Zero

by TheBordelineNonAlcoholicWriter

In a cruel world where people with powers have come up from nowhere, people are just trying to do what they think they have to do. TWs inside. (I have no idea how to summarize this).

7. Session 1

I want to ask because I know for sure that I'm not the only one (far from it), but how many here hates everything they make? Especially when the project is finished? This might be the wrong story to ask on since it won't get that much traction but knowing me I'll whine about this on my future Harry Potter fanfics too. I start off having lots of fun writing but eventually it gets harder to finish because I hate it so much. How do you get over that? I really don't want that lack of confidence intervening with my writing as much as it must be doing.

I used to hate my previous HP fanfic but after getting a good response I am finally feeling happy about it. I am glad that I could create that. Hopefully, I will start liking this one again one day.

Updates probably won't get regularly again yet. Busy life haha.

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Chapter 7. Session 1.

Kaoru felt so small right now, and not in a good way (Kyoya's thing for size differences has apparently grown on Kaoru). Hikaru and him were the only teenagers in a room full of adults. Both twins were happy that they at least had each other and weren't alone with the other men, who acted like the boys weren't even there. That didn't surprise Kaoru, nor did it hurt his feelings.

This was the first meeting the twins had attended when it came to the physical mission. Kaoru had almost suspected that they had tried to find a reason not to have the twins tag along until now, but it was more likely that the adults didn't think that the children should be on every "boring adult meeting".

"Condescending fucks", Kaoru thought.

Kaoru heard the door open and a few more attendees walked in and sat down. He hadn't planned on paying them any mind until Hikaru discreetly elbowed him to gain his attention. The younger twin looked up at him with furrowed brows.

"Look! It's them!" Hikaru whispered to him.

Kaoru turned to see the newest arrivals and his brows rose up as his eyes widened when he saw two familiar males; Ryoichi and Sadao. Kaoru hadn't seen them since they got separated from the rest of the boys only a year into their, and the twins', stay at the base. The reason why Ryoichi and Sadao weren't a part of the boys was that their usefulness belonged elsewhere thanks to their powers… and Kaoru could tell that they had been using their powers well.

The two boys had clearly changed through the years; not only because of time. Ryoichi was very skinny and had grown tall, really tall. The dark blonde hair he had as a small child (he was suspected of being half Japanese when he was younger) had turned into dark brown, he had blackheads all over his nose and his hands looked frightening. Kaoru could see it in Hikaru's horrified eyes that he had also now noticed them. They looked unnaturally skinny and lacked huge chunks of skin and flesh at several places. A closer look told Kaoru that the tip of the finger up to the second joint on seven fingers was MISSING. He had only two complete and inflamed thumbs left and his last finger looked like it would be removed soon as well. The skin was missing at the wrists as well so his arms would look the same in a few years, without a doubt.

A lady sitting next to Ryoichi lifted a bottle of water up to his lips and Kaoru felt nauseous; Ryoichi had lost his hands, his hands. Sadao didn't look much better, even if his zero sacrifices was way more forgiving in comparison to Ryoichi's. His black hair was barely visible on his scalp, which was instead covered in scabs. Some of the scabs resembled something akin to second or even third-degree burns and they were not only limited to his head. Smaller scabs could be found on his suspiciously hairless arms and other places where hair should be, like the brow bone, below the nose and the lash line. Both boys were looking down at the table with unmoving and indifferent expressions. Kaoru assumed that they would normally hide their disfigurements but had to show them off during the meeting, which was the case with Kaoru himself who actually had to throw a fit for them to let him at least keep his shorts on so he didn't just have to walk in with underwear and shoes. He was still a human, damnit.

Kaoru decided to not make the two males uncomfortable and looked back to Hikaru again, who had not thought the same thing and was still staring openly. Not wanting his brother to kick them while they were down, Kaoru literally kicked Hikaru's foot a little too hard and Hikaru yelped loud enough to gain some attention from the closest bystanders. The strangers didn't look at them for long when they saw that nothing important (exciting) was happening. Hikaru glared at Kaoru and Kaoru give him a genuine apologetic smile; he had forgotten that he didn't actually have to kick that hard because Hikaru was actually not currently wearing any shoes. Hikaru still probably shouldn't have reacted that much but still.

The twins started to talk quietly among themselves.

"It feels weird to see them again", Hikaru whispered; anger was forgotten.

"Yeah, I agree. You still shouldn't openly stare at them though", Kaoru whispered back sternly.

"Yeah… guess not". Hikaru scratched his neck with a sheepish smile. "I couldn't help myself… I'm so glad that's not you… ".

"That is kind of me though'', Kaoru told him. "My arms and hands are covered, remember? My zero sacrifice just doesn't look as bad as Ryoichi's… ".

"No, I didn't talk about that… I meant like… they look so drained. They look dead… what if they are in a catatonic state?"

"Ryoichi seems to be able to drink from the bottle without any issue. I'm not an expert but that sounds like he is too 'awake' to count as catatonic… I don't know… I can't imagine how they got this way… ".

"Yeah… me neither".

A balding man, the person holding the meeting, locked the door and interrupted the quiet chatting.

"The date of the mission is set and it's approaching. We have to act quickly because two zeros have confirmed that they are planning on moving to another facility".

Kaoru thought that he only knew who one of those zeros were. The other one he couldn't remember if he knew. Someone asked if it really was safe to use zero powers to spy on that facility and another person answered that the facility already knew about them from the memory exploring missions so they were willing to take the risk. The leader ignored them and continued: "The zero we use to gain an accurate map over facilities won't have the time to finish most of the map before the mission starts because his zero sacrifices has, unfortunately, put him in a critical condition and it's just now that we can confirm that he'll at least live. I am, of course, ashamed that my department didn't have the correct supervision over him when this occurred".

Kaoru did his best to not show how furious he was over how he talked about the guy. Hikaru wasn't trying near as hard. Yes, both of them should be used to this by now but that didn't mean that they liked it.

"He is not telling you the actual reason as to why Yoshito almost died". It took Kaoru a moment to realize that this wasn't his own thought. He looked up again but the voice told him to keep his eyes on Ito (which Kaoru assumed was the man holding the meeting). Kaoru obliged even if he wasn't really listening to what the older male was saying. The voice continued: "Good. I'm happy I seemed to remember the correct twin. Because you are Kaoru, aren't you? This is not a new pair of twins who just have to have the same hair and eyes?" Kaoru did his best to hold back a chuckle.

"I haven't had you in my head for almost a decade. You really don't sound the same".

"Well, you aren't the only one who has gone through puberty since then".

"Yeah, I guess… you sound more cheerful than what you look".

"Yes. I can see through your eyes as well and I look really bad. They removed the mirrors some time ago so I haven't been able to see myself for a while".

Kaoru frowned. "Why did they remove the mirrors?"

"I believe they saw that we hated looking at ourselves… which is as far they will go to make sure that we're happy. The bare minimum, nothing more".

"You told me earlier that there was another reason for why the guy, Yoshito, almost died?"

"I think you can already guess from what our conversation have been like since now… they only did the bare minimum for him".

"He… he tried to kill himself?"

"That's what I strongly believe, yeah. He had talked about it previously and there was no mission during the time he got hurt. It lines up too well… I know you don't know him as well as we do so this doesn't sadden you as much, but I thought you would appreciate knowing… and I was just too annoyed with Ito being dishonest… and I kind of wanted to talk to you again to see exactly how time has changed you".

"I do appreciate this but I really don't want you to hurt yourself more just to talk with me".

The voice chuckled in his head. "You really are the same. Still caring. I like that".

"I've heard that I'm sassier than before".

"You can still be a caring asshole. I would like to think of myself like that sometimes so I'll give you another piece of information before I leave your comfy little head… oh, sorry".

Kaoru assumed that he apologized because he could read his mind and saw how Kaoru associated being called little two very different feelings; because of how Rai always called him things like that… and how Kyoya called him that.

"Yes, that's what I was talking about… please stop thinking about those two now, I don't know if I should be annoyed with Rai for being a bellend or annoyed with you for being a horny teenager… ".

"What was that piece of info you wanted to give me?"

"You have noticed how we are made to show off our wounds, right?"

"Yeah, they wanted me to get in here almost naked!"

"Have you also noticed how some are glancing at Hikaru? Take a look around without getting any attention".

Kaoru discreetly did as he was told and did actually catch some people stare at his (tired and disinterested) brother. One person even locked eyes with Kaoru and quickly looked away after realizing that he had been caught.

"They didn't seem to care about us when we got in. Why are they staring now?"

"They were distracted by their own conversations before, but now they have realized that you're here and are disappointed and confused and as to why Hikaru doesn't look like us".

"I can get the confusion because people might not understand why, but disappointed?"

"Yes. They see no physical proof that he has done anything for the military while we three are showing our 'zero shame' and 'zero pride'".

"But he has been a great asset! They just need to do the bare minimum of research".

"But to them, he just looks like a random child who wanted to tag along with his brother".

"It's not fair but I guess I shouldn't care about what those assholes think. Neither should Hikaru. Thanks for explaining things to me".

"You don't have to thank me".

"I want to anyway. We probably need to listen to the meeting. I hope we'll be able to talk later, but verbally".

"I hope so too. I'll leave your thoughts now".

One of the men interrupted Ito, who hadn't really started to talk about what the twins were supposed to do yet (and instead tried to make people not worry too much that their most useful zero for infiltration missions was out of commission).

"Excuse me, Ito, but I am not comfortable with the fact that this zero is suddenly bleeding. Doesn't that mean that he is using his powers right now?"

Kaoru rolled his eyes and looked at Ryoichi's left hand; the skin between what was left of his pinky and ring finger was bleeding profusely. The blood he licked away from his lip suggested that he had bitten a small chunk of his skin off when no one was watching. The slightly older zero still stared at the table with an expressionless face. Kaoru had forgotten that Ryoichi was the same type of zero as him; the type who pays for using their powers automatically, wherever they wanted to or not. This had been a very risky move but someone in Ryoichi's position either didn't care anymore or knew exactly how or when to get away with things.

Ito seemed to be under the impression that the man was overreacting.

"I can assure you that this zero barely goes to the toilet without someone telling him to. His hands are very sensitive and bleeds easily. We are getting them bandaged after this meeting".

The lady with the water bottle used a tissue to stop at least some of the bleeding. The expression on her face suggested that she was used to this but also still worried. Kaoru hadn't thought about it but it was weird to see a woman at the base. Her old age was probably the reason as to why she was allowed there but still, it was weird; never happened.

"Back to the subject at hand", Ito said and turned away from the bleeding zero. Kaoru was still slightly distracted by the disgusting fact that Ryoichi still had a part of his skin in his mouth, but he forced himself to turn his attention back to the middle-aged man. "We have assembled a team that will infiltrate the facility before they can leave. We need to obtain their data because we suspect it might be helpful to our own research. We also have to obtain it because it's dangerous as long as they keep it. We have two new faces here who might not understand why they are invited to such an important mission, especially as their first time". Ito looked at the red-haired twins. He wasn't wrong. Neither twin could see how their presence would be useful at all. None of them had nearly enough training to be able to join the soldiers. This sounded like something you really didn't want to mess up. "Part of the reason is because you have visited the facility previously during your own 'missions'-".

"Why did he say mission like that? Asshole".

"-So you know what to expect there and can act as guides. The one with all those scars will also be taught how to be a blockade, so the risk of the soldiers falling victim to unwanted zero interference will be greatly reduced".

Kaoru's eyes widened, he couldn't believe his ears. A blockade? Him? He had to hold back himself from smiling and instead told Ito that he understood and it sounded like a good idea.

Scientists had discovered that through a painful process a zero could be turned into a kind of repellent against other zeroes' powers. A zero who was a block could both block out powers from reaching themselves and also from reaching close bystanders. Kaoru should have been worried about exactly what they would put him through to make him into one (especially during such a short amount of time) but he would be of such good use now. They didn't just choose anyone, they chose someone they knew wouldn't break during the process. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, he had been so worried about being useless now when they didn't need him alive to use his powers anymore. Looking at Hikaru, Kaoru could tell that he wasn't as happy about this news.

"That's good. You and your personal doctor will receive information about the process". That saddened Kaoru to hear because he now knew that he had to tell Kyoya, who would be worrying like hell now, as soon as possible about this. Hikaru was also saddened by this because of the implication that Kaoru would need a doctor throughout this. "You also have an important role to fill in this mission", Ito said to Hikaru. Hikaru looked taken aback at first but managed to still give him a polite smile.

"What do you want me to do, sir?" Hikaru asked and Kaoru was proud of him for not sounding sarcastic.

"We might need your expertise on the field. We won't be able to take anyone back to the base". Hikaru blinked a couple of times before realization hit him.

"You mean? But sir, it only works if-".

"Don't worry. We have made preparations for you. How many tries do you have?"

"T-ten", Hikaru answered with a small gulp. He was green in the face. Kaoru felt really bad for him and wanted to comfort him but he couldn't. No one else cared though, none of them ever cared. "I have ten tries… but that doesn't mean one per try".

Ito smiled. "That sounds good. We will converse with you more at a later occasion about that". Ito turned back to the rest. "There is another reason as to why we choose to let these two accompany the soldiers… it's because they have previous experience with this organization". Those words startled everyone in the room, except for the zeroes. Ryoichi and Sadao didn't really react much to anything and the twins faked looking confused at these new facts, but they were already aware of this. Kaoru had been told earlier and had actually remembered to tell Hikaru before this meeting. Ito took the brothers' perceived reactions as a good opportunity to drop some more bombs on the participants. "Yes, these two used to work for 0 light before they realized right from wrong and joined the American military to actively fight against individuals of that nature".

That wasn't quite 100 % true but Kaoru appreciated the fact that Ito tried to make the others not be unnecessarily afraid of them, even if it wasn't from the goddess of his heart.

A man sitting next to the guy who previously commented about Ryoichi's bleeding hand decided to intervene with his own concerns. "I can see how using their own people against them is tempting-". He cut himself off shortly when he noticed the glares Hikaru and Kaoru sent his way when he talked about them like they were still on the "bad guys' side". He cleared his voice and continued: "Or, their past people against them but… is it really a smart idea to send these children to them? If they want those two back, aren't we just giving them what they want? Or what if the enemy knows exactly what to use against them? There are many risks being taken".

Murmuring started to erupt in the room and Kaoru wished that he could borrow Ryoichi's powers and tell them to shut up and not doubt him and his brother.

"We wouldn't have taken this risk if we didn't have to", Ito told them and they quieted down. Kaoru felt like that wasn't really an honest statement because he didn't think that they would use Hikaru because they needed to. "We won't let the boys go either without us taking precautions. For their own safety and for the safety of their peers… you are not accusing us of being thoughtless, are you?" Ito looked around the room, Everyone who had just been talking quietly either looked at him with looks that said: "Of course we aren't, you know what you're doing!" Or just avoiding his gaze altogether. Kaoru thought that it was a pretty clever thing to say to a room full of spineless suits who didn't want to admit that they didn't really know much about what they were talking about. Ito clasped his hands together. "Well. Then we can move onto the specifics of the mission… ".

---

"I have to tell him, I have to tell him, I have to tell him… ".

Kaoru wanted to plan a meeting with Kyoya as soon as possible so he could explain. He had been an idiot; he should have had this conversation with the older male before.

He was about to leave the meeting room (after everyone else was already gone) when Morinozuka entered. The very tall man walked over to Kaoru with a kind smile and said that he had an appointment with his personal doctor later to discuss the preparations for his mission.

"Fuck. Of course they decided to tell him before they told me. Even when I'm supposedly an important part of a mission I will never be important enough. The adults always have to know things first…. but none of that, why couldn't I have been the one to tell him!? I don't think this will break us up, but I don't want him to think that I don't trust him or something".

Kaoru forced him out of his own thoughts and collected himself enough to give Morinozuka a kind smile back. "Thank you, Morinozuka. I will come by his office later". The older male smiled back before he left the room again. Hikaru nudged Kaoru's shoulder.

"Let's go or they will accidentally lock us in here. You know that can happen", Hikaru warned him and Kaoru forced himself to chuckle.

"Yeah, I know. I don't think it would look good if I didn't turn up to my important appointment because I was stuck in a meeting room out of sheer dumbassery". Before Hikaru could respond, the door was closing and the twins ran towards it while calling out over and over again that they were still in there.

Dinner time felt painful this time and Kaoru, being someone who was unable to eat while being stressed (and therefore had lost a large amount of weight these last weeks), couldn't eat anything today. He wanted to sign to Kyoya to ask him to meet him later anyway, but he couldn't bring himself to it; he didn't want to risk getting rejected now when he felt like this. A small voice in his head told him that he was overreacting and that this could be solved quite easily, but the panicked part of his mind wouldn't let him calm down. All the stress he had felt lately must have made him more sensitive… or was he actually overreacting? Maybe he was actually feeling reasonably freaked out? Asking himself this was a terrible idea, but asking his best friend, who was also his biased twin brother, was an even worse idea. In Hikaru's mind, Kyoya would be the villain no matter what kind of shit Kaoru pulled.

"Can you please eat something?" Hikaru asked and nudged his shoulder. "Instead of staring at your mashed potatoes like it's the root of all evil?"

"I have eaten something… ", Kaoru murmured.

"Two spoons doesn't count", Hikaru teased and lowered his voice. "Even your evil boyfriend is staring you down for this. Eat".

"Really? He could just be glaring at me for keeping secrets, you know. Sounds more logical".

"Don't be stupid. He wouldn't openly stare at you if that was the case. Look for yourself and tell me that he is angry at you".

Kaoru dared to look up and stared straight into narrowed eyes, which immediately went back and forth between amber eyes and the food in front of Kaoru, before they looked away again. Hikaru gave him a: "See? What did I tell you!?"-look and Kaoru made a face at him before forcing a few more spoons of the sad excuse for mashed potatoes into his mouth.

Duncan leaned over closer to him and asked: "Are you okay, mate?" While simultaneously running his hand up and down the thigh of the brown haired boy sitting next to him. The boy, Kaoru believed his name was Nathan or something else starting with an N, was trying to have a conversation with someone else despite the red blush blossoming on his cheeks. Apparently, this was something they were into and Kaoru couldn't care less about being forced into that right now.

"Yeah. I just don't have any appetite right now… but I see that you have quite a big appetite". Kaoru gestured towards Duncan's hand that was sometimes dangerously close to the other guy's crotch. Duncan smiled at him sheepishly.

"What can I say? He has just recently gotten a sex drive so I'm helping him out. I'm so lucky that I'm around so many desperate guys".

Kaoru laughed. "Yeah, I can imagine that".

"But don't worry, I'll always make time for you if you're ever interested. I know how to really take care of someone".

"I don't doubt that your horny ass does", Kaoru chuckled. "But I don't really look for that kind of friendship. I don't want that drama".

Duncan smiled at him. "I understand that. Normal friendship is fine as well… I'll try not to proposition you so much".

Duncan wiggled his eyebrows and Kaoru chuckled before returning to his food and letting Duncan continue to flirt with the other boy. He thought that he felt Kyoya looking at him again but this time he didn't look back. Kaoru couldn't eat another bite.

---

Hours later, Hikaru gave Kaoru one sympathetic smile before the younger twin left for his appointment.

Kaoru knocked on the doorframe that belonged to the office space and Kyoya looked up from his papers. Thankfully, the older male's gaze wasn't cold. Sure he didn't look pleased but he looked mostly worried and stressed, even if he really tried to mask it with his normal professional smile. Kaoru did not know how to begin. Luckily (?) Kyoya did.

"We have some less professional things to discuss before we go through what our superiors want us to go through", Kyoya stated bluntly and Kaoru nodded before walking past him and jumped up on the examination table like he had done previously.

"You really need to get another chair in here", Kaoru commented quietly.

"The table has worked out fine so far".

"Maybe, but I haven't been this sore until now", Kaoru said with a grimace. Kyoya couldn't hold back a small but smug smile.

"Maybe not… why did I have to find this out through someone else?" Kyoya asked; he was cutting to the chase.

"The answer depends on what part of this you're referring to", Kaoru sighed. "The part we are going to go over concerning the preparations for the mission was something you learned about before me… but about the actual mission… we weren't officially together when I agreed to it and for the longest time I was so sure that you would leave me anyway so I didn't even consider telling you".

"I can understand that, but why didn't you tell me after we got together? You can't have thought that this wouldn't have worried me even if they hadn't decided to make you into a blockade".

"I.. I guess I was just too relieved that everything turned out fine and it didn't click in my head yet that this was something I had to tell you since it was my personal business for so long. I did want to tell you when I realized otherwise, but you gestured to me that you were busy. Then I planned on telling you after the meeting but, apparently, they thought that it was for the best if you knew about my torture before me".

The attempted joke at the end was clearly not appreciated by Kyoya, from what could be seen from his expression. Kaoru looked down at the ground and mumbled an apology. Even without looking through the papers that Kyoya had been given, Kaoru knew that what he had to go through was indeed akin to torture. A zero had to go through hell in order to get that kind of power. The power to block other zeroes' powers had been, so far, discovered in traumatized zeros. Kaoru had already been emotionally scarred so he suspected that they were going to put him under a lot of physical pain.

"Why did you agree to this mission, Kaoru? Do you have any idea of the mess you have put yourself in? I almost had a panic attack when I read through what was required for you to become a blockade".

"It doesn't matter how much I explain this to you, you will never understand". Kaoru looked away from him but could still feel his glare burn into his head.

"Try to explain it anyway. Don't do this to me, don't give up before you even try". Kyoya crosses his arms over his chest. "Well?"

"Kyoya, I'm literally useless". That immediately caught Kyoya off guard and his arms dropped. "I am a zero. The only place a zero belongs to is a place like this where they can be put into good use. For me and Hikaru that place is among the Boys. But when you're a Boy, you're literally expendable and there is no meaning to your life. You just do this one thing over and over again until you become insane and then might be retired, or accidentally get killed by a guard or kill yourself. But I was different, I had a meaning in my life. They needed me alive to be able to do these important missions. Needed. But now they don't anymore. Now I'm just as useful as a single bottle of serum. I wanted to still be useful so I, with General Rai's help, managed to be accepted into this mission after Hikaru had been asked to join-".

"So that's why Hikaru isn't trying to talk you out of this", Kyoya commented; his mood had slightly worsened by the mention of Rai's name earlier.

"He and I have the same mindset". Kaoru looked up at Kyoya again and crossed his arms over his chest. "Anyway, I am not an idiot who didn't think this through, if that's what you expected to hear. I'll admit that I never expected them to make me into a blockade but for a zero like me, that's actually good news, Kyoya. They can't choose just anyone for this, they can't replace me with a serum this time! I know I am strong enough to handle the treatment, they know it too and that's why they choose me".

Kyoya chuckled and looked away. "I seem to have misjudged you… I used to think that you couldn't care less about what other people thought… I admired the way you could walk around with those scars out and not care… ".

That really hurt Kaoru to hear; a lump formed in his throat and a familiar nauseous feeling was back in his stomach. He wanted to apologize, apologize for being a disappointment and for being such filth in his eyes once again, but a very vocal part of his mind wanted to defend himself from this unnecessary venom that was being spat in his direction.

"Are you really that incapable of seeing anything from someone else's side? I should be the one to be disappointed in you! The way you're judging me when I'm opening up is fucking disgusting". Kaoru stood up and narrowed his eyes. "I'm sorry that I'm not what you expected me to be, but I'm not going to stand here and continue to explain my situation to someone who would never even try to understand…".

Kyoya looked at him again with the same small eyes and infuriated gaze.

"You think that you are the only one who has been in this situation? Zeros aren't the only ones who suffer, you know. You have no idea how long I have fought against my own need to feel needed and accepted. The difference is that I actually tried my best to get over that and left. So don't go on about me not being able to see anything from your side", Kyoya rebutted coldly.

"You say all that and still don't fucking get it! Stop pretending that you do!" Kaoru exclaimed to Kyoya's surprise. "I don't think you really understand the difference between you and I-".

"I believe I do", Kyoya scoffed.

"What? Oh yeah, you being logical and me being emotional, right?" Kaoru asked with a hollow laugh but his voice was calm. "No, do you know what the true difference is? Well, let me tell you. You could leave the situation that forces you into that mindset, right?" Kyoya opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it again; he wanted to see where Kaoru was going. "Oh, you're not gonna say anything now? Well, that's what you said. So tell me, how am I supposed to do that?"

"Well… physically leaving is impossible but it's still a way of thinking you have to reprogram and-".

"Haven't you listened to what I said before? What fate would be for someone like me here?" Kaoru asked and Kyoya stopped talking. "Or have you taken time to see what my life would be if I left the facility? You can live whatever life you want, Kyoya. In some countries, I could be mandatorily killed and no one is fighting against that since we aren't seen as more than animals. In the better countries, I don't have nearly the same rights as everyone else… Hell, in some countries people believe that I am evil that needs to be clenched or some believe that eating my flesh will bring their family strength. I can't leave and create a new life for myself if I'm not even considered a human being. And in here? Do you really think we would be alive and well if we weren't needed?"

Kaoru walked up closer to Kyoya so there were just a few inches between them.

"The difference between you and I is that you can get over your need to please and become stronger, but if I get over my own need to please… I have given up living. In here you either are helpful or are left behind".

Kaoru turned his back against him and walked back to the table. He plopped himself down on it again as he stared at the older male. Kyoya wasn't fuming anymore; he was finally starting to understand.

"So insinuate that I'm weak and tell me that I'm a disappointment again. Go on". Kyoya was quiet and Kaoru continued: "I don't think I can back out of the mission at this point unless I show myself to be useless… So which direction do you want me to take? Becoming insane would take too long so I either have to attack a soldier or someone important so I can get shot or I do the job myself. Which would you prefer I do?"

Yes, that was a messed up thing to ask but Kaoru needed Kyoya to actually acknowledge how dating a military zero would be like. Still, It was too early to also bring up that Kyoya would have to leave him eventually. What else would he do? Work there until he had dementia? If Kaoru even survived for that long. However, this wasn't the time to have that conversation. One step at a time.

After a few minutes of silence, Kaoru decided that he probably had managed to make Kyoya understand, even if it was a little. It had shocked Kaoru that the older male, even if it was an accident, had actually told him something about his past. Yes, it had been used as a way to invalidate Kaoru's point, but it still counted.

Kyoya wasn't going to say anything for some time apparently. Kaoru decided to break the silence by switching the subject. "I'm here to go through my treatment, right doctor?" The formal tone of his voice startled Kyoya who looked at him with sad eyes and furrowed brows before sitting down on his chair, fixing his glasses and opening the paper file he had been given earlier that day to look through.

"Y-you are correct about-". Kyoya coughed and cleared his voice. "You are correct about that. As you are aware, you have to go through an intense regime to make not only you but your squadron immune against other types of zero interference".

"And what does that regime entail?" Kaoru asked, also trying to stay calm.

"You are occasionally going to go through a-a psychological...a psychological treatment to make sure that your mind is in a desired place for the rest of the treatment. We don't want to leave any scars on your body because that could risk affecting your powers. You need clean skin for them to work, I mean". Kyoya couldn't even look at him at this point. His eyes were glued to the paper. "Leaving scars is also considered … inhuman". Kyoya didn't even bother to hide or excuse his scoff that came out when he read that part. "Instead you will be switched between being put in a machine that will make you believe that you are in a lot of pain,and exhaust your senses-".

"So they will starve me, interfere with my sleep and things like that?"

"My job, as your personal doctor, is to assist you and test your psychological state during the regime… you will also be occasionally tested to see if you are susceptible to zero interference or not".

"That makes sense… are your hands shaking?" Kaoru eyed Kyoya's hands clasping the instructions. Kyoya had stopped reading out loud at this point and was just reading silently to himself. "Kyoya?"

Kyoya snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Kaoru again. He picked up the paper file and extended his hand towards Kaoru so he would take it. "This is a copy that you are supposed to have. We will have another appointment before the treatment starts". Kaoru narrowed his eyes at him and looked back and forth between the file and his boyfriend's face.

"That's it? Really?" Kaoru asked in disbelief as he jumped off the table and walked over to the doctor. "You are not going to admit that you were wrong about me? Or am I still a disappointment?" Kaoru snatched the file from Kyoya's hand. "Fuck you for trying to make me feel bad about this. Either accept the way of living here or fucking dump me". Kaoru stomped to the entrance but was stopped before he could exit by Kyoya calling his name. "What?"

"Can you look at me?"

"If you just want to continue to fight then I'm not interested".

"I never intended us to fight to begin with. I wanted to tell you that I'm extremely worried for you".

"By telling me that I'm a disappointment? That's a fun way of showing concern", Kaoru scoffed.

"I'll admit that I went over the line… will you please turn around. I don't want to talk to the back of your head". Kaoru sighed and finally obliged. There was only a small hint of anger left in Kyoya. "I shouldn't have said that to you".

"Kyoya, apologize properly if you're actually sorry. If you're not sorry about what you said then just leave it. Telling me that you 'shouldn't have said that' isn't a fucking apology. It just sounds like you're regretting telling me the truth because I didn't react the way you wanted. If you think I'm pathetic for being 'shallow' by caring what the people who are responsible for my life's opinions about me then actually stand by that… but if you really want to apologize then don't treat me like I'm a desperate idiot".

"I don't think that little of you… but I know that I make it seem that way".

"You are not doing much to disprove that, no". Kaoru rolled his eyes and crossed his arms again. "You are being super unclear right now. So I'll make it easy on you. Do you think that I'm right and you're actually sorry? Or do you feel like I'm pathetic and should just get over this need I have? Number one or number two?"

"Kaoru-".

"Number one… or number two?... your silence is very telling, you know". Kaoru was about to turn around and walk away again when Kyoya spoke up.

"... It's not easy for me to admit that I'm wrong". Kyoya avoided Kaoru's eyes and his hands were nervously playing with a pen that had been clearly snapped in half and taped back together.

"That's bullshit. You could admit to me that you were wrong about zeros".

"This is… this is different… ".

"How?"

"It's more… personal".

"Explain", Kaoru said, almost ordering him.

"I do understand that your situation is very different from the situation I was in". Kyoya looked up at him again. "I didn't realize that this is more than I first assumed… you don't have the same choices as me, I get that… but it's hard for me to let this thing go because… because, me having a choice, and seeing this as a choice was important to me so I am quite defensive about it… in the real world I still don't think I am wrong about it being bad to care so much about what others think that you are willing to put yourself in danger… but this isn't the real world, you don't have a choice". Kyoya made sure to look straight into Kaoru's eyes. "I am sorry for what I said. I am still worried about you and what's about to come, but I did not handle this well. I'm sorry that I insulted you. You could never truly disappoint me, in fact, you constantly surprise me".

Kaoru couldn't help himself but chuckle at that last part. "Constantly surprise you?"

"Yes, or constantly make me surprise myself". Kyoya stood up. "I care about you as a person, and not just 'in relation' to me-". He took a step closer to the smaller male. "I try my best to not feel the need to always be right when it comes to you-". Two more steps. "And I… I just told you something I didn't really tell anyone". A few more steps and he was right in front of Kaoru who looked at him with an expression that was a mix of disbelief and fondness.

"Why are you talking like those aren't things you were already capable of?" Kaoru asked. "To me, it was obvious that you cared about me and that you could let things go, such as my zero status, and admit that you were wrong. The third thing I understand because it's sometimes very difficult to open up about stuff… even if I don't see why it sounds like I am the only partner you have ever opened up to".

"I… I wanted to wait to have this conversation, but I don't think I can postpone it anymore… Kaoru, I am not a good boyfriend".

"Sure you are. We might have had our ups and downs but I feel like you are learning from them. But hearing from me is probably not that assuring because it's not like I have much to compare to… but still! You make me happy when you are not being an asshole… ".

"I have treated my boyfriends horrible in the past".

Kaoru's smile turned a little more hesitant and confused.

"What do you mean?"

"I… ". Kyoya sighed. "I never hit them or something like that, I just want to start off by saying. But I did hurt people around them… which ended up hurting them in the end. I was extremely controlling and jealous. Yes, I did care for the boyfriends I had but not in the right way. Sure, I never wanted to see them hurt and I wanted to do terrible things to people who hurt them but… I didn't care much about if they were hurt by my actions or things that I didn't deem as hurtful. Right now, I don't want to hurt you and I admitted to my faults, but I wouldn't have done that earlier in my life… I would have taken any opportunity to prove that I was right even if I wasn't, and when I couldn't prove anything I derailed the conversation… like what I thought about doing with you. I wanted to say that it felt like you were forcing me to talk about things I wasn't ready to talk about when you demanded me to be straight with you. I wanted to do that just to make you drop it and make me the victim again, but I couldn't do that to you". Kaoru's expression was blank. Kyoya gently grabbed the sides of Kaoru's shoulders to make sure that he didn't look away. "I still have my problems but you make me want to better myself. I promise you that I'm not the same person as I was before, that I have bettered myself a lot. Past me would have done anything to keep you away from that blonde boy you talk to who touched you when we saw each other that evening. But now I am just-".

"Glaring at him with jealousy?" Kaoru asked with a small and amused smirk. "You don't have to try so hard to convince me that you have changed or that I shouldn't be afraid of you. I would leave you if I felt like you were bad for me. Don't worry about it and besides… compared to my twin brother you are pretty calm and collected when it comes to me. I mean, you are actually trying to do what's right instead of only going after your own selfish needs. That's something that Hikaru can't really do. It would feel hypocritical of me to discard you but keep him, don't you think?"

Kyoya smiled at him sadly.

"I am relieved that you have this trust in me… even if you had to compare me to your less than desirable brother". Kaoru giggled. "But I… I don't want you to be completely fine with this either. This way of thinking about me and Hikaru have isn't acceptable. I don't want you to leave me… or him, even if he wants me gone, but I still want you to-".

"Not lower my standards?" Kaoru asked with a grin. "Don't worry about that. I know that your way of thinking isn't healthy but, like you said, you are improving and you know right from wrong. I trust that you'll have a better mindset in the future and you being jealous of Duncan doesn't mean much. I can assure you that I'll never cheat on you with him if that makes you feel better".

Kaoru avoided mentioning Hikaru and Kyoya couldn't bring himself to point that out. That was a box that wasn't ready to be opened.

"You don't have to, I trust you… I don't trust your handsy little friend, Duncan, however… ". Kaoru smiled sheepishly at him.

"He isn't very socially aware and I can't just up and tell him that I'm taken, but I'll definitely tell him off if he ever tries more than a friendly hug again. He has suggested that I sleep with him a couple of times but he hasn't actually done anything like what he did that night".

"I'm glad you told me this even if you know that I wouldn't be happy about it", Kyoya told him sincerely while trying to push away the fire of jealousy burning at the back of his mind. "And I would really appreciate it if he didn't touch you in any sexual or romantic way. Hugs are obviously not something for me to panic over because you hug your brother and you are just friendly with each other".

"I wouldn't want you to do more than hug people you know as well so that's fair", Kaoru agreed and Kyoya pulled him closer.

"You know, I am actually glad that you didn't tell me about this mission beforehand now".

"If that's sarcasm you are ruining the mood".

"No, I'm serious. I doubt this would have ended up this well if you had told me earlier… I don't know if I would have been mature enough".

"I'm still sorry that I didn't tell you though. This is something that will affect you as well".

"Yes, but I know now, don't I?" Kyoya gave him an encouraging smile before quickly pecking him on the lips. "And I, as your personal doctor and boyfriend, will do my best to support you and help you throughout this whole process". Kaoru beamed at him.

"And I, as your only patient and adorable boyfriend, will do my best to not let this get to me too much".

---

Kaoru blinked the sleep out of his eyes when he woke up to the alarm clock. He turned it off before turning his whole body to look at his brother who had also woken up. The annoyed and exhausted expression on the older twin's face disappeared and was replaced by a small smile.

"Happy birthday, Kaoru", he said with a quiet and raspy voice with a small cough at the end. Kaoru smiled back at him.

"Happy birthday to you too". They both yawned in tandem and forced themselves up from their beds (that only really felt comfortable in the morning when it was time to get up).

Birthdays were never a big thing among the Boys; they barely even knew each other's birthdays. Kaoru used to think that it wasn't something you celebrated when you were an adult until Hikaru had stumbled upon some people holding a small birthday party for one of the superiors. The twins then realized that people just want to celebrate birthdays with people they care about or know well enough because none of the Boys had people celebrating their birthdays, not just the zeroes. Which felt fair to the twins because it wasn't like they could remember a time when anyone celebrated their birthday. It wasn't like them getting older had any real impact on them (except for when they were first allowed to be up for longer when their bodies didn't need as much sleep anymore) because they didn't really gain any more privileges or their lives didn't change in any way. The brothers still wished each other a happy birthday and that was enough for them.

"Want to go to the gym together later?" Hikaru asked while dragging a hand through his greasy hair.

He was sitting at the edge of his bed, trying to muster up the will to stand up.

"It's better to do it now, in the morning", Kaoru answered and walked to the bathroom so he could secure the only seat available before Hikaru snapped out of his tired state and went there before him. "Because I might not have the energy later, remember?"

"Ah, Yeah. You have your first appointment to get the treatment, right?" Hikaru tried to sound excited but Kaoru could tell that something was off. Which wasn't shocking, Hikaru was fully aware that this whole ordeal would be painful for Kaoru.

"Yes, I believe I'll have four appointments every week; two for the mind and two for the 'body'".

"Isn't that double the amount that they usually do at this place?"

"It's nowhere near as bad as what less humane places put zeroes through", Kaoru reminded him while preparing his toothbrush. "And we don't have years to turn me, we have just a few months. I won't be able to turn into a flawless blockade in that time, unfortunately. But I'll be able to provide with some help at least and might be a fully functional blockade for the next mission". Kaoru was beaming like a little kid and Hikaru couldn't help but be influenced by his brother's glee.

"I'm glad you don't have to be afraid of being useless again", Hikaru said with a sigh and Kaoru gave him a knowing look.

"You are useful too you know, it's just that I-".

"Have to work harder to find a place here? We have been over this, I am not as useful as you and will never be… but I'm not angry about it… because I'm starting to see how it really is". Kaoru's brows furrowed and he crooked his head.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hikaru shook his head. He closed his eyes and let out a small chuckle before looking at Kaoru again.

"It's nothing. So should we work out now before breakfast then? I want to know if you're still up for that or not so I'll know if I should shower later instead".

"What? Uhm, yeah. But brush your teeth first".

Kaoru just realized that he still hadn't started to brush his own and just neglected the slowly drying toothpaste on his toothbrush. He held the toothbrush under the water for a second to soften the toothpaste again and sat down on the toilet lid before he finally started to use it for its intended purpose.

"What? You don't want to feel my manly breath while I'm bench pressing?" Kaoru heard Hikaru call from their bedroom and he snorted. Both were silent for a few minutes before Hikaru finally stepped into the bathroom. He prepared his own toothbrush and skipped trying to find a comfortable place at the edge of the tub and instead left directly for his bed so he could sit and brush his teeth there. Even if he usually didn't skip that part of his routine, Kaoru explained it away with him just being too tired.

"Hey, Kaoru!" Hikaru called again. "I know that you're purposely not telling me what the mental treatment is". Kaoru stopped moving. "I am not so detached from reality that you think so don't be under the impression that you can half-ass your excuses!" Hikaru sounded a tad bit offended at the end. His voice turned softer. "Not answering a question is still answering a question, you know? I am aware why you didn't tell me… but I have made my choices". Kaoru spit some toothpaste into the sink.

"You didn't though, we just do what we have to do here".

"It's a choice nonetheless. I could have chosen not to. They couldn't force me".

"But that would have meant that you threw away your life".

"Maybe, maybe not… but I don't really have the same position in all this as you, right?"

"I… ". Kaoru did not know what to say and silence remained until it was time to leave for the gym.

---

Kaoru was led into a small and isolated lab at the bottom of the facility, in the right-wing. He had never been there before because he never had to (thankfully). Prisoners or possible traitors would be taken there so their minds would weaken for interrogation. This was probably not a very known fact outside of the base, at least the details weren't. Kaoru couldn't actually know for sure because he didn't know to what extent the military could act without upsetting the public.

Two males dressed in hospital scrubs went over to him after the soldier, who brought him to the room, had left. Kaoru was surprised how kindly one of them smiled at him, but he wasn't naive enough to immediately trust them.

"You must be Kaoru", said one of them who was smiling; his voice sounded very unisex, Kaoru would not have been able to tell that this was a guy if he hadn't seen him. "I am Henry and this is Thomas". Thomas, the person who stood beside Henry, was a tall man with a well-trimmed beard. He muttered a short "Hi" to Kaoru. "We will be the ones assisting you through this process. We will start off by telling you what-".

"There is no need", Kaoru said but quickly apologized for cutting him off. "I mean, I already know everything about this".

"Huh?" Henry's confused expression was quickly replaced by the kind smile again. "Yes, I can see how that can be. Have you been under before?"

"Yeah, but not like this… or at least not for the same kind of intent". Henry chuckled.

"I understand that. Then we'll cut to the chase and bring you to the chair".

"Come with us please, Kaoru", Thomas added and Kaoru followed them further into the room until they reached a green/blue curtain.

"This room looks oddly clean and hospital-like for a place that deals with prisoners", Kaoru commented nonchalantly out loud while looking around.

Thomas had pulled the curtains away so Kaoru could see what looked like a dentist chair (yes he knew what that looked like because they did have a dentist at the base who had threatened Kaoru with braces for years). The sight confused Kaoru even more because he couldn't see any restraints or anything that could hold down someone who wasn't willingly being put under.

"This isn't the same room", Henry explained. "This room has other purposes. Like what we're going to do to you".

"What are the other purposes?" Kaoru couldn't help himself but ask as Thomas gently made him sit down on the chair.

"That's classified. Nothing you need to know about", Thomas told him and made him lay down; not so gently this time.

"No need to manhandle him, Thomas", Henry said with a nervous laugh and turned to Kaoru again. "But as he said, it's nothing you need to know".

"I… I guess not", Kaoru murmured with a pout and Henry chuckled.

"You really are a kid, aren't you?" Henry teased.

"I am actually 18 now so I'm actually just an immature adult". Henry laughed.

"Well, happy birthday then, mister immature adult", Henry grinned at him and adjusted some mirrors attached at the top of the back of the chair so Kaoru could see his own reflection. Kaoru wasn't quite sure about what the mirrors contributed to and Henry noticed the questioning look on his face. "They help you go under again in case you wake up in the middle of it".

"Will looking into my own eyes do the trick or why would the mirrors do that?" Kaoru asked and intertwined his scarred hands on top of his stomach. "But looking into the eyes isn't how the original zero utilizes-".

"It's a way the zero can utilize those powers", Thomas cut him off. "The zero doesn't need to be at the same place as the victim but looking into the eyes will make the powers more effective. Reduces the chance of snapping out of it".

"We usually only have the mirrors just in case", Henry explained. "Very few people can snap out of it, but there is still a chance if they know that we're doing this to them. We believe that you have a high chance of getting out too early".

"Me? I don't know about that… ".

"There is a huge difference between not knowing that you're under and knowing that you're under", Henry said. "You might forget that you are under, but your body won't. You'll also be able to shake it off without much effort eventually when you have become a good enough blockade", he assured with an encouraging smile before he went back to explaining the process. "We will monitor you heavily when you're under, but we need to ask you a few questions before we start. Did you say that you have been through this before?"

"Yes, but like I said, not this way", Kaoru answered honestly and Henry wrote that down on a notepad.

"How many times? Too few to count or more?" Too few to count meant around two or three times. People needed a few rounds before they got somewhat used to being under zero influence so they wanted to know exactly how high the dose had to be for Kaoru.

"I am not sure how many times, but definitely enough for you to give me a higher dose", Kaoru responded quietly and Henry chuckled before writing that down. It wasn't like Kaoru was trying to make him laugh so that response caught him slightly off guard.

"Has it happened recently?"

"A couple of weeks ago, maybe? I don't think it has happened too recently", Kaoru recounted.

"It's recent enough. Have you ever been under the influence of drugs? Especially hallucinogens?"

"How would I even be able to get my hands on those?"

Henry chuckled again. "I know some questions sound stupid but it's part of my job to ask them. There are also more people here who are abusing prescriptions, or are high enough in rank to be able to sneak in cannabis than you'd think".

"Really?" Kaoru asked; shocked and curious. "Like who?"

Thomas glared at Henry who looked just as unbothered as usual. "We aren't supposed to talk about that. This is none of his business", he said sternly and crossed his arms.

Henry apologized without looking very apologetic and returned his attention to Kaoru. The young zero, while being disappointed that he wasn't going to get some dirt on a few people, started to wonder about that man.

"So, the answer is no?"

"Yes, it is".

"You are not under the influence now? Like alcohol? I know that some higher-ups, with less than pure intentions, used to give t-".

"Henry", Thomas said sternly.

"Yeah, Yeah. You don't seem to be drunk so I guess I don't need to do a drunk test".

"I am not drunk no", Kaoru stated. "Do you ask this many questions to prisoners as well?"

"No, we don't", Henry said and laughed once again before he said: "We don't care about their well-being in the same way. We usually give them a dose we assume works for their height and weight and stand by. But with people from the base, we ask boring questions and look at their files. So you have nothing to worry about". Kaoru was indeed relieved that they took so many precautions before doing that to his mind, but it didn't sit well with him how Henry talked about the prisoners. Something seemed off about it.

"He is most likely just a bit alienated and is convinced that everyone 'against him' is evil or something like that. I'm not very sympathetic towards 'evil guys' either so it's probably not a big deal. I'm just being a hypocrite".

"Like I previously mentioned, I have looked at your files so I already have your height, weight, earlier trauma, and such. It doesn't say anything about any mental illnesses in later years so that won't be a problem".

Kaoru raised an eyebrow at Henry at the last comment. He wasn't surprised that he didn't have any diagnoses, it was the formatting of the words that caught his attention.

"In later years?" Kaoru repeated; a bit perplexed. "As opposed to?... ". Henry beamed at him.

"You have probably forgotten but your files say that they did discuss you having antisocial behavior", Henry explained and Kaoru was even more dismayed.

"Antisocial?" Kaoru repeated and dragged the words out like they were a new drink he was thoroughly testing out. "As in me not being social? Did they assume I had autism or something? Sorry if I sound stupid. I have no clue about things like that".

"As in antisocial personality disorder", Henry corrected and seemed to enjoy Kaoru's confusion (but Kaoru could just be imagining that, he never really trusted that man). "I'm not here to explain these kinds of things, but some people have described it as a mild version of psychopathy… don't look so worried, they just discussed it but they decided that you didn't have it". Kaoru immediately felt relief … until Henry opened his mouth again. "But when I think about it, they usually don't give that diagnosis to zeroes". Henry looked thoughtful and Kaoru started to worry again.

"Why don't they give it to zeroes?" He managed to ask, voice weak.

"Because the old fashion way of thinking is still present. Especially back then when you were tested. Those behaviors were considered part of a zero's nature", Henry filled him in so nonchalantly that you could have thought that he was just talking about the weather.

This conversation was leaving a bitter taste in Kaoru's mouth. He didn't know anything about antisocial personality disorder, but he knew that psychopaths didn't have empathy (or something like that) and it didn't sit well with him. And if Kaoru did have that and just didn't get diagnosed because of a stupid psychologist who only saw his zero status...

"But I have empathy, right? I do, I care about Hikaru and Kyoya and I did care a lot about Jiro. I also care about Duncan and the other boys… or do I? Do I just care about them being fine just because I wouldn't be able to be alone? I mean, I have always known that I would be fully capable of committing suicide if Hikaru was dead… am I just using them to convince myself to stay alive?"

Henry either didn't notice or just didn't comment on Kaoru's worried expression and tense silence. He was just as happy-go-lucky as he had been the whole time Kaoru had been in his presence. Thomas nudged Henry's shoulder with a disapproving look.

"What I really wanted to do before the conversation derailed is to make sure that you agree with the sentiment that you don't have any mental issues like depression, PTSD, or something that causes psychosis, like schizophrenia", Henry continued and then looked up from his notepad, that he had taken from Thomas when he didn't receive an answer from the noticeably distressed teenager. "Kaoru?" Kaoru twitched when he heard his name and finally looked at Henry again.

"What? - I mean, yeah. Yeah, I agree. I trust the psychologists, I believe I'm stable", Kaoru assured with a small nervous laugh. "But I have to ask about these questions again. Aren't those issues things that can occur because of this treatment? Why are you looking for them beforehand?"

"We need to know exactly how you are mentally for different reasons", Henry said with a grin. "The treatment can be affected by your mental state, for example, and we would actually prefer it if you didn't become schizophrenic from it. It's not the weakened mind that's making you into a blockade, it's the strengthened Richter vine that occurs as a side effect of this treatment. You know what the Richter vine is, right?"

"Yes, I do", Kaoru assured, weary. "It's a net-like nerve thing that exists in our brains, In zeros' brains I mean", Kaoru corrected when he saw that Henry was about to chime in. He didn't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking that he knew more. Was that petty? Yes, but the more Kaoru spoke with that man the more something didn't feel right. "It's what gives us our powers and the Richter vine doesn't work without our brains and our brains don't work without it. So is it the actual vine that gets stronger when we go through traumatic events?"

"'Net like nerve things', sounds like the medical definition", Henry teased. "But you guessed correctly. It's the actual vine that becomes stronger, the core of your existence, as some might say".

"I would like to think I'm more than that", Kaoru mumbled and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry", Henry placated and Kaoru knew that his face didn't hide his open surprise about how genuine Henry sounded. "That was a stupid choice of words. I meant what you hinted at before, that you would die if someone tried to remove the vine. But I completely understand you assumed I meant that I didn't think you were more than a zero".

"No, it's alright", Kaoru relented, somewhat perplexed over how big Henry's reaction was in relation to the perceived insult. "It was just a misunderstanding, please move on". Henry's wide smile returned quickly.

"Okay, good! I'm glad that's cleared up now", Henry gushed and Kaoru felt like he got whiplash from the change from shame back to happiness again. He thought that this Henry guy was very weird, still most likely a decent dude, but weird nonetheless. "I think I have asked everything I need to know". Henry turned to look at Thomas who was staring at Henry with a weird, but not a surprise, look on his face. "Can you go and get the serum while I continue to explain things?" He asked but Thomas seemed uninterested to budge to leave the other two by themselves. At least that was the impression Kaoru got from the older man. "Don't look at me like that, I'm not going to do anything", Henry promised and Kaoru looked at him with narrowed eyes; suspicious of what he was talking about. Thomas scoffed.

"You have already done something", Thomas said while his eyes also narrowed. The way Henry appeared and talked suggested that they were diving into friendly banter, but the way Thomas talked to him and his body language said otherwise. Kaoru wondered what exactly Henry had already done. Maybe Thomas was referring to Henry being clumsy with his words, but Kaoru didn't necessarily think that he had done anything too bad. "But I assume that one of us has to go and retrieve it so we can start the treatment", Thomas sighed. "So I'm going to be back in a sec". With one assuring smile towards Kaoru and a warning look towards Henry, Thomas walked to the left and disappeared into a corridor that Kaoru hadn't seen before. So far it seemed like the room was shaped like an L. Henry rolled his eyes at Thomas before turning back to Kaoru again.

"We are going to give you the serum after you have laid down comfortably and we have gotten the detachable restraints that will prevent you from accidentally falling off the chair or hurt yourself in any other way".

"In what other ways?" Kaoru couldn't help but ask.

"That depends on what kind of dreams you have", was Henry's not very helpful response to the question. "Anyway, the serum will take a couple of minutes before it starts to work. You'll get a shorter session this time because it's your first time through this method and you haven't gone through the other treatment yet so it won't be able to work with that at this point in time. Have you taken any type of serum before? Maybe that's another stupid question. The Opération Somnium squad utilizes serums for their missions, I know".

"Yes, but I don't", Kaoru corrected a tad bit smugly. "So not necessarily a stupid question. I am the original zero for that power… or at least in this operation, might be zeroes out there with the same powers. You get what I mean. I have never taken a serum before. Only an activator. That was a funny name you gave us".

"Then I'm glad to be popping your cherry", Henry said cheekily and Kaoru's laugh was mostly out of surprise. That man sure chose his words well. "And funny name? That's your group's official name, isn't it? Maybe the first word isn't supposed to be French but I'm pretty certain about the other part". Kaoru raised an eyebrow at him.

"Our official name?" Now Henry looked confused. "We are only called 'the Boys'".

"No, that must have just been a nickname that stuck, because you're referred to as the other name in the documents we have access to. But honestly, just calling you Boys sounds less pretentious so I'll use that as well". Kaoru did not like how stupid this made him feel, but he couldn't blame himself too much for not knowing the official name of his own group. Everyone only called them 'the Boys' after all.

Thomas returned with a container that looked like a very expensive and large metal thermos. He put it on a small stand on a table not far away from Kaoru and unscrewed the lid. Clouds of smoke falling down like liquid to the table erupted when the lid was removed. Kaoru had previously assumed that it would have been like his own serum; looking like a normal drink. However, this looked like it had been kept really really cold. Not having seen other serums before, he had not considered the fact that different serums needed to be handled in different ways.

It was when Thomas picked it up again when Kaoru noticed that he had gloves on and he wondered for a moment if those were just for sanitary reasons or if the thermos was really that freezing cold. Thomas walked over to him and Kaoru's eyes were so focused on the thermos that he almost jumped in surprise when he felt his arm being pulled down to the armrest. He turned back to look at Henry to see him tying his arm down with a soft but firm fabric with something harder inside of it.

"I told you about the restraints, didn't I?" Henry asked and his smile looked a bit odd this time around. Hesitantly Kaoru nodded at him in acknowledgment before Thomas said his name to get his attention back.

"I'm going to let you drink this before we restrain your other arm", Thomas explained as Kaoru felt a larger restraint being tied over his ankles down on the chair so he was unable to move them too. He disliked being immobile like this, but he disliked even more how eager it felt like Henry was. Thomas eyed him up and down. "Your file didn't mention any claustrophobia, is it something you don't agree with?"

"No, I do agree that I don't have that… I guess I just don't like being tied up by people I don't know well", Kaoru brusquely answered and Thomas gave him an understanding and slightly apologetic smile while Henry chortled. Thomas handed Kaoru the thermos. The younger male was relieved that, even if the thermos was cold, it wasn't anywhere near cold enough to cause him too much discomfort. "Should I just chug it down or do you have any more instructions to give me?"

"You have been told everything you need to know", Thomas said. "But a piece of good advice I can give you is to try your best to not fight it at all. You need to be as relaxed as you possibly can under the circumstances. I know it's not an easy task, but don't worry. The treatment will have an effect on you either way, but it's easier for it in an empty or lucid mind".

"It's not really my nature to not fight, but I'll try to be a pacifist", Kaoru declared and Thomas cracked a little smile that disappeared within a fraction of a second. "If that's all… then cheers", Kaoru uncertainty and unenthusiastically said before starting to drink. He started off slow but forced himself to down it halfway through because the taste developed in his mouth the more it coated his taste buds and he did not like it. The liquid was slightly thicker than water and, although he couldn't quite decide if it tasted better than the activator-milk concoction or not, it didn't leave the same nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach. Which sounded like an improvement to him. Kaoru gave the thermos back to Thomas when he was finished and Henry wasted no time restraining the last remaining free hand. Kaoru was about to make a remark when his stomach and throat suddenly turned ice cold and he forgot his words. He breathed in and out harshly with his mouth to try to inhale warmer air but it didn't help. Thomas looked like he was going to say something, but he closed his mouth just after opening it after glancing at Henry. Kaoru looked at the younger doctor just in time to see a weirdly stern look on his face before his smile returned.

"I have to calm down. If there was something seriously wrong going on they would have done something and not let me pantíc like this… or maybe that's why they don't tell me, they don't want me to calm down… this is supposed to be a bad experience for me after all… ".

The cold feeling was slowly subsiding until it turned into something lukewarm and almost numbing that spread throughout his entire body. It wasn't a scary or uncomfortable numbness, it mostly felt like every cell of his body was slipping into a warm and comfortable sleep, like his mind was rapidly doing alongside them. Henry walked closer to him with something else in his hands but Kaoru's vision was too blurry at the edges for him to be able to identify it.

"The sleeping aid is taking over now", Henry told him. "It's quite powerful but apparently very addictive… very visibly addictive". Thomas looked disapprovingly at Henry for some reason and Kaoru was too far exhausted to analyze the situation further. Kaoru didn't know if his almost blinded eyes were accidentally glued to the content in Henry's hands or if the doctor just now remembered to tell him about it. "We don't know exactly how violently you are going to act". He held it up close to Kaoru's face to show it but Kaoru still couldn't tell what it was no matter how much he tried. Not that he tried that much, he was too tired to question or care at this point; he just wanted to sleep. "This is supposed to be in your mouth. Not because we have the desire to silence you, but because we don't want you to accidentally bite your tongue or something like that".

"Wha arh… wha're you thinkin' m'gunna… dream about", Kaoru managed to force himself to mumble before Henry but it in his mouth and tied it around his head. At least it was clearly made to not bring too much discomfort. Henry shrugged at him.

"We never know. You have done pretty messed up things, haven't you?" Henry's pearly whites were the last thing Kaoru saw before his eyes finally closed.

Clouds of smoke erupted from the small space between his blue lips. It was cold, painfully cold. His whole body, except for his hands and legs since they were numb, was burning. The winter air was biting his naked skin violently and it felt like his snot and tears had turned into ice. Kaoru looked up at the old man who was glaring down at him with his hands holding a bucket full of water. Kaoru wanted to crawl away but at the same time, he refused to show how scared he was.

"I said, why are you looking at me like that?" The old man asked. "This is going to work. No one fucking believes me. They will when they see that I'm right. The shock will do the trick".

"L-like a hiccup", Kaoru stuttered in incomprehension as his muscles started to hurt from how much he was shaking. The man didn't seem to realize that the little boy was sarcastic and not actually starting to see things his way.

"Yes, exactly. Now stay still as I-". The man and everything on his side became extremely blurry and a high-frequency ringing erupted from out of nowhere and Kaoru's head started to explode.

Even if the scene in front of him was blurry, he thought that he could see two blobs of colors arguing with muffled voices, like Kaoru's ears were covered. The boy dragged his tiny body towards the blobs until he was just a meter away.

"You… you know he ch-Cheated, r-right?" Kaoru asked in a quiet voice that was magically noticed by the other two. One of the blobs said something inaudible and Kaoru looked at it with a look of disbelief. "I… I'm not l-lying! I wouldn't d-do that!" He turned to look at the other blob with a malicious smirk. "I saw you". The blob hesitated before answering. Kaoru's smirk grew. "It doesn't work. N-nothing you do works! I saw you! I saw-".

The blob, or the old man, ran towards Kaoru while the remaining blob was yelling something after him. Kaoru kept smirking even when the old man's boot connected with his face and he was flown backward. As soon as the back of his head hit the ground he felt hundreds of thousands of tiny and scolding arms emerged from under the snow and frost and grabbed his skin. Kaoru screamed in pain while he was choking on the blood from his facial injury. The wound on his cheek would have felt more if his face hadn't been so numb. The tiny hands started to pull him downwards. To his surprise, the snow-covered gravel started to break like ice, and Kaoru, despite his exhausted state of mind, started to freak out. He wanted to call for help because he knew that the old man did care about him (sort of) and didn't actually want him to die, but no words left his lips; only more smoke. Finally, the ice broke and he was pulled down underwater… but the water wasn't cold.

Kaoru swam up and his upper body emerged from the surface of the water. He turned around and saw Hikaru; the warm summer sun made his hair look more golden than usual and he imagined that the same went for him. The reason why he was so focused on their hair was because some kids recently made fun of them for it. He knew that red hair wasn't common where they lived, but he hadn't known that it was so weird to have it.

"Why are you looking like that?" Hikaru asked and rubbed his eye with a slightly pudgy hand. "You have a weird face". Kaoru poked his tongue out at him and pushed the giggling Hikaru into the water.

"Don't be mean!" Kaoru cried out. "I was thinking!"

"Well, stop doing that!" Hikaru mock cried back with a teasing smirk. "You look weird!"

"No, you look weird!"

"But I'm not thinking, Kaoru!"

"Yes! You are ugly no matter!" They started to splash water at each other and laughter soon followed. However, a third, and unfamiliar, laughter cut their playtime short. The twins turned their attention back to the shore (that was just a few feet away because they weren't allowed to be too far away from the beach) and saw a very skinny boy. The boy looked a bit embarrassed from their stares.

"I-I'm sorry!" He exclaimed and bowed his head. "It's just, you two are really funny! Can I-can I play with you?"

The boy looked really scared, but still a little hopeful. Kaoru intended to just stare at him until he left but apparently, Hikaru took pity on the boy and put a hand on Kaoru's shoulder.

"He is not mean looking", Hikaru assured him. "He looks nice and we can play together". Kaoru looked at the boy skeptically.

"What do you think about our hair?" He finally asked and the boy looked up again with a confused look on his face.

"Y-your hair?" The boy repeated uncertainty. "It's pretty… not in a girly way!" The boy added with a red face and looked down again. Both twins blinked a couple of times before they had identical smiles on their faces.

"Do you want to come and swim with us?" Kaoru asked. The boy looked up with a startled expression.

"I-I really want to!" The boys said with a shy smile. "But I don't have any swim trunks". The boy sounded sadder and almost disappointed at the end.

"You have underpants, right?" Hikaru asked and didn't react to how the boy whined and turned even redder in the face. "That's what we are wearing".

"Yes!" Kaoru agreed. "It works the same. I promise!"

The boy hesitated so Kaoru assured him that they were just going to play around in the shallow area of the water. He demonstrated that his feet were indeed on the ground which seemed to do the trick and the boy nodded happily before stripping down to his underwear. The boy waddled out in the water. He stopped for a few seconds and whined about how cold it was but the other two assured him that he would get used to it so the boy continued to walk until he was next to them. He was slightly shivering and his skin was covered in goosebumps.

"You need to get down more underwater so your body gets used to it faster", Kaoru told him. "Like this". Kaoru lowered himself to his knees and leaned down further until his shoulders were under the surface.

The boy hesitated before slowly and hesitantly following suit. During the first minutes, he shivered harder but moving around with the twins quickly made his body temperature adapt. They started to play around and splash water on each other in no time. The boy stopped being as shy and was actively laughing alongside the other two.

Kaoru pushed the boy's head underwater for a second and chuckled. The boy was about to return the favor when he froze in place with his eyes glued to the shore. Kaoru and Hikaru looked at him with confused expressions before they turned to see what he was looking at. Five or six boys, not teenagers but much larger than the three kids in the water, stood and looked at them, dressed in swim trunks. Kaoru raised his hand to wave at them to make things less awkward, but the smirks on their faces made him drop it again. Hikaru discreetly glanced at the boy in the water and quietly asked if he knew them. The boy shook his head and whispered that the only thing he knew was that they weren't good. One of the boys at the shore, one with an "old man hat", raised an eyebrow at the interaction but didn't comment on it. Instead, he stared at Kaoru (who was closest to him).

"Why do you look like that?" He asked; his uneven voice was grating on Kaoru.

"What do you mean?" Hikaru asked before Kaoru could open his mouth; he had always been protective of Kaoru and didn't like the tone in the strange boy's voice. "This is how he looks". A boy with a bandaid on his nose whispered to the only light-haired boy that there were "two of them" while looking between Kaoru and Hikaru.

"No way!" The boy with the hat said. "No one has that hair and eyes!"

"Ehm… I do?" Hikaru pointed out and the boy with the hat, who had only had his eyes on Kaoru all this time, just now realized that they were identical twins and had a small pink tint to his cheek despite rolling his eyes nonchalantly.

"You both look weird", he finally said and neither Kaoru nor Hikaru cared about what he was saying. However, Kaoru still decided to make at least one comment because he was the one who had been addressed first and it really didn't look like the strange boys would let them be.

"At least we don't look boring", Kaoru remarked and crossed his arms over his chest. Hikaru laughed and their little friend started to laugh too but quickly stopped because of the glares they received. The boy with the bandaid continued to whisper to his friends, like the little coward he was. "What are you whispering about?" Kaoru asked, which startled the bandaid boy. "Are you afraid or something?"

"I'm not afraid!" Yelled the bandaid boy with red cheeks. "What do you have on your arms?" Kaoru glanced down at the scars on his skin; you had to stand pretty close to be able to tell that the name Daisy was carved into the skin on his right wrist and the number to his parents safe (where they kept the twins' candy) on his left tricep. Hikaru's smile dropped but Kaoru didn't want to make them think that they were on top there.

"I was in a fight", Kaoru lied as convincingly as he could while dropping his hands so his wrists were underwater. "The other boy was more hurt", he added and Hikaru nodded as to confirm his brother's story. "What do you even want? We are just playing".

"We want to play too", the boy with the hat said; his smile was mean. Hikaru crossed his arms again with a huff.

"We don't want to play with you", Kaoru said angrily and Hikaru nodded. "You are not friendly". Their friend looked back and forth between the twins with a worried expression like they didn't realize what they were doing.

"We are going to play with you", the boy with the hat said sternly. "It's a game called land fish. It's-".

"We don't care what it is", Hikaru cut him off. "My brother just said that we don't want to play with you. Go away!"

"We are not leaving!" The boy with the hat yelled. "Not until you try to walk past us. That's the game!"

"Sounds boring", Kaoru commented indifferently with a shrug. "We have not finished playing our own game. We are not leaving now anyway".

"It's getting dark", the boy with the light hair pointed out while he was staring at the sky. "Your moms are not going to be happy". The twins' friend looked anxiously at Kaoru.

"I really need to go home soon or my mom is going to be angry", he said. "Please, I need to go". Kaoru nodded at him before turning back to the boys at the shore.

"We are going to hit you when we win your stupid game", Kaoru warned them and lifted his hands so they could get a glimpse of his scars as a reminder of his made up story.

They would still not be able to see exactly how the scars looked like. He was satisfied to see that some of them actually looked a little worried until the boy in the hat started to nudge one of them and it seemed like they suddenly realized something. The blood visibly drained from the friend's face as all the boys pulled out small knives from either behind their backs or from the pockets of their swim trunks.

"So this is why you are bad", Kaoru said; he was trying to sound as brave as possible to not show weakness. He had to tell himself repeatedly that they weren't as dangerous as they tried to appear. They were just children, children weren't dangerous. At least not normal children.

"Are you going to hurt us?" Hikaru asked with wide eyes as he walked over to Kaoru and placed himself in front of him.

"Not if you lose the game and don't try to get past us", The boy with the hat assured. "Come on, boys". Kaoru's heart sunk as they started to walk into the water towards them. The twins had to almost drag their friend backward, into deeper water, as the older kids were slowly approaching. They were shivering, Kaoru was hoping that they would give up quickly because of how much colder the water had to be for them. The friend was also shaking, uncontrollably, and was whining. Kaoru tried to not be too annoyed with him, anyone would be afraid to be in this situation.

"You need to stop holding my arm so hard", Kaoru told him. "We will back away and lose. Then we can go home, okay?" He, and he knew Hikaru as well, would rather attack the boys and not try to lose on purpose, but they couldn't risk this small boy getting hurt (they would be in a lot of trouble).

"But I… I can't feel the ground soon… and I can't swim", the boy admitted red-faced and Kaoru stared wide-eyed at him. Hikaru looked quite shocked as well.

"You can't… then why… is that why you got here without swimwear?" Kaoru asked.

He hadn't thought much about that since he and Hikaru didn't have any either. They had forgotten them at their parents' house. In fact, they forgot a lot of things at home. Or more like, they weren't given the time to pack properly.

Hikaru looked back at Kaoru worriedly. "We have to swim soon. What are we going to do?" He asked.

"I… try to lay down and we will pull you", Kaoru told the boy who started to freak out.

"L-lay down!? I-I… ".

"Kick up from the ground and try to be as stiff as possible when you lay down. You know, float", Kaoru ordered him sternly. The boy stared pleadingly into his eyes. Kaoru had no idea what he wanted him to do.

Finally, when only his toes were touching the sand, the boy did as Kaoru had instructed him to do but became scared every time his body dipped a little too much.

"It's not dangerous. Kick with your feet if you feel like you are falling but don't try to grab us. We don't want to be pulled down. Okay?" Kaoru asked and took his silence as a panicked yes.

Kaoru and Hikaru started to pull him while swimming farther into the water while the boys with the knives were still waddling after them. They looked very cold; Kaoru was optimistic.

They were pretty far out now and their friend was hyperventilating and had made a grab at Kaoru's arm several times, breaking the skin in the process with his nails and leaving a few drops of blood behind. Hikaru had sternly hissed at him several times to calm down and that he was slowing them down.

Hikaru suddenly started to walk less urgently and looked Kaoru in the eyes. Kaoru nodded at him and he stopped in his tracks and looked at the approaching danger. He decided on a target and dived underwater; Kaoru and the friend were left alone. The friend, realizing that Hikaru was going to do something, started to breathe in and out more rapidly and sputtered about them making a mistake.

"Calm down", Kaoru hissed in his ear. "We know what we are doing. You need to be brave and stop breathing like that".

A short and surprised scream erupted from the bandaid boy (whose long legs had put him before the others) that died down when he was pulled underwater. The other aggressors stopped in their tracks and Kaoru's heart sunk when he saw dark red at the surface of the water where the boy (with a sharp and dangerous knife) disappeared with Hikaru. Kaoru was pulled away from his thoughts by literally being pulled. The friend was now panicking so much by seeing what had just occurred that he was no longer floating, but kicking like a wounded animal with his feet and grabbing onto Kaoru's arm with an iron grip. Again Kaoru told him in vain several times to calm down and try to get back into position but unfortunately made a grave mistake by trying to loosen the grip on his arm. The friend panicked even more and wrapped both of his arms around Kaoru's neck and shoulders, pulling him backward. Now it was Kaoru's turn to freak out as his attempts to stabilize himself were in vain and he started to gulp down more and more water. The friend might have been small, but Kaoru wasn't that big himself. He wanted to call out for Hikaru or to anyone for help but no words could leave his lips and his desperate attempts to call out only rewarded him with more water forcing itself down his throat into his lungs.

The friend whined one last time before he accidentally kicked Kaoru in the leg and both were submerged into the cold streams. The adrenaline that had previously been teasingly lingering at the back of Kaoru's wall of rationality had at that moment broken through the barrier and filled his bloodstream. He didn't want to die, he couldn't die. The friend was holding onto him even harder, choking him along with the water, and Kaoru's vision started to blur. The boy was beyond reason and Kaoru had lost his voice; there was no way that he could save him… but he could save himself! Kaoru started to claw at the boy's arm violently but it made him panic and hold on tighter. Kaoru mustered up his strength and elbowed him in the stomach. The boy's grip loosened but Kaoru knew that even if he did manage to push him away he would just grab his feet again and Kaoru didn't have a lot of air left in his lungs. Kaoru turned in the boy's grip and attacked his face, gauging at his eyes so the boy let go to protect himself. Kaoru pushed him away and started to swim upwards with desperate and messy movements, accidentally (?) kicking the boy in the head on his way.

He took a deep and desperate breath when his face breached the surface and he immediately started to swim towards the shore; the little voice telling him that he needed to live was going over and over again in his head like a mantra.

Hands were on him the second he was crawling in the shallow part of the lake towards the sand and in a moment he panicked more when he remembered the boys' with the knives. Luckily he saw Hikaru's face before he actually attacked.

"You are okay, you are okay", Hikaru said, more to himself than to Kaoru as he pulled him up and helped him the rest of the way to the beachfront.

"We're they?" Kaoru forced out between pants when he looked around and saw that they were alone. He remembered Hikaru attacking one of them and his eyes widened. He examined Hikaru and saw no visible injury and calmed down significantly.

"They weren't so brave when they saw that three people didn't return to the shore because of them… or two now when you are here", Hikaru said with a very forced chuckle to defuse the situation as Kaoru stared at him with a surprised and sad frown. "Because of them", Hikaru empathized sternly to his worried brother. "We need to leave. We can't get into trouble".

"Y-yeah", Kaoru agreed while nodding frantically. "Our parents are sad enough… but, the boy… ".

"That boy would have dr… would still have been gone", Hikaru assured while desperately pulling Kaoru towards their discarded clothes. "I saw. You did right. Get dressed". With shaking hands, both of them put on the clothes over their cold, wet, and goose-bump-covered bodies before they quickly left without looking back.

Kaoru's heart was pounding so hard that he couldn't fathom why Hikaru hadn't commented on it yet. Kaoru didn't know if he believed Hikaru or not when he said that he saw what happened… just like Kaoru hadn't really been able to see what happened with Hikaru. Going by his words, Kaoru wasn't the only one who left someone behind.

"I-", Kaoru started but Hikaru immediately cut his sentence short.

"We are not gonna talk about this", Hikaru told him sternly. Kaoru's heart was really starting to beat so hard that it hurt at this point. He put his hand over it and was startled at the discovery that he could feel the skin move so much with the blood-pumping muscle. "We didn't see anything. We didn't do anything. We were playing in the yard behind the cabin when this happened. Alright?"

It wasn't an order, it was a plea. Kaoru nodded but stopped walking suddenly when his heart started to beat so harshly that it literally felt like it was trying to break through the skin under his hand. Hikaru continued to walk and the pain prevented Kaoru's voice from going past his throat. He fell down to his knees while clenching his chest. He couldn't believe this, why did he do what he did if he was just going to die anyway? Did he do that for nothing!? This isn't fair, it is…

The pain stopped and Kaoru opened his eyes (that he hadn't realized that he had closed) and pulled his hand away from his chest. He hadn't looked down yet but he could feel something thick in his grasp… he had his suspicions about what it was. Finally, he forced himself to look down and did indeed see a huge hole in his shirt and chest but there was no heart in his hand; there was only a pile of sand, wet from the water.

"Are you surprised? You care more about getting into trouble than about what happened to that boy. But he doesn't have a name for you, right? Soon he won't have a face either. Are you even sad? Don't be a hypocrite, you have already forgotten about him".

Kaoru's eyes flew open and he panted like he had been running a marathon. He gulped and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds before opening them again. His heart was pounding still, but luckily staying inside of him this time, and his back was soaked. It took him a minute to remember where he was. His jaw was hurting from the strain of the gag and his body was sore from being restrained on an uncomfortable surface.

Kaoru felt someone touching the restraint in his mouth and snapped his head in the direction of the hands and saw Henry's (now very grating) smile again.

"Don't worry, Kaoru. Just removing this", Henry assured with an amused chuckle. "Be still now".

He continued the removal and Kaoru could feel someone, most likely Thomas, taking off of his hand restraints. Then Henry was putting away the gag and Thomas had freed his hand, Kaoru immediately started to massage his jaw. He didn't really care about all the drool on his chin.

"I didn't… I didn't know they… did you put something into it to purposely target… to target memories?" Kaoru asked, disheartened.

They had hinted that this would happen but Kaoru hadn't questioned or thought it through beforehand. The zero power was about dreams, not memories. Sure you could dream about memories but Kaoru thought it was oddly targeting for that kind of serum. In retrospect, this was something he really should have considered. Maybe. But now, all he could think about was the things he had just seen.

He hadn't thought about those memories for so long. The first one didn't come as much of a surprise because what had happened during it had been happening in different ways during his childhood, but the details had been forgotten. He really couldn't tell what happened in the blurry part of the dream. He probably never would either. These sessions were supposed to only show him the bad things.

The second dream was more of a surprise but the more Kaoru thought about it the more he remembered what happened. He couldn't for the life of him recall any faces or names, but the events that occurred afterward started to unfold in his mind. He glanced down at his arm and thought that he could still see "Daisy" underneath all the other scars on his wrist. Yes, this was definitely a memory… but how could Kaoru have forgotten about this? That was extremely absurd and confusing. But now when Kaoru thought about it, did he remember every single person he had hurt or murdered?... Did he really care that little?

"No wonder they discussed if I was a psychopath or not".

"It is crossed with another zero's powers, yes", Thomas responded and Kaoru returned from his dark thoughts. "We didn't have any difficulties with making the serum target the negative parts of the subconsciousness, but we needed another zero to be able to target memories".

"I didn't know we had that kind of zero on the base", Kaoru commented before Henry burst out laughing while he was removing the other restraints. That made Kaoru mentally facepalm because he was a zero with memory powers at the base. "Yeah, yeah. Laugh all you want", Kaoru said, fake nonchalantly as Henry continues to cackle. "But why wasn't I made aware of the fact that some of my serum was used for this?"

"You agreed for them to let you use your powers", Henry said with a shrug as he was panting from the aftermath of his intense laughter. Kaoru didn't understand why that was so hilarious. "They never had to tell you for what purpose, if I remember correctly".

"But they made sure to tell me when they used my powers for the memory dives", Kaoru rebutted.

"Well, why wouldn't they explain it to someone who was going to go through that process?" Henry teasingly asked. "Using your powers is your job. Obviously you would have been told about it". He ignored the insulted look on Kaoru's face as he retrieved his notepad. "They didn't think that you needed to know. It's not a big deal".

Kaoru didn't know why the fact that they had used his powers for an unbeknownst purpose made him so devastated. No, he felt violated. Again, Kaoru always knew that they discarded the Boys' feelings but this felt akin to someone stealing his organs in his sleep and donating them without his consent. They knew that Kaoru wouldn't have objected if they asked him so why couldn't they just ask? Maybe that felt redundant if they already thought that they knew his answer, especially if he didn't have any choice. But couldn't they at least have told him? How many people were taking advantage of his powers without his knowledge right now? Had people forgotten that his powers were a part of him? He was more than a resource… he was.

"Am I really If I need to be so useful? Do I even believe that I am anywhere near the worth of a human at this point in life?"

Thomas cleared his voice to gain Kaoru's attention. "We have questions we need to ask before you leave".

"I thought you had already asked all the important questions", Kaoru recounted coldly. He just wanted to leave and Henry's cackling didn't help at all.

"We couldn't ask some questions beforehand because we didn't want you to think too hard about them then", Thomas explained and he didn't sound nearly as condescending as Henry would have. "We wanted to get an as unbiased answer as possible. It's difficult to explain, but you might understand after you have heard the questions".

"Alright", Kaoru murmured in mild resignation and Thomas gave him a rare smile. Which now, after being around shit-eater-grin-Henry, didn't sit well with him.

"Good. I know you are tired so I'll be quick, even if you're supposed to be uncomfortable. How many dreams do you remember having? I mean, how many scene changes occurred?"

"Ehm… the scene changed once. I recall two memories at two different points in my life", Kaoru responded thoughtfully and Henry wrote something in his notepad before looking back up again.

"Do you remember waking up at any time?" Henry asked and Kaoru shook his head. "Well, the censors suggested at least five dreams and you woke up in between all of those dreams… don't look so shocked, you know that this is perfectly normal, right?" Kaoru glared at him once again for talking to Kaoru like he was an idiot.

"You most likely woke up so short that you couldn't remember it when you woke up again now", Thomas explained while quickly glancing at his college; he was fed up with his nonsense. "Like he explained, it's common but it's not the desired effect. We clearly need to adjust the serum so you'll remember all your dreams. This is also a normal occurrence, it's impossible to conduct a perfect match without testing. It might not be perfect the second time around either, but it's nothing to worry about".

"The reason why we didn't bring this up previously was because we didn't want you to try to remember as much as possible", Henry chimed in. "To answer your previous question. So you want to ask anything else?"

"Yeah, you mentioned censors?"

"They were in those fancy restrains around your arms", Henry said with the slightest hint in his voice that Kaoru should have been able to guess that already. "We also put something on your chest and there are censors behind the chair".

"Was that also something you didn't think I needed to know beforehand?" Kaoru asked.

"No, we just didn't remember", Henry answered with a sheepish grin. "Patients aren't usually interested either. Anything else?"

"No. I have nothing else to say. Am I allowed to leave?"

"Yes, Yeah, you are done here", Henry said bluntly while helping the wobbly boy down from the chair. "Do you need some adult help to the door?"

"I can walk by myself, thanks". Kaoru pulled away from him and walked with shaking legs out of the lab. He had so many thoughts and questions. Where was he even supposed to start?