There was no light inside the seemingly abandoned house, but neighboring streetlights gave it a faint glow as Batman knocked on the door, to no answer. Batman tried the door to find it unlocked, and cautiously pushed it open. "Joker?" he called. "Are you in here?"

He moved through the shadows and silence, looking around carefully, when he was suddenly leapt on and seized in a bone-crushing embrace.

"Buddy!" exclaimed Joker, squeezing him tightly. "I knew you'd come! I knew you of all people wouldn't abandon me!"

"Get off!" snapped Batman, shoving him away. In the dim light, Batman could see that the Joker did indeed look crazier than usual – he hadn't thought such a thing was possible until tonight. But his wild green eyes were even shinier than normal, and his smile was a wide, rictus grin.

"Are you…ok?" asked Batman, slowly. "Weird question, I know…"

"Ok?" repeated Joker. "Never been better, buddy! Never been better! But where are my manners – come in!" he exclaimed, beckoning Batman deeper into the hideout. Batman suspected a trap, but he was determined to lock Joker up before he could hurt more people, including himself.

He brushed against something hanging from the ceiling, and looked up to see that several small animal corpses hung from the rafters by their fluffy tails. "Are these…squirrels?" asked Batman, examining one.

"They were plotting against me," muttered Joker, turning to him with a solemn face, which soon broke into a smile again. "I killed 'em first, though. I killed 'em all! They won't have the chance to organize against me now! Had to get them before they got me, that's just how it goes."

"…right," said Batman, slowly.

"Sit down, help yourself to a drink," said Joker, gesturing to a table. "Looks like we might need a refill on the scotch – Harley!" he shouted. "Bring Bats and me another bottle!"

Batman waited, but nothing happened. "Harley!" shouted Joker again.

"I think…she's gone, Joker," said Batman. "Remember?"

"Harley!" repeated Joker, heading over to the sofa. "Don't just sit there, you useless lump!" he snapped, punching what appeared to be a mannequin dressed in Harley's clothes, holding two bags of flour with faces drawn on them in her arms. "We have guests! Honestly, ever since the kiddos came along, you're so lazy! It's all about them anymore! You're too high and mighty to serve me now, huh? I'll show you, you ungrateful brat!"

"Uh…Joker…" said Batman, seizing his arm to prevent him from further beating the mannequin. "Would you like to come back to Arkham with me? I think that would be a really fun thing to do…"

"Arkham?" repeated Joker, rounding on him. "Where that dumb blonde first sank her claws into me? No, thank you! Don't need reminding of that particular disaster! Should have known she was trouble – should have known to stay away from the shrinks! They try and twist your mind, and the only person who should be twisting minds is me! Do you know she tricked me into getting her pregnant?"

"She tricked you into having sex with her?" asked Batman.

"Oh c'mon, like a dame's never tricked you into having sex with her!" snapped Joker.

"Maybe, but I've never been tricked into getting one pregnant…" began Batman.

"That you know of," finished Joker. "She tells me she's protected, but then she tells me the best protection isn't a sure thing, and surprise, it failed! So I says we need to stop this before it goes too far, but she won't hear of it! Says it'll be wonderful to have the babies, that I'll be such a great Daddy! And then what does she do?! She has the babies, and then she takes 'em away from me! Guess the joke was on me all along – she just used me to father the kiddos, and now that she got what she wanted, she doesn't need me anymore! She probably just did it all to spite me, to hurt me, but she hasn't hurt me! She doesn't have that power over me! I'd have to care about her and the little brats to feel hurt, and I don't, not at all! I blame the Weed – she's always telling Harley that she doesn't need a man and she should just be a strong, independent woman living on her own! So that's what she does! And I'm just chopped liver, I guess! I tell ya, Bats, I ain't the kinda guy who loses his temper much, you know that. Pleasant and agreeable, that's me, all the time. But I'm angry about this, I can't deny it. That useless dame thinks she can just discard me like trash, like I discarded her so many times! Well, nobody discards the Joker!"

"Maybe this is the kinda thing you can talk through in therapy at Arkham…" began Batman, reaching for the Batcuffs.

"I'm not going back to Arkham!" shouted Joker, slipping out of his grip. "I have things to do!"

"Such as?" asked Batman. "Inflict your suffering on other people? Spread the misery around, is that it?"

"I'm a selfless, generous guy, what can I say?" asked Joker, shrugging. "Harley hasn't ruined that about me – she hasn't ruined anything about me, in fact. She's had no effect on me whatsoever, and neither have the kids! People say becoming a father changes men, but it hasn't changed me. Nothing changes me. I'm the same happy, hilarious guy I always was!"

"Uh…sure," said Batman. "But I really think you'll be happier at Arkham…"

"I told you I'm not going!" shouted Joker, seizing the mannequin. "Look, buddy, I appreciate you dropping by to check up on me, but as you can see, I'm fine. And I don't really have time for you right now, but it was so sweet of you to call. We must do this again sometime – maybe meet for brunch or something."

"Joker, you're not well," said Batman. "And I know that seems like an obvious thing to say, but you're not even…funny anymore. I saw the other Rogues, and they said you've just been committing obscenely violent crimes for no reason. What's the punchline with blowing up these blocks? There isn't one. You have to realize you have a problem if you've lost your sense of humor, right?"

"I haven't lost my sense of humor, Bats," said Joker, his insane smile widening. "You shouldn't suggest Harley has taken that away from me too, because she hasn't. I'm still the greatest comedian in the world. For example, I'm armed!" he exclaimed, ripping off the mannequin's arm and flailing it at Batman, laughing. "Get it?"

"Harley already did that joke…" began Batman.

"She did not!" roared Joker, striking out at him with the arm. "She stole it from me if she did, just like she steals everything from me, the dirty little thief! Well, here's one thing she won't have stolen – time to be disarming," he said, tossing the arm over his shoulder. "And alarming!" he shouted, slamming a button on the wall. The squirrels hanging from the ceiling instantly started exploding, and Batman raced out the window before the whole building went up in flames.

Once he got outside, the roof collapsed in on itself, and Batman stared at the pile of burning rubble, looking around for any sign of where Joker had gone. But there wasn't any. The night was quiet and still, and he knew he would have to go back to the drawing board and start hunting for him from scratch, before Joker could hurt anyone else. But it was harder now – when Joker acted like himself, Batman could usually predict what he was going to do. He knew him, and the kinds of bizarre things he found funny, and that was the key to stopping him. But now Joker just seemed like a completely different person. And that meant Batman didn't know him, and more importantly, couldn't stop him.

"Exploding squirrel bombs," Batman muttered. "They were right - it's not even a joke. He really must be depressed," he sighed, heading off into the night. And if anyone knew what depression looked like, it was Batman.