VII

Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are

All of the sudden, Luke becomes a permanent fixture in her life.

It's like one morning she went to bed and when she woke up he had already carved a permanent spot in her life.

Suddenly he's everywhere and despite that it might be a slightly overwhelming thought, it's really not. She doesn't have it in her to feel overwhelmed, instead she's happy because he makes her feel like that, as if she's walking on sunshine. She never thought she'd be the type of falling head over heels but all the proof is there in front of her: he's the first person she wants to share things with or how every time they are together she feels the most happy she can be… The moments she shares with Luke are always incredible, no matter what they do together.

She makes a point in telling him so, one night when they are slow-dancing to the night noises of Downtown L.A., instead of checking the numbers on the register. Luke had simply grabbed her by the waist and started to sway, leaving her to catch up and follow his lead. She's so mesmerized by the constant surprises and joy he brings into her life she cannot keep herself from saying out loud what she's thinking.

"I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoy these moments together." She mumbles, caressing the back of his neck as they still sway with no rhythm but with a lot of enthusiasm. "I'm thankful that I went back to Eats & Beats that night. You cannot believe how much happiness you've brought into my life."

His face lights up and he immediately stops dancing, wrapping her into a hug that clearly he uses as a nonverbal response to her words. She smiles and hugs him as well, letting her hands roam free through his back just to make him feel good because by now she has figured out that Luke is really a golden retriever who needs constant petting and revels in physical touch, something she's more than happy to provide.

"You know? I was going to show you this later but now I can't wait. Do you mind if for one day we don't check the register?" He asks, looking at her with an excited twinkle in his eyes. She shakes her head because for him she'd probably leave everything as is, but he doesn't need to know that, she still has a reputation to maintain and a lot of teasing to do.

"What do you want to show me? If it's your arms I gotta tell you they already lost their magic." She jokes all while taking her apron off and grabbing her phone and keys, because obviously she'll follow him to the ends of the Earth.

"Ah, I see. You are trying to mask your enthusiasm for the surprise by taking a jab at the arms you clearly drool over. But no worries Julie I won't hold that against you." He answers and follows her to the door, watching her close the store before pointing to her car. "This is a surprise so I have to drive, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. I still retain power over the music though." She says, giving him her keys before walking to her car, watching him jog so that he reaches to her door before her allowing him to open it for her. It's something he's done a million times before but it never fails to make her smile. Once they are both sited and she has picked a song, he starts the engine and drives. She doesn't have a single clue to where they could possibly be going because this late at night the options she can come up with are very limited but at the same time, this is also a very familiar feeling: dating Luke means constantly expecting the unknown and diving into uncharted territories so, she doesn't even try to find out.

Instead of wasting time and energy to pry information out of Luke, they have a little carpool karaoke moment, like they always do when they are in a car together. She's belting out to the sound of Stevie Nicks so she barely notices he has stopped in front of a building and is just waiting for the song to end before turning off the engine and going to open the door for her, before suddenly covering her eyes.

"It's a surprise so I don't want you to see." He explains as he starts to guide her, she supposes it's towards the building.

"I swear if this is part of your plan of dating and charming girls before removing their kidneys I will murder you Luke Patterson." She jokes because she trusts him too much to know he's obviously not going to do anything even remotely like that but the situation calls for it and she can't help herself.

"No Julie, this is part of my plan of charming girls and then taking their arm muscles to make mine look this good." It's not one of his best comebacks but in his defense he's busy trying to guide her and making sure she doesn't get a glimpse of where they are so she doesn't hold that against him. "Okay, I need my hands right now, can I trust you to keep your eyes closed?" She nods in response so he kisses her cheek before removing his hands from her eyes.

She keeps her promise and keeps her eyes closed but there's no way to prevent her from listening the way he fumbles with some keys and opens a door. She now has a vague idea of what this surprise can be but before she can even form that thought she can feel Luke's arm around her shoulders, whispering in her ear: "Hey, you can open your eyes now."

When she does, she finds in front of her exactly what she's expecting: Luke's apartment. Or rather, Luke's new apartment.

What is in front of her is a blank slate, white walls and no furniture but with a couple of guitars, amps and notebooks laying around. This is Luke's place and it's so obvious it kind of makes her laugh, there's probably not even a bed but his music is there and she can't help but to feel a little charmed.

"I lived in a dump. I'm not kidding the place might as well be hell on Earth so I found this little apartment and I wanted to show you when it had a little bit more stuff but what you said today made me realize that I don't mind if you see this like it is right now because you have never judged me or made me feel something other than utter joy and happiness…" He explains, hugging her from behind and resting his chin on top of her head, making her laugh at her small size. "Also, Alex reminded me I have no sense of style and I was kind of hoping you could help a poor nineties obsessed guy turn this into a somewhat decent place. I'm going to buy a fuck ton of flowers and plants, obviously." He jokes and she can't help but to feel like this is monumental even if the gesture can seem somewhat simple.

Is this how he felt when she invited him for the first time to go to her place? Because she feels very honored but also excited and giddy. Luke has never really shied away from being open and vulnerable with her but this is where he'll live and the fact that he's choosing to share it with her when it's not decorated or anything means a lot to her.

There's also the not so little detail that he's showing this to her because he wants to and not because she pushed him to do so. Once she realized he was struggling with money and didn't feel comfortable where he lived she accepted the explanation and didn't push him, it simply didn't sit right with her, so him sharing his new place because he wanted to it's something she appreciates.

"I would love to help you but that's because I refuse to have a boyfriend whose house looks like it could rival Mary Kate Olsen's bedroom in New York minute." She jokes remembering one of her favorite movies when she was younger. It doesn't surprise her that Luke doesn't seem to have a clue about what she's talking about so she mentally adds it to a list of possible movies to watch on a night in. "If you give me a tour of the place I will help you decorate it."

"You got yourself a deal, boss." He answers, grabbing her by the hand before he starts walking her around. "I don't care that it's small, we can make it feel like home." He states and she has to keep herself from showing what she thinks after hearing him say that.

We can make it feel like home.

We can make it feel like home.

We can make it feel like home.

Home.

The way he said the sentence so easily wrecks her almost completely. The fact that he wants her to be a part of something so intimate and personal as an apartment makes her think that this relationship has started to drift away from something casual and fun into something else entirely. Her own initial thoughts of believing her and Luke were building something that was lasting come back to her as he blabs about water pressure.

She's not listening or paying an ounce of attention to him and she should feel bad about it but she's preoccupied with something bigger at the moment. Something like her own feelings for Luke.

She still thinks it's a little too early and very soon to be in love with him but she also feels like it's kind of inevitable to love him. It would be hands down one of the easiest things to do because, to be honest, what's not to love? Luke is a kind, respectful, funny and amazing guy who not only is handsome but also doesn't shy away from his feelings and treats her well. Luke is everything she'd want in a guy and so much more.

If she's going to give her heart to someone it's going to be him, who probably will say something along the lines about him not being worthy of such gesture and will definitely lose his ability to speak once again.

But she knows he deserves to be loved and she certainly feels loved and treasured by him even if he never said the words out loud. They owe themselves that conversation but not right now, because even if she knows what's going to happen is sort of inevitable she still wants some time to process her own feelings.

"Jules? Are you listening to me?" He asks, looking at her a little confused and she has to bite her lip because he looks like a puppy and that almost makes her forget she should've been paying attention to him.

"No, sorry. What were you saying?"

"I put up a bed, clean sheets and everything. If you want... I want you to spend the night, I can lend you a shirt for you to sleep in." The way he speaks makes her feel warm inside, it inevitably makes her remember how she felt the first time she asked him to spend the night at her place. Just that this time there's no mistaking his words for something else, this is not a proposal with an ulterior motive; he really just wants her to sleep there with him in his new apartment.

This time it's Julie the one who has to get her mind out of the gutter because after he speaks all she can think about is how she no longer wants to fantasize about this guy while she pleasures herself; now she wants to sleep with him. She thinks about voicing those thoughts out loud in the form of a proposal about christening his new bed but she stops herself and instead simply says:

"If you have a shirt with actual sleeves I'll consider it."

The smile that forms on Luke's face is enormous so she knows she made the right call by saying that instead of what she actually thought.

Once he hands her the shirt and guides her to the bathroom to give her privacy, she meditates about the monumental shift that just happened. In less than half an hour she admitted to the possibility of loving Luke and also decided she finally wanted to have sex with him. She's fine with both things but she also knows herself and appreciates the fact that she needs time to process the shift so, having sex with him right now, while it probably would've been amazing, it also would've probably wreck her a little.

"I really like the place Luke, thank you for showing me around." She says to him once they are cuddling on the bed, after he finally convinces her that he deserves to be the little spoon. She concedes because she feels a little bad about not paying attention to the tour he gave her but appreciates having him in this position allows her to play with his hair while also trying to find if he's ticklish, because that's important information she lacks.

"I've been dying to have you here! And I wasn't lying when I said I wanted you to help me decorate." He says at the same time he captures one of her hands and places a kiss on her knuckles, making her confirm that yes, she's completely head over heels over him.

"I know you meant it. Obviously you need me and would be helpless without me around." She answers with a little sass in her tone because she's obviously joking around. That's why she's surprised by Luke's answer:

"You have no idea how much of that is true, Jules." He simply says, locking eyes with her briefly before falling asleep.

If she dreams about decorating a house and building a future with Luke she blames the softness in his voice when he admits he needs her around.

She has been thinking and meditating a lot about Luke, their relationship and her feelings for him ever since he showed her around the apartment. She hasn't discussed these thoughts with anyone other than Carlos and her own flowers so it's safe to say that she's going a little crazy ruminating over and over the same thing, but at the same time she doesn't fully regret her decision because, well, she's afraid if someone listens to her they might think she's insane.

Luckily for her, Carlos is not capable of voicing his judgement out loud. Although his looks and meows do more than enough by transmitting the message.

"I know I've said time and time again I'm not the marrying kind but is it weird a part of me is not completely opposed to the idea of marrying Luke?" She asks Carlos while she's doing her nightly routine. "You know what? Don't answer that because that's definitely the honeymoon phase talking. But I do like the idea of us building a future together, I like the idea of having him by my side, of him being my partner and having my back. I mean he already does that so it's not like it would change anything."

Her cat doesn't answer which is not surprising but it is a sad reminder that she's confiding in her pet because the person she actually wants to talk to no longer walks the Earth.

"I wish you'd be able to meet him mom. I'm sure you'd like him, I'm sure you'd know exactly what to tell me right now." She says to her picture of Rose, pressing a soft kiss against the glass before going to bed.

She spends too much time in her own head thinking about her feelings for Luke but what actually confirms that she loves him is not her constant thinking; instead, what seals it for her is the sight of him being absolutely devastated after his parents pay him a surprise visit. It's quite ironic that seeing Luke this sad and in a very low place is what confirms that she truly loves him.

But she knows it's not because she's secretly attracted to sadness and gets off on tears, it's actually because seeing him being completely open about what he's feeling it's important to her. The realization that he feels comfortable crying and pouring his heart out to her without hiding or trying to put on a facade about being strong or manly is important to her.

There's also the fact that he went to her in a moment where he felt at his lowest and that screams volumes to her. She knows he didn't go to Alex or Reggie, instead he went directly to her without caring that she couldn't help him immediately because of her job. He chose to wait for her instead of getting an immediate response from his friends. He went to her and she knows he went to her for a reason, he went to her because he wanted to fall apart in her arms and feel safe and supported. So when she spoons him and tries to get him to rest she does it with love, not because it's what she feels he needs, but because it's what she wants to do.

She wants to love him until the pain goes away and the tears are nothing other than a distant memory. She wants to love him back to his real self, the Luke who's always excited and smiles as brightly as the Sun.

The morning after he saw his parents she thinks about telling him, because she loves waking up next to him and she thinks there's nothing that can compare to the intimacy they share when waking up together, both bathed in that golden morning light that makes her feel as if they are ethereal.

But she doesn't tell him.

She's not scared of her feelings but it's obvious he's still reeling from yesterday's events so she simply decides to show her love by making his favorite breakfast and eating together in bed. Her priority now is not voicing her feelings but rather, to make him feel better because she misses his smile and warmth, it's weird looking at him being so blue when he usually is a wildfire.

"Thank you for being there for me. For all you did yesterday and today as well." He hugs her goodbye and whispers the words into her hair. Even if his whole body is wrapping her she feels as if he's very small right now, the way his voice comes across just adds fuel to her thought.

In all honesty she wishes she could do more because clearly he's still not completely over what happened but she has a business to attend and he made it clear he won't distract her from that. He'll be back at night probably and she'll be able to shower him with all the love he deserves.

"Are you okay? You haven't really touched your food or paid attention to a word I've said." Flynn's voice brings her back to reality. She doesn't know for how long she stayed there looking at nothing but when her eyes move to her friend's face her factions are contorted into worry.

"Sorry, you were saying?"

"I was asking you if you were okay. That's more important than whatever I was saying." Julie can't help but to let out a sigh, because by now she knows Flynn won't let this go and she doesn't really want to make a big deal out of it; but maybe it'll help to voice her thoughts out loud.

"I'm worried about Luke. His parents dropped unannounced yesterday. When you saw him he was actually looking to escape the encounter and I feel silly because it's just a bad encounter and he'll be fine but Luke…" She stops and takes a second to collect her thoughts and express herself correctly. "He's this larger than life person, you know? He's always happy and excited and it's so strange to see him feeling sad and so small. I want to give him things like hugs and cuddles."

"You know that's not how the saying goes. You want to give him things like self-esteem and a blowjob." Flynn says and Julie can't help to laugh which is probably what her friend wanted to happen, so she's thankful for that. "I'm sorry, I know it must be hard to see someone you love feel this bad."

The way Flynn says love so easily makes her wonder if it's so obvious for everyone; something her friend notices because she immediately adds:

"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me."

And while Julie doubts it'll remain a secret for much longer she appreciates the gesture so she sends a small smile her way.

"I haven't even said that out loud to myself." She explains and her friend sends her a look that clearly states that she knows. "I guess I was also thinking about that. It just recently hit me that I love him and I've been meditating about that."

"Do you wanna talk about that? I'm assuming Carlos' input about this hasn't been the best one. You know I'm all ears."

"I just… Did I ever tell you that the reason I even know he exists is because the first time he saw me I remembered the way my dad used to see my mom? Like, this random stranger made me remember how in love my parents were. And I know he didn't love me then, but now? Now I think we do love each other. Whether we say it out loud or not."

"So, what's bothering you?"

"Nothing's bothering me. It's just that I don't think I've ever loved like this. I don't think I've ever met someone who really deserves to be the subject of my affections and Luke really deserves to be loved. That's why it makes me mad that his parents don't support him, because he's such a great guy, he deserves so much…" Julie shrugs, feeling a little strange. She's so used to simply rambling to herself it's kind of weird trying to put her thoughts together and also try to make sense for someone else.

"You also deserve to be loved Julie." Says Flynn using a deadly serious tone and looking at her right in the eyes. "Like, I'm not trying to discourage you from loving him, I just want to point out that love goes both ways."

"And I do feel loved by him, very much so." Julie answers honestly, not even taking a second to doubt her words when she's affirming something she hasn't even discussed with Luke.

"So what's the problem? I feel like I'm expecting a big 'but' or something and yet all you do is reiterate how much you love each other." Flynn is clearly trying to be supportive, which is something Julie appreciates when obviously her words lack sense.

"I guess I wasn't expecting to love him, not this soon. I should be used to surprises by now but he's on another level entirely and I'm glad by that, I'm glad that I met him and that we are together. I'm just getting used to the idea that I found love and that it feels this good." Julie doesn't know if she's making sense anymore, all this thinking and ruminating while missing her mom and only talking to her cat is really doing a number on her.

Luckily, Flynn is nothing but a trooper.

"Julie, it sounds to me like you need to stop thinking so much and simply let yourself fall for this guy. Less mind, more heart or something like that." Flynn says easily because, and Julie doesn't need to be told that she knows, it's clear that she's overthinking something that is felt and doesn't necessarily need to be so rationalized.

"You're absolutely right." She says to her friend, who gives her a smile and takes that as a cue to return to her lunch, Julie's about to do the same before she realizes something. "But, you know what? I don't think 'falling for him' is the right phrase; I think he fucking made me trip with all his charm and his ridiculous arms."

"That sounds more like my girl." Says her friend, making her laugh.

Now that she's not wrapped inside her own mind, she feels free to open her heart to Luke.

She also feels free to open up some other parts of her.