A/N - Here is a much requested part 2! (I am still accepting prompts!, so please do send ideas!)
queenfixerupper - Aha! Thank you so so much! I hope this works for you
Anonymous - Your wish is my command!
whumpydump - you guys, you're killing me! Gonna smile myself to death, thank you so so much for the love, I love exploring these ideas, if there is anything in frozen 2 or the first movie that you feel hasnt been covered do let me know, I might come up with something! Idk man, I just try to get to the grit of it all, the angst thats glossed over in the movies. I'm so thankful that others are on the same wavelength as me on that
To clarify, I consider this chapter and the previous to be in the same universe as Falling Into Darkness (or maybe a sister of, and not directly related, either way good to read with it)
A gentle knock broke her from her thoughts "Anna, are you okay?"
Shit. Her gaze shot to the mirror, her mascara was very unattractively painting her cheeks, her hair had taken on a life of it's own, falling apart just as she had. "I'll be right out!" She called, vigorously trying to scrub the sadness away. She thought back to all those nights she had cried alone, before she and Elsa truly leaned into each other. In that second, the smallest part longed for that back.
Glancing back at the door that Elsa was certainly waiting on the other side of, a haunting memory came back to her. Once again, irony added to her pain. Here she was, sobbing behind a locked door about their parents death. With the way things were going, she could almost hear Elsa asking It's just you and me. What are we going to do?
How things had changed.
"Anna let me in." She was beginning to sound impatient. Pressing down her flyaway hairs, Anna hurried to make herself presentable. One good day, let her have this. She reminded herself. Covering up a crime scene, Anna double checked that everything was in it's place, ineptly grabbing her toothbrush, dumping a surplus amount of toothpaste on and shoving it under the tap. "If you don't open this door -" Like a lollipop she popped the toothbrush in her mouth.
With a deep breath - which she regretted immensely the moment her eyes started watering - she unlocked the door, She had well and truly ruined the mood. Elsa's face was that of one she had seen a million times before, worry. This wasn't what she wanted. It only added salt to an already very raw wound.
"You've been crying." Elsa stated, her eyes looking around the room and back to Anna suspiciously.
"It's the toothpaste" She mumbled before shutting her mouth tightly. The reminiscent of the toothpaste she had barely used rolling down her chin - she should have used less. "It's minty" She said, walking into it with the full awareness that Elsa would not buy it.
"Is that so?" The older sister tilted her head, and folded her arms. Anna could only nod aggressively in response. Silence filled the very small bathroom, the sound of breathing gently echoing off the walls. "Anna, we don't shut each other out. That's not what we do."
Throwing the toothbrush into the sink, Anna quietly rinsed her mouth. She just needed time, time to think of what to say, time to figure out how she felt.
"Have I upset you?"
Elsa wasn't making this easy for her at all. Her head span to Elsa, eyes wide. Heart broken. "No, no of course not." It was the tightest hug they had shared since they found each other at the beach.
"Then wha - why?" Elsa breathlessly asked, it was barely above a whisper. Her warm breath brushing softly against Anna's ear.
"It's hard to explain, Elsa." Anna buried her head into her sisters shoulder, a small and much needed comfort. This could work, if she could hug Elsa throughout the whole conversation and not have to look at that face, one that screamed guilty. Then she could survive this.
"I've got time." Elsa pulled away, a look of sincerity splashed across her face.
Feeling empty, Anna stood helplessly on the tiles she had just cried on. The intense stare of Elsa mixed with the fact that she was blocking the doorway felt so claustrophobic. Its evening, and Anna becomes acutely aware that this conversation may lead them well into the night.
"I'm over the moon that you saw mum, Elsa." Her eyes stayed fixed to the floor, making a mental note to clean the grout that was building up between the white squares. The tears that accompanied her words crying out the complete opposite.
Her frown deepening, Elsa coaxed Anna to continue. "Tell me."
"I just wish I could have." She confessed, biting her lip to stifle the tears that were threatening to ruin the day further. The words lingered in the air, a vacuum that pulled at Elsa's heart down to join hers. Their fragile hearts now lay shattered on the floor, the sharp pieces intertwined in that shared grief once more.
"I'm so sor-"
"It's not your fault, Elsa." She reiterated, "Don't apologise."
She didn't feel better for it, despite Anna's reassurance, she should have realised. She should have known. Their parents had always been such a sensitive subject, her new found happiness burned so brightly that it blinded her to the sorrow that still settled in her younger sister. For the first time, she could understand why Anna had such a conflict between her heart and head, how easy it was to fall head first into trouble when you let you mouth take lead, running without thinking.
"The day we laid them to rest. You were the only person in the world who could possibly understand what I was feeling..." Anna mused, furrowing her brows as she reminisced on that dark day. It was when the world became just a shade more grey, when everything from there on would always feel just a touch out of place. It was an uneasiness in their absence that never faltered, you barely noticed it but it always there. The truancy of certainty, and true happiness. The awareness that life would change, that her dreams of ever being a complete family died. The only person who could salvage the wreckage of their lives, the only person who could bring her out of the water that her little tender heart was drowning under was stuck on the other side of a locked door. The day she emerged was one of faith. That perhaps, she wasn't as alone as she had been led to believe. The months following, they continued to survive the storm together. Though grief was unrelenting, and threatening to capsize their ship once more, they had found land. Homeward bound they found stability in each other. "It was just you and me"
"The one thing we shared, it's changed." Anna whispered. "Your powers are a gift, Elsa. They gave you the greatest gift of all, something that I will never have." Digging her nails into her palm, Anna tried to stifle the emotions that were wreaking havoc inside of her, Standing in front of Elsa. Telling her that her happiness had made her unhappy. It was all so wrong. A disservice to all those years she spent ensuring Elsa felt comfortable in their home, here she was denouncing her the one time she opened her heart in joy. "It must have been amazing, to see her." Sadly, Anna glanced back to her older sister. Assessing the damage she inflicted was difficult, Elsa had once again become a closed book. There was a gentle horror in her eyes, and a wavering in her lips. But to the untrained eye she was composed as any Queen should be. She hadn't walked out - which Anna partly expected to happen. Anna was firing a round of bullets, aiming her gun right at Elsa's heart. She stayed perfectly still, absorbing it all.
She wondered whether it was worth this. Stamping all over her happiness, letting her tears rain on her parade. She worried, that this would set Elsa back. An old version of herself would believe that Elsa was taking all of this in as a means of self-inflicted harm. Words that she would keep inside her head to justify any ill thoughts later on. But now, after all that they had been through. She began to see herself in Elsa. The sadness that etched on her face was that of a sister who loved her so.
Just as Anna had bared the brunt of Elsa's pain in the Ice Castle she had built in the aftermath of the freeze. Being told that her mere presence was making things worse. She stayed through it all, her heart compelled her to. Elsa was doing the same.
"I didn't know she would be there. It just-" The slightest tremble in her voice, Elsa stayed motionless. Her only movement being a gentle hand to Anna's.
"It just happened." Anna repeated. "I think that's what makes it worse." She sighed, gratefully receiving an assured squeeze from Elsa. "Why not me?" She choked, her vision momentarily becoming extremely blurred. She blinked the tears away, letting them fall down her cheeks. "I mean, I know why - I don't have powers, I'm not a fifth spirit or anything -"
"I understand" Elsa nodded sincerely, stopping Anna from rolling into a ramble.
"Mother had two daughters." Anna said thoughtfully. "A bridge has two sides." Shifting uncomfortably on her feet, Anna willed for this conversation end. She could see that Elsa would by no means agree to that. This was a moment she should have been thankful for. For once, she was being heard, and she was having to rush to find her thoughts. She wasn't competing with Elsa's royal schedule, or having to fight for her side to be the one they went with. She would have to take this moment and hold it dear, for as long as she could, before Elsa would inevitably be pulled away from her. "But that sea, you were the only one who could cross." She thought back to the days that her before her parents were pronounced dead. Declared as missing, Anna followed intently for any news that they may have survived the storm that had erupted. The calm that followed, gave her hope that perhaps that might make it home. But she was dutifully reminded that that kind of storm, it was unlikely that any life would have made it. It was confirmed a mere three days later. They never laid them to rest, not properly. Their physical being stayed in the depths of that ocean, one that Elsa was so adamant to cross alone. Anna's farewell reflected in engraving of stones that were meant to mimic graves. Elsa, well she had it all. A whole life materialising around her in a glistening, beautiful ice sculptures. Significant, moving images of time that Anna had long forgotten.
"It's like I'm not allowed a goodbye." Anna said purposefully. "Not a proper one anyway." She hated that she sounded like a child who hadn't got their way. But the fact of the matter was exactly that. She was such a tender age when they passed, and had spent many nights looking out to that sea praying that their ship may wash ashore. Praying that this was all a bad dream. Whilst the incident in Ahtohallan was one that Elsa had waited for her whole life, it had somehow been forgotten that Anna had waited too. "Maybe, because you weren't there, that was your farewell.." Anna tried to find reason in their lack of. She couldn't accept that they had intentionally been ignoring her all these years, that there was nothing waiting for her.
I'll see you in two weeks.
She was still waiting for that two weeks to be over. She had yet to see them. But there was Elsa, beaming as brightly as the star that Anna spent years wishing upon, discussing how wonderful it had been to see their proud mothers smile, how rare that feeling was. She encountered something new without her. Something that they should have shared together.
"They loved us, they love you, so much." Wholeheartedly, Elsa took a step closer to her broken baby sister. She couldn't explain the logic behind it all, she was still coming to understand it herself.
"I know." Playing with the hem of her sleeve, she felt Elsa's cold hand brush against her cheeks, wiping away her stray tears. It only made her want to cry more. "I miss them, Elsa." She choked. "My memories, when the trolls changed them. I was so young I barely remember them now." She shrugged painfully. Upon learning that her memories had been messed with for the sake of the greater good, Anna spent a long time distinguishing between what was real and what was fake. Despite being rectified, who was to say that they had done it correctly? She was so so young, Anna wasn't of any ability to notice of her memory of falling into a leaf pile was something else, or if that happened. What if there were more memories of Olaf that hadn't been changed back? What if she was forgetting something important? To her knowledge, she wad the only person subject to this crazed experiment, conducted on a whim based on pure luck that she hadn't been struck in the heart. We'll leave the fun. But there is so much more to a memory than an emotion. It's the sights, and smells that made up your childhood. It's the imagination that led them to Elsa's magical creations, masked cruelly by the accident. "I would give, so much to see us, as we were again." Wiping her nose, she let her heart clench at the absurdity of it all. If she was supposedly everywhere in Ahtohallan, how could she not have been allowed there? It was as much a part of her as it was Elsa.
"I qualify a goodbye, Elsa." Anna emphasised. "They just left me." Feeling her heart shatter further, Elsa rushed Anna into a hug, attempting to soothe her. It wasn't working. This was just one of those things that time wouldn't be able to heal, an event that there were simply no words for. Loss consumed it all. "I need them, too." The cries struck the bathroom wall at full speed, ricocheting cold-bloodedly of the walls of the small bathroom. Severing her heart entirely. Both sisters huddled together on the floor, enduring the waves of grief once more. Anna's ship was near capsizing, it was Elsa who brought her back to the surface. Though the sisters no longer shared the same stage of grief, they would never go through it alone.
They would wait together, wishing upon that bright star that one day, Anna might get her moment too.
A/N - So this wasn't so much of a conversation per say. But I truly think Elsa would have stayed quiet throughout it all. Anna is much more skilled in empathetic difficult conversations, and this is about as worse as they get. Being there, and listening. That was something she could do, and something Anna definitely benefits from. I hope this was a decent conclusion!
