Pickle Riiiiick!

The building downtown wasn't quite what Joy expected. She had expected a little strip mall rented office with shitty furniture, but instead she'd been brought into a tall building full of different offices, on the fifth floor there was a waiting room that she and the Smith family sat inside of with a picture on the wall labeled 'Courage' underneath a picture of a man eating a hot dog.

Joy sat there, her face pink as she tried not to laugh at the door reading "Dr. Wong, Family Therapy, Coprophagia Recovery while Beth read a magazine and Summer looked bored.

"How is this family therapy if Dad's not invited and Grandpa won't come?" Summer asked her mom while Morty stared at the picture on the wall.

"Yeah, and what's courageous about eating a hot dog?" he asked, Joy stifling a laugh in her hand.

"You don't know what coprophagia is do you?" she asked as she grinned at Morty before the door to the office opened and a taller black man exited, looking at them.

"Oh, the Smith family, minus a dad. You're patients of Dr. Wong, too?" he asked and Joy looked at Morty who was sitting next to her.

"Mr. Goldenfold, my math teacher," he explained and she nodded.

"Ah right," she said.

"Temporarily. By order of the school." Beth replied as she shot her kids a look.

"Me too. How long have you all been eating poop?" he asked and Joy practically had to shove her hand into her mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

"We... have never... eaten poop." Summer sounded horrified as she stared at Mr. Goldenfold who looked nervous, like he had just outed himself.

"Uh, me, neither. Say, where did my family get off to?" he left the office quickly as a woman stepped into the doorway. She was older, shorter, had a black bob with long bangs and glasses and she was definitely not human, that was something Joy picked up on immediately.

After a moment of staring at each other Dr. Wong looked away from Joy and at the rest of the family. "Smith family, I'm Dr. Wong. Come on in," Summer Beth and Morty walked in first while Dr. Wong flipped over the sign in her office to that of a loving nuclear family. "And you are?" Dr. Wong looked at Joy who cleared her throat.

"Joy," she said simply before stepping into the office and sitting on the end of the couch closest to Beth, keeping her eyes on the therapist who sat down across from her and turned to address Beth.

"I was told there was a grandpa that might be joining us?" she asked and Beth waved a hand as she started to explain.

"He got wrapped up in an experiment. He's a scientist. Like, legit, like on an intergalactic, sci-fi level. His work is very-"

"He turned himself into a pickle."

"Morty, Mom's talking. I'm sorry, I suppose that's a good segue into our little discipline cases here."

"Does Grandpa turn himself into a pickle a lot?"

"What? No?"

"Mmm," Joy couldn't help but let out a small sound, drawing Dr. Wong's gaze. "Let's just say Rick and I have a very active curiosity about what exactly he can turn himself into." Joy explained with a small grin, Morty rolling his eyes and Summer mumbling

"Gross, Grandma Joy."

"That's my father's wife, and I mean honestly, what kind of question is that?" Beth asked as she turned to Dr. Wong.

"The kind that wasn't designed to attack or hurt you in any way." Dr. Wong replied, Beth rolling her eyes.

"Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these."

"Joy was it?" Dr. Wong turned to look at her. "What exactly has Rick turned himself into before?" Joy blushed as she looked at the family surrounding them before clearing her throat.

"I ah- I don't want to say," she mumbled with a sheepish grin.

"But the purposes of which in the past have been purely sexal?"

"Oh definitely," Joy replied.

"Do you have sex often?"

"Multiple times a day if we can," Joy replied, Beth looking down at her hands.

"And has he ever turned himself into something to avoid you or his responsibilities to you?"

"No, he hasn't had to." Joy replied and Dr. Wong put her hands in her lap.

"And why is that?"

"Well, I mean if Rick doesn't want to do something, he just tells me. We have open communication in our relationship- or try to, but it's different for us."

"How so?"

"Joy's a god," Summer commented and Dr. Wong looked at her with a slightly tilted head.

"I'm the living god of a planet on the edge of what's known," Joy explained. "But I was raised here on Earth, and Rick is technically a god too, so our relationship is one of equals,"

"I see," Dr. Wong said as she looked at Joy. "And do you think that being on a different footing with Rick than the footing his family has with him has put a strain on your relationship?"

"I think-"

"Oh Jesus- He's unpredictable and eccentric. The whole family is. Speaking of which…" Beth cut off Joy and turned to Summer and Morty.

"Okay, let's open this up to the whole family, and let me ask this, why do we think Grandpa turned himself into a pickle?" Dr. Wong asked.

"To avoid talking about his feelings," Morty replied immediately.

"Morty!"

"Mom, it's true!" Morty insisted. "You can even ask Joy, he did that to avoid this didn't he?"

"Oh absolutely," Joy replied as she leaned her elbow on the arm of the couch. "But it's not because of you Beth,"

"Why do you feel the need to point out that it's not because of Beth?" Dr. Wong asked.

"Well," Joy said slowly as she looked at Beth, and then to Dr. Wong. "Beth has a lot of insecurity when it comes to her father," Joy held up a finger when Beth opened her mouth to reply, Beth bringing a hand to her throat as Joy continued. "Rick is a very specific type of personality, and Beth tries really hard to make her dad proud, she obviously idolizes him, and I mean, I understand why, but she needs to know that he's not perfect."

"Do you think you can let Beth reply?" Dr. Wong asked and Joy lowered her hand, Beth looking at Joy in surprise.

"You can do that?"

"I can do anything, I'm a god." Joy replied as she looked at Beth.

"Okay, but you never act like- like a god."

"How does a god act Beth? The only real experience anyone has with gods aside from me and your father is the bible, but that was thousands of years ago." Joy replied and Beth nodded before looking at Dr. Wong.

"Look, I didn't say my father is perfect, I said his work is important." she explained.

"And she's saying what's important is that Grandpa lied to you to get out of coming here." Summer tried to explain to her mom.

"Oh, he did not!"

"Let's do an experiment here. I get the impression this family values science. So raise your hand if you feel certain you know what was in the syringe." Dr. Wong said to them all, Joy lifting her hand but Morty and Summer kept theirs down as their mother glared at them. "Okay, Raise your hand if you know for certain the syringe does not contain anti-pickle serum." Joy lowered her hand, and Beth started to raise hers but after seeing Joy lower her hand she lowered hers again quickly. "Beth, your hand did a little thing there."

"Do you really not see what's happening here?" Beth demanded and Joy sighed.

"Tell me."

"Well, Dr. Wong- by the way, racist name- obviously, Morty and Summer are seizing on your arbitrary pickle obsession as an end run around what was supposed to be their therapy."

"Beth, don't be rude!" Joy said quickly. "It's family therapy, not child therapy." she pointed out and Beth looked down slightly before Dr. Wong started to speak again.

"Oh, I think this pickle incident is a better path than any other to the heart of your family's dysfunction. I think it's possible that you and your father have a very specific dynamic. I don't think it's one that rewards emotion or vulnerability from you. I think it may punish them. I think it's possible that dynamic eroded your marriage, and is infecting your kids with a tendency to misdirect their feelings." Dr. Wong explained before she continued. "I also think your feelings of jealousy about your father's dynamic with his wife has played a hand in the resentment you're feeling towards yourself and the fact that your mother is no longer in your life has made you look at Joy as a surrogate mother, while resenting her for having a relationship you could never have with your father who you deify, while the real deity in the family is in fact Joy."

There was a long pause in the room while everyone absorbed that. "Fuck you." Beth finally said to Dr. Wong, surprising Morty and Summer.

"Mom!" they shouted in unison.

"Fuck both of you, too." she snapped at the kids and Joy put a hand over her forehead.

"Joy, how are you feeling about this?"

"I mean, I get where you're coming from, but I also don't think Beth looks at me like a mom,"

"I don't think you see it though Grandma Joy," Summer said and Joy looked at her, Summer looking nervously at her mom.

"Go ahead Summer," Dr. Wong nodded.

"I mean, Grandma Joy, you don't see the way mom looks at you for approval, she tries to get on your good side a lot, and I mean, she treats you the same way she treats Grandpa Rick, and the fact that Grandpa Rick didn't want to come here and went to the extent that he did is making her feel abandoned by Grandpa Rick, but you're here so that's making her feel closer to you- Right?" she asked as she looked at Dr. Wong, who gave a small smile and a single nod.

"Those are very good observations, Summer," she commented.

"I think it also has to do with the time Joy spent off planet," Morty spoke up. "When Rick was in prison and Joy was on her planet, Mom was really upset, she never told you about it after you came back, but it really hurt her that you two left without telling anyone."

"Well, it really hurt Rick that Beth would stay married to a man who wanted to turn him in to the Galactic Government," Joy replied and a flash of guilt crossed all of their faces. "Yeah, he knows about that, why do you think he turned himself in? So Beth wouldn't have to be married to a man who tried to make her pick her father over the idiot who knocked her up on Prom night," she explained as she crossed her arms.

"How do you know about that?" Beth asked and Joy looked at her pointedly as Summer and Morty both replied for her.

"She's a God mom!"

"Rick has had a hard time dealing with his emotions about all of that for awhile now," Joy looked at Dr. Wong. "He loves his family, but it's made him feel weird that even after Jerry suggested turning Rick into the government, and Rick's subsequent capture by means that the Smith family didn't know, not to mention Jerry immediately working for the government at the first given opportunity, Beth stayed with Jerry, and she didn't leave him until Rick came back. It's why we spent so much time off planet lately, it's why Rick is having a hard time committing to us starting a family, and it's why he would rather spend his day laying on his workbench as a pickle than being here." Joy sighed. "At least, now, since Beth took the syringe."

"Ah, yes, the syringe. What do you think is in the syringe, Beth?" Dr. Wong asked as she looked at Beth.

"You're the one that costs $200 an hour. You tell me." was Beth's terse reply.

"Anti-pickle serum." Both Summer and Morty sighed.

"Your kids think it might be anti-pickle serum." Dr. Wong commented.

"My kids pee their desks and suck on unbaked vases." Beth replied, still defensive as Morty picked up a book on the table, but Joy was too busy listening to Beth's defensive comments to warn him not to touch it. "They're just angry at me for divorcing their father."

"I never said I was angry at you." Summer pointed out.

"That's the point of pottery-enamel huffing, Summer. You do it so you don't have to say "I'm angry at mommy" out loud." Beth replied.

"Oh, my God!" he slammed the book closed and Joy looked at him as he threw it onto the table and pointed at it. "Oh, there-there's pictures of people eating poop in there!"

"Oh kiddo," Joy sighed as she put her hand on his back. "Oh I was hoping you wouldn't figure out what Coprophagia was that way, I'm sorry," she said gently as Dr. Wong picked up the book and set it in her lap.

"It's not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your father asks for that syringe, you could ask him-"

"He won't have to ask for it, okay? He won't need it. He'll just make more. He doesn't need anything from anyone." Beth insisted, sounding a little down.

"You admire him for that." Dr. Wong commented, Beth sounding hesitant before she replied.

"It's better than making your problems other people's problems." she said and Dr. Wong nodded.

"How do you think it would be your problem if you were to express to your father that you don't want him to lie to you?"

"Because it's me, it's my emotional hangups, my father doesn't need to hear about all of that. He doesn't believe in connections with anyone except for Joy."

"And why do you think he singles Joy out as the exception?"

"Because she's a god? Because she's his wife?"

"Because there are infinite versions of everyone else, but Joy is the only version of Joy," Morty explained, sounding bored. "According to Rick she's the only original thing in the galaxy, and because of that she has to be protected."

"Okay," Dr. Wong nodded. "So why don't we practice some I statements so we can help express our feelings?" Dr. Wong suggested. "Joy, do you want to start us off?"

"Sure," Joy replied. "I am sorry that Beth feels like I'm stealing her father, and I wish that she knew how much I care about her."

"Very good, Beth, do you have an I statement?"

"I am afraid that my kids will get expelled."

"Good. Summer, you go."

"I am mad that I can't huff enamel without people assuming it's because my family sucks. I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes getting high."

"Good job. Morty, do you have an "I" statement?"

"I am sad that I peed. I'm sad that I peed in class instead of a toilet."

"Look at this family go. You guys are pros. What do you guys think about doing this once a week?" she asked as she looked around at them before the door burst open and Joy closed her eyes.

"Oh Jesus Christ, what did you do?" she asked as she saw Pickle Rick covered in various skeletal and muscular limbs of what she assumed were rodents.

"Science Baby," he said as he walked in, Joy leaning down and holding her hand out, Rick stepped onto it and she listed him up onto the couch between her and Morty.

"You must be Rick." Dr. Wong said as she watched them.

"Mm-hmm." he replied, leaning against the back of the couch and putting his little hand on Joy's thigh.

"I've heard a lot about you today. Your family is crazy about you. Your daughter holds you in very high regard. You're a lucky fella."

"Yeah, thank you." he sighed before looking at Beth. "Uh, sweetie, you don't still happen to have that syringe in your purse?" Beth looked at Dr. Wong who looked back at her and gave her a small nod before Beth looked at Rick.

"Dad, I would like you to tell me what's in the syringe." Beth said slowly.

"It's a serum that I need to, uh, to stay alive." Rick replied equally as slowly. "I have had a rough day. And, uh, I've sustained a lot of damage. I'm pretty close to death, which the serum will prevent."

Joy put her elbow on the arm of the couch, pinching the bridge of her nose as she sighed. "By changing you from a pickle to a human."

"Yes."

"Rick, why did you lie to your daughter?"

"So I wouldn't have to come here."

"Why didn't you want to come here?" Dr. Wong asked and Joy looked back at Rick.

"Because I don't respect therapy, because I'm a scientist. Because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it. And I don't think going to a rented office in a strip mall to listen to some agent of averageness explain which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything." He explained, sounding exhausted. "I think it's helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself. I'm not a cow. I'm a pickle. When I feel like it. So...you asked."

Joy sighed and looked down at Rick who looked up at her before shrugging. "You could have at least told me," she said softly.

"I'm know," he replied.

"Rick, the only connection between your unquestionable intelligence and the sickness destroying your family is that everyone in your family, you included, use intelligence to justify sickness. You seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it's because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it's your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a pickle." Dr. Wong said as she looked down at Rick.

"You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with rat blood and feces. Your enormous mind literally vegetating by your own hand. I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose." Dr. Wong continued before her watch beeped. "That's our time. I'm going to give you guys my card and hope to hear from you again. And if you have any friends or family that eat poop and would like to stop, give them my number." she said as she stood up, everyone following suit and Joy Reaching down to let Rick hop onto her hand.

"Joy, Rick, a moment," Dr. Wong called to them before they left the room, Joy pausing to look back at the therapist as the others left the room. "I would like to bring up two things, the first being, Joy, you've recognized that I'm not quite the same as your family,"

"Your secret's safe with me," Joy assured her.

"Thank you, I appreciate that, and the second, Rick, you're a brilliant man, and your wife truly sees you as an equal, the reluctance you're having towards having a family is based off of your reluctance to have a human family, and I'd like it if we could have a session with just the two of you,"

"I'm fine with that." Joy replied and Rick sighed.

"Ugh you told her that?" he asked and Joy shrugged. "Okay, you know what, fine, but only because Joy wants it so much."

"Would that be the family or the therapy?"

"Both," Rick replied before looking at Joy. "Baby, I am pretty close to death- you- d'you think you can uh-"

"Oh yeah I got you," Joy replied as her hand started to glow gold, covering Rick in a gold haze before she turned and walked out of the room with him, walking out to the car where Beth, Summer and Morty were waiting. "Just wanted to make sure Rick signed the paperwork before we left since he joined the session," Joy explained as she set Rick in the front seat and accepted the squirt of hand sanitizer from Morty.

After getting into the car Beth started driving them home, everyone was silent before Rick finally spoke up. "I, um I'm sorry I lied to get out of the thing. I, I shouldn't lie to you."

"Oh, it's fine. I mean, thank you, and, yeah, you shouldn't. But I hope you know that's not what that session was supposed to be." Beth explained quickly.

"Oh, no, I mean, I know it was Morty peeing his pants and Summer snorting glue or whatever…"

"She huffed enamel, and we never even talked about it." Beth replied with a laugh.

"Well, there was so much more at stake. I mean, that shrink, what a monologuist."

"Are we gonna go back?" Summer asked the two adults in the front before looking at Joy who nodded.

"Sweetie, could I uh- ge-get that syringe now?" Rick asked.

"Oh, my God, yes! Dad, it's in my purse. Oh, I'm sorry. You must be in agony."

"Eh. Joy helped me out, took away a good chunk of the pain and stopped me from dying."

"You're welcome." Joy chimed in from the back seat as Beth handed him the syringe.

"Baby?"

"Yeah, I got it," Joy leaned forward between the front seats and took the syringe, pushing it into Rick's side and injecting him before pulling it out quickly as Rick turned back into a human, letting out an agonizing groan and coughing up green brine as he did.

"Jesus," he coughed and wiped at his mouth. "Jesus Christ. Therapists, man."

"Weird breed." Beth agreed.

"I missed having hands and blood and a stomach." then looking over his shoulder at Joy in the back seat he added "Amongst other things. We should get a drink."

"Really? Like, go somewhere?" Beth asked and Rick looked back at his daughter with a guilty grimace, obviously not indenting for her to have been included in that. He glanced back at Joy who nodded and he decided to go with it.

"Yeah, let's drop the kids off and go tie one on."

"Absolutely!" Beth grinned, sounding excited to spend time with her dad.

"I, I liked her." Morty commented.

"So what are you thinking, like, Smokey's Tavern? Maybe Shoney's?"

"Yeah, maybe not Shoney's, they fired Joy," he commented.

"Oh, is Joy coming with us?"

"Sweetie, I'm not going anywhere without my wife." Rick replied as he reached back, Joy slipping her hand into his.

"Except the shower," Joy replied and he sighed.

"Except the shower," he agreed, walking across the street stark naked with absolutely zero shame when they got home to go take a shower.

"On Earth he can walk around naked, on Feeloria he won't do that." Joy commented to Summer and Morty.

"He respects your planet," Summer shrugged and Joy gave a slight nod.

"Yeah, I guess."

"So do you- do you think Mom will let us go back to family therapy?" Morty asked as Joy put her arms around the kids and started to lead them to her house, Beth had already rushed into her own house to change as soon as they had gotten home and Joy was sure the kids would rather stay at her house while the adults went to tie one on.

"Oh for sure," Joy nodded. "Don't worry that's not that last we've seen of Dr. Wong," she told them as they walked across the street to the Sanchez house.

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