Chapter 7

Jake sat staring at the fire in Mr. Woodhouse' study, as if the dancing flames were the most mesmerizing sight he had seen. The conversation with Mr. Woodhouse had suddenly become stilted and mostly one sided. Although Jake was trying his best to do more than just reply to Mr. Woodhouse' questions, his mind was elsewhere. The dinner had been difficult. There were so many things he had wanted to say to Emma, wanting her to understand, but he knew these were not things he could say. Emma had been so silent throughout that he had tried his best to fill the silence with stories of his trip. He had told story after story with as much dramatics as he could muster in hopes that something would spark her interest, but she had just mumbled a few comments throughout.

He valued his time with the Woodhouse family and looked forward to their after-dinner conversations. Typically, the dinners were spent discussing simpler things, but the heavy discussions occurred afterwards in the study when Mr. Woodhouse sat nursing his glass of port and enjoying the heat from the fire. Emma and Jake would get into all sorts of matters, sometimes serious, sometimes meaningful, and sometimes silly, but always passionate and involved.

"She is young and is feeling the loss of her friend deeply," Mr. Woodhouse finally said, correctly interpreting the morose expression on Jake's face, "everything that has happened has caused confusion and havoc. It was similar when you got engaged but just the excitement of it all kept her from dwelling on it for too long. It is my fault for keeping her so sheltered. I kept meaning to take her to London for a proper season but the thought of travelling to London and the heavy air there have always kept me away. Except she has never been exposed to the truths about the world. The most serious thing that has happened to her was her mother passing away, but she was too young to know about it. In all other respects she has been untouched by anything negative."

"I know," Jake said quietly while still gazing into the fire, "I greatly admire her innocence and am trying to protect her. I regret that things happened as they did. I regret that I have inadvertently hurt Emma, but I do not regret my engagement ending."

Jake turned so he was looking directly at Mr. Woodhouse, daring him to say something about that statement but all Mr. Woodhouse did was simply nod and take another sip of his drink.

"I can see things that Emma is too young to notice," Mr. Woodhouse acknowledged, "She was caught up in the excitement of her two best friends getting engaged. I know it was not a happy engagement. The engagement itself would not have been dragged out more than a year if either of you were eager to get married. I do not know everything, but I know you. Even while knowing you were unhappy; I know you fully meant to fulfil your obligations. Just give her time, she will begin to see it too."

Jake closed his eyes and leaned his head against the chair. The calm assurance and unwavering faith Mr. Woodhouse had in his character was like a balm to his battered soul.

Mr. Woodhouse continued his contemplation, "I do not know if Emma even realized just how things would have changed, had you two actually gotten married. She considered herself to be part of the engagement. I should have stopped her from tagging along with you two everywhere, but I did not see the harm at the time. She would have been hurt regardless when you married with the realization that she has been left behind."

Jake nodded realizing the truth in Mr. Woodhouse' words. He finally took a deep breath and said the words that he had not shared with anyone before, "there was someone else."

The loud gasp and sudden footsteps outside the door had Jake standing up and hurrying to open the door to catch the intruder. Jake whipped open the door and ran into the empty hallway only to see Emma's skirts flying around the corner as they disappeared up the stairs.

Emma stomped through the side door on her way out for a walk. She was dressed in her oldest cotton dress and pair of boots because she knew a short walk around the lands was not enough to calm her mind. Just when she thought she needed to ask Jake for forgiveness, she would find out something new that would have her doubting everything she thought she knew about him.

The dinner itself had been different than any from the past. Her maid had looked at her strangely when Emma had declared she wanted to wear her evening gown instead of the dress the maid had initially taken out. The dress had been formal and too much for a casual dinner, but she had wanted to appear mature and regal. It had not occurred to her until she was on her way down that she might appear silly to be so dressed up. She had already waited until the last possible moment to head downstairs and it had been too late to change. The dress would have been cringeworthy, as if a child were playing dress up, but Jake had also been dressed more formal then he generally would for their weekly dinners.

Everything about the evening had felt different. There was a moment in the beginning where she had met his eyes and it was as if she was meeting someone for the first time. That feeling had been intensified when he had offered her his arm to walk the few steps to her seat, as if she were too precious to do the simple task. Maybe because he had always been in her life, she had never been so aware of him in a physical sense before. Emma could not remember his eyes ever having that level of intensity and heat when looking at her. Had he always looked at her like that? As if nothing else could captivate him the way she did simply by being there. Surely, she would have noticed if he had stared at her that way while engaged to Ms. Taylor.

However, it was not just his eyes but the rest of him seemed transformed as well, his height had always been a fact about him but now she thought of his height in relation to herself. Emma was taller than most women but compared to Jake she felt dainty and delicate. Even with the kitten heels she had been wearing the previous night, he was still a head taller than her. Likewise, she knew he did physical labor alongside his workers, but his shoulders had seemed even stronger and broader than before. The slicked back hair was something he did only on special occasions and Emma had to stop herself from reaching forward to run her fingers through the locks to determine if they truly were as thick as they appeared. It had been even worse knowing her father had been sitting a few feet away. She only hoped the heightened color in her cheeks had been interpreted as anger or embarrassment for being late and not due to her strange thoughts.

He was no longer the safe and calm Jake but someone who made her feel extreme emotions, whether that was anger or hurt or confusion. Even with her best attempt at staying out of the conversation, his descriptions of his travels had kept her enthralled. There were so many questions she had wanted to ask but had not, to avoid showing too much interest. She had felt herself slipping into the comfortable ways of previous dinners and suddenly the thought of a cozy conversation in front of the fire had seemed too intimate and personal, and more than she could handle in her current state.

Emma had not meant to eavesdrop on Jake and her father's conversation but had eventually realized that saying no to joining the men had meant she would not get any dessert. Although she tried not to partake in too many sweets, Emma knew that cook had made her favorite berry tarts with fresh cream and she had not been willing to give up on that. She had tried to convince herself to wait until Jake had left but it was not even a quarter past and she had found herself sneaking down the stairs to the kitchen. However, she never made it to the kitchen because the sound of her name had made her pause and listen at the door.

Her father had been analyzing her involvement in the engagement and his words made her bristle with anger and shame. The anger was at his implication she had been ignorant and naïve while the shame was over the realization that even her father who did not go out too much had known that it was an unhappy engagement while Emma had not noticed. Had they truly been unhappy right from the beginning? Why had they gotten engaged if they were not interested? Emma had wanted to burst through the doors and yell how incorrect her father was in saying she was so innocent. He had implied she was too emotionally involved or had not realized that things would change once her friends were married.

Of course, I knew they were getting married. What else was an engagement but a precursor to marriage and a lifetime of togetherness. And it was not as though she did not know what marriage was, Emma thought angrily as she kicked at a loose rock.

However, the anger left her just as quickly as it had entered. Her father was not incorrect that she had not spent any time thinking about Mr. Knightley and Ms. Taylor being married. In her mind the three of them would continue the weekly excursions and outings. It had not occurred to her that she had secretly always thought of Jake as belonging more to her than Ms. Taylor but that would not be true if they had married. They would have had an entirely separate life and even if she had still spent time with them weekly, she would have been the outsider. The guest. Instead of Ms. Taylor.

Emma was so confused by her feelings. She had no claim to Mr. Knightley and was not even sure if she wanted to. She had been truly happy for her friend's engagement. But she had been so busy being happy for the engagement that she had never really stopped to think too much about what it all meant or how she had felt about it. She had spent so much energy ensuring that things were always smooth and happy with everyone that the strain in the relationship had gone unnoticed.

However, even more than what her father was saying, it was Jake's words that made Emma want to throw something and scream in anger. There was someone else… someone else… someone… else.

How could Jake have asked one woman to marry him but be interested in someone else instead? Where was this woman now? Who was she?

The Jake she had grown up with had been the most honorable and kind man she knew. He had always been patient with her and had always asked for and listened to her opinions. Jake went out of his way to ensure everyone felt included and no one felt inferior regardless of their class or status in life. He had never been a cad or womanizer. In truth, he had never even shown any interest towards any one woman.

Maybe he was a rake, but he was just careful that no one in Highbury knew about it, Emma thought with irritation.

Another thought occurred to Emma which made her suddenly stop walking, was it as per Ms. Bates comments and that someone else Jake was interested in was Jane Fairfax?

The thought of Jake and Jane Fairfax knocked the wind out of Emma. It felt like a physical blow even more powerful than her thoughts of Jake and Ms. Taylor. Jane was closer to Emma's age and although Emma knew on paper, she herself had more to offer, she also knew she could never compete with Jane's quiet nature and musical talents. Even Ms. Taylor had laughingly reproached Emma many times that a husband wanted someone to sooth and be a calming presence and not someone who would constantly challenge or argue with them. Jane really was the angel Ms. Bates made her out to be, and even with Emma's superior looks and wealth, that was just not Emma with her quick temper and angry words.

Jake and Ms. Taylor had been engaged for almost a year but there had been little talk of the actual marriage. It had usually been other people asking regarding the date and event and Ms. Taylor always giving general answers regarding Mr. Knightley being a very busy and important man. Emma suddenly realized that their engagement had always been superficial but if Jake truly were interested in Jane Fairfax it would mean he had broken his engagement for her. It would mean he was in love with her to have done something so out of character and drastic.

Would it be only a matter of time for the rumours and speculation to die down before Jake was announcing another engagement to this someone else.

Emma could not stop herself from picking up a handful of rocks and branches and throwing them violently at a nearby tree.

Jake hurried down the street in Highbury refusing to slow down to avoid any conversation. He silently cursed himself for coming to the main street to run his errands at this time. He generally tried to get his business completed in the early mornings to avoid the fashionable crowd which roused later in the day and spent their times browsing the shops Highbury offered. This was the time for the ladies to wander the streets and stop every few moments to greet someone new.

He would have been here in the morning as per his plan but one of his tenants had asked for help with an injured horse and he had not been able to refuse. Thankfully, the injury to the horse was not major and a few days rest should be enough for the horse. In fact, the injury was so minor that it had taken everything in Jake to not snap at the tenant about wasting his time.

Jake sighed and shook his head; he was generally a patient man and enjoyed spending time with his tenants. He actively encouraged them to bring their problems to him, regardless of how small they might seem because he wanted to foster trust and respect in the relationship. Jake knew the bad mood had nothing to do with the tenant or his horse but everything to do with Emma and what she had overheard. He was not sure how long she had been there or what she thought she had understood but she had not stayed around long enough for him to explain anything.

Would he have even explained anything? Jake thought ruefully. He acknowledged that statement could be taken in many ways, but the truth was not something he could reveal to Emma. She would never accept it as the truth, and it was not in Jake's nature to disparage a woman's name for his own gain.

Jake cursed at himself for having said the words. At the time he had wanted to share some of his thoughts with someone he knew would not judge but would just listen. The dinner should have been like any other in the past, but he had felt immense pressure that this dinner be the first step in healing the rift in his and Emma's relationship. It had been going well and he knew that even if the conversation had not flowed as naturally as it should have, there had been a moment in the beginning when Emma had been studying him with interest as if trying to figure out who he was. He had not minded the perusal and in fact wanted her to see him as something more than just her older friend. However, by having her overhear his words, he had just further complicated things for himself.

"Mr. Knightley…. Mr. Knightley…"

Jake looked up at someone repeatedly calling his name from across the street. He generally enjoyed talking to his neighbors, but he had been hopeful he could avoid everyone today. Jake stifled a sigh before walking over to Ms. Bates.

He gave a quick bow, "Ms. Bates, Miss. Fairfax. It is good to see both of you. I hope you are finding the weather agreeable for your walk around town."

Ms. Bates tittered as if he had uttered something really funny, "oh Mr. Knightley, yes. It has been a great day filled with shopping. We bought the prettiest of ribbons for my dear Jane's hair. She has such rich hair, and the chestnut locks make everything look better. I wanted her to buy a yellow ribbon, but she had her heart set on light green. I could not deny the light green looked wonderous against her complexion. Wouldn't you agree Mr. Knightley?"

"Of course," Jake agreed quickly, "Miss. Fairfax would look handsome in either the yellow or green ribbon."

Miss. Fairfax blushed before giving a demur smile, "thank you sir. It is a good thing you both agree that I can wear either color as it makes shopping ever so much easier."

Miss. Fairfax' words were quietly spoken but the twinkle in her eyes as if she were laughing at the conversation made Jake want to smile back in return.

"And do you have plans for a lot more shopping today?" Jake asked conversationally.

"Truthfully, I should not have planned for even this much shopping," Jane returned with a laugh.

"I am famished," Ms. Bates declared. "Jane wandered through every store before purchasing the ribbon. She is ever so considerate of not overspending. This was meant to be her birthday present and still took so much urging before she finally accepted."

"We were just headed to grab some tea and pastries at the bakery, and you simply must join us," Ms. Bates continued excitedly.

"I… umm…," Jake looked around for a second before accepting graciously, "only if you ladies allow it to be my treat. I would love to join you."

Jake offered his arms to the ladies and escorted them down the road to the outdoor tables.