange harmony despite the striking differences of each. They were stunning during the day sure, but at night they took on a new life. Little lights illuminated the flowers and lightning bugs fluttered about giving the whole space an ethereal and tranquil brilliance to it.
It reminded Kagome a little of a Disney movie. Everything felt so right, so easy, in the movies and everything always seemed to have such a quick resolution in them too. She longed for that purity and that simplicity. She longed for the happy ending that would still her aching soul.
As Kagome meandered through the crisp evening air, attempting to take deep calming breaths with each step, she began to hum the songs from her childhood gently to herself in an attempt to further soothe her bleeding heart. "The sweet caress of twilight… there's magic everywhere," she murmured slowly walking up to a large lily and pausing to admire its beauty, each petal so delicate and undisturbed. Unlike her.
She sighed and looked down, noticing that much of the pathway was made of grass and Kagome suddenly had a yearning to feel the cool blades between her toes, to feel something real, unlike the lies that held her afloat during the day or the ones that she had evidently let herself believe about the imagined bliss of Kikyo and Inuyasha's relationship. She took off her shoes then continued to walk barefoot along the grass pathway, the soles of her feet reveling in the cool softness of the lawn beneath them.
With each step, her foot landed in the soft, yet firm grasp of the ground below. It was an odd comfort to find, but then again what was so wrong about wanting steady ground below your feet?
"And with all this romantic atmosphere, disaster's in the air," she murmured a little louder, continuing her stroll. As she drifted deeper into the garden, Kagome tried to disassociate from the ruins that were her and Inuyasha's relationship. It was foolish to think they would ever be anything again, she knew that. Still, looking out over the lights and flowers in front of her anything seemed possible.
"Can you feel the love tonight? The peace the evening brings. The world for once in perfect harmony, with all its living things." She sang, a little louder. The images in her mind were beginning to settle down. The raging rapid devolving into a gentle stream. Breathing no longer felt like a chore as the pain that had gripped her heart now merely held it in place. Maybe what she was really missing all this time was just the ability to be alone: the ability to escape and let the pain out. Maybe it was her fault for trying to repress it.
That must be it! I didn't still love him! Of course not! Who could ever love such a selfish, arrogant, monster?! Especially after he dumped me for my cousin four years ago?! Bastard. Kagome thought to herself, nodding at her own attempts to reason her pain away, I'm just emotionally stunted at the moment because of all the alcohol. Right. That is totally it. And weddings made everyone vulnerable. It's like a rule.
She was fine. Absolutely fine. She would be fine. She was right to reject Sango and Miroku's plan because all would be fine.
Kagome continued to glide through the gardens, internalizing her new rationalization and repeating it to herself over and over, grabbing hold of the mantra she needed to survive the weekend, blissfully unaware of the presence that had begun trailing behind her shortly after she entered. "Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried. Don't let them in, don't let them see." Kagome sang, clutching her chest dramatically, playing along with the illusion of solitude and freedom. "Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal don't feel, don't let them know, well now they know."
"You're mixing up the songs."
Kagome screamed like her life depended on it while simultaneously jumping up in response to the intrusion on the serenity she had momentarily found in her solitude within the gardens. She reflexively threw her shoes in the direction of the voice that had broken the peace she was just beginning to reacquaint herself with. One shoe apparently hit the creep who had followed her in because she heard a thud followed shortly thereafter by a very familiar "ow."
"Can we stop with the violence?!" Inuyasha snarled, stepping into the light.
"Don't sneak up on me!" Kagome yelled back.
"You were fucking up the songs!"
"I was not!" Kagome roared before wiping her eyes, trying to rid herself of the mascara residue.
"Yes, you were! You started with 'Can You Feel the Love Tonight' then you randomly started singing 'Let It Go'! Those are two vastly different movies!"
"Every path I make, every road leads back to the place I know, where I cannot go-"
"Where you long to be. Yeah, that's Moana." Inuyasha answered dismissively. "You're not even singing the full songs, you're just cherry-picking random verses!"
"Well I'm so sorry my singing leaves things to be desired your highness, but I'm a little drunk and this is the best I can do at the moment! So kindly fuck off and let me resume my peaceful stroll!" Kagome spat while pushing past him to grab her shoes that had landed around him. She roughly and rather clumsily slid her shoes back on then pushed by him again to continue through the walls of flowers and lights.
"Don't you think that you should go inside? You haven't caused enough of a scene already?" Inuyasha growled following her through the gardens despite his better judgment, conveniently leaving out that the whole reason he was at the hotel had been to drink in solitude.
"A scene? Ha! I have no idea what you are referring to, I am an elegant and classy lady." Kagome retorted while walking forward through the large garden. Sadly, it didn't seem like the garden was quite large enough anymore…
"Oh yeah because sleeping with the maid of honor is such a 'classy' move."
"Better than sleeping with an ex's cousin." Kagome fired back. "Why are you following me?!"
"I'm not following you! I'm walking the gardens!" He yelled in frustration.
"Go inside, Inuyasha," Kagome commanded. "What are you even doing at the hotel?!"
"Excuse me? Not that it is any of your business but I was at the bar hiding from Miroku. Why don't you go inside? You're too drunk to be out here anyway." He mocked.
"No. I was here first!" She fired back, spinning on her heel to face him, strong in her stance despite her inebriation.
"So fucking what?!" He countered, squaring up to her.
"Tell you what, you explain to me why you have a better claim over the gardens than I do and I'll go inside quietly without so much as a peep. So tell me…" she began, looking up at him through her long lashes, making his heart flutter in a very annoying way, "why should I leave when I was first?"
Inuyasha stiffened. He knew she wasn't talking about the stupid gardens anymore. She was his first and frankly, he didn't have a good response for her.
"I'm waiting," Kagome stated, tapping one of her feet on the ground emphasizing the time passing by.
"You've been crying." He answered, his tone softening and head tilting to the side as his amber eyes noticed the streaked makeup and finally smelling the salt on her cheeks.
"That's your reasoning because I've been crying? Well, you lose that argument." Kagome snickered before turning away again so she could continue walking along the path, muttering curses beneath her breath. She was determined to stand her ground against him. She would not let him beat her, so she pushed forward through the maze of life and beauty that provided a strange juxtaposition to the bitterness taking up residence in her heart.
"Kagome, stop," Inuyasha called after her, a clawed hand outstretched in her direction though she was just out of reach.
She froze when she heard him say her name. God, it hurt. She could feel parts of herself die in screaming agony as the sound passed through her. Hearing him say her name was the worst kind of poison. How much of myself do I need to kill off to get this man out of my system? Or is it too late for me? Maybe it was overdramatic to compare the pain in her heart to the pain of dying, but it felt like the only reasonable comparison she could make. What other parts of her would need to be sacrificed so that the rest of her could survive? She had already tried to give him up and she was still suffocating.
"What do you want?!" Kagome screamed back at him, surprising even herself with the strength of the animosity in her tone. His eyes widened in shock at her volume and his ears flattened against his head in response to her unruly response. "Oh screw you. Screw you and your fuzzy goddam ears. I'm so tired of you, you, ugh!"
"Kagome."
"Don't ever say my name again." Kagome snarled, stepping up to his face. "I hate the way it sounds coming from you."
"Liar." He sneered.
"Oh, what do you know anyway?" She spat, before turning to leave but was stopped when his hand wrapped around her wrist. Without thinking, Kagome spun around and slapped him in the face as hard as she could. He was not allowed to just touch her like that. He was not allowed to be that close to her. Not anymore.
"What the fuck?!" He barked.
"Let go of me! You have no right to touch me ever again!"
"Will you knock it out?!" Inuyasha asked releasing her wrist.
"Go back to your wife. She's probably looking for you." Her eyes burned with the anger she felt, but, slowly, her gaze softened as she took in his features. His voice was angry, but he didn't look it. He looked hurt and betrayed, his light eyes wide and sad as they took her in. Why does he look betrayed?! He has no right to be upset! She thought, pain manifesting as rage bubbling to the surface.
"Can we talk?" He pleaded.
"Ha! You want to talk?" Kagome laughed malevolently. "About what?"
"You've been a little out of control since you arrived."
"Oh, I see." She mumbled, fingers curling into fists tightly clenched at her sides.
"If you have a drinking problem, you can tell me."
"Ah. Well, you see I do have a problem." Kagome whispered, getting up close again, the bitterness rising in her tone. "See my cousin is marrying this wretched man and in order to get through the day without stabbing him in his disgustingly gorgeous gold eyes I have to drink until everything goes numb. But what's really funny is that you think that I've been out of control. Bless your heart, because sweetie you haven't seen what chaos I can rain down," Kagome hissed her warm breath almost sending a shiver down his spine as she stood mere inches away when delivering her warning.
Staring up at him drinking in the same features that haunted her most secret fantasies, Kagome felt that dreadful yearning claw through her. Part of her wanted him to hurt, to understand how his mere presence made every fiber of her being plead for mercy, but a bigger part of her wanted to remind him - to remind him of the joy they had once shared, the connectedness they had each built - that it was all so much more than he was pretending it wasn't.
Miroku had said that Inuyasha had never been happier than he had been when he was with Kagome. She didn't know if that was true, but she knew it had been the happiest she ever was. And she wanted a piece back…
Without warning, Kagome grabbed his face, bringing him down to her, and kissed him. She held him close to her for a minute, just long enough to feel that warm pressure as he leaned down to kiss her back but not long enough for her to feel his embrace or any other deadly contact. Kagome playfully sucked on his bottom lip for half a second then bit down… hard. Hard enough that she tasted his blood. She quickly released him then and pushed him off her. "You're an ass," she spat, swallowing down the lump in her throat that confirmed her worst fears; her feelings hadn't changed.
Not in the fucking slightest. She hated herself at that moment because it took everything Kagome had to walk away.
Without looking back, Kagome strode through the night back toward the hotel. As she moved she began to sing again, "magic, madness, heaven, sin, saw you there and I thought oh my god, look at that face, you look like my next mistake, love's a game, want to play?" She knew he could hear her as she traced her way back to the entrance to the hotel. As she walked further from where she left him, Kagome sang louder. She smiled to herself briefly before belting out her favorite lines from the song loud enough that everyone in the hotel could hear her magnificent drunken voice at two in the morning, "so it's gonna be forever or it's gonna go down in flames, you can tell me when it's over if the high was worth the pain!"
Kagome threw open the door to her hotel room and was relieved to see that Sango and Miroku were both innocently watching a movie together instead of canoodling in some manner.
"Um, what the hell happened to you?" Sango asked noticing Kagome's stained feet, the dried tears that streaked her porcelain skin, and her somewhat crazed look.
"I ran into Inuyasha."
"Where?" Sango whisper yelled.
"In the gardens." She answered walking around the room to toss her shoes aside and put on something more comfortable than daisy dukes to sleep in.
"Oh my god, you were the lady screaming Taylor Swift!" Miroku exclaimed pointing at her in surprise.
"Yes. That was me." Kagome replied unashamed and somewhat proud of herself. "Now if you don't mind, um, does anyone know where Yura lives?"
"Kagome! Don't leave us! You're vulnerable." Sango protested.
"I feel great. I threw my shoes at him, got to yell at him, and bit his lip so hard I could taste his blood. I feel like I've won a great victory here."
"You… what?" Miroku asked, almost shoving Sango off the bed as he sat up to face Kagome head-on.
"I. Bit. His. Lip." Kagome reiterated slowly while reaching for a half-full bottle of wine that hadn't been finished from earlier. Miroku held his gaze firm on her and pushed the drink away causing Kagome to pout in response.
"How exactly did you get close enough to him to bite his lip?" Miroku pressed.
"Well, he was being a jerk so I kissed him then bit him and pushed him out of my way," Kagome answered as if she was talking about such a mundane task as unloading a dishwasher.
"Naturally," Miroku muttered dryly.
"I don't know if that's insane or amazing," Sango commented. Miroku turned toward her looking shocked and dismayed at her reaction, to which she merely shrugged in response.
"So he's bleeding. Won't Kikyo notice?" Miroku probed waving his hand around.
"Who cares? He has fangs right? He'll probably just tell her he bit his own lip." Kagome brushed off the question and threw herself on her messy bed. The world was spinning a little but exhaustion was finally creeping into her bones. Clearly, no one was going to give her Yura's address so she would just have to remain inside and unsatisfied for the evening. What crappy friends, she mused to herself.
"Still can't believe you were the one screaming Taylor Swift in the gardens." Sango chuckled.
"Really? That's what you can't believe?" Miroku asked utterly stunned by how unimpressed the women were with Kagome's actions. "This is insane."
"Gotta long list of ex-lovers, they'll tell you I'm insane," both women sang in unison in response to Miroku's comment.
"It's about as sane as your plot to ruin his wedding." Kagome retorted before crawling under the covers. "Let him marry Kikyo."
Sango and Miroku exchanged quick glances before both sighing quietly to themselves. Even if Kagome wasn't ready to admit it to herself, they could both see the writing on the wall. This wedding was a mistake. It would do nothing except hurt both parties to go through with it. But, there was nothing else to be done that evening. Time had quickly crept into the early morning, and Miroku still had to get home and deal with Inuyasha.
Miroku lifted himself from Sango's bed then nodded goodbye to Sango before leaving the ladies to sleep or throw up from too much drinking, whichever they fancied.