Chapter Six
Naina wakes to a pounding headache, a heaviness that seems to stop her eyes from opening. She has to know though, she has to know where she is now. Did she return to the present, has she woken from the dream that she wished could never end?
She forces her eyes open, praying that she's still in the past, that it hasn't ended after all.
It must be night because it's dark outside, but Naina can see through the light filtering in from the corridor. There, slumped in the chair next to her bed is a figure that is unmistakeable, one that she would recognise anywhere.
"Thank goodness," Naina sobs, "Thank goodness," and passes out once more.
/
The next time that Naina wakes up, he isn't there.
It is daytime now, the sun high in the sky, and Naina is alone in her room.
It's alright, she tells herself. He must be at the academy, or reporting to his superiors, sorting out the mess of Dr Mishra's actions. She's still in the past, she has to be.
Naina wonders if she will feel this fear every time she wakes up from now on, if she'll ever truly be able to take this reality for granted. She still doesn't know how she ended up here or how long it'll last for but Naina hopes it can be forever.
There is a drip in Naina's arm and when she peels down the shoulder of her hospital gown she can see that her wound has been properly tended to and bandaged. Naina presses the call button by her bed, a nurse appearing a few moments later.
"It's good you're awake at last, how do you feel?" The nurse asks her, helping to prop Naina up against the pillows and handing her a cup of water to sip from.
"How long have I been unconscious for?"
"They brought you in around two am yesterday morning, you were taken into surgery and were unconscious for the rest of the day."
"And my friends, the Captain, they were all..."
The nurse nods. "When you were brought in there was an Army captain and five cadets with you. The cadets were picked up and taken back to the academy once you were out of danger but the Captain was here until early this morning."
"Thank goodness they're all okay." Naina sighs.
"I'd better call him now, he asked to be informed once you'd woken up."
"When can I get out of here?" Naina asks, stopping the nurse as she turns to go. "Can I go back to the academy now that I've woken up?"
The nurse shakes her head. "You lost a great deal of blood due to the gunshot and your wound needs to heal without being strained. You need to be on your IV for at least one more day and the doctors have recommended a week's rest after that."
"I can't wait a week!" Naina protests. "I can't waste that time, I need..."
"Let me call your Captain, it'll be the army's decision when you're discharged." The nurse smiles reassuringly and leaves Naina then to make her call.
Naina lies back against the pillows and tries to relax, tries to forget the seconds that are ticking by. When she's been given this second chance then shouldn't she make every moment count? She can't spend it in a hospital.
When she tries to sit up properly though a wave of dizziness threatens to overwhelm her and Naina lies back down again. Maybe she does need to have the IV for a bit longer after all.
/
It's Alekh rather than Captain Rajveer who arrives to the hospital first, walking into Naina's room in the late afternoon.
"Sir called Dr Shalini and asked her to send one of us, he's stuck at headquarters." Alekh announces without preamble.
Naina nods, she'd guessed it must be something like that, nothing else could keep him away. She had been so clueless at the time but now she guesses... she thinks... that he had felt the same way about her. The clues were all there when she looks back on it now. He would be here if he could be, Naina knows that to be true.
"What happened after I passed out?" She asks Alekh.
"We made a stretcher and carried you the rest of the way, got you to the base Captain Rajveer was taking us to. Then they loaded you into an ambulance and we all went to the hospital with you. Sir and Ali had to give blood for you, and your surgery went on for about three hours. When they said you were out of danger, Rajveer Sir sent the rest of us back to the academy. BC gave us the day off to rest yesterday but today was normal training so I couldn't make it any earlier."
Naina nods, glad that Alekh has filled in the missing parts. "Alekh, what do you think is really going on here?"
"I think we died." He answers bluntly.
"Died?"
"If this was a dream we would've woken up by now and it wouldn't make sense that we both remember. I think we died and somehow got sent here when we did."
"Then if we really died..."
Is this her own version of heaven? The ability to change what happened, to fix all her mistakes and live the life she had so desperately wanted.
The ability to save him.
There is another possibility as well, one that terrifies Naina. That this could be her own personal hell instead, one in which she is destined to fail once more only to see him die in front of her again.
She won't let that happen, she can't.
"Then you think we're here forever now?" She asks Alekh, "There's no risk that this will end?"
He shrugs. "I've got no idea. But I've slept and woken up three times and this feels as real as anything I've ever done. Maybe this is it for us now, maybe somehow we got sent back to this time. I wish it had been earlier though."
Naina nods. "You're right, if we'd been sent back earlier I wouldn't have been such a fool when Major Bhargav was there, I could've stopped him from trapping us."
Alekh's mouth quirks. "I was thinking if it was a week earlier I could've done brilliantly on those exams. No issues with my English now."
Naina laughs, unable to help herself. "You're going to have to make it look like you're improving slowly so the others don't get suspicious."
"Now that I'm drinking less I'll pretend to spend more time studying, might even give you a run for best cadet."
Naina grins at him, and she is struck suddenly by the feeling that she is, after so very long... happy.
A lifetime of possibilities stretches in front of her, a hope for the future. Naina knows precisely how long it has been since she's felt that.
"But what do we do, Alekh?" She lowers her voice to ask the question, not wanting anyone to overhear. "Now that we're here, what do we do?"
"We'll change everything, Naina." Alekh promises her. "We're prepared now, we know what they'll do. We're not the helpless cadets we were at that time. We're Captain Alekh Sharma and Captain Naina Singh Ahluwalia, and we know a hell of a lot more than we did then."
/
Naina is dozing when Captain Rajveer arrives, made drowsy by the pain medicine. Alekh had left an hour before lights out, needing to make it back to the academy on time and satisfied that Naina would be alright on her own.
The lights have already been turned low and he makes his way in quietly, as if he expects that she'll be asleep. Naina supposes that she should be after everything that has happened to her, but she's slept on and off throughout the day, recovering her strength.
"Sir?" Naina whispers and Raj stops, only continuing his way to her after a moment's pause.
"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier, Naina. We've been debriefing at headquarters. I've only just managed to finish filing my final report on what happened."
"You should be resting," Naina tells him as he takes the seat beside her bed. "I know you were here last night too, you need to get a proper night's sleep."
Raj lets out a low laugh. "It's been years since I've needed a full night's sleep. I'm a soldier, we get by with what we can."
Even in the low light, Naina can make out the way he looks at her, equal parts relief and longing. She wonders why he doesn't reach out to take her hand when his fingers are flexing, obviously aching to.
For all that she believed he loved her, he was always remarkably careful not to touch her. Naina can count all of the times of significance; only three times did he ever embrace her, twice they danced, and not once, not once did he ever kiss her.
God how she's wished over the years that he would've kissed her just once so that she could have had that memory to live with.
"Yudi said to ask you where his passport is when you woke up."
Naina is pulled out of her musings and she laughs. "Tell him he'll find out when I get back to the academy."
"Why did you have his passport?" Raj asks curiously. "He wouldn't tell me."
"He was going to leave." Naina pauses, thinking back to the last time, when he actually did. "I knew he'd regret it later so I took his passport and told him I'd only give it back if he went on the mission."
"And do you think Cadet Yudi still wants to leave?"
Naina shakes her head. "Yudi understands what he can do now, he needed to know that. The army is in his blood, he can't get it out of him so easily."
The look at each other, there in the dark, the shadows heavy on both of their faces. Very slowly, Raj reaches out, his fingers inching towards hers across the covers. Naina doesn't breathe, doesn't move, waiting to see if he'll really do it until the moment he's taken her hand in his.
His words, when he speaks, are let out on a long breath. "I'm so sorry, Naina. I was hoping we could arrest Dr Mishra and make her confess to trapping Naveen. She was the best lead that we had and now..."
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Sir." Naina takes a deep breath in. "We're both still alive, the country is safe and she's received her justice. I wish we could have proven Naveen Bhaiyya innocent but I would never want it to happen at the cost of anyone's life."
Let him get the message, she prays. Let him not embark on a single minded mission this time, determined to prove his friend innocent even if it ends up killing him.
"I know..." Raj's voice is suspiciously thick, and he abruptly drops her hand once more. "I know it's too early for me to ask it of you, but I hope that one day... I hope that one day you'll forgive me for what I did. I will spend the rest of my life atoning for it, I'll ensure that I..."
It is Naina's turn to reach out now, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly. "There is nothing to forgive, because I know my brother," she tells him, tears slipping down her face. "I know that Naveen would never have chosen death unless there was no other possible option for him. Just like you always told me, he would've fought to the very last breath. It was when he knew there was no further way to fight that he asked you to set him free."
Naina has spoken these thoughts in her mind so many times over the years, imagining a conversation where she could let him know that she truly understands. It is a relief, such a stark relief, to finally be able to say them.
Raj is staring down at her, his hand clutching hers back almost painfully hard. "I thought... that you would never forgive me."
Naina has to reach up to wipe the tears away from her face then, taking a deep breath in before she replies. "That's because you never forgave yourself, you couldn't bring yourself to so you thought nobody else would either."
She still remembers how he originally wouldn't defend himself to her, how he turned and left when there was so much more he could've said. Would things have turned out differently that time too if he had? Had a part of him wanted her to take revenge, to finally release him from the guilt he felt?
Raj reaches up with his free hand to wipe his own tears away. "And when did you become so wise, Cadet Naina? What happened to my impetuous protege who would always react first and think later?"
"She grew up." Naina can't say more, but the phrase echoes in her bones. That girl was made old too soon by grief and regrets and far too much time to think on them. "She realised that she had to."
They look at each other there in the dark, and Naina knows that this is the closest that they have ever been. Despite how he felt for her and what Naina had felt for him and realised too late, they had far too few moments like these.
Raj blinks, looking away, and the moment is gone. He loosens his grip and Naina begins to feel his hand slip from hers.
"You should get back to the academy and get a decent night's sleep." She tells him, knowing somehow that it's best that they leave it there for tonight.
"Will you be alright alone?" Raj asks her. "I could stay here if you prefer."
Naina shakes her head. "That chair can't be comfortable to sleep in. The nurses here are nice, if I need anything they come straight away. Just..."
"Just?"
"Please try and get me released tomorrow, Sir. I promise I'll be careful with my wound but I'm going to go crazy if I have to stay in here much longer."
Raj chuckles. "Let's see what your doctor says tomorrow. I'll come by after classes end and if she says it's fine I'll bring you back to the academy with me."
"You make sure you get some rest then, Sir." Naina tells him sincerely, wishing she could say more. It's not the right time though, and he wouldn't understand a change of heart coming in so quickly.
"You rest well too, Naina. You'll have more chance of convincing the doctor that way."
He squeezes her hand in farewell and makes his way out, the door shutting firmly behind him.
Naina waits until he's gone to allow herself to weep, bitter tears of relief allowed out at long last.
/
With everything that has happened since he woke up here, Alekh had almost forgotten about Neelu.
Almost.
It's been at the back of his mind as he's run over the timeline, trying to remember what would happen next. Originally he hadn't been on the mission, he'd ended up in hospital, needing a fake wife to save his life.
That didn't happen this time though, and so Alekh has wondered how long it might take her to reach out for help now, whether she might not this time with nothing to reconnect them.
They had dated only briefly, if you could even call it that, before Neelu had moved on to Akash. At the time he remembered that it has been almost a relief to have her lose interest in him with no need to hide things from Yudi anymore. Neelu had been in a phase of rebellion and it hadn't taken her long to realise that he wasn't as bad of a boy as what she needed at the time.
It could've worked out between them, it almost had until Neelu was sent off to a distant aunt's house to have her baby and Alekh had been sent to the army detention centre. She had given up the child and moved on with her life, and Alekh had been too busy trying to survive and gain revenge to reconnect.
But does he wish it had turned out differently?
He had seen her years later, meeting her by chance when he'd visited Yudi at his posting. It had been awkward, the air between them full of what could have been.
"You know Alekh, the problem with us was that the time wasn't right. We could've been something if we met now, but there's too much between us from what happened then to take things ahead, isn't there?"
No, Alekh does not wish that things had turned out differently.
Neelu and he had never been right for each other, and they wouldn't have been in the future either when both of them had grown up. At the time, Alekh had been blind to that. He'd wanted what Neelu represented, someone who could love him, someone who could give him a family.
He's no longer the struggling cadet who had craved for those things without being able to admit it to himself.
So when Neelu does turn up at the academy to see him, Alekh is prepared.
"Bro told me what happened to you all, I can't believe you went through that." Neelu exclaims as they walk through the grounds. It's after lights out but Alekh knows there's little chance of getting caught, he knows all the paths the officers on patrol take. "Will Naina be alright?"
"She's recovering well, I went to see her this afternoon." Alekh replies, "She should be back in a day or two."
"Mum and Dad were furious when Yudi didn't turn up for the flight, I don't think they're even talking to him now that he's announced he's not leaving anymore."
Alekh hides a smile. Even though Yudi couldn't leave if he wanted to, he knows his friend hasn't made his decision on that basis. "He's made the right choice, he belongs here with us."
Neelu nods, before her expression crumples. "The question is though, that where do I belong now?"
Alekh waits as she pours out the story, a supporting hand on her back as she tells him how Akash abandoned her when he found out she was pregnant.
"I didn't know who else to come to, Alekh. I knew that you at least would understand, that you could help me figure out what to do."
Alekh takes a deep breath in and prepares to change both of their fates.
"I'll stand by you, Neelu, and I'll support you, but it has to be as a friend. You need me to help you get away from here, I'll do that. You need me to help tell Yudi the truth, I'll do that. But I can't take the fall for you, or pretend it was me."
There is silence and Alekh knows that even though Neelu would never have asked it of him, that it was what she expected him to do. That, somehow, is worse than her actually asking. Alekh knows now that he deserved better than having his friend think that of him. He can't be Neelu's scapegoat this time around.
"Tell Yudi? But..."
"You decide what you want to do first, if you don't want to keep the baby then I can take you to a doctor. If you want it then you need to tell your family sooner or later, and the longer you wait the harder it will get."
Alekh reaches out then and takes her hand, because there was a time when he thought he loved her.
Alekh knows what love is now, he knows it in everything he witnessed that passed between the Captain and Naina. If Neelu and he had really loved each other then nothing would have stopped them from finding their way back together again.
"Tell Yudi first, he can break it to your parents if it's too hard to do. We'll all support you."
He thinks back then to all the paths they hadn't taken last time. Yudi had confessed later that he had planned to ask Dr Shalini if she would like to adopt the baby since she couldn't have her own children. Their time in the detention centre had made that impossible, Neelu's parents wanting to keep her as far away from anything to do with the army as possible. Maybe this time it could be an option, if they can just figure out the right way.
Alekh still wants to help Neelu, that hasn't changed, but now he knows that their paths are not bound up together.
He had prayed for the chance to go back for Naina's sake, so that she could know some happiness.
When they have this life though, shouldn't he try and seek some happiness for himself?
A/N: A big thank you to everyone who has been reviewing, I really look forward to reading them and responding! I hope all of you are safe and well wherever you are. I'm currently writing chapter 17 so am still keeping myself about 10 chapters ahead of what I'm posting which is good for no long breaks between posting!