Chapter 7: Patience

Uhtred turned to see the man and a wide smile spread across his face. His chest started to tighten for a different reason and he couldn't help the elation he felt. If what Sihtric said was true, he'd been asleep in the field all day. It was a weird notion to not have seen Finan for that long, to not have the man beside him, close enough to touch. Not after everything they had been through and all the time they had spent together. He hadn't realized until he saw the man, standing suddenly way too far away, how much he missed him. It was a very odd notion indeed. "Finan!" He called out, unable to hide his excitement at just saying the man's name.

Finan remained where he was for a moment longer, looking like he was debating leaving. He looked away, his eyes on the way he'd come to find them. He let his gaze linger a moment longer and bit his lip. He breathed out and started towards them, coming only close enough to be heard without shouting. "I did not mean to interrupt." The Irishman said softly and turned, as if to leave.

Uhtred frowned, confusion on his face at the man's words. "Finan! Wait!" He called out. "You are never interrupting!" When Finan still stood, his back to them and standing tensely, Uhtred patted the ground beside him. "Finan, come sit. Now."

Finan glanced back, looking between the two. His eyes settled on the silent Sihtric who Finan swore was glaring at him and he couldn't fault the boy for it. His eyes shifted to Uhtred and the smile on the man's face. Still, he hesitated, looking unsure of himself. "Are you certain? I am not interrupting? I can come back later."

Uhtred nodded and waved his arm. "Sit down, Finan. You look exhausted."

Finan turned and stepped closer. He flopped down beside Uhtred rather ungracefully. He sighed deeply and nodded his head. "I am." He breathed out. He lifted his hand to rub at his face, over his eyes and through his hair. He felt more exhausted now than he did back on the ship. He didn't even know how that was possible.

"Did you not sleep well?" Sihtric asked tensely, his eyes never leaving the other man as he moved and came closer. The boy continued to eye him warily when he sat down but at least he looked slightly less hostile. But only slightly. He still wasn't pleased by the interruption. But he couldn't help but notice the way his Lord's face lit up when the man appeared. The way his smile stretched across his weary face and his eyes sparkled like the morning sky after a storm and it nearly took Sihtric's breath away. If the man's presence could elicit such a response, Sihtric would just have to deal with it. He didn't think Finan was leaving anytime soon.

Finan glanced up at the stranger and paused for a moment. He searched the boy's face for a moment. It mostly sounded like he was sincere. Finan shook his head and looked down at the ground. "I did not. At all." He admitted softly.

Uhtred frowned and leaned closer. He reached out and placed his hand on Finan's knee. The touch was gentle and meant to be comforting. "Why not?" He asked curiously. "I thought killing Sverri would solve everything."

Finan nodded and leaned back, bracing his hands on the grass and relaxing more. Just being beside Uhtred had that effect on him and he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face for a moment as he looked at him. "I will admit that it felt great." But then his smile faltered and he sighed out. "But…" He started and stopped.

"What?" Uhtred pressed when Finan didn't continue. "Is something else troubling you?"

Finan shook his head and looked down at the ground again. He purposely avoided Uhtred's gaze and dismissed his inquiry. "It is nothing."

"What?" Uhtred repeated, squeezing his grip on Finan's knee. "You will tell me what has you looking so."

Finan lifted his gaze for a moment, but not at Uhtred. He glanced at Sihtric instead and the intense stare the younger man was giving him before once again looking down at his lap. "I fear I have another problem." He said softly, his voice low.

Uhtred pulled his hand away and shook his head. His eyes narrowed and he glared at the man that he was so elated to see just a moment ago. "I swear to Thor, Finan, if you do not tell me…" He left the thinly veiled threat open and continued to glare.

Finan lifted his gaze to Uhtred's and caught his glare. It wasn't the first time the man had glared at him. He averted his eyes, dropping his gaze. He lingered for a moment on the clean lines of Uhtred's upper body. They had glimpsed each other in various stages of undress over the last year. But it was different, being free, being rid of more than just the dirt staining his skin. Finan cleared his throat and looked at the ground again. "I cannot sleep without you." He admitted softly. "Without you near me." He wanted to add that he couldn't sleep without holding Uhtred because he had been doing that nearly every night since Halig's death.

Uhtred raised an eyebrow. For a moment, he was confused by the admission. He couldn't process why if such was the case, Finan hadn't sought him out. Uhtred certainly wouldn't have minded. He had felt similar thoughts. After so long together, it felt wrong to be apart. And he hadn't meant to fall asleep in the field. And certainly not for the whole day. "I've been right here most of the day." He said, waving his arms. "You should have found me."

"I considered it." Finan answered softly. "But your brother." Not to mention Uhtred's shadow. But as the shadow was present, Finan chose not to mention him.

Uhtred looked confused again. "Ragnar? What did he do?" He asked, an angry lilt in his voice. Because if Ragnar had done or said something to Finan, Uhtred didn't care if the man was his brother and had just saved him. He would tell him squarely to fuck off.

"Nothing!" Finan answered quickly, shaking his head and holding up his arms. "But the other night around the fire, I saw him watching me. He seemed… unhappy… with our… attachment." He said slowly, mulling over the words in his head before he spoke them.

"Ragnar?" Uhtred shook his head. "He does not care. And if he does, I do not care." He said with a shrug.

Sihtric frowned, looking confused as he glanced between the two. "Care about what? What are you talking about?" He asked, thoroughly lost and not following what they were talking about.

Finan shook his head as he met Uhtred's gaze. "Nothing." He answered dismissively.

Sihtric watched them for a moment as the two other men shared a long look. He honestly hadn't the faintest idea about what was going on and he felt left out as he looked at Uhtred for an answer. But the Lord was smiling obscenely at Finan. And maybe that in itself was an answer. His lips pulled taut and he looked away, a sigh escaping his lips. He knew of his Lord's reputation. He knew the man had been involved with the pretender King's sister right before he was sold. And he might have continued with her if he hadn't been forced away. But still, Uhtred had said he wasn't opposed to Sihtric's advances. And if all the man wanted to do was to use the boy's body as others had, Sihtric would let him and not mind. But he couldn't help wanting more than that, he wanted so much more than a quick fuck. He bit his lip and breathed out again.

Finan's gaze flitted to the younger man for a moment and he watched him. Then he cleared his throat and attempted to change the subject. He looked up at Uhtred and his eyes lingered a bit too long on the clean, naked skin once again. The man may have been in poor health, but there was still muscle tone and definition. He couldn't help the sharp intake of breath that passed his lips as he admired the view. "You look good… better." He corrected. "Uh… clean." He said awkwardly.

Uhtred smiled and titled his head, enjoying the attention. "Sihtric has washed me."

Finan raised an eyebrow and his lips grew taut at the news. It was the proud and cocky way in which Uhtred had said it that caught Finan, the tone of his voice. Shamelessly flaunting being half naked and touched by Sihtric. He glanced at the boy and Sihtric was pointedly looking at the ground but his face was flushed, the lovely hue spreading down his neck.

"You need washed as well." Uhtred said with the same tone and turned to Sihtric. "Boy, go to Hild and fetch some more water. You will wash Fin."

Sihtric didn't answer. The boy barely reacted for a few moments. He nodded curtly, grabbed the bowl and cloth, and stood up in a fluid motion. He didn't look at either as he headed off to do as he was told.

Finan turned to watch the boy go. He didn't at all think he was happy with them at the moment. Not with Finan for interrupting nor with Uhtred for the command. Finan watched until he was out of view and then still his gaze lingered. He had to admit, the boy was rather pretty. A lithe body built for speed and silence, high angular cheekbones, strong jaw, lips he wouldn't mind feeling against his own skin. He would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed he hadn't stolen a few more glances the boy's way. He could see the appeal of him. He had heard the story of how he'd come to be in Uhtred's service. And he had witnessed the devotion when they sat around the campfire. Not to mention what he had walked into.

Uhtred smiled, watching Finan as he watched Sihtric, and leaned back. He was amused by Finan's reactions and he wondered exactly what the Irishman thought of his boy. "What is that look for?"

Finan tore his gaze and thoughts away. He turned back to Uhtred and met his gaze. "You shouldn't have done that." He said, his tone serious.

Uhtred tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. "He does not mind. He enjoys when I order him around. And I enjoy ordering him. And it has been a long time. I have much to make up for."

Finan wasn't quite so sure. He was certain the boy wasn't as pleased as Uhtred seemed to think. But Finan had another question on his mind. "Who is he to you?" He asked softly, leaning closer.

Uhtred smiled again and tilted his head. "What do you mean?" He asked, knowing full well what Finan was getting at and dismissing it. "I have told you who he is. He is my oathman." He answered as if it were actually an answer.

Finan didn't let up. He wanted an answer. A real answer without Uhtred's jokes. "Is he more?"

Uhtred breathed out and shook his head slowly. "I do not know what you mean."

Finan narrowed his eyes. He knew of Uhtred's joy of teasing and while he had enjoyed it in the past, he wanted an answer. He needed an answer. "Yes you do. I saw you." He practically growled, unable to keep his jealousy at bay.

Uhtred's eyes narrowed instantly and his demeanor changed. His body stiffened and he leaned forward, moving to crowd into Finan's space. "You were spying on me?" He accused loudly, anger invading his voice.

"I was coming to find you! I already told you that!" Finan snapped back just as heated. "I did not expect to find you like that."

Uhtred glared still and tilted his head. "Does it disgust you?" He asked curiously despite himself.

Finan shook his head quickly. "No."

Uhtred's face shifted again, the anger melting from his face just as fast as it appeared. "Does it make you jealous?"

Finan didn't answer and looked away. It was as good as answering. He was jealous. He couldn't deny it and he knew if he did, Uhtred would see through the lie. But he had seen the way the boy looked at Uhtred and he had spent months listening to Uhtred constantly bringing the boy up, feigning worry for Sihtric's safety. But now, Finan had to wonder if there was something more going on, something deeper between them. He swore Uhtred had said he had only known Sihtric a couple days before fate had allowed him to be sold. And Finan wasn't blind. He could see the connection Uhtred had with his boy. He breathed out sharply and continued to stare at nothing as he didn't answer.

Uhtred raised his eyebrows, watching him. "We spilled against one another one time maybe a year ago and you think you own me now."

"No." Finan shook his head quickly and frowned. He turned back to glare at him and breathed out. The cavalier way in which Uhtred talked about it like it meant nothing was pissing him off just as much as the man avoiding giving him a straight answer. "And it was more than just that!"

Uhtred tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. "You started it."

Finan stared at him. "You kissed me."

Uhtred shook his head and rolled his eyes. "To silence your moans before you woke up the ship. You are rather loud when you cum."

Finan's gaze narrowed into a glare and he leaned closer. "So it meant nothing?" His voice was barely a hissed whisper.

"It was embarrassingly short." Uhtred shrugged, leaning back slightly. He rested his weight on his hands. His whole posture conveyed to Finan that no, he didn't care.

Finan shook his head slowly and stood up. He turned, fully intent on leaving. And maybe on not coming back. Not if this was the way Uhtred was going to act now that they weren't stuck on the ship. Maybe it really hadn't meant anything to the man. And Finan couldn't fathom the idea of leaving him, not after everything. But he also couldn't fathom not being able to touch him again. He had been dreaming of kissing Uhtred again, of holding him and touching him for reasons that were more than just grief riddled. He wanted to undress the man slowly and run his fingers over every part of him, memorizing and mapping him. And when both of them recovered and regained their strength, Finan wanted to make the man writhe beneath him. But if he meant nothing to Uhtred, then Finan would have to move on.

Uhtred grabbed his hand before he could move very far. He held onto Finan tightly with both hands and sighed. "Wait, wait, wait." He said quickly, his demeanor melting instantly. He knew he'd taken his teasing too far. Way too far, he feared. "You never said anything." He said, looking up at the other man.

Finan wrenched his hand away violently and looked down at him, still glaring. "We were prisoners on a slave ship, Uhtred!" He snapped, throwing his arms up. He waved them around animatedly as if he'd seen a bee. "We were never alone! Of course I never said anything! I didn't want the slavers to hear! Or the other slaves! I never trusted any of them! I never trusted anyone until you!" He snapped. "If any of them found out what you meant to me, they would have separated us and then I would have died without you!"

Uhtred's eyes widened at the man's words and he was stunned into silence for a moment. He had never really considered being separated from Finan. But the sudden rock in his stomach at the idea left him breathless.

Finan continued to flail about rather dramatically. "I fed you, I held you every night, I shouted at you to live and I prayed to God every moment of the day and night that you would! I thought you would have known by my actions alone. It was more than just being stuck together, more than just friendship, Uhtred. I'm fucking in love with you, you arseling!"

Uhtred felt his chest hollow at the declaration. His mouth dropped open and he just stared for a moment longer. And then Finan turned again and Uhtred's eyes widened in fear. "Wait! No! You can't leave me!" He leaned towards the man and attempted to grab at him again but Finan danced back, stepping out of his range. "Sit back down before you hurt yourself and we will talk." Uhtred breathed out. "You are in the same state as me and I cannot bear the thought of you hurting yourself. Please, Fin." He added with a distinct begging tone in his voice.

Finan turned back and continued to glare at him but he sat back down, farther away from Uhtred that time. He crossed his arms, sulking a bit, and leaned forward. He hunched in on himself and started at the ground. He didn't say anything. He was being stubborn, he knew it. But at that moment, he swore silently that he wouldn't speak to Uhtred again until the other man could be serious for more than a heartbeat. Finan had said plenty already and he deemed it was Uhtred's time to speak.

Uhtred sighed deeply as he watched him. He didn't like seeing Finan like this. Not at all. But they'd only just been rescued. Had it really been just two days since they were on the ship? Cold, waterlogged, half dead and given up. How could the man be so adamant? So certain of everything he said? How could Finan love him so much? "Finan…" Uhtred said the man's name softly and paused. He loved the way the name sounded on his tongue. And maybe once or twice he'd dreamed of that name being ripped from his throat. "I would be lying if I said I did not think of you all these months." He said softly. "How could I not? You kept me alive."

Finan didn't move from his spot. "So it was just because I was there then." He said sourly, still glaring at the ground.

"No!" Uhtred shook a little as he pulled himself towards Finan, crawling the few feet until he could settle in front of him. He reached out and touched Finan's cheek gently. He cupped the man's face and made him meet his gaze. He rubbed his thumb gently across Finan's cheek and he sighed. "Finan… being without you… the idea… it hurts." He said softly. "I can't stand the thought of you leaving me." He spoke with honesty.

Finan dropped his arms and reached for Uhtred's hands. He pulled them from his face and held them in his own. He touched his lips to Uhtred's hands and closed his eyes. After a moment, he breathed out and his eyes flitted to Uhtred's. "I won't ever leave you. You are my home now."

Uhtred leaned closer and touched his lips to the Irishman's. It was a gentle, soft, chaste kiss and Finan sighed against him. Then he pulled back and touched his forehead to Finan's. "I am relieved to hear you say that." He said softly. And he meant it. Life didn't seem possible without his Irishman. It would be unbearable. "You are mine, as well."

Finan smiled as he let go of Uhtred's hands and moved his own to the man's waist. "I did not lie, I am in love with you." He said softly. "So much… it consumes me. When I thought you were dying, I was sure I would die without you. And then when Sverri talked about selling you… I feared being separated… because I knew I would die without you. I… I love you, Uhtred."

Uhtred sucked in a sharp breath and bit his lip at hearing those words a second time. "I can't…" He started softly and faltered over the words. He honestly didn't know what he was feeling. He didn't know exactly if he could call it love, not when they were literally forced together. A part of him wondered still if it was just circumstance. But he would be lying if he said his heart didn't swell and his chest didn't ache at those words. That the very idea that this man might actually love him that much took his breath away. And he wanted it to be true! And he wanted to tell Finan the same.

Finan tightened his hands around Uhtred's waist. "It's okay if you don't feel the same." He said softly. "I will be satisfied with whatever you give me."

"I do!" Uhtred said quickly, pulling away enough to look into Finan's warm eyes. "But I can't…" He looked away, faltering over the words again.

Finan swallowed and nodded. "You can't say it?"

Uhtred huffed out, his whole body moving with it, and he bit his lip. "Everyone I have ever cared about… has died or been wrenched away from me. I don't… I don't think I could survive… if something happened to you." He admitted softly.

"I am not going anywhere." Finan said fiercely.

Uhtred turned back to him and smiled. "I can't live without you." He admitted softly.

Finan relished in the warmth their declarations had brought. It washed over them both and for a moment, it felt like everything was right. But there was one other matter Finan was curious about. "Sihtric?" He said the boy's name softly, breaking the silence and the moment.

Uhtred pulled away and sighed. Finan was wearing him out and it was not in the way he would have preferred. "I wish to enjoy him as well. I cannot explain the connection I feel to him either but I think it has been there since he swore himself to me." He breathed out again. "I just… never realized it… not until he kissed me…" Uhtred tilted his head, thinking about it. "Or a few moments before he kissed me. Does it have to be one or the other? Can I not have you both?" There was a whine to his voice that came out against his wishes. He hadn't meant it to, but he was whining all the same.

Finan sucked in a breath and considered for a moment. He tilted his head, watching the frustration flash across Uhtred's handsome face and he smiled. "I will take whatever you give me. I can share."

Uhtred breathed out, his whole body heaving with the motion. It was more than just the relief that Finan would not leave him. He felt as if a huge weight had lifted itself from his chest. He felt as if he could breathe again, after so long. "Then you shall have me, all of me."

Finan breathed out as well, looking similarly relieved. He honestly didn't know what he would have done if Uhtred had rejected him. His words were true, Uhtred felt like home to him. He couldn't even begin to explain why or how it had happened. There was just something about the man that he felt the need to cling to, to hold onto and never let go. Finan would even argue that he knew from the instant he had met Uhtred. From the moment he had set eyes on him. Finan was just drawn to him. Two years he had spent on that ship before Uhtred. Two years of silence and loneliness and despair. And there had just been something about Uhtred that made Finan finally long to break his silence. And somewhere along the line, he had fallen hard for the man.

They were so lost in the thought of each other, neither of them heard Sihtric returning until the rogue was standing right behind Finan.