Diana stayed the night, which Astrid was grateful for. Having a warm body next to her was preferable to sleeping alone. Sleeping by herself brought on longing thoughts of Sam. At least with Diana with her, she was too self-conscious to think anything dirty.

She hadn't told Diana everything. How could she? Casting the words into the unforgiving air of the trailer made them crass, nothing at all like the thoughts in her head. She hadn't told her that she had let Orc kiss her again, that she had counted off each one in her head as it happened. One, two, three. Two chaste ones, one...not. But to admit that to Diana would be too much. She couldn't tell her about the last kiss, the one that was full and openmouthed, and how it'd made her feel. Just the thought made her cheeks heat with shame and her stomach squirm with discomfort.

It was true that she wasn't planning to cheat again. She'd told Orc as much during their conversation afterward, knowing he wouldn't complain; he seemed too dazed by the kisses to do anything but nod. Part of her felt a little sad to dash whatever expectations he might have built up due to this new intimacy—but only a small part. She'd made it perfectly clear that, while she cared for him, she was still solely devoted to Sam. Orc respected that.

Still, Astrid thought, turning on the mattress, the excitement she felt worried her. It wasn't right that she'd feel that way about a boy other than Sam—especially, she had to admit, a boy like Orc. His monstrous appearance didn't repulse her like it did others, but it didn't attract her, either.

The kiss, Astrid surmised, was a fluke. She was desperate for affection after weeks away from her boyfriend, lonely and wanting validation. The excitement she felt could be pushed down and hopefully forgotten because, she rationalized, it was excitement borne of an infatuation with a false perception of herself.

Having fully squared that away, she thought of Howard and his spiel about her manipulativeness. We're not the same, she thought fiercely. That was one thing she wouldn't budge on. She was as far from Howard as she could be. But he did have a point, she had to admit—she couldn't indulge Orc's infatuation. She had to be true to Sam. She had to be honest with him.

Astrid swallowed. Already, she felt a hot flush of humiliation creeping up her whole body. You have to do this, she thought.

Diana stirred, rustling the blanket they shared. Astrid wondered if she was asleep. It'd only been an hour. "Diana," she whispered at her still back.

Diana grunted.

"I'm going to tell Sam tomorrow."

Another grunt.

"You're right," Astrid continued, her voice piercing through the silence of the night. "I need to tell him what I did."

Diana took a moment to answer. Astrid could hear her breathing. "Good," she said at last, her voice low and even.

"It'd be dishonest if I didn't—"

"Astrid, you don't have to confess to me. I'm not a priest."

"I'm not confessing to you." Astrid felt stung. Every time she tried to be honest, Diana tried to ward her off.

They lapsed into silence. Astrid pursed her lips, looking at the ceiling. Eventually, Diana mumbled something. "What?" Astrid asked coldly.

Diana turned onto her other side, fixing her eyes on her. "I need to tell you something."

"Okay."

"I'm going to be completely honest." Diana's eyes glittered with unnerving intensity in the dark.

Astrid's stomach fluttered. "Okay," she repeated, softer this time. Her skin prickled with unease. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what her bedmate had to say.

Diana sat up and took a breath. Astrid sat up as well. "It's about me," she admitted finally, her voice hesitant. "And...and Sam." Before Astrid could say anything, she rushed out, "I needed to tell you now or I wouldn't tell you at all. I want to be honest, too. Since—" She gave a meek little shrug, "we're friends, I guess." Her last words sounded unsure.

Astrid did nothing to assuage her uncertainty. Something dark was beginning to percolate in her mind. She waited for her to finish, her mouth dry...but when Diana didn't speak quickly enough, she said it, her voice cold. "You kissed him."

"He kissed me," she said. Her face was an inscrutable shadow in the darkness.

Liar. "I don't believe you," Astrid said. Her voice shook despite herself. Anger clouded her thoughts. She wrenched off the blanket, leaving Diana cold.

"It's true," Diana insisted. "Astrid, I swear." The whites of her eyes could only just be seen; they glowed in the dark.

"Why should I believe you?" Astrid's vision blurred with tears. She couldn't think straight, she was so furious. She clutched the blanket until her knuckles turned white. All she could think of was Sam's blustering apology after the Taylor incident, the pleading look in his eyes. He'd had such a hangdog expression on his face, one that screamed regret and bitter nights lying awake. And yet he'd done it again. I gave him everything, she thought, and he still wanted more. "You don't have a reputation for being monogamous." She spit "monogamous" with as much venom as she could.

"I wouldn't tell you if it wasn't true. I promise."

"He wouldn't do that!"

Diana just looked at her; Astrid could feel her eyes, could feel the pity radiating off her. "Astrid," she said softly.

"No. Shut up. Stop talking." Hot tears slid down her cheeks. She jerked away when she heard Diana slide closer on the mattress.

"I pulled away," Diana said. "Astrid, you're so smart. I mean it." Her voice was soft and pleading. "Please, just think. I'm with Caine. I love him. I'm having his baby."

Astrid pressed her palms to her closed eyes. Her anger was rapidly wilting into despair. "I can't believe it. He did it again." And with you, she thought with a fresh helping of rage. Diana Ladris, Coates' resident slut. Wasn't stupid, ditzy Taylor enough?

Diana touched the hem of her nightgown, apologetic. Astrid moved away, looking at her with red-rimmed eyes. "I'd tell you to leave if it weren't night and you weren't pregnant," she said.

"I know." Diana had the decency to sound only glum instead of betrayed.

They lay back down in silence, turned away from each other. Astrid couldn't sleep. Her thoughts jostled for room in her tired brain. She thought of Sam and Diana, who kept morphing in her mind's eye into Taylor. She thought of her and Orc. Her stomach twisted and flopped with guilt and disgust. Sam shouldn't have cheated. She shouldn't have, either, of course, but she still couldn't help but count the differences between these two instances. Orc wasn't attractive like Diana was, and she'd only done it to test if she was attracted to him or not. She'd found out that she wasn't, one troubling kiss aside. Howard was wrong in suspecting her of being manipulative; you couldn't lead someone on that you didn't at least have some interest in. Diana might laugh at that, but Astrid thought so.

But Sam had kissed Diana. Beautiful, seductive, pregnant Diana! How could she not recoil at that? Kissing Orc could be construed as an act of generosity, of charity—hell, of clinical interest—but kissing Diana was the fantasy of any pubescent boy in the FAYZ. It boiled Astrid's blood to think of Sam being tempted by a girl like her. Wasn't he better than that? Didn't he love her for her depth of character? If all he wanted was a pretty face and a warm body—and he evidently did—why didn't he choose some other girl for a girlfriend?

And Diana…. Astrid's heart sunk, a bitter taste filling her mouth. Why hadn't she expected a girl as promiscuous as her to latch onto the nearest handsome boy? Never mind that they were kind of, sort of friends. She'd trusted her in telling her about at least one of her kisses with Orc, and all along she was kissing her boyfriend. Astrid's ears went hot with shame.

She'd been such a fool.