AN: I don't know if you guys have noticed but the songs at the beginning of each chapter are actually a big inspiration for them. Some more than others but there are definitely more than a few chapters where the songs are a big influence on the story. This is one of them, so I thought I'd point it out. You don't have to listen to it, obviously, but I just thought I'd tell you. Please leave a review if you can !

kyoto – phoebe bridgers

"i don't forgive you, but please don't hold me to it."

Two weeks later, the Hogwarts Quidditch team had its first away game and Sofia found that she was actually kind of excited about it?

They were playing Durmstrang, which was slightly worrying because they were really good as far as Sofia knew. But she was excited to go to Russia, which was the not-so-secret location of Durmstrang Institute. Especially excited because the school wasn't too far from her father's hometown of Leningrad.

The Soviets weren't so much for warm welcomes and introductions so when they arrived at the castle on Thursday evening, they were ushered into the dining hall without much fanfare to eat dinner and Sofia's eyes immediately roamed over the Durmstrang students.

"Sonechka!"

Sofia turned around and finally spotted her. She grinned at her cousin. "Lizochka!"

Liza flung herself into Sofia's arms. Liza might have been a year older than Sofia, but she was a lot tinier.

Liza quickly launched into a monologue about how much she missed Sofia and how excited she was that she was there.

Sofia introduced Liza to Chloe as they sat down to eat.

"So, is everyone here Russian?" Chloe asked.

"We're from all over the USSR, and also a few other Eastern Slavic countries," Liza replied in English.

Sofia was grateful not to have to translate much.

Liza kept both Sofia and Chloe entertained throughout dinner and afterwards, she insisted on them staying in her dorm for the night. Sofia wasn't entirely sure where they were supposed to be sleeping while at the castle but Coach agreed to let her stay with Liza.

"Who was that boy that kept looking at you during dinner? He was cute!" Liza said as they settled in the dormitory that Liza shared with one other girl.

Sofia rolled her eyes playfully. "Literally what are you talking about?"

"The brooding one with the dark hair and the piercing eyes, he couldn't take his eyes off you," Liza said with a small giggle.

Sofia fell back on Liza's bed and covered her face with her hands. "Ugh, do you mean Black? Absolutely not, Liza."

"Black? Is he..."

"He's Sirius's brother," Sofia said.

Liza's eyebrows went up. "Oooh, that's intense... a love triangle with two brothers."

Sofia's jaw dropped. It took her a second to recover. "Liza, that is so... NO, hell no, that is not what's going on here."

Liza smiled cheekily. "Whatever you say, dear."

Sofia groaned.

Liza had to go to class the next day, and the team practised for a little bit in the morning before Coach took the initiative to bring everyone to the small wizarding town that was basically the equivalent of Hogsmeade for Durmstrang.

Chloe wanted to go get souvenirs but Sofia told her to go ahead with Sunisa, the other girl from the team.

Once everyone had dispersed, Sofia headed off towards the edge of the town. Once she reached an emptier part of town, she realised with a sigh that the thing she had very much prayed wouldn't happen, was happening right now.

Sofia paused in her tracks. "Just fucking walk beside me, we're going to the same place and it's weird that you're trailing behind me like that."

It took a second, but Regulus walked over to Sofia, keeping a good three feet of distance between them. "How do you know where I'm going?"

Sofia rolled her eyes. "Come on, it's pretty obvious."

"So, you're not cross with me anymore?"

"Who said that?"

Regulus stared at her. "This is the first time you've addressed me directly in weeks."

Sofia sighed. She actually wasn't entirely sure what had prompted her to start this interaction but he was doing a good job of making her regret it. "I figure you might need some help with the language, and I like to think I'm a decent enough person to help you."

"Are you?" He feigned surprise.

He started walking and Sofia did too.

"Have you been there before?" He asked.

"Where?"

Regulus huffed. "I might kind of know how to say your name but that doesn't mean you can force me to attempt to say this, I've never even heard it said out loud."

Sofia bit her lip to stop a smirk. "Yes, I have been to Khvoshchinskaya before."

Regulus frowned slightly. "Not even close."

Sofia almost laughed. He had let her take the lead at some point while they walked, obviously her knowing the place better.

She stopped before a small shop with a run-down sign that read Аптекарь Хвощинская. Kvoshchinsky's Apothecary. Regulus almost walked into her, not realising they were there already. "See? How would you even have found the place without me?"

Regulus scowled as he followed her in.

The place had that herby smell all apothecaries did and it looked exactly the same as the last time Sofia had been there. Down to the tall, bearded man standing behind the counter, who smiled upon seeing Sofia.

This wasn't exactly what Sofia had had in mind. She had hoped to have gotten rid of Regulus quickly enough so that these two parts of her life wouldn't intersect but alas.

"What are you doing here? I thought you said you'd be here at four," Sofia said in Russian.

Uncle Vova grinned and walked over to her. "I couldn't wait to see my lovely niece!"

He wrapped her up in a bear hug.

Sofia smiled. "Missed you, dyadya."

"Missed you too, love." He stood back and glanced at Regulus. "Who's your friend?"

Sofia sighed internally as she looked at Regulus, still standing awkwardly at the entrance. She switched to English. "Black, this is my Uncle Vladimir. Dyadya, this is... my classmate, Regulus Black."

Uncle Vova spoke in very heavily accented English. "Nice to meet you."

Regulus was looking at Sofia like she'd grown a second head. "Your uncle? I thought you were a..." he hesitated. "A Muggleborn."

Sofia would've liked to think he was being decent not calling her a Mudblood, but Regulus probably just didn't want to risk calling her a Mudblood in front of this big, burly man a head taller than him who could probably snap him in two.

"I am," Sofia said. "And so is he."

Regulus looked at Uncle Vova and nodded, still looking slightly shaken. "A pleasure, sir."

"Come on, kid, there's some stuff I want to show you," Uncle Vova said to Sofia

Sofia followed the man and Regulus distracted himself by looking at the bottles on the shelves.

Sofia's uncle showed her multiple rare supplies he'd gotten recently and eventually, Regulus seemed to swallow his pride and went over to ask Sofia to translate for him so he could ask Vladimir some questions.

"You should invite your friend to dinner," Uncle Vova said later on, after giving them a discount on their hefty haul of potions supplies.

Sofia grimaced. "He... he won't want to."

"How do you know if you haven't asked him?"

"He's not even really my friend! Just a... potions acquaintance."

Uncle Vova laughed. "All the more reason to invite him!"

Sofia was about to argue further when her uncle called out to Regulus, who had been oblivious to their Russian conversation. "Regulus, why don't you come with Sofia and me to dinner? My wife is making lasagna."

Just politely decline, Sofia wanted to scream at Regulus, who only glanced at her briefly before replying. "It'd be my pleasure. If you're sure."

Uncle Vova grinned. "Of course! The more the merrier, da? Come on, I'm going to lock up."

Vladimir showed them to the back, where there was a storage room with a small rest area and went back out front to lock everything up.

"He's your biological uncle?" Regulus asked, clearly still not having processed the information.

Sofia rolled her eyes. "Yes, he's my dad's brother." She paused, he obviously wanted more of an explanation. "...Their parents are Muggles and Vladimir was the only wizard in the family until I was born. Well, and his children, who are a bit younger than me, Elizaveta and Andrey, are too."

Regulus nodded. "Huh."

"It's not that uncommon for there to be multiple wizards in one Muggle family."

"I know."

Uncle Vova returned and handed them some Floo powder. "Let's get going then."

Vladimir and his wife and younger kid lived just outside of Saint Petersburg, which wasn't far from Durmstrang — well, not far for Russia, for Britain, Sofia supposed it would be pretty far —. They Flooed into the house and Uncle Vova called out to his wife.

"Tetka Alisa!" Sofia exclaimed as she hugged her auntie. "Where's Andrusha?"

"He had a hockey game, Grandpa took him while I got some work done," Aunt Alisa replied.

Sofia perked up. "Oh, do you think I could still catch them?"

Aunt Alisa looked at her watch. "Sure, it started maybe an hour ago."

Sofia then remembered to introduce Regulus, who still seemed a bit shell-shocked at the whole situation. He kept staring into the kitchen over Aunt Alisa's shoulder, where utensils and ingredients flew around, getting dinner ready.

"I'm going to the ice rink a few blocks away," Sofia said to Regulus. "Are you coming or are you staying?"

He didn't reply but he followed her towards the door.

"Why are we going to the ice rink?" Regulus asked as they headed out into the light snow.

"Because my cousin is playing hockey there right now."

"Am I supposed to know what that means?"

Sofia huffed. "It's a Muggle sport." She stopped walking and turned to face him, so he would listen to her. "Which by the way, if you so much as look at any of my Muggle relatives wrong, I will fucking kill you."

He barely reacted, in fact, he seemed more annoyed than anything. "I know you tell yourself otherwise, but I don't actually hate Muggles."

Sofia looked at him, incredulous. "Right. Because you have never made insinuations about how Muggleborns shouldn't be allowed into Hogwarts and how Muggles are inferior to wizards."

"Doesn't mean I hate them," he muttered.

Sofia started walking again. "Well, I simply don't care about the nuances of your own bigoted views or of the ones you enable. Just don't be an asshole to my family."

He stayed silent for a few seconds. "You know, I don't know why you hate me so much. Maybe I have said things about Muggles before but I have never actually done anything to you directly."

Rage bubbled inside Sofia. "Even if you've never done anything to me, I still know you think me less than you for the simple fact that my parents are Muggles."

"How would you know what I think?"

Sofia shook her head and took a second to respond. "I know who raised you."

Now Regulus stopped walking. He looked like he had just been slapped in the face. "You don't know shit, Bessonova."

"Really? So, your parents didn't teach you from birth that Muggles and Muggleborns were evil creatures that were worth no more than dirt at the bottom of your shoe and we should all burn in hell? You didn't grow up around Death Eaters? You don't surround yourself with people who harass and bully anyone whose blood isn't pure?"

Regulus's eyes were closed off, giving no emotion away. "Don't presume to know what's in my head, Bessonova."

Then he turned on his heel and kept walking.

There was no way he actually knew where he was going, so Sofia trailed behind him in case he took a wrong turn.

She didn't know what to make of that conversation. It oddly reminded her of the conversation they'd had outside the apothecary in Hogsmeade a couple of weeks ago. He'd said then that he didn't want to kill Muggles. And now he was saying he didn't hate Muggles. What was next, he actually liked Muggles? No way. It simply did not add up.

She supposed maybe there was a small chance that his views were... changing or something like that. But with his pride, he would never admit it. She thought back to the things Sirius had told her about Regulus before.

It was clear from the way he spoke, that Sirius very much still cared about his brother, which Sofia understood completely. They were family, it was inevitable Sirius felt that way. Sirius had said once that he thought long ago that maybe Regulus could turn out like him, could separate himself from the beliefs of their parents. But then Sirius had reasoned that he had only thought that because he didn't want to let go of his brother, he wanted to think that someone he loved so much couldn't be so fucked in the head. And after some time, Sirius had concluded that his brother was beyond saving.

Would she dare think that he wasn't?

It didn't seem very likely, but maybe not impossible. He was still sixteen, his brain was still developing. He might still see the light.

But even if that were the case, Sofia didn't know what to do with that? Was she supposed to help him? To try and lure him over from the dark side? It seemed ridiculous even thinking about it. Not to mention, this was all her speculation after a few dodgy conversations.

They were almost at the rink when Sofia caught up to Regulus. "How about we agree not to talk about... blood whatever for what's left of this trip?"

"If you wish."

They went into the rink and Sofia spotted her grandpa as they reached the stands.

Sofia walked up to the old man. "Privyet, dedushka."

He looked up to her with the most surprised look on his face. "Sonechka, moya lyubov!"

He wrapped her up in a hug and quickly motioned for her to sit beside him.

"This is my classmate, Regulus, grandpa," Sofia said. She switched to English and whispered to Regulus, "he doesn't speak a lick of English, sorry."

Regulus offered his hand. "Dobryy den."

Sofia's eyes widened. Had he picked that up from her? She didn't remember saying good day to anyone.

Grandpa's face brightened. "Very nice to meet you, young man."

Regulus nodded, obviously not understanding what the man was saying.

Grandpa pointed towards the ice, where little Andrey zoomed around.

"Are they winning?" Sofia asked.

"By one, it would be more if the ref weren't making such bullshit calls."

Sofia laughed. She saw her cousin receiving a pass and yelled out, "Davai-davai, Andrey!"

"Bess! Is that you?" Someone yelled from a few feet away.

Sofia turned to see her old teammate, Polina hurrying towards her. "Privyet, Polya."

"What are you doing here Bessie?" Polina turned back to call out to someone behind her. "See? It is Bess, I told you, I'd know that shriek anywhere."

Polina went to hug Sofia, and Sofia momentarily mourned for her reputation as a stone-cold bitch, which was surely shattered now in Regulus's eyes with this trip where she apparently was the most popular person ever.

Sofia chatted with Polina for a couple of minutes before Polina went off to put on her skates.

"They call you Bess, too," Regulus said as Polina and her friend left. "That's pretty much the only thing I caught from that conversation."

"This is actually where that nickname originated. Hockey players love their nicknames," Sofia said.

Regulus's eyes lingered on her. "You mean... you played this?"

"I did, before moving to England."

"You lived here?"

Sofia smiled. "I mean, yeah, I was born here."

She felt like Regulus's brain was on the verge of short-circuiting with all the information he had learned about her in a one-hour span.

There were cheers as the buzzer sounded and the game ended. Andrey got off the ice and ran over to greet Sofia quickly before going back to get his shoes on.

They walked back to the house and Andrey relaid all the details of the game that Sofia had missed back to her.

Sofia was incredibly happy to be eating her auntie's food again. Andrey was very interested in their guest when they sat down to eat. He kept asking Sofia questions about him, which she tried her best to answer.

"Is he your boyfriend, Sonya?" Andrey asked as Sofia ate the last of her lasagna, which she almost choked on at her cousin's question.

The little shit had even asked in English, so Regulus had heard that as well. Sofia wiped her hands on her napkin nervously, "Uh, no, Andrusha. Regulus has a girlfriend."

Andrey made a disappointed noise and took a bite of his food.

Sofia could feel Regulus's eyes on her but she refused to look at him.

The phone rang from the other room and Aunt Polina went to answer. "Sonya, it's your dad. He wants to talk to you," she called out.

Sofia frowned. Her dad?

She stood. "I'll take it in Liza's room," she said to her aunt.

She went into the room and picked up Liza's hot pink phone. "Papa?"

There was a small sigh on the other line. "Sonechka, I'm so glad I could reach you."

Sofia sat cross-legged at the edge of Liza's bed. "Yeah... how did you know I was here?"

"I... I wrote you a letter the other day but you didn't respond, so I called your mother and she told me you were on a field trip with your school, she said you might try to visit your Aunt and Uncle... so I called hoping to reach you."

"Hm, and what was so urgent you needed to call me here?"

Papa's breaths were ragged as if he had just taken a jog. "I... I just really wanted to say I'm sorry. For disappearing. And... I know you don't trust a word I say and that's okay, but I'm getting sober for good, Sonya. I am. Tony's gotten me into a really good program and everything. I want... I want to make up time while I still have it."

Tears stung at Sofia's eyes. She wanted to yell at him, to say that he didn't get to do this to her, to use his illness for her sympathy. But she just couldn't. She was just so... exhausted.

She cleared her throat. "Okay. Is that everything?"

He paused. When he spoke again, he sounded like he was on the verge of tears and Sofia felt her chest tighten. "I already started the program and one of the things we have to do is write letters to those we've hurt... I haven't sent yours yet... I wanted to ask if you were willing to read it first, it's okay if you aren't, and I don't expect your forgiveness but it would mean a lot to me if you just read it."

At that moment, Sofia felt about six years old again, just wanting to do anything to make her dad happy. It would be so easy to just... say yes, play along, but Sofia wasn't one to forget so easily.

Before she lost her nerve she said, "There's no need for that, Papa. I don't forgive you." But please don't hold me to it.

The man took a moment to respond, then he cleared his throat loudly. "Right. That's okay, Sonya, maybe later on."

Sofia felt a sudden flash of rage. He was making it seem like she was the asshole here for refusing to read his stupid letter. She took a deep breath and counted to ten in her head. "I... I'll talk to you later, Papa."

"Yes, of course, say hi to your aunt and uncle for me."

Sofia said she would and hung up.

Then she let the tears finally fall.