Character ages: Levi - 29/30; Natalie - 24/25; Karl - 29/30; Erwin - 34/35; Eld, Gunther - 24/25; Petra, Oluo - 21/22
Alright, so as always my lovelies, go ahead and enjoy this chapter and don't forget to toss me a little review, to let me know what you think~ ;)
P.S. All Attack on Titan characters belong to Isayama Hajime. I only own my OCs.
6. Live for you
~ 848 ~
The snows had at last melted, giving way to an ocean of fresh green mixed with a rainbow of colored flowers as spring arrived in full bloom. Along with nature's renewal, it seemed that Natalie too had been infused with a new purpose. Putting together a makeshift dummy, she had started training in what looked to be a form of hand-to-hand combat. But if it was indeed that, it wasn't anything her teammates had ever learned. And yet the combination of punches, open-handed jabs and lightning-quick kicks she was using looked incredibly effective, if the dents left on the dummy were anything to go by.
Levi alone was privy to the knowledge that she was emulating what she had gathered from the memories her twin had showed her. She hadn't been able to tell him how her other self had developed that style, but he had to admit that watching her abusing the training dummy felt somewhat... cathartic. With a lifetime of violence behind him, he sometimes did feel an impulse to give in to old inclinations of dealing with people. Just because he didn't heed it, however, didn't make it go away. So he had taken up the habit of overseeing her training sessions not just because he found that fighting style interesting, but also because it helped to sate those urges to a degree.
As an added bonus it seemed that her newfound combat prowess had elicited a boost in her confidence, which he found to be both amusing and... well, rather attractive. True, he had never considered her to be an ugly woman – heaven knew he'd seen his fair share of far uglier wenches in the Underground. But now that she was growing stronger on her own, now that he didn't need to worry about her so much, he had the time to start noticing other things about her. Like the fact that she smiled more, or that more of her smiles were genuine as opposed to before, when she had only been doing it as a courtesy. Like the fact that she was growing increasingly willing to spend more time with the others, rather than just him and her brother.
"She's really grown a lot recently, hasn't she?"
Petra's voice almost visibly startled him when the woman spoke up; he'd all but forgotten she was sitting with him that day, to watch.
"So long as it gives her more confidence in her own strength..." he contemplated aloud.
Mere moments later, with a final roundhouse kick, Natalie managed to take the head off the battered dummy; effectively being forced to end her training a bit earlier than usual.
"Well... guess it's about time to repair you." she hummed, picking up the wooden head to deposit it next to the rest of the dummy.
Walking over to the pair nearby, she thanked Petra for the towel the woman handed her. She was just about to excuse herself for a much needed shower, when Karl approached them looking less than pleased.
"Nat, I'm going to need you to help me pick out an outfit for next week."
"What for?" the girl inquired, caught off guard by the unusual request.
"Because Father wants to make my engagement a big deal, even though I repeatedly told him not to..."
"Karl, it is a big deal." she chuckled. "You're not just anybody, and Elena is a nobleman's daughter. If we didn't make it big, her parents would have anyway. I'm sure at least half the nobility's going to be at this thing."
"I bet you wouldn't say that if it was your engagement." he pouted.
"That's because I have no plans to go through this kind of thing... at least for as long as I can avoid it."
"Congratulations, Karl." Petra smiled at the news.
"Speaking of..." the man stated after nodding in gratitude for the well wishes, reaching into his jacket to retrieve an envelope. "I've already invited Commander Erwin and the other Squad Leaders. Captain Levi, this is your invitation; you and your squad are formally invited to attend."
At first the young man hesitated to accept the envelope, his face saying that he would have rather taken a mud bath than attend a social event.
"Of course we'll be there, thank you." Petra nodded, accepting it in his stead to avoid any offense to Karl. "I'll let the others know as well."
"Then I need to get back to my report. Nat, I'm counting on you for that outfit."
"Yes, yes..." the redhead waved him off.
"You guys can go without me." Levi finally spoke up.
"Captain..." Petra scolded him. "You can't turn down an invitation to something like this. It's not just about common courtesy; even as soldiers we need to have some connections, just in case."
"Besides, you can't leave me to suffer through this alone." Natalie smiled, even in the face of his displeased expression.
~ oOo ~
"Why am I the one stuck doing this...?" the redhead complained with a sullen pout.
Her parents had given her the task of welcoming their guests that evening, as if they had read her mind to know she absolutely hated having to stand there and smile while everyone judged and sized her up like a piece of meat. And, of course, she hadn't even been allowed to do it on her own terms. Not only had she been forced to wear a 'proper dress', the damn thing was insanely uncomfortable and in her opinion the corset emphasized her cleavage way too much. But her mother had vehemently refused to let her wear her uniform, even when she had pointed out that everyone would be staring at her breasts the whole night. Try as she might, she couldn't tell anymore if her parents were ashamed of her military career, or if this really was just her mother wanting to see her daughter dressed like a normal person for a change.
Or maybe she was the weird one, for preferring to dress like a man and fight Titans, rather than being attracted to more feminine things, like Elena.
And she had been right, for the most part. Given that many of the noblemen had brought along their sons – or just that the old men themselves were lecherous scum – she had been stared at with almost no shame. She had been examined, sized up and judged like just another trophy to be won and then put on display; and all under the mask of courteous remarks and polite smiles. On that thought she noticed yet another carriage pulling up at the gates, however this time she felt a genuine smile light up her face when Erwin stepped out followed by Levi a few moments later. She had fully expected them to wear their uniforms, but even they had dressed formally for the event. At least seeing Levi in his black dress suit didn't make her feel so out of place anymore.
"At ease, Natalie." the fair haired Commander called to her when she went to salute him. "We're not here as soldiers tonight; just as Karl's friends."
"Y-yes... I apologize." she stammered, turning almost as red as her hair when he took hold of her hand and kissed it with a courteous smile. "Um... my father should currently be in the hall to your right. He's looking forward to meeting you, Commander."
"Then I shouldn't keep him waiting. Excuse me..." he nodded, heading inside and leaving her alone with Levi.
"Thank you for coming, Captain." she smiled in heartfelt gratitude, when he moved to stand at her side as if knowing just how uncomfortable she was. "I really didn't want to sit through tonight alone."
"So long as you don't force me to dance..." Levi retorted, taking a moment to appreciate how different she looked out of the uniform.
For a split second he even wondered if that was really the same Natalie he had watched carving up Titans and abusing her training dummy. And it did occur to him that it was probably the first time he had ever really thought of her as a woman, rather than a fellow soldier.
"I'll make it up to you, somehow... I promise."
When he narrowed his eyes she briefly wondered if she'd said something offensive, but then he leaned towards her and it took all she had to not shrink away. Why did she have to blush just then, of all times?
"Is that so?" he retorted with an almost invisible smirk. "I hope you're not thinking of anything unbecoming, Natalie."
"I-I'll find a way; or you could... just tell me how. That way I won't do anything... unbecoming."
"Good answer." he huffed with a flash of smile, straightening his posture.
He had to admit he was impressed that she hadn't shied away, like she clearly wanted to, but had instead stood her ground in front of him. But then their conversation was interrupted by an older couple approaching, which she greeted with a well practiced smile.
"Oh, dear..." the woman gushed. "Just look at you, all grown up. Your parents must be so proud to have such a beauty in the family."
"Yes, yes..." her husband agreed, briefly sizing her up. "Your father should stop being so overprotective and let you marry, already. After all, you won't be young and beautiful forever; he should make a good match for you, like he did with your brother."
"Actually..." she began, wondering if it really was a good idea to lie; she could already see their son standing a couple steps back waiting to greet her, and could guess what match they had in mind.
"I'm afraid she's not available anymore, Lord Schmidt." Levi chimed in, reaching to place his hand against the small of her back.
"I apologize for not introducing you..." Natalie smiled, trying her best to play along when the older man offered him a confused glance. "This is Captain Levi of the Survey Corps."
"Oh, the famous Levi..." the nobleman stated with a slight hint of mockery, even while offering his hand for a shake. "Your reputation precedes you, of course. It's always inspiring to see that even people from your humble background can make a name for themselves."
"It's the least I can do, when no one in Wall Sina chooses to." he replied without missing a beat.
"Yes, well... we're all very grateful to you and the rest of the Scouts, of course."
When the nobleman cleared his throat uncomfortably and introduced his son, Natalie did her best to ignore the way his eyes inevitably paused on her breasts as he reached for her hand to kiss it.
"My Lady, you must do me the honor of a dance tonight." he said with a dazzling smile, before glancing hesitantly over to Levi. "Not to offend you, of course, sir."
"I'll try, I'm sure..." Natalie nodded, making her best attempt to mimic his expression.
When he finally released her hand and went to follow his parents inside, she was left to sigh again.
"You could have picked something less revealing, if you didn't want to be stared at." Levi commented, at long last withdrawing his hand.
"If it were up to me, I'd have been wearing my uniform. But Mother insisted..." she replied, rolling her eyes as she recalled that morning's argument. "I'm pretty sure she's eager to see me married, and since I rarely visit anymore she's using any chance to show me off. Probably hoping they'll get an offer to "sell" me to the wealthiest bidder, like they tried to do to Karl. He was lucky to meet Elena before our parents forced him to marry someone he wouldn't love..."
Looking over to find Levi silently watching her, she spoke again with a flustered smile.
"I apologize for rambling like that, Captain... I'm sure you're already bored enough, without having to hear about my problems. I think... we should join everyone else inside. My father's been curious to meet you, since I last wrote home."
When he heaved a small sigh, she clasped her hands together with a pleading look.
"I promise I didn't say anything untoward... he's just curious, because he'd heard of you even before I joined the Survey Corps. And I will make it up to you for tonight, I swear."
"If I had to do this before I became a Scout, you could never afford my price."
When she blinked at his retort and then giggled briefly upon realizing it was a joke, he reached to grab her hand and wrap her arm around his. Since he had willingly put himself through that torture of an event, he could keep up appearances for one night. Especially when she thanked him with that bashful smile, which reminded him she was much more sensitive than most others he had ever met, despite her recent bout of self confidence.
~ oOo ~
Two days later Natalie was to be found lying in the grass at the barracks, catching her breath from training while watching the reddening late afternoon sky. That morning she had gotten Eld to help her fix the dummy, but somehow she just didn't feel the motivation to finish her daily session.
"What? You're done already?"
Startled by Levi's voice, the redhead turned her gaze from the fluffy clouds overhead to the young Captain standing over her. Sitting up with a heavy sigh she pushed her bangs aside only to have them fall back into place immediately after.
"I... guess I don't really feel like doing it properly, today."
Frowning at the defeated tone in her voice, he moved to sit next to her starling Natalie into gawking at him.
"Talk to me..." he offered. "And don't try to come up with some shitty excuse."
"Are you sure you're alright with me dumping all my problems onto you, Captain?" she inquired, unable to withhold a soft giggle at his comment.
"Well you don't want to talk to anyone else. Besides, I might as well increase your debt to me as much as I can. That way I can make use of you whenever I want."
Though she only blinked silently at him, he expected her to catch on to the fact that he was taunting her... that was until her cheeks gained color.
"Don't blush when a guy says he's going to use you, you horny brat." he retorted with a frown, reaching to flick her forehead. "I'm starting to think you're way too relaxed around men; especially around a man like me, who doesn't share your moral principles."
"Huh? But... you've been nothing but kind and caring towards me, Captain..." Natalie replied with a measure of confusion in her voice, still rubbing the sore spot on her forehead.
For once her words caught him completely unprepared, and he had to pointedly look elsewhere trying to will away the warmth crawling up his neck.
"Don't just say things like that out of the blue, idiot..." he scolded her.
Heaving a deep breath and turning back to the girl once he felt he had regained his self control, he saw her shrinking away and reached to weigh a hand onto her head almost out of reflex.
"Anyway, this wasn't about me..." he said, his tone softening back into its usual range. "What happened? Did your ghost twin come to haunt you again?"
"Actually..." Natalie sighed, crisscrossing her legs and leaning forth to rest her arms on her thighs. "My parents..."
At that she huffed in bitter amusement and lowered her head, hoping enough of her hair had escaped its ties to cover the embarrassed flush in her cheeks.
"Lord Schmidt apparently congratulated my father on my engagement... he's now under the impression that I was planning to marry you in secret. He was furious and said no daughter of his is ever going to marry a soldier and be a young widow, raising her kids alone. He didn't even want to let me come back to the barracks; Karl had to tell him that I'd be charged with treason if I didn't return, and executed as a deserter."
"...And?"
"Wh-what do you mean 'and'?" she blinked, completely forgetting she was red as a tomato when she looked back at him. "Of course, I explained what happened and why you had to lie for me! I made it clear that it wasn't true and that you only did it for my sake, but... I'm not sure how much of it got through to him. Now that he's got the idea into his head, he probably thinks that even if it's not you, it'll be someone else in the military. That I'll eventually still want to marry a soldier..."
"That's not what I meant. I couldn't care less what your father thinks of me. He can believe I'm marrying you, or that I'm planning to kidnap you for ransom, or that you're going to elope with me. I was asking if he punished you for it."
'How are you so impossibly kind...?' she mused in stunned silence, feeling tears stinging behind her eyes.
She had just told him that his reputation was at stake, and all he cared about was if she had been disciplined for it. How come the one man who seemed the least likely to care, was actually the one who cared the most? Not only had he protected her and put his reputation at stake for her; he had trained her to grow stronger, taught her to trust herself as well as those around her; he had kept her secret when he didn't have to, when he could have easily killed her. He had done so much for her without expecting or asking for anything in return; and what had she done for him? Swallowing the urge to cry, she decided then and there that it was time for her to try giving something back for all the kindness she had received from him.
To Levi it was almost hypnotic to watch how her expression changed and how the emotions in her gaze so seamlessly shifted. He had fully expected her to cry at first, and yet now there was such a steely resolve in her eyes that he could never have predicted. It had drawn so much of his attention, that she startled him when she suddenly moved onto her knees and reached out to grab one of his hands between both of hers.
"I-I know this will probably sound stupid, because I should have taken some time to find the right words, rather than blurting it out like this. But if I don't do it now, I'll never get the courage to." she said, her flustered voice subtly trembling with emotion while her cheeks reddened a shade deeper. "I... I promise I won't ever make you feel ashamed to have me as your subordinate! I'll get stronger... strong enough that you'll never need to worry about me ever again!"
Too embarrassed by her own words to keep looking at him, she closed her eyes tightly and bowed her head while squeezing his hand in a vice-like grip.
"I promise I'll always be there whenever you need someone to watch your back! I promise I'll listen to anything you want to say, if you ever need someone to hear you out or to keep your secrets! And... I promise I'll never die; I won't ever make you go through that kind of thing again! I'll live, like you told me before! I'll keep living and I'll keep fighting – but I won't do it for humanity. I'll do it for you!"
By the end of her speech her embarrassment had reached a whole new level, even if everything she had said was how she truly felt. That was the least she could give back to him, the least she could do to repay all the time and care he had offered her. She would offer her life, her heart, her strength... all of herself she would offer to him.
At first the silence that followed her words was only broken by the birds singing in the nearby trees. Then Levi pulled his hand from her grasp and she fully expected him to just walk away, or berate her for saying childish things... or worse, to think she was trying to indirectly make some romantic confession to him. She had just opened her mouth to apologize, but only a gasp left her when she felt his hand grabbing the back of her head and gently guiding her, until her forehead was resting against his shoulder.
"Dummy..." he said and his voice was so unexpectedly gentle and so unexpectedly close to her ear, that it startled her. "I'm the last thing you'd want to live for; I can't promise you a future where I won't die. But if this is how you really feel... I'll hold you to every single thing you just swore to me. If you really have the resolve to live for me – I'll accept you, with everything you are and everything you feel."
"Thank you... Captain..."
Though her whisper quivered, she again swallowed her urge to cry. She hadn't expected him to understand all of her feelings from that roundabout way of speaking. But he had and yet, even though he had just made it clear he didn't return them, his acceptance was more than enough. Just the care he gave her was enough... even if he never offered her his love and his heart in return, it was enough that he had accepted hers.
Even though she was now the very thing he had sworn to eradicate, it was enough that he had accepted her.
~ oOo ~
~ 849 ~
"Do you have to go? Can't you just say you're sick as well?"
Blinking in surprise at his sister's unexpected reaction, Karl reached over to weigh his hands on her shoulders.
"What happened to 'make sure you leave some Titans for me'?" he chuckled.
"I... have a bad feeling about this one."
Her reply drove away his humor, though at first Karl thought she was just miffed that her squad was staying behind that time, due to Petra, Oluo and Gunther having come down with a serious cold. Levi and Erwin had agreed that it would be too risky if they went out with just three people on the team, so the entire squad had been given a reprieve from that expedition. But Natalie was far too serious and looked way too concerned for it to not feel odd.
"You've just been going through a lot recently." he smiled, wrapping her in his arms. "I'll be fine; I always come back, don't I?"
When she latched onto him and buried her face in his chest, the older sibling leaned down to kiss the top of her head.
"I love you... you just make sure you don't get sick too."
When he tried to step back only to be held in place as she refused to unclench her hands from his jacket, he sighed with a resigned smile and bumped her chin gently to make her look at him.
"Hey... don't act like a spoiled brat now." he chuckled. "Captain Levi's watching."
"Section Commander Dietrich..." a young woman approached, saluting him and prompting Natalie to finally step back from him. "The left flank is ready. We're waiting for you."
"I'll be there in a minute, Langnar." Karl nodded, turning back to his sister and Levi standing a few steps behind her. "Captain, I'll leave her in your capable hands."
Offering a salute to the man, he tousled his sister's hair and finally walked away to join his squad and the rest of their comrades.
"He'll come back." the young man stated, startling her when he plopped a hand onto her head.
"Yeah..." Natalie nodded, wanting more than anything to trust him and her brother, rather than the nagging feeling of dread trying to overtake her.
However, that constant anxiety never left her throughout that day, as well as the next three days, and only skyrocketed on the fourth evening when Eld told her that Erwin wanted to see her.
'No... there's no way he... he's alive. He's alive!' she kept repeating to herself as she made her way to the man's office.
Yet from the moment she stepped in to see Erwin's grim expression and Levi standing near the desk, staring at the floor, her heart rate spiked making her feel dizzy. The air was suddenly so thick that she struggled to pull it into her lungs, and her chest felt like it was once again being crushed by a Titan's hand. It was enough for Erwin to look at her and she could already hear what he was about to say.
"Calm down..."
Levi's voice and his hand weighing down on her shoulder made her gasp, as she had neither heard nor even seen him walking to her side, focused on the Commander as she was.
"We don't have confirmation that he's dead." Erwin finally spoke up. "But the left flank was obliterated today. We lost contact with the squads there, and even we barely made it back. However, it's unlikely that any of them survived..."
"He did!" she replied, cutting him off in spite of her voice cracking. "There's no way he died! He... he promised..."
"Realistically, there's a very slim chance he would survive outside the Walls." the Commander continued as though she hadn't interrupted him at all. "Natalie, losing Karl was a heavy blow dealt to us and to humanity as a whole, but..."
No, her brother hadn't died! She refused to believe it, and the more Erwin talked about that the more her anxiety turned to anger. She felt her fists clenching until her palms hurt from how deeply her nails pressed into her flesh, and she was certain even Levi could feel her shaking.
"Shut up!" she finally growled, catching both men off guard. "You try to make him sound like a hero... but you left him there! You abandoned my brother out there!"
Some part of her knew it wasn't Erwin's fault, that he never would have deserted any of his comrades as long as they were alive. But right then she needed someone to blame... she needed someone to focus her anger on, before it drowned her. And some part of her didn't really care if the Commander was truly guilty or not; she just wanted someone to pay for her brother not being there.
"Hey... get a hold of yourself." Levi scolded her, not so much for her rude attitude towards Erwin, but out of worry that she might do something incredibly dumb.
Rather than replying, or even trying to calm down, she tore herself away from his grasp and stormed out of the office.
"Give her some time..." Erwin sighed, leaning back in his chair. "She'll think more clearly when she calms down."
He didn't hold it against her that she blamed him; it was perfectly understandable, given the circumstances. But it still made it no easier to shoulder those accusations, nor did it ease Karl's loss to any degree.
"Do you know what she'll do, if I leave her alone right now? She's far too stubborn for her own good."
With that retort Levi too walked out trying to catch up to Natalie, but she had already vanished. Fortunately, since he knew what she was most likely to do he knew just where to find her; and so he hurried out of the barracks and towards the stables. As he had predicted he found the girl in the process of saddling her horse, startling her when he pulled the reins out of her hand.
"I didn't think you could be this much of an idiot!" he scolded her. "What exactly do you expect to accomplish by doing this? Other than getting yourself killed, as well..."
"I have to go look for him..." she replied, frowning at the floor. "I know he's still alive, I have to find him."
"You're not going anywhere; that's an order!"
When he turned his back to her to put the reins away, she grabbed onto his hand prompting him to refocus on her. The anger in her expression had eased into pure sorrow, and she had finally given in to the urge to cry.
"Please, Captain..." she said in between choked sobs. "I know he's still alive. Come with me... with you, I know... I can find him..."
"Absolutely not. What you're saying is suicide; you're not thinking clearly right now." he replied, his tone softening somewhat despite his knuckles whitening as he clenched the reins in his fist. "Get a good sleep tonight and we'll talk in the morning, when you're less emotional."
"Please..." she insisted, looking up at him with such a desperately begging gaze that he had to clench his jaw.
Though it hadn't ever been said aloud he had made a promise to her brother, on the day Erwin had assigned her to his squad, that he would take care of her; that he would do everything he could to keep her alive. This... was just him keeping that promise. On that thought he dropped the reins and reached out to grab her by the collar of her shirt, pulling her closer.
"What happened to all those vows you swore to me?" he scowled while she stared at him in silent shock. "You said that you wouldn't make me worry about you... that you'd live for me! Now you want to die for your dead brother?"
"That... that's not fair... Captain..." she whispered. "You can't make... me choose..."
"I am making you choose!" he cut her off. "And if you won't, I'll choose for you! I won't let you throw your life away for a dead man."
It was unfair to use her feelings for him like that, he knew. But as long as it served to keep her alive, to protect her from her own stupid decisions, he was willing to even hurt her. He was willing to feel like a monster, watching her as she slowly broke down in front of him, if it served to keep her safe.
"...Is that how little your promises to me are worth?"
More than any of his words, it was the disappointment in his voice and gaze that ended up breaking Natalie down into a sobbing mess on the floor. How was that fair? How could he make her choose between him and her brother... her own flesh and blood? And why did he have to be right, now of all times?
For a moment Levi stood there watching her in silence, torn between wanting to comfort her as she had done for him, and just leaving her to calm down. In the end, however, he decided that he couldn't risk giving her any opening to overturn his orders. It was for her own good... or so he kept telling himself as he walked out of the stables, her sobs echoing in his ears louder than anything else. He had failed in his promise to Karl once... he wouldn't fail again.
'Forgive me... it's alright if you hate me, so long as you stay alive.'
Sooo today's replies for my lovely reviewers :D
1. Angel of Thor - OML you are making my entire week with your review, love! I always feel so giddy and bubbly inside whenever I see people enjoying my work. I hope you're having a fun ride so far, because there's so much more to come! ❤
So these are my replies for today. Cheers, lovelies~ ( ˘ ³˘)❤