Stefan had been gone.
He had lost track of how long he had been gone, to be frank. He had just gotten addicted to the level of peace he was enjoying while away from everyone.
It was crazy, really… thinking that now, he had an "everyone" to reference in his thoughts. Barely 2 years ago, the only people he had in his circle was his great nephew and Leslie… - he was actively counting Damon out of that list. - And now, he had Elena, Damon, Bonnie, Alaric, Jo, Tyler, Matt, Jeremy, and Caroline
Caroline.
She was the reason he had left.
At least, he would like to believe so. She had been the catalyst, the last straw that broke the camels back, final nail in the coffin yada yada.
If he was allowing himself to be honest, he would admit that his leaving had very little to do with Caroline rejecting him on the day of Alaric and Josette's wedding.
"That's because you're a control freak who's lost control. I feel the same way when I'm around you. That's what falling for somebody is. It's being vulnerable. It's –" He grabs her hand again. "–giving up control."
"I know..." Caroline agreed sombrely. "but where I'm at right now in my life, with the guilt and the grief, control is all I have. And I don't think that I can give that up."
"That's okay… I'm patient." Stefan mumbled, nodding his head in understanding. In any case, he had told Liz Forbes he would wait for the perfect timing before pursuing what they have... Or could have.
"I don't want you to wait for me, Stefan… I really can't have that." Caroline had said, and then a look had crossed over her features that had given Stefan a very very dark feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"That's my prerogative." Stefan responded stubbornly, then steered the conversation away from the doom and gloom. They had to talk about it because Caroline needed to talk about it but with that topic tackled, he found no reason to keep prodding so they sat there in mild chatter before Caroline hopped up and kicked into overdrive again, ready to salvage whatever mess has been created in her few minutes leave of absence.
The latter end of the conversation came back to him… It wasn't new to him. He's been playing and replaying that whole conversation in his head, at odd times, for several months now. He didn't discover anything new when he does, he just that he was as confused as can be.
He knew his feelings were complicated, confusing, to say the very least. He had come back to Mystic falls after years of being away, because of Elena. He had bet his whole life on her, and when that had fallen apart, he had rationalised and pretended to be okay. He had believed her to be his soulmate and she had chosen him over and over again in a very obvious and blatant manner than gave him confidence and strength and everything in between, including complacency so that when she had chosen his brother over him, he had had nothing to fall back on. Nothing.
Nothing but to pretend to be okay with it because yes, he's realised Damon makes enough sacrifices for him and he should do same without pouting.
So he had. And he had found his comfort elsewhere… In Caroline. And maybe it wasn't healthy, this codependency, but it was the only thing he could do to deal with that loss.
And then Caroline had liked him. Loud and clear and Stefan had reciprocated that feeling but he always wondered how deep that was, especially in the last few months. He wondered if that was because he was always mentally and subconsciously comparing that feeling with what he felt for Elena. Otherwise, why else would he go to Damon on advice about how to handle his feelings for Caroline.
Of course he knew that was probably not it.
Stefan signed for what felt like a millionth time in the last ten minutes since he'd been parked in front of the Salvatore boarding house.
It could be a lot of things, he realised, but Caroline saying she wasn't ready to deal with him had just sent him off.
So he had skipped town.
Total cowardly move but his options, he had felt at the time, were limited. And skipping town has kind of become his response to dealing with things he didn't have the energy to deal with.
Unhealthy, yes.
But all he's got.
Dragging his feet, he moved towards the door and opened it, only to be hit by a wave of… something familiar?
"Was Bonnie here?" He asked as he entered the familiar house, noting that Damon, as usual, was half naked and standing behind the kitchen island doing something with food. Either cooking or eating, he did not have the energy to ruminate further on the information.
"Well hello, brother. It's been several months since I last saw you. I missed you terribly." Damon responded without looking up from his food. He always loved the garnishing and presentation part of every meal and took it a little bit more seriously than the actual cooking of the meal. "Oh! Have I apologised for ditching town without a word?" Still didn't look up, but he made sure his displeasure was felt through his obvious sarcasm.
"It wasn't without a word." Stefan countered. A little lame, all things considered but still, it was the first thing he could come up with. Not like he was going to win against Damon when the other was being sarcastic anyway.
"Later, doesn't count." Damon says calmly, still not looking up.
Stefan felt like a delinquent child being told off by his parent, and shuffled on his feet subconsciously. "Technically, it's a-"
Finally, Damon looked up and his disagreement was evident even before he opened his mouth to speak. "Stefan, leave the sharp with and funny stuff to me. Let's just agree once and for all that I'm the fun brother, you're not."
"I don't have the energy to deal with you, Damon." Finally, Stefan seemed to realise he was talking to his brother, not his father.
"Well that's a bit of a waste, ain't it? You go away for months supposedly to rejuvenate yourself and then come back weak." He shook his head in disappointment, then went back to adding parsley and chives to his breakfast omelette.
"Damon…" Stefan sighed.
"Bonnie did come by." He kept his eyes on his food for a while, then lifted his head to add, "A lot."
"Okay…" He had even forgotten that he had asked that question when he walked in and thought it a little strange that Damon had shelved the question to answer later.
"I mean she came by a lot." Damon stressed, sure Stefan had either not heard him or didn't quite grasp what he was saying.
"I heard you the first time." The younger vampire answered, now convinced he was missing something but sure Damon was going to tell him anyway.
"Yes, but you didn't get me." Damon ventured with his hand, a brow raised to compliment the quirk in his lips, giving him what he believed to be his mischievous look.
"What's there to get?" Stefan asked again, for the first time, wondering why his brother was being uncharacteristically, well Damon.
"She came by," He tried again, tone dripping mischief. "A-"
"Lot. Yes, yes, you've said that." Stefan gave up, shaking his head at Damon as he made his way upstairs to his room. Whatever it was, Damon was going to tell him sooner or later and he was certain Bonnie had gotten herself into some kind of trouble. But with that certainty also came another certainty. That Bonnie Bennet was more than capable of getting herself out of any trouble she finds herself in. Ergo, he was not worried about that. Or her.
Sighing, the older brother left what he believed to be the most gorgeous omelette he's every made, and followed Stefan upstairs.
"We're dating." He deadpanned, standing in the doorway of Stefan's room.
"Who would buy that lie? Everyone knows you're not my style." Stefan had his back turned to Damon. He wasn't particularly sorting anything out. When it came to keeping the house clean and organised, he believed Damon did a better job of it than him anyway so he had no problem whatsoever with leaving his room for months. From the looks of it, Damon had cleaned the room up regularly.
Damon laughed. Actually laughed. "Okay, I'll admit you can be funny sometimes."
"Who believed that lie?" Stefan asked, flabbergasted. He knew people believed all manner of things but him and Damon dating was a reach.
"I didn't mean you and I, silly. I meant Bonnie and I." He still had a hint of humour in his voice.
Stefan turned around to look at the other vampire, disbelief apparent on his features. "You're not serious."
"Dead." Damon says simply.
"Are you kidding me?" Stefan exclaimed, unable to keep his cool.
"Of all the reactions I thought of, this is not one of them." Was that a hint of sadness he detected in his tone? Damon was not really in the mood to direct his emotions.
"Damon, how could-" Stefan started to say.
"How could I? Brother, that's extreme, even for you. I thought after Alaric's wedding, everyone knew. They seemed to all hear Bonnie and I talking." Now he was confused.
"Does Elena-?" Stefan started to ask.
"Is that important right now? I'm telling my baby brother that I'm in a relationship and-" There it was, that emotion he had long forgotten about, rearing its head again. Hurt.
"Yes, that's what's important to me." Stefan responded.
"She knows."
"I don't need to know more."
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Over the last few decades, there were things Stefan had gone through and for the most part, he lived his life trying not to offend anyone. Aside the times when he had flipped his switch off and gone into ripper mode, which he wasn't excusing, he believed he lived a life of very very few regrets.
So he had come to town because of Elena, had fallen head over heels in love with her, had suffered and lost and loved and even though he hadn't thought it possible, he had mended his relationship with his brother.
They were still finding out things about each other, about their past when they were away from each other. He understood that Damon was the type of person who acted first and thought later, and even though that trait has landed his brother in many a sticky situation, he knew Damon was an expert at getting herself out of sticky situations.
So what had really ticked him off about Damon's disclosure of his relationship with Bonnie? He didn't want to think it but it was obvious.
He found it really really annoying -to put it mildly- when he thought back on all the times Damon had said Elena was the one for him, all the times he had acted like it, all the times Stefan had questioned his love for the girl because he had compared his actions to how Damon went all out for her.
He was having a hard time thinking that he and Elena had fallen apart and a big part of that reason, was Damon, and now, Damon had moved on.
So he was angry.
For days, he was angry at Damon because he had to direct his anger somewhere and Damon was the easier target. Damon has always been the easier target for his anger.
But after a week, when he was just very tired of being angry, his thoughts cleared long enough for him to think straight and he realised a few things.
1. If his relationship with Elena was as solid as he would have liked to believe, no one would have been able to come between them.
2. If he was as confident in his love for Elena, he would not have second guessed himself and subconsciously, without even realising it, sabotaged his relationship with her.
3. Damon had loved Elena, but Damon had walked away from the possibility of a relationship with the girl because of him… perhaps things hadn't gone according to plan, but Damon had been willing to step out and give up.
4. Things that are meant to happen will happen no matter what.
5. They were all equally responsible for the failure of his relationship with Elena, but he and Elena were the ones most at fault. They were after all, the ones in the relationship.
6. If a "soulmate" relationship like his and Elena's can end, what was the big deal about Elena and Damon breaking up?
7. He genuinely wanted his brother to be happy.
8. And above all else, he trusted Bonnie. He still, more than anything else, and more than anyone else, believed that Bonnie was the strongest of the bunch. She was not a gullible person seeking attention and approval. She has always known what she was about and even if this was obvious trouble, he trusted that Bonnie Bennet was more than capable of getting herself out of trouble.
And with that realisation, came the need to correct his wrongs.
—————————————————————————————
"Does she make you happy?" Stefan mumbled, almost as if he was afraid of the question he was asking. He was standing in the doorway of Damon's room, the other laying around in bed.
"What?" Damon sat up. He couldn't believe he had heard right.
"That's what I should have asked first." Stefan sighed. He felt a bit guilty about his initial response to the news about him dating Bonnie. "Are you happy?"
"More than I've been in a while." Damon says simply.
"Don't worry about anything then." Stefan shrugged, walking away. "I'm stepping out for a while." And just like that, he was out the door, leaving a flabbergasted Damon behind.