Idunn's Apple Pie

A Marvel 616 fic by Andrew Joshua Talon

DISCLAIMER: Ain't mine.

"Urgh... Ugh... Damnit all!"

Steve looked away from the mirror, his razor held in his right hand. He frowned in concern and walked out into the master bedroom, face still wearing shaving cream.

"Hela? What is it?" He asked.

Hela was dressed in... Well it could only be described as tight and green. A low cut, short dress that was tight around her curvy body. Hela looked over with a frown, wriggling her wide bottom.

"I could fit into this dress on our date nights before I had Bucky," she said, "but now... Well, look!" She turned to face him, the dress still unbelievably tight around her curvy body. Her breasts had grown, as had her thighs. Steve honestly wasn't sure how he could have missed it. Hela pouted at him, very unhappy.

"Oh, I'm hideous!" She cried. "How did this happen?! I'm an Asgardian, I shouldn't be able to gain this kind of weight!" She looked at Steve, deeply ashamed. "I'm so sorry Steve, I've let myself become a fat monster!"

She was actually close to breaking into tears. Steve thought about things for a moment, and picked up his phone.

"Fury, this is Steve. I'm calling today off," he said. "And tomorrow. See you Tuesday."

He ended the call and shook his head as he walked up to Hela and pulled her into a tight embrace. She squeaked in surprise, her pale face turning red.

"Wh-Why'd you-?"

"I called off work because my wife has clearly gone mad," Steve said, "if she thinks she's in any way unattractive."

He grabbed her thicker bottom, making her coo. He grinned.

"In fact... I'd say she's gotten even more beautiful," he growled. Hela flushed and licked her lips.

"I might need more convincing~," she simpered.

"I think I can do that," Steve agreed, picking her up into his arms.

Bucky began to cry over the baby monitor. Hela sighed. Steve smiled.

"I'll be right back-"

Hela clapped her hands. A portal appeared, and Skurge came out. The Asgardian guard looked more than a bit confused.

"Ah, My Queen-"

"Skurge! Babysit our beloved son for the next 48 hours!" Hela ordered. "Get going!"

Skurge saluted, and hastily retreated out of the bedroom. Hela licked her lips and wrapped her arms around Steve's neck.

"Now, where were we~?"

Skurge saw to the little prince of Hel. He knew how to change a diaper just fine, and the child just needed a snack and after that. Mindful of Hela's wrath should he fail to adequately protect or entertain the child, Skurge took Bucky downstairs. He put on one of the Midgardian entertainment shows-One with creatures made of felt that sang and danced and so on. Soon Prince Bucky was enraptured by the creatures, while Skurge sat nearby him. He sighed and looked down at his mighty hands. Hands that had fought a thousand battles.

"I am now a glorified babysitter to my queen," Skurge grumbled. "A queen who has forsaken her kingdom to live with an above average mortal."

He sighed.

"How the mighty have fallen," he lamented.

"Kermit! Kermit!" The little prince cried cheerfully, pointing at the screen. Skurge looked up at it eagerly.

"Yes! The Green Commander!" He cried, eagerly sitting down on the floor next to the little prince. He crawled up into Skurge's lap, and Hela's minion held him securely.

"Why he won't simply execute some of his minions to gain peace, I will never understand," he commented. He looked down at Bucky. "You should learn from his failure, little one. A wise ruler removes significant threats to his kingdom from without and within."

Bucky grinned happily.

"Eggs! Cute!" He cried.

"Close," Skurge said. "You'll get it eventually."

Just a bit of fun. Hope you enjoyed!