AN: Thank you so much for continuing to read and for the incredibly kind comments. One more chapter to go after this one.

"Now, Kitty, listen to me….there's nothing in the world I'd rather do than take you to that dance. There's nothin' in the world I'd like better than to always be able to do the things we've planned. But Kitty, I've got a job and I gotta do it."

—Matt Dillon, "The Way It Is"

Disappointments

Kitty Russell happily stood with outstretched arms atop a fitting platform in Millie Flannigan's dress shop, undergoing her final fitting for the beautiful dress she'd had especially made for Molly and Bill Tanner's annual autumn barn dance, now just two days away. Kitty's heart squeezed with excitement as she happily anticipated the event.

The emerald silk dress with a daringly-deep square décolletage boasted a form-flattering silhouette and black-lace overlay. Kitty approvingly looked over her reflection in the dress shop's mirror, thinking that this lovely dress was quite possibly Millie's finest work to date. Kitty felt like a schoolgirl standing here as she imagined dancing the night away, held tightly in the big, strong arms of a certain tall, dapper US Marshal. It was going to take her a month of Sundays to pay for this dress, but it would all be worth it to see the appreciative look on Matt Dillon's handsome face.

Millie was talking through several pins in her mouth, not-so-subtly trying to glean information from Kitty about her relationship with her big, strapping date for the occasion. Millie was a thin, dark haired, rather plain, thirty-something-year-old widow, and she was as enthusiastic a gossip as she was a dressmaker. As always, Kitty was tight-lipped regarding her relationship with the Marshal. Millie hadn't extracted much more out of Kitty than the fact that her date was in fact Matt Dillon and that he was a friend.

It had been almost a month since Matt's dramatic return home from that last ill-fated trip out of town, and the badge had called Matt away yet again. But he should now be well on his way home from Ellsworth and had promised to do his very best to be back in time for the occasion.

Kitty knew that she probably shouldn't have allowed herself to get so excited, but this dance was the first they'd planned to attend together and she just couldn't help but want it to be special. She was trying very hard not to let the fact that Matt was currently still out of town and that no one could know that they were a couple put a damper on things.

"The Marshal certainly is a handsome man, Kitty," said Millie, continuing undeterred in her endeavor to extract highly coveted information from her beautiful customer.

"That he is," Kitty said, allowing just a hint of pride to lace her voice, smiling indulgently.

"I'd imagine there'd be quite a few girls who'd want him to be takin' them to the dance," Millie pressed, trying to bait Kitty into a reaction.

"I'd imagine you're right," Kitty replied distractedly, best poker face in place, tone neutral, looking straight ahead at her reflection.

"You know, Kitty…." Millie stopped her alterations and decided to get straight to the point, "there's a lot of talk goin' around town. Lots of young women are jealous, you know. And folks are sayin' that, maybe...maybe you and the Marshal are more than just, uh, friends?"

"Is that so?" Kitty actually knew it was so, especially after she had rather demonstratively gotten down in the dirt on her knees on Front Street to cradle an injured Matt Dillon against her bosom, out there for every man, woman, and child in Dodge to see. But she hadn't been able to help herself.

Kitty had just been so anxious to touch him, to put her arms around him, to convince herself that he was alive. That he was home. What she hadn't known at the time was that, although he was alive, he was far from alright.

Upon examining Matt, Doc had feared that his spleen may have been injured—may have been bleeding into his belly—causing Matt to be in the grave condition he was in when he arrived in Dodge. Chester had done the right thing by quickly rigging the travois and not taking any time to bury the men, rather slinging them over their horses and bringing them with him back to Dodge. Although Chester couldn't have known it at the time, Matt hadn't had much time left.

Doc had operated and had confirmed his fears. He'd found a small tear in the spleen, which had been bleeding out into the abdominal cavity, eventually causing what he'd referred to as shock, not to mention the beginnings of infection.

The surgery had been hours. Bloody. Terrifying. Just as much, if not more so, as the first that Kitty had assisted with.

Matt had thrown a fit when he'd awakened and found out Doc had asked her to again assist with the surgery. Kitty closed her eyes as she remembered the fight that had ensued between the two men that she loved the most….

"She did what?! What were you thinking, Doc?!" Matt cried out at him after Doc broke the news.

"What was I…." he mirthlessly laughed. Doc removed his spectacles, pointedly looked at Matt, and poked his finger into his face—

"Do you think for one second that I…..I'll tell you somethin, Matt, if I hadn't, you might not have the luxury of being alive to yell at me about it!" Doc spat out.

Doc's retort had quieted Matt, although he'd continued to sit sullenly in bed, mouth tight. At Kitty's urging, Matt had apologized to Doc a short time later, and—also at Kitty's urging—Doc had accepted. But her tender-hearted Cowboy still ached for the pain he'd put her through, and Kitty knew it….

"Kitty….Kitty….are you alright?" Millie asked with concern, all prior motives of gossip gone as she looked at the young woman who had been staring off and had now become noticeably pale.

"Y-yes I'm alright," Kitty lied, stepping down off the platform. "Millie, I'd like to go home now. We're finished here aren't we?"

MKMKMKMKMKMK

Matt rode Buck home to Dodge, on the trail back from Ellsworth. The sun was setting over the Kansas prairie, one of the most beautiful sights ever seen by man. It was a sight Matt never tired of, no matter how much time he spent in the saddle. As he gazed at the pink, orange, and red streaks across the sky, he took in a large breath of crisp, clean air and let it out in a deep sigh. He'd had a lot of time to think on this trip. About Kitty. About his relationship with her.

Matt had never been happier than he'd been these past few months. But he knew his happiness had come at a price. A price to Kitty. In the three and a half short months since they'd become a couple, he'd caused her angst, caused her worry, caused her disappointment. And worst of all, after he'd been injured and brought back to town half-dead by Chester, she'd had to assist Doc as he'd operated on him. Again.

Matt once again felt a twinge of guilt as he remembered how he'd yelled at Doc when he'd found out. But when he had awoken and discovered that Kitty had yet again been asked to be present to help with his surgery—the realization of what she'd had to go through had almost been too much. He just couldn't stand the thought of her standing there, watching as Doc cut him open and put him back together. Of course, after he'd cooled off, Matt had realized that he alone was to blame for that. Not Doc.

As he rode the trail, Matt allowed his mind to wander back to that first night he'd been able to go to Kitty after he'd recovered….

Matt had made his way to the Long Branch that evening after Doc had told him he was well enough to go home. He still wasn't in the best shape, but he had to be with her, had to hold her, even if that was all. As Matt had reached her room and knocked lightly, he'd found the door unlocked. He entered, and Kitty immediately went to him. She stood before him in her dressing gown, hair still damp, face scrubbed clean of paint, apparently just having bathed.

Kitty reached up and gingerly pulled him against her, mindful of his injuries and his large surgical incision. She rested her head against his heart and wept, fistfuls of his shirt and vest clutched in her hands, all the worry of the last weeks finally pouring from her body in great, wracking sobs.

Matt placed his arms around her and held her, an exquisite pain clenching his heart like a vice as he realized that he was once again the cause of her tears. He and Kitty clung to one another, and Matt gently stroked her back as he whispered reassurances into her hair again and again and again.

After her tears were spent, Matt cupped her face and gingerly swept the moisture from her flushed cheeks with his calloused thumbs, before leaning over to place a kiss, light as a butterfly's wings, onto her swollen lips. He closed his eyes and held onto her face as his lips hovered over her mouth, taking a moment to savor their closeness. He then opened his eyes and gazed into the most beautiful face he had ever seen. "I love you," Matt said simply.

Kitty looked into his eyes and saw straight to his soul, in that way only she had ever been able to. She nodded and managed a brave smile, "I know you do."

Matt then once again placed his mouth over hers and began to love away the worry and the pain from the previous three weeks….

And now here he was, just a few short weeks later, about to disappoint her yet again by missing their first dance. Matt was a full day behind when he thought he'd be returning at the latest, unavoidably detained due to a request for assistance from the sheriff in Ellsworth. As beautiful as the sunset he now witnessed was, its arrival signified the start of the dance he was about to miss. Great man he was turning out to be for Kitty.

This had been exactly what Matt was afraid of. Exactly why he'd resisted starting a relationship with Kitty for so long. It wasn't fair to her. The pain, the worry. And what did she have to show for it? Nothing. He'd only ever wanted to make Kitty happy, to give her love, to make her world a better place than it had ever been. She'd certainly done all those things for him. But reality was becoming clearer by the day. The badge would never allow Matt Dillon to bring anything more than pain and misery to Kitty Russell.

Matt had just about convinced himself what the right thing to do was. It would kill him, would tear his heart to shreds. But, because he loved her, he should tell her that he realized this relationship wasn't working for her. That it didn't matter what she said she wanted. He was no good for her.

Matt continued on the trail towards Dodge, in a dark and sullen mood.

tbc