Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. Enjoy.
Saturday morning, Jacob bailed. I stood in front of the mirror brushing my teeth when my phone buzzed on the basin. I eagerly clicked 'open message.' Maybe a good morning text?
The weather's gonna be bad. Sorry. Let's reschedule.
Huh? I continued brushing my teeth and walked to my bedroom window. The weather didn't look bad. It was overcast, but last I'd checked there was no prediction of rain-even possible sunshine in the late afternoon.
I made my way downstairs and busied myself with breakfast. Charlie had left early to go fishing, a note on the counter saying he'd be home sometime after 6:00. I traced my fingers over the ink-stained paper. His cursive handwriting was almost identical to my own. I sighed and looked over at the clock on the oven. I hadn't planned for being bailed on.
Remembering that the sandwiches I'd prepared the night before were in the fridge, I considered the fact I could just go by myself. The trails were marked, so it was unlikely I would get lost. I wouldn't make it to the meadow, but I could at least spend a few hours outdoors. I was clumsy and slightly uncoordinated, but I could follow a trail and it would be nice to take some photos.
I packed my bag, making sure I had my iPod, a digital camera, a book, and my cell phone.
I moved through the beginning of the trail with ease, being mindful to keep an eye out for stray branches and mossy rocks. It had been some time since I'd explored the woods beyond Charlie's backyard. It wasn't how I had remembered it, or maybe it was the same and I could just appreciate its beauty more as an adult. As I walked, I reached out and allowed my fingers to linger on branches and leaves along the trail.
Although humidity lingered in the air, a fine mist hovered in front of me. Had the forest always looked so bright? My eyes struggled to adjust to the colors. I took out my camera and snapped a photo of the canopy above me, smiling at the palette of greens and blues. Putting my camera away, I continued walking, my body warming up. I stopped for a moment to unzip my vest, thankful for my base layer underneath it. Even if the humidity disappeared and it cooled down, I wouldn't be caught out if the weather cooled down.
"The weather's gonna be bad… Bullshit." I mumbled to myself.
Following the trail's green markers, I walked for half an hour, the only sound in my ears that of my feet snapping twigs on the damp floor. I stopped for a moment and listened to the sounds of the forest. A creek had to be close by, judging by the gentle sounds of water flowing in the distance. I walked, trying to make as little noise as possible. There could be animals ahead and I didn't want to spook anything. A smile crept across my face as I made my way to the edge of the creek bed; there in front of me, a small deer. Brown and flecked, it nuzzled against a tree branch, scratching an itch along its neck. I took my camera out.
It then moved away from the tree and ever so daintily moved its torso forward, lapping up water from the stream. I clicked the shutter of the camera, capturing the moment. Too quickly before I could click again, the deer was running away. I sighed. I hadn't meant to scare the fawn.
"Beautiful creatures, aren't they?"
"Fucking hell!" I screamed. I turned to face the voice, but I knew who it belonged to. Edward Cullen stood beside me, his head tilted back and long throat exposed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he laughed. I'd never noticed how strong his neck looked. I could see every muscle. "Oh my god. Edward, I'm sorry. I can't believe I swore in front of you."
Edward smirked, his eyes crinkling the slightest in the corners.
My face burned and I gazed at my feet. I wanted to sink into the soft earth and disappear.
"What brings you out to the woods, Miss Swan?" He looked me over, and I felt even more self-conscious. I was more casually dressed than usual: jeans, a long thin sweater, and my light down vest.
"It's 'Bella' outside of school, remember?" I raised my eyebrows. "I was supposed to be here with a friend. He was going to take me to a meadow." I looked around as if the meadow would appear.
Edward smiled. "Oh, I know the place. I can take you there… Follow me." He gestured to me and began walking ahead. I obediently followed two steps behind.
We walked in a comfortable silence for ten or so minutes. At one point we had to cross over some large fallen trees, covered in almost fluorescent moss. Edward reached out to help me over the fallen log, his fingers lingering within mine longer than necessary. My cheeks reddened at his touch.
More time passed and we both remained silent. I willed myself to speak. I wanted to hear his voice. I craved the interaction. "So, this was supposed to be a date. He cancelled on me. Said the weather was going to be bad. What a joke, the weather's fine."
Edward stopped and turned around. He looked at me and I couldn't read the expression on his face. The look agitated me. I balled my hand into a fist, relieving the tension.
I pointed to the grey, overcast sky.
Edward still didn't say anything. I forced my hand open and closed, pressing it against my thigh. His silence made me uncomfortable.
"I checked. It's going to be sunny later." I sighed.
"Not for a few hours," he finally spoke. "If it's any consolation, I wouldn't have bailed on you... bad weather or not." His words hung in the air and I stood frozen in place. "Come on, we don't have far to go," he smiled and reached his hand out.
A moment passed, but I moved beyond him without accepting it. Was he flirting with me?
The meadow was not what I'd expected. I'd pictured this romantic, bright, light space and instead, found myself in front of a wide open field, flat and richly green. I let out a loud sigh and Edward seemed to sense my mood, my disappointment.
"They've been through and tended to it, and it does look very different on a bright day. The sky isn't doing it any favors." His voice reached me, barely more than a murmur.
I looked around. What did we do next?
"Would you like to sit?" He gestured to the crisp short grass.
I remembered the blanket I'd packed in my bag for this purpose. Kneeling on the ground I started unpacking my belongings, finally reaching the small folded blanket at the bottom of my backpack. He knelt beside me then, taking the blanket from my hand as I pulled it out. He did that thing where you dust out a table cloth after dinner. Flecks of dust drifted off the blanket and into the air. Gently he placed the blanket onto the grassy surface and sat down, stretching out his legs. He removed something from his back pocket, a small journal and pencil, and began writing. He leaned onto his side, propped on his elbow, as content as if reclining on the sofa at the end of a day.
I stood, unable to move.
"I don't bite, Bella. You can sit down."
I awkwardly sat down next to him. I didn't know what to do at first. I rummaged through the bag again and took out the digital camera. I took a quick photo of the meadow, focusing on nothing in particular. It somehow looked more green through the lens. I flicked through the photos from earlier, the first shot of the deer was clear, but the second a blur. I looked around to see if there was anything else worth capturing. I snapped the distant edge of the meadow, my bag and belongings strewn across the blanket, my boots pressed into the clipped green grass. I turned and took a photo of Edward's legs, his ankles crossed over, the shoelaces of his boots perfectly tied in figure eights.
He stopped drawing, the smile that spread across his face inviting.
I suddenly felt a tingle in the back of my throat, it travelled up, into my nose. Oh no, I scrunched my face, sucking in a breath. This quiet peaceful moment, about to be ruined by a sneeze.
Edward looked confused. I probably looked as if I was convulsing.
"Ah-Choo!" My hands rushed towards my face, in some effort to hide the fact I looked a spluttering mess.
Quickly, Edward passed me something. A smirk crossed my face. "A handkerchief? Who carries one of these anymore?" I gingerly took it from him and wiped my hands.
"Old habit. I always carry one," he murmured.
I traced the embroidered EAM with my finger. Who was EAM? "I'll wash it and give it back, I promise."
He smiled and went back to his journal.
Turning away from him, I sniffled discreetly and wrinkled my nose, praying I had dismantled any further sneezing fits. I flipped over onto my stomach and put an earphone from my iPod into my ear. I hit play on a playlist and opened my book.
Today wasn't too bad at all. Being here with Edward was actually nice. He lay propped up on his elbow, far away from me on the blanket, an appropriate distance. He scribbled away in his journal, occasionally brushing stray pieces of hair that fell in front of his eyes. His grey t-shirt stretched across his chest, the fabric taut. He wore a flannel shirt over it and even through the fabric I noticed the shape of his arms and the curve of his bicep. Did seventeen-year-old boys look like this in high school? Did my ex look like this?
Occasionally Edward would shift around, stop drawing, and stretch out his hand along the blanket. The tips of his fingers would edge closer to me each time he did this. I felt it again, the flicker inside. I purposely wriggled further away from him, creating more distance between us. We weren't touching. We weren't doing anything wrong. Just two people enjoying an overcast day outdoors. I stopped trying to convince myself about the situation and instead focused on the text in front of me. Running my finger across the page, I let myself be drawn into the words of Margaret Atwood's Life Before Man.
Suddenly I felt him next to me. He picked up the other earphone and placed it in his ear. I sucked in a shallow breath and blinked several times, as if I needed to wake myself from a dream. The space between us felt charged. My heart thudded behind my ribs, its noise loud in my ears.
"Bloc Party? Full of surprises..."
I took a breath. "I saw them live in 2005. Went to California with some friends from college.."
I thought back to the gig. I remembered the feeling of being pressed up against thousands of bodies: so sweaty and at the same time exhilarating. I held the hand of some random boy throughout the Arcade Fire set. We made out and then the set finished, and I walked off into the crowd to find my friends. Risky college behavior. Kinda stupid actually.
"Do you miss them? Your friends from college?"
I considered Edward's question. "I suppose, but they were friends that eventually became tied up with my ex and with the breakup, I guess they kind of chose him? Maybe they weren't great friends to begin with anyway. I'm not sure."
Once again I found myself telling Edward too much. Speaking with him reminded me of speaking with an old, treasured friend and the words came easily. He just seemed so much older than seventeen.
"I wish I could read your mind." He looked embarrassed the moment the words came out of his mouth. I had never seen Edward look like this. He looked uncertain.
Edward reached out and brushed a stray piece of hair that had fallen in front of my face. His hand lingered when he placed it back behind my ear, and without even thinking, I leaned into it. My eyes fluttered closed and I nuzzled against his hand.
His cold hand cradled my cheek. We were still, so quiet. My heart hammered in my chest. I had to pull away. Touching him was so wrong. How did I end up in such an intimate moment with my seventeen-year-old student? This was the 'TV embrace' that Ben Lee sang about in 'Cigarettes Will Kill You.' Why did this spark happen with Edward? Why couldn't I be drawn to someone my own age? His hand gently moved down my cheek. I wanted to move into his caress. I wanted to get closer.
Slowly, painfully slowly, his hand moved down to rest on my neck. His palm opened and it was as if the veins of my neck were keys on a piano. He moved the pads of his fingertips up and down, pausing to stroke my skin with the tips of his fingers. I could feel every single movement. I sucked in a shaky breath as my entire body pulsed.
The wind shifted and the pages of Edward's journal fluttered, the noise ringing through my ears. I had to move. I had to move now.
I shrugged backwards and away from his hand, laying back down on the blanket. I covered my face with my hands. It took everything I had to lay down and move away from him. My head spun, dizzy from his touch, my stomach sick. Edward let out a sigh, and his weight pushed back into the blanket and the grass. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to calm my erratic heartbeat. I counted back from 100, 99, 98, 97. My heart rate began to descend, 96, 95, 94... I peeked through my fingers at the sky, watching the clouds move.
At some point, I fell asleep. I don't know for how long. I woke to Edward gently rocking my shoulder. I scrunched my face and checked if I'd been drooling. Thankfully not. I sat up and looked around. My belongings had been packed into my bag. Had what happened earlier been a dream? Had I been asleep all along?
"We should get going, Bella." Edward's voice was worried, his face tense. Had I said something in my sleep? Embarrassed myself further? I began to stand up and he was already pacing ahead of me into the dark side of the meadow. The sun was starting to come out; I had been right about the forecast.
I scrambled to collect the blanket. I folded it quickly and shoved it into the bag. The sandwich I'd packed earlier sat looking forgotten amongst my belongings. My stomach gurgled loudly, and I was thankful Edward paced ahead of me, unable to hear the noise.
I walked towards him, Edward's frame shadowed by the trees at the edge of the clearing. I'd almost reached him when my foot caught on something in the grass and I fell. I stumbled forward and too quickly he stood in front of me, helping me up. Then I saw the strangest thing: the exposed skin of his neck was illuminated. He looked like he was sparkling.
I went to rub my eyes. This couldn't be right. He began almost dragging me then, into the darkness of the woods.
"Whoa, calm down, Edward. Stop pulling on me." I shrugged out of his grasp and smoothed my clothes.
"Sorry, it's just I need to get back. And you should probably get back too. Your dad might be wondering where you are."
I looked at my watch. It was 4 p.m; Charlie wouldn't be home yet. "Charlie's out fishing. He won't even be home." I sighed, wondering about the after-effects of our almost...intimacy. I couldn't allow this to happen again.
The walk back mirrored the walk there. We were quiet. But the mood was different now. I couldn't tell if Edward was annoyed with me and wanting to get away or if he genuinely had somewhere to be. As we got closer to the backyard, I reached out and touched his shoulder. This time he was the one who leaned into it.
"Can I drive you home? I feel like it's the least I can do for keeping me company today. For taking me to the meadow."
The realization of what I had just offered hit me like a ton of bricks the minute it had left my mouth. I couldn't offer Edward a ride. I couldn't be alone with him again.
He shook his head and frowned, shrugging out of my touch. "Thank you, but I think I need the walk."
A second wave of rejection washed over me.
We continued to walk in silence. Yards away I could see the back door of the house. I didn't look at him as I walked past him. "Have a good night. Goodbye, Edward."
I unlocked the back door and made my way inside. I needed a shower and some food, then a night on the couch with some terrible TV and too many corn chips.
Later I sat on the couch with my laptop. I took out the SD card of my camera and uploaded the photos. There were photos from Arizona, snaps I'd taken and forgotten about, and then the photos from today. I flicked through them quickly, but my heart stopped when I saw one photo that I did not take. It was me. I was asleep, my hair splayed across the blanket. One little fist curled near my forehead and the other hand open like I had been holding something. I looked peaceful, too peaceful.
I slammed the lid closed on my laptop and shoved it under the pillow next to me. I reached into the corn chip bag and ate my feelings. I felt like crap.
My cell lit up on the table. It was Angela, eager to hear about my date with Jacob.
He bailed. Don't want to talk about it.
I turned my cell off and curled into myself on the couch, thankful Charlie had called and said he was having dinner with Billy at the diner in town. I woke up later in the middle of the night, a blanket covering me. I contemplated moving upstairs, but I was too comfortable and too emotionally flat to move.
I didn't dream.
As always, a massive thank you to my beta team TheBaseBallGirl, Teaandsolitude & JennaReads.