Chapter 7 - New hope

EPOV

I was lucky. When I landed in Louisville after what seemed like an eternity in pure hell, there was a direct flight available to New Hampshire. Although I wasn't looking forward to spending more time on a plane, I also wasn't in the mood to drive nearly a day before I would arrive. I was ready to get this over with, I was done. These past hours had left me plenty of time to brood. I was sure by now that something terrible had happened to Bella. It was the only explanation for Alice's avoidance of me. They wanted me home to break the news to me so I wouldn't do anything stupid. But I knew my life was over. I was done. Nothing in this world held any interest for me any longer. Although I felt a stab of guilt when I thought of how much it would hurt Carlisle and Esme to leave them, I knew their pain was nothing to the absolute tsunami of pain I was drowning in right now.

The direct flight would leave in about an hour and I hurried to the ticket counter to quickly booked a seat on it.

'I'd like a ticket for flight 322, please.' I said as I sidled up to the counter. Thankfully it was a man behind the counter, so I was spared from the usual fantasies. Instead the man was hostile. He regarded me wearily.

He seems too young to be here on his own He assessed me in his thoughts. Plus I'm on that flight, I don't want to have too much to do he thought crankily.

'That flight is full.' He said in a bored voice before turning back to the computer in front of him.

'I'm sure if you'll check again, it isn't.' I said, discreetly sliding over a few hundred dollars. He looked up at me annoyed for a second but then he caught on.

Holy shit! Three hundred to book him on this flight? The man quickly looked around himself and then stuffed the money in his pocket. He looked back up at me with new suspicion. Is he running from something?

I bit back a growl at the trajectory of his thoughts. I was getting tired of this. Instead I cocked an eyebrow at him, wanting him to hurry up. He shook himself out of it and then quickly printed out my ticket for first class. He finally wished me a pleasant trip, and I thanked him gruffly. As I walked away he was musing about how much money I would have and what he could do to get more out of me. He was sure he could find something to do during the flight. I groaned inwardly, thinking of a way to avoid him on the flight. The last thing I was in the mood for was an overly helpful human getting up in my space every ten minutes.

I headed for the first class lounge to wait out the remaing time until departure. I sat down in a comfy chair and declined the offer of something to drink from the attending servant. She was upset but quickly moved on to the next person. I pulled out my cell and quickly pulled up the airport I'd be landing at in a few hours to book a car. A rental would be enough for now. One of my family members could drive it back if I couldn't bear staying long enough. I quickly booked one and arranged for it to be ready when I landed. I settled back into the seat and checked my phone again.

No new messages from Alice. I sighed and settled back, wishing I could sleep. I stared off into the distance remembering my human cues, but it was difficult. I wanted to crawl back to that filthy room I had been staying in and stare into nothingness as her haunted look swam before my eyes. I couldn't shake it. I had hurt her. So deeply. And now I would never get the chance to make it up to her. It wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair.

I scoffed at myself and shook my head, trying to clear it. When that wasn't working I focussed on the minds around met and started reading them to distract myself.

Wonder if she'll want to head into the bathroom for a quicky

Hope this scotch is decent

I'd better have a windowseat this time. otherwise i'm filing a complaint.

I wish I could have brought Mr Whiskers. I hope he's not missing me too much.

The thoughts were familiar and predictable; sex, pleasure, selfishness. Although the man in the corner thinking about his cat had surprised me. I kept that up for the remainder of our waiting time and then all through boarding and the flight itself. It was mind numbing but at least it distracted me from the ever present pain that resided in my chest. I was hollow. Just a shell.

I successfully avoided the overly helpful steward by pretending to be asleep during the flight. When the flight touched down, I was out of my seat and at the door before most people had noticed the door was open. I threw a quick thank you to the crew and then headed out of the plane. It was overcast, but approaching noon. I eyed the sky wearily. It seemed like it might get sunny. The cloudcover seemed very flimsy. I stopped inside the arrivals hall and eyed the room for a moment. There was no direct way for the sunlight to reach me here, so I could safely make my way to the car rental and get in the car even if the sun decided to come out. The rental agency operated out of the underground parking garage.

I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed to the car rentals slowly. I kept an eye on the windows. I silently rolled my eyes at Alice for not warning me if it would be sunny or not. I was wearing a T-shirt for Christ sake. It seemed that her silent treatment stretched into practicality as well. I stepped into the rental car office.

Oh my A rather loud mental voice greeted me, followed by the actual voice: 'Welcome, how can I help you?'

I winced and tried to shut out the little fantasies that were being shouted at me.

He looks like he's in pain. Oh my I wish I could kiss him all better

'I reserved a car. It should be ready. It's under Cullen.' I informed the clerk in a monotone voice. what was it with all these people seeing my pain? She smiled and nodded and typed away for a moment. I crossed my arms over my chest and formed my face into a more neutral expression. At least I hoped that was what I was doing. Then she smiled again and grabbed a key.

'Alright just follow me.' She said, heading around the counter and heading outside. Her hips swayed from side to side in what she wanted to be an enticing manner. It probably would have been if I had been looking, and if I had been interested. I wasn't. She led me over to the car and then smiled at me again. 'Do you need any help with luggage or do you need some pointers on the car?' she asked hopefully.

Not willing to give her more ammo for her little fantasies, I quickly shook my head. I held out my hand for the key and she dropped it in my palm.
'Alright, have a safe trip.' She concluded.

She stepped away from the car and I opened the door and threw my bag in the passenger side. I gave a curt nod to the woman before speeding out of the lot. The road flew away beneath my tires and I went well past the speed limit. It took no time at all to get to Esme's new property. We'd had the house in New Hampshire for a while already. It was one of Esme's projects. She had been so excited for us all to move here so she could finally finish it.

The wheels of the car crunched into the gravel and I sighed. This was going to be hard. I knew they would all do everything in their power to make me stay with them. Except perhaps Rosalie. I wasn't sure how she would feel without me. I knew she still hated me for the most part, but would she really be glad to be rid of me? I wasn't sure. I drove up the drive slowly and struggled to keep my hands from crushing the steering wheel. The garden wasn't finished yet, the front of the house was still pretty desolate. I parked my car in front of the garage door in a patch of dirt. Esme was probably going to make this one of her rose gardens. For now it worked just fine as a parking spot. I wasn't planning on sticking around long enough to mess up the ground. I took a deep breath as I turned off the engine and mentally braced myself against what was coming. I would have to pretend not to be spriralling into this deep black hole that seemed to have gripped my mind. I had to pretend I was okay, so they would let me leave again. I didn't want to worry them either. I knew Alice could probably see my plans, but I was sure if I could convince the others I was okay enough to leave, Alice would let me go as well. The future isn't always set in stone. She would probably chalk it up to a distant problem, something that they had enough time to fix.

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment and then took another deep breath. I grabbed my bag from the passenger seat and got out of the car. The moment my foot touched the gravel I heard the front door opening. I glanced up.

'Hi Alice.' I muttered walking towards her. She smiled at me but her eyes were tight.

There's something you need to know and you need to stay calm.

'What's wrong?' Dread flooded through me. It was as I had feared. Bella was dead. Alice had just wanted me to come here so I couldn't make a beeline for Volterra after all. My face contorted in anguish. Pain like nothing I had felt before ripped through my insides. It was a miracle I was still standing. A normal human would have died from this kind of pain.

Jeesh! Get a grip Edward! Jasper shouted at me from inside. Don't jump to conclusions!

She's not dead Alice shouted in her mind. I frowned at her again. The pain in my chest eleviated somewhat. She wasn't dead? What was going on?

'Then what is it, Alice? Spit it out.' My tone was clipped and I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. I was getting tired of this.

'She's not dead, but she's not human anymore either.'

I froze. Rooted to the spot. No, it couldn't be...

'Laurent came back for her. We weren't there to protect her and he attacked her. He bit her neck and tried to kill her by letting her bleed out. But he couldn't finish the job. The venom was allowed to spread.' Alice levelled a steady glance at me. 'She's gone through the change.'

My senses zeroed in on the house. I could hear Esme and Carlisle on the couch in the living room, worry prominent in their thoughts as they listened to the conversation we were having. Rosalie and Emmett were there as well. Rosalie was annoyed, of course. Emmett was just excited for something. Although I wasn't sure what. Jasper was standing behind the door, on the landing to the stairs. His attention was divided between me and something else. Or someone else? I sucked in a shaky breath as I listened closer. There on the third floor. There was another breath.

I struggled to breathe through everything that I was feeling. I was confused, that much was clear. Could she really be here? Could she be...? Was she indeed a vampire? Her lack of heartbeat sure seemed to suggest that was the case. Would she blame me for her change? Did she still love me as I loved her? Did she hate me for leaving her? For breaking her heart? Fear and hope warred within me, conflicting with the pain that had resisded where my cold dead heart lay in my chest ever since I that day in the woods.

'Bella's a vampire.' Alice finally finished.

'Bella…' I choked out, every sense I had was focussed on that breath coming from the third floor. It was unsteady. Was she listening to me? Was she in pain? When did she transition? Damnit why did I have to be such a fool and leave her?! I could have stopped this! I should have stopped this! This was not the way this should have happened – I stopped in my tracks. She shouldn't have been a vampire at all. It wasn't fair!

I gripped my hair in my hands as my emotions overwhelmed me. I was angry. At myself. At Laurent. I was absolutely furious that I hadn't been there. I was even more furious that she had to endure these first days as a vampire without me by her side. My anger over that shifted quickly onto Alice. She had known Bella was a vampire when she had called me. She should have told me right away. But she hadn't, she'd chosen to keep this to herself. I took an angry step towards her, but then stopped again.

Doubt set in… did Bella ask her to keep it from me? What if she didn't want to see me. I had told her I didn't love her. I had ripped her heart out. She'd changed with that pain still fresh in her heart and mind. Could she still believe I loved her still or was it a lost cause? She would hate me, wouldn't she?

Alice waited patiently as I sorted through the maelstrom of emotions gripping me. I was dimly aware of Jasper monitoring me closely, but I couldn't focus on him. I needed all my focus to deal with these emotions.

'Is she here?' I whispered after what seemed like an eternity. The maelstrom was still flowing rapidly through my brain, but I knew I had to confirm if that breath was Bella or not. It was the one question I wanted the answer to the most, but it also frightened me most.

Alice nodded once. She's upstairs. I fell to my knees. Hope swirled through me. Love filled my chest and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't believe it. She was here! My Bella was here. And a lot more durable than before. A vampire! Like me! Finally I could be with her without endangering everything about her. Elation quickly made wade for sorrow as I remembered what Alice had said. Laurent had killed her almost. She'd gone through a traumatic change. One brought forth by hate and violence. Her life had been violently ripped away from her. There was no chance to say goodbye to her father, her mother or her friends. No college, no graduation, no husband, no career and no children. My heart broke for her. For all the things she had lost that I had so desperately wanted her to have. It had been the reason I had taken myself from her world. Yet here she was, joining me in mine.

'How.. How has she been?' I asked, slowly getting to my feet again, my gaze zeroing in on the third floor. Was she looking at me from up there? Or did she not want anything to do with me?

'Adjusting. It hasn't been easy.' Alice said, pain coloured her voice. She was so hurt Edward. You have a lot of fixing to do

'Can… Can I see her?' I whispered. I was afraid of the answer.

She's asked you not to. Not until she's ready. I hung my head and nodded. 'Let's go inside.' Alice suggested out loud. I nodded and followed behind Alice into the house.

Asshole! Absolute ignorant moronic pig! How dare you leave her to face all that alone! How dare you be so selfish! Pig! Idiot! Fucking Bastard! Rosalie kept up a steady stream of insults and I winced as her words hit me. I knew I deserved them though. They were true.

I can't believe you lied to us Emmett thought shaking his head in disapproval. I hung my head

Why did you do this to her? Esme asked me, disappointment radiating from every thought. Carlisle's thoughts were similarly disappointed in me. I sank down into a chair and hung my head in my hands.

'I'm sorry.' I managed in a whisper. 'I'm sorry for lying to you all. I didn't want to endanger her further and I knew you weren't going to leave her alone willingly. So I said the one thing I knew would keep you away, and I am truly sorry for it.'

'You should be.' Rosalie spat. I winced again and nodded.

'This can't happen ever again, Edward. No matter how you feel about something, the pain you caused everyone was immense.' Carlisle chided me. His disappointment in me stung worse than Rosalie's steady stream of insults. But behind the pain and the anger from my family I saw snippets of my beautiful Bella. She was settling in, she was a natural vampire it seemed. Carlisle was proud of her. Jasper admired her strength and restraint. Emmett loved how he could finally wrestle with someone that didn't cheat – I almost rolled my eyes at that one. Rosalie was glad to be able to share her stories with someone who went through something similar. Esme was just glad to have her daughter back. And Alice was absolutely elated to have her best friend back. I was overwhelmed by all their thoughts. I was overwhelmed by their love for her. I was overwhelmed by the fact she seemed so happy in their thoughts, yet when she thought they weren't looking, she barely looked like she was holding on, wrapping her arms around herself as if to hold herself together.

Edward Jasper drew my attention. She's going to be fine. Stop worrying.

I nodded shortly. 'Why don't we all sit down.' Esme suggested. The rest of the family sat down too, spread out over the different couches. As they settled down I felt their eyes on me.

'I'm sorry.' I said again. 'I'm sorry I did this to all of you. To Bella.' I choked out. 'I shouldn't have done this. I should have stopped and asked for your advice. I should have asked her what she wanted. I should have never forced her into anything.'

Rosalie scoffed. 'You should have left her alone from the beginning.' She spat. She mourned the loss of her human life. She mourned for Bella all the things she could no longer have. She was mad at me for causing this and I agreed. You're a selfish idiot.

'I know.' I said miserably. I heard a sharp intake of breath upstairs and I froze. The rest of the family did as well. We all sat like immovable stone fearing Bella was going to be pushed over the edge. Jasper's gaze was fixed on the ceiling and he was frowning. I focussed on him. Fear and hurt and anger overwhelmed him. It was Bella. She was hurting. I swallowed hard. Why was she feeling like this suddenly?

Jasper's gaze snapped to mine his eyes were wide. I stared back at him in panic. Then the sound of glass shattering reached us. Followed by the retreating sound of Bella's breath.
'Bella!' I cried, I was on my feet and out the door before my family could stop me. I couldn't let her leave. I couldn't let her leave feeling like that. What had happened? I pushed my legs to go faster.

'Bella! Please!' I cried out. Finally she stopped. She stopped in her tracks and I zoomed past her at first. I quickly circled back and stopped a few yards away from her. I held up my hands, careful not to threaten her. She clutched her midriff again and her face was contorted in pain. Dry sobs shook her body. My heart broke. 'Bella?' I asked softly.