Chapter 6

Chance

16 years ago

February 2013

A week. Exactly seven days. It had been a week since Christian and I hadn't seen each other. Mia looked like she wanted to throw a fit. She wanted me to come over but I just can't. I really wanted to tell Mia about what happened between me and her older brother, but I wasn't ready yet.

To say that I was sad was simply not enough. I was on the verge of diving from a cliff and plunge deep and succumb into loneliness. There was this tug of war inside my head and in my heart: You made the right choice, Ana! Come on, Ana, call him and tell him that you miss him! Those two voices inside my head caused me to not write anything. Gosh! We're due to publish our Valentine's special next week and I absolutely have no concentration.

At night, I always check my Facebook and there I'll see his messages.

Tuesday

Christian: Hey Ana, was I too forward? I really am sorry. If I overstepped boundaries, all you have to do is tell me and I'll make up for it.

Christian: Ana, good night. I hope you'll sleep well. I won't be sleeping well knowing you're upset with me.

Wednesday

Christian: Hey, why weren't you here this afternoon? I waited and you weren't there. :(

Thursday

Christian: Good morning, Ana. Can we meet up after school? I'll be waiting by the student paper's office. This between us is killing me.

Christian: Hey, I waited until the office closed. You weren't there. :( How about tomorrow?

Friday

Christian: Mia said you had a flu? Are you okay, Ana? I am worried about you.

Christian: Ana, please? I know you've seen all of my messages. But can we please just talk? I miss you. I fucking miss you so much.

Saturday

Christian: Hey Ana, I drove all alone in my car and watched NYC outside. The city is not the same without you. I sat alone eating quesadillas and it's definitely not the same without you. Everything is not the same without you. I don't know why you're avoiding me but please be sure of this: I like you, Ana and I mean it.

Christian: Goodnight. I miss you. :(

He didn't send a message on Sunday and I felt so selfish when I was saddened about all of that. I shook my head and opened his messages once more. I've read it all again. I typed what my heart told me to.

Ana: Christian, I miss you too. Can you come over and we'll take a long drive in your car?

I shook my head when my mind intervened once more. I tapped backspace until the whole message got erased and was never sent. I just missed him, but I was so scared because I knew that it won't be smart to be with him. I'll just wound up getting hurt.

"Earth to Ana? Are you with us?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I zoned out." I thought about Christian too much that I forgot that we're in a meeting. The publication's about to publish the Valentine's edition but we still haven't finished one article.

"Are you sure that you've recovered from your flu?" Luke asked.

"Yes, I've recovered," I lied. I was never really sick. I just didn't want to cross paths with Christian. He wasn't always around in school so it infuriated me that he's always around now.

"Good, because you'll be the one to write this article," Luke told me and I was on high alert. The events team came up with a stupid idea of a marriage booth. One guy or girl will pay $50 to "get married" with their crush. All proceeds go to charity so the article should practically encourage everyone to try out the booth. I already hated it. Plus, the article's due tonight.

Luke added, "Oh and you have a photographer to take photos of the venue after this meeting."

"That's great, Luke since—"

"Look who's fashionably late! Hey, all! Christian Grey, your photographer is here," he entered the room and everyone was shocked. My jaw dropped open. Wait, what? How's he a photographer?

Mia exclaimed, "Christian, what are you doing here?! I didn't even know that you take photos!"

"Well, I do now. What about you? I didn't even know you write," he sounded as though he was about to argue with her.

Mia folded her arms and raised her brow, her back straightening, "Well, I am Ana's assistant."

"Miss, I am her assistant now since I am the photographer," he defended himself. He turned to look at me and his goofy smile turned sad. But like his usual self, he still forced to look happy. I, on the other hand, could have caught a fly with my mouth still hung open.

"Christian, seriously, just get out of here. The last time you took a photo, you only included the Eiffel Tower and I wasn't even in the frame." Mia wanted him to go out because he knew he'd tease her with Ethan.

"I did that on purpose so you'll be less narcissistic," Christian laughed.

"Sawyer, are you serious?" Ethan asked obviously enraged that Christian's here.

"Are you questioning your editor-in-chief, Kavanaugh?"

"With all due respect, that guy's just here to wreck everything!"

"Hey, hey, Ethan! Don't be like that, Bro. You'll hurt my feelings," he feigned a pained chest and everyone laughed at that except me, Ethan, and Sawyer. Christian then added, "You gotta be nice to me, Bro or else I won't approve of you as my brother-in-law anymore."

Everyone laughed louder and Mia's face reddened. She almost replied but Luke interrupted, "Everyone, please let's be serious here. Kavanaugh, Christian's got the best DSLR, okay? The camera's brand new, it's the most expensive, and it can produce high quality photos for this article. This one's important, okay? We have to help the Events Club raise fund for our affiliated charitable organizations."

"Fine," Ethan grumbled.

"Alright, this is to be published on February 13 and we don't have much time left. Ana, Christian, you can go and start now."

"Shall we?" He smirked.

I sighed deeply before getting up from my seat.

-page break-

I could feel the tension in the air as Christian and I walked along the Junior's Hallways. They were in a museum for a class visit right now so it was empty, thus awkwardness was at its worst when we were walking right next to each other. I tried to walk faster since I couldn't bear it anymore but Christian walked way faster than I could.

"Ana, hey, slow down."

I didn't listen and kept on walking fast.

"Hey," he grabbed my hand and turned me around. My eyes met his and it took all in me not to intertwine my fingers with his, pull him in for an embrace, and press my lips against his.

He was about to say something but I cut him off, "Do you even know how to use that?"

My eyes darted towards the camera.

"Yeah, I know how to use it. I'm just not good at it," he said.

"Christian, when did you even get that?"

"Last night. I ordered it online for overnight shipping, okay? Mia told me that Sawyer needs a photographer in the school paper just for this article and I thought it was a way to talk to you."

I was dumbfounded. He'd get into the school paper just to talk to me?

His hand travelled from my wrist and all the way down to my palm, "Look, Ana, I know you don't wanna talk to me at all, but I just need to speak with you." His hand pressed mine harder when he spoke the word 'need'.

I looked into our hands and before I could even wrap my hand around his, a voice echoed across the hallway.

"Oh, you're here now?"

We turned around and saw Gia, the pretty blonde in her senior year, the president of the Events Club, and unfortunately, one of Christian's hookups.

I quickly removed my hand from his and walked all the way to Gia.

-page break-

The gym was all set for the Marriage Booth on the 14th. There are pink and white roses everywhere and right in the middle is a mini-chapel. There's a veil all set at the side and there are rings too. I got to say, Gia outdid herself with the whole decoration. If I didn't know what the event was, I would have thought that it was a real wedding.

Gia spoke eloquently as she answered all of my questions. I took notes and at the same time, turned my tape recorder on so I didn't miss any word.

Meanwhile, Christian took photos of the place and I could tell from my peripheral view that he was struggling with the camera. He tried his best though and from time to time, he would wave goofily at me.

"Oh, that's it. Thank you, Gia for answering all of my questions. I'm gonna make sure that you'll get a great article."

Gia smiled, "Oh, I know I'll get a great article, Ana. I read your feature story last Christmas Edition. It was terrific!"

"Thank you," I smiled from ear to ear. I sighed at how perfect Gia was. She's beautiful, eloquent, and nice. I tried to maintain a smile when another doubt crossed my mind: what if Gia was more than just a hookup?

"I wish I could say the same about the photos though. I hope the shots are good," Gia said nervously as she looked at Christian.

"I'm sure it is," I said without conviction.

Both of us looked at Christian who's already kneeling down the floor, trying to get the perfect angle.

As I stared at Christian, I saw him struggling. He clearly didn't know how to use the camera but he was trying his best. I looked at Gia too and I could tell that even when they made out in some party before, it didn't matter. There wasn't any adoration in her eyes when she looked at him. To be honest, she looked as though she thought Christian was acting dumb.

For me though, I saw a sixteen-year-old boy, just a year older than me—lost and confused but trying.

He tripped after taking one last shot and he looked into me. He gave me a smile and I gave mine in return.

-page break-

"Let me take a look at the photos," I grabbed his camera and smiled at the photos he took. The shots were not the best but they definitely weren't the worst. Some photos were slightly crooked and all I could do was smile.

"You know it already, Ana. I am not a photographer," he told me.

We just walked out of the gym and now we're back in the empty Junior's Hallway. Unlike before though, it was not as tense and it wasn't awkward anymore. I didn't try to walk fast and I didn't try to run.

"So . . . can we talk now?" He asked and my heart clenched at how he sounded like a little boy.

We stopped walking right in the middle of the hallway. We stood by facing each other. He took his camera from my hands and placed it inside his bag. He grabbed my hand and I could feel his need—his desperation in the way he gripped mine.

"Ana, I am sorry if I overstepped boundaries. I just . . . I just . . . I like you, Ana. I like you so much."

His gray eyes glimmered and he was truly sincere.

"Christian, I like you too, but—"

"But?" He pressed.

"I like you but I don't want to be with you when I know you've been making out with other girls. Not when you keep on partying, smoking, drinking, and not going to school. Christian, I just can't deal with that."

His hand held mine tighter and I could tell that he's getting serious.

"I know who you are, Christian, and all of those things? It's not you. I can't be with you if keep dragging yourself down."

He froze.

"Christian, you are smart. I can see it when we talk. You have a great personality and you have a passion for life. You are kind and you are . . . you are you. You are my Christian," my voice cracked.

He stopped breathing at the last word.

I let go of his hand only to caress his cheek.

"You are so much better than this, Christian. Be the best of who you are and I'll be with you in every step of the way."

He turned his head slightly to kiss my palm. I let go of his cheek a few minutes later and we beheld each other's sight with both eyes shimmering, tears threatening to break free.

"Will you be my girlfriend then?"

That was the least of all things I expected him to say.

He took advantage of my silence when he promised, "I will quit it all, Ana. From now on, I will change. For you and . . . for myself." The last two words were what I wanted to hear.

"Ana, just say yes and I'll be your ideal," he almost whispered.

Something struck me in these moments. From the time he took pictures and to this instant when he stood so nervous at my answer. I realized it didn't matter what other people say. Loving someone meant seeing the best of who they are even when they are at their worst. You don't love someone because of his perfection, you love because of their potentials. You work out differences and you help each other out—in reaching goals, providing comfort, and being a shoulder to lean on. I choose to see through him because I know who he is.

"Yes," I whispered and took a step forward. I tiptoed, closed my eyes, and pressed my lips on his. He was shocked at first but he cupped both of my cheeks and our kiss deepened. His lips were so soft, so warm and seemed to fit mine so perfectly. I didn't know how long we stood there but all I knew was that time slowed time while our hearts beat fast.

And then I wrote the very first poem for him:

Foxhole

by Ana Steele

I dig myself a foxhole when love's bullets shower like rain

Because in Cupid's warzone, people always wound up in pain

When love's here, then loves gone—gone blasting like grenade,

We were in war shock;

We swore we'd never love again.

But then his eyes were lightning, I didn't see the warning signs.

But then his voice was a whisper, it silenced the gunshots at night.

When love's arrived, then love comes knocking—comes knocking like a loaded gun,

I let it point to my chest:

Ready, Aim, Fire!

There you are, guys. I cannot thank you enough for reading this chapter. This one's very special. I was feeling so much love when I wrote this. I truly love Christian and Ana in their high school years. I also thought that one of the poems I wrote at 19 fitted this chapter perfectly. I hope you share your thoughts to me too. I would appreciate it.

Thank you! – Cloud