Finally after what felt like an ungodly amount of Hours everyone is finally in bed, though I doubt much sleeping is occurring..

Earlier dad and I had an incident.

Flashback 2 hours ago

Ihad just walked out of the shower with only a towel around my waist.

What caught my attention was the noise coming from the bedroom.

Curious I walked out of the bathroom to see my dad unbuttoning his shirt.

We both yelped.

"Oh! is this your room?" Dad stutters our a blush appearing on his face.

I hate to admit I'm no better.

I'm inwardly kicking myself, I forgot this used to be dad's room.

"Oh yeah, after you went missing and gran passed I um I took it as my own."

"Oh"

Crickets chirp.

"You can stay in grans old room, I had it refurbished after she died, so it's just like another guest room."

I realised my mistake too late.

"Yh guest room." Dad mumbles out.

"oh! Not to imply you are a guest I mean hypothetically it is your house."

"Alan it's fine." Dad cuts me off.

After that awkward encounter dad leaves the room.

Flashback ends.

So now I'm laying in bed, on the phone to Ophelia.

"Baby I wish I could be there for you."

I sigh and just close my eyes.

"It's just weird, I guess for so long I believe my family was dead, now I have them back I should be thrilled and I was when I first saw them, now I'm just confused and a little uncomfortable like I'm the odd one out. I mean they haven't aged a day Phee."

"I think that's understandable when they went missing You were only a boy, you grieved them and grew up, started your own life, your own family, your dynamic, now you have them back, you wonder how they will fit into your new life, I mean its a big adjustment and I feel there will be many changes as we all, (not just you but for me, the kids, you brothers, your father) try to find the new normal. As for them not ageing I'm afraid that's behind my reach of knowledge, maybe Fermat and Brains will have a theory."

I take comfort in my wife's wisdom.

"If the whole fashion thing doesn't work out Your should go into counselling."

I make a joke.

My wife laughs.

"Oh crap, listen I've got to go." I hear a loud bang in the background.

"What's that?"

"Aspen and Lucas have a scrap."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay, I love you."

"Love you too."

She hangs up.

Once again I'm alone.

With noting Better to do I decide to just call it quits and lay my head back and close my eyes.

I hope it doesn't take me too long to...

Beep!beep!beep!beep!beep!beep!beep!

My eyes shoot open, the morning sun is shining through my curtains.

I just lay there for a few minutes before showing the cover off me, and lifting myself of the bed.

I let out a sigh as my bone crack giving me relief

There is chatter downstairs, I guess that means everyone else is already downstairs.

I approach the top of the stairs that leads down to the living room and just listen to the chatter taking place downstairs.

"It's just hard to imagine Alan as a grown man, I mean yesterday her was just our little brother." Virgil's voice is heard.

Clatters are coming from the kitchen and the smell of pancakes consume my senses.

"Yeah tell me about it, did you guys notice how..I don't know, how closed off he was." Gordon jumps in.

"Gordon remember he's spent 18 years believing we were dead, heck he's had to grow up without us." John always the voice of reason.

"It just feels like he's hiding things from us, last night I overheard him on the phone to someone, I think it was a woman." Gordon continues.

I hadn't even realised that Gordon was listening in.

I should probably feel put off he would listen in on my private conversation.

But hey that's Gordon.

"Gordon lets just get through today okay, then tomorrow we can drill Alan, dad needs us today, it's going to be a rough day today and the last thing dad needs is anyone steeping one anyone else's toes." Scott interjects in his commander's voice the one that left no room for argument.

I use this as my opportunity to make my entrance.

I walk down the stairs and heads turn to my direction.

"Morning."

I get nods and greetings.

I notice it's only my brothers in the house, Scott and Virgil eating breakfast at the table, Gordon on the couch and John in the kitchen making pancakes.

"Where's dad?"

"He wanted to stop by the orchid and pick some flowers for gran, it's where Him and gran used to go when he was younger." Virgil answer with a monotone voice.

Oh

The mood which wasn't too great descends even further.

"By the way umm what are we going to do for clothes all we have are the clothes on our back and The pyjamas you Lent us." Gordon enquires.

I had not thought of that.

Wait!

"I'm pretty sure gran stored some of your belonging in the attic and I think there were some clothes in those boxes."

Between the five of us, we find the boxes filled with articles of clothing and bring them downstairs.

Now all of my brothers are rifling through them trying to find some suitable clothes.

Luck would be on our side today, It seemed that my gran had saved their Sunday suit's.

That leads us to 10 am everyone is dressed in there Sunday best, hair combed back, shoes fully polished.

I had dressed in one of my dad's suits as mine were at home and the ones in the box were too small.

Everyone quietly files out through the door, leaving me to lock it behind them.

One by one we pile into the van quietly, solemnly, no one wanting to break the silence.

Dad is sitting next to me on the passenger side, he is quiet, holding some freshly picked wildflowers.

The drive to the graveyard couldn't have been more than 8 minutes yet the tension was suffocating.

It only seems to get worse the closer we got.

By the time I had parked the car I was all but ready to jump out the car.

I try to remind myself that they are still grieving.

Slowly we all walk down the aging stone path and into the cemetery.

The small church is in the background hidden just behind the big oak trees that glisten with oranges, red and purple leaves that are falling from the branches, the sun is shining, the wheat and barley fields are ready to be harvested, there is a slight breeze in the air.

One of the best things about Tracy farm is the peacefulness.

New York is all skyscrapers, concrete, traffic and lights Hardly any type of nature at all, unless you count Central Park.

Tracy Island is secluded, quiet, warm, tropical but not with any type of agriculture.

Tracy farm though has a little of everything, we're part of a small community of 2000, not overly crowded like New York or completely remote like Tracy island, here you can see the seasons in there full beauty and can find all sort of wildlife.

It's one of the reasons why we spend Christmas and New Years here, it's truly magical, every year we go to the Christmas market there we drink cocoa, eat gingerbread and do all sort of activities it's when the community come together.

Christmas Day we shall go to the morning service at the church, have Christmas dinner and in the afternoon open presents.

New Years would be spent at the village hall where there would be a big party going on and everyone would bring some dish or another.

I'm mused out of my thought my a sharp intake of breath.

Scott has stopped at a set of graves.

Right away I know where he is.

Here lies Jefferson Tracy, Scott Tracy, John Tracy, Virgil Tracy, Gordon Tracy.

Gone but not forgotten.

My dad and brother just take it in.

Each has an unreadable expression.

"Just starting to sink in right?"

Gordon turns to face me.

"You spent 18 years believe you were an orphan."

He states.

Slowly I nod.

"It's okay, I was okay, I mean it took time but I was able to move on with my life."

"H...how did it feel, when you first found out?"

I swallow.

Even now after all these years I still don't like talking about it.

"Well at first I didn't want to believe it, you know I mean I'd always seen you guys as invincible, after a while, it started to set in, then it hurt, I mean I don't think I'd ever felt so much pain in my life, it felt like my heart was being torn from the chest I think a few weeks after the funeral I became angry, at you guys, at the plane company, at fate, It did get better as time went on."

Gordon has tears in his eyes.

Dad wraps an arm around my shoulder and squeezes.

"We shan't leave you again."

I've lost count how many times dads said that now.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's for my benefit... or his.

Grans Grave is the one behind mom and dads.

Brenda Tracy

1923 - 2007

I lived a good life. Now I'll have a good rest

We came to a halt.

Words can not describe the heavy feeling coming over everyone.

Since she has been gone I've only come here a handful of times.

I hear quiet sobbing from my left.

Scott places a comforting hand on dads shoulder, offering him silent support.

He placed the flowers down on the grave.

"Would you like to say something?" Scott asks dad.

Dad nods.

"Mon, I'm sorry I wasn't here for you in your final hours, I'm filled with regret and I'll spend the rest of my life missing you, missing your smile, missing you voice, missing the look you would give me when you knew I was in the wrong and most of all I'm going to miss the love you gave to everyone."

Dad speaks through his tears.

We all have a moment of silence to mourn a wonderful woman.

This is draining, this whole day and started opening up old wounds, wounds that I thought had healed.

There's still so much more I have to tell my family about, truthfully I don't know how I'm going to do it.