Happy Law and Order Thursday! Twitter said to expect some good E/O scenes tonight so fingers crossed. Can't get enough of them together on my screen again. Here's hoping for some lovely Bensler content :)
Still loving all the feedback :) So glad you're loving the story. As I said, this will have a sequel and I don't plan on making it super, super long. I think you'll understand how I choose to split the story. There could even be a part 3...depending on how things play out.
Thanks for the continued patience with the slow burn, hopefully...you feel a little more satisfied at the end of this one ;) I did decide to bump up to an M rating eventually after hearing your feedback. But we're not there quite yet...I'll let you know the chapter before so you can be prepared on where to look for it.
I'll update as soon as I can!
Disclaimer - I own NOTHING. Just a fan of Elliot and Olivia who likes to explore their relationship as much as I can.
A few days later, Olivia was at the Stabler household hanging out with the kids while Elliot was at court. The temperature had dropped considerably, and the news said a storm was on the horizon. Olivia glanced at the clock and wondered if Elliot was going to make it home before the snow hit. She also wondered...if she was going to be able to make it home. Since the carnival, things had been a bit awkward but also good.
Elliot kept his promise and didn't push her. Their feelings were out in the open and they both knew what they wanted in the end. At the same time, they also knew that there were things that needed to be considered and worked through. The most important being Olivia letting her walls down. She knew it was going to take some time because she never cared about anyone as much as she cared about Elliot. This wasn't just a fling...it wasn't just casual. If they were going to do this she had to be ready, totally ready.
After the carnival, the kids had questions that Elliot had tried to answer as best he could. He explained that Mr. O'Conner had said some things that weren't nice. He also explained that the way he (Elliot) had acted, wasn't appropriate either. He told them it was never okay to fight with someone physically no matter what they said. Kathleen and the twins seemed to accept mostly what he was saying and they had gotten bored and walked away. Maureen however had more questions…
Elliot looked at his three younger children and saw them watching a movie together on the couch. Maureen was still sitting with her Dad and Olivai at the counter and he knew this conversation wasn't over yet. Maureen looked at Olivia, then looked at her Dad.
"Mo?" Elliot asked nervously, "What are you thinking?"
She took a deep breath and shrugged, "Mr. O'Conner was pretty mad…"
Elliot sat up a little straighter and nodded, "He was. And so was I."
Maureen looked over at Olivia and frowned, "Did he...do something bad to you?"
Olivia shook her head and sighed, "Maureen...I wish more than anything I had never gone out with Emma's Dad. I'm so sorry. No...he didn't. We just...had a misunderstanding."
She knew Elliot would argue with her about that later, but she didn't need to hurt his daughter more, "Emma said that he goes on a lot of dates…"
Elliot frowned and wondered how he treated other women, "She did?"
Maureen nodded, "She did…" Then she shrugged, "But...I think Emma and I will be fine. But...maybe we don't have any playdates for a while? Just...so you guys don't have to see him?"
Elliot leaned across the counter, "Honey I'll call him tomorrow and-"
Maureen shook her head adamantly, "No. I don't think that's a very good idea." She paused and looked at Olivia, "But you aren't going on another date with him, are you?"
Olivia shook her head, "No Maureen. I'm not."
She looked at her Dad and whispered, "But...are the two of you going to go on a date?" She saw them both stiffen slightly, "I saw you holding hands in the car. I may be only nine...but I know what that usually means."
Elliot looked back at Olivia and saw the nervous look on her face, he reached for her hand and squeezed hoping to reassure her. "We...haven't made any official plans no. But...things are a bit different between us right now if that's what you're asking."
A slow smile spread on Maureen's face, "Took you long enough…"
Olivia couldn't help but smile herself but looked down at her hand in Elliot's. For his part, Elliot felt a rumble of laugher in his chest, "Mo…"
His daughter just shook her head and stood up giving them a little wink, "I'm going to go watch the rest of the movie with the kids. You two...talk amongst yourselves."
He continued to laugh as she walked away and settled in between her siblings. When he knew she wasn't going to eavesdrop, he tugged on Olivia's hand. She gave him a questioning look but he just smiled, letting her know it was okay. Standing up, she followed him down the hall to the little room he used as an at home office. Elliot shut the door slightly, leaving it open a crack so he could still listen in, in case the kids needed him. Glancing at Olivia, he saw the apprehension on her face and he wondered if she was already going to try and retreat from him.
"Liv…" He whispered, she shrugged sadly at him, "It' s okay…"
She shook her head, "I just...I'm so worried about Maureen and Emma's friendship. It will kill me if-"
"We'll figure it out." He said reaching out to touch her shoulder, "We always figure things out. Together. Don't we?"
A slow smile spread on her lips and she bit her lip before nodding, "Yeah...we do."
He took a tentative step towards her and smiled, "I meant what I said Olivia. We can take this as slow as you need me too. I'm not going anywhere…"
She sighed and closed her eyes as he pulled her against his chest. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his middle as if she had done it a million times before. It almost felt like she had. They fit together so perfectly and she knew she'd never be able to have another man hold her this way. She hadn't even kissed him yet and she knew she was a goner.
"Thank you." She whispered against the soft material of his shirt, "I just...I need some time.""I get it." He said rubbing her back gently, "I totally get it. This is a big change. For all of us. We shouldn't rush it."
She let him hold her for another moment, before she pulled away slightly, "There is...one thing I think we need to talk about. That we can't...ignore right now."
Elliot lifted a gentle hand and touched her cheek, "What?"
She frowned and looked down at his chest where her hand rested above his heart, "What are we going to do about work?"
She felt him inhale sharply and knew he hadn't had time to think about that consequence just yet, "Work…"
She cringed slightly and pulled away, "El, I love being your partner. It's the one thing that makes sense to me. I hate...the thought of losing that. But if we are going to even consider this, we have to talk about it. And you know that Cragen and IAB won't let us stay partners. Hell...they might not even let us stay at the Precinct together. And if that's the case then I'll resign and-"
"What? No." He said, shaking his head, "No. Absolutely not. You are not resigning. I won't let you."
She raised an eyebrow at him in surprise, "You won't let me? I think it's my choice to make."
"If we're going to do this…" He challenged, "I think it's our choice to make."
She swallowed hard and realized that he was right, "Okay...then it's our choice to make."
He pulled away slightly and she instantly felt the loss of his body heat, "You aren't leaving SVU. You're too good at your job Olivia. You can't just leave. Not for me."
She smiled softly at him, "Well you're damn good at your job too Stabler. And you're the one with four children. You can't just walk away…besides you have seniority."
He huffed at her, "I'll be fine going somewhere else."
"Just like that?" She asked with a challenge in her voice, "You could just walk away? Just because you think you want to date me?""I don't think." He said, turning to look at her quickly, "I know. I know I want to…" He shook his head, "And it's not just dating Olivia. I want to build a life with you. With my children and you. Maybe that scares you to hear...but I'm in this for the long haul. I want the whole package."
She took a rattling breath and leaned against his desk, "The whole package…"
He nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving hers, "Yup. I'm laying it on the line now Olivia...so if that's not something you think you want. You need to tell me now. I understand that we said we'd take this slow and I still will. But I need you to understand how serious I am about this. I wouldn't go into this lightly...you're not the only one who doesn't want to lose what we had."
She looked down for a moment, gathered her thoughts then looked at him, "You want me to be honest?" She saw him take an anxious breath before nodding slowly, "It scares the shit out of me Elliot. Because I never…" She smiled sadly and shrugged, "I never pictured myself getting married. Having a family. I didn't think...it was in the cards for me. I gave up on that dream a long time ago."
Elliot stepped closer to her, "And what do you think about marriage and having a family now?"
She swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled, "I want that…" She saw him soften and she pushed on, "When I'm here...with you and the kids it feels…"
Her voice trailed away and he smiled, "Feels right?" She nodded slowly and he pushed on, "Feels natural? Like you were meant to be here?" She nodded again and he smiled, "That's how it feels for us too Liv."
Slowly, she reached for his hand and tangled her fingers with his, "Okay then…"
He squeezed her hand and tugged her closer to him, his other hand settled on her hip, "I don't know what will happen at work...but we'll figure it out. I don't think we need to make any choices right now. We said we were taking this slow...for now we keep it between us and the kids. And when it becomes...something a bit more we'll deal with Cragen and IAB. Is that fair?"
She bit her lip and thought carefully before nodding in agreement, "I think so…"
Letting out a little breath, he smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to her head, "Okay."
She smiled and leaned forward to cling to his shirt, "So...this is happening then?"
He smiled against the top of her head and held her tightly, not wanting to let go, "Damn right it is Benson…"
He felt her laugh and he knew that no matter what happened...they were going to be okay somehow.
Olivia was pulled from the memory when she felt someone tugging at her sleever. Glancing down, she saw a nervous looking Lizzie standing next to her. Leaning down, Olivia picked her up and nuzzled the side of her face, "Hey Lizzie Lou...you okay?"
Lizzie snuggled into her side and whispered, "Is Daddy going to be able to come home?"
Olivia rocked her gently, rubbing her back, "He will try."
"What if he doesn't?" She asked looking up at Olivia again, "Will we be here all alone tonight?"
"Of course not." Olivia said with a shake of her head, "I'll be here."
"Even if you have to sleep over?" Lizzie asked anxiously, "You never sleep over."
Olivia gave her a gentle smile, "I will never leave you alone when you need me sweetie. I'll be right here. All night. No matter what. Okay? I promise."
Lizzie smiled and hugged Olivia close, "I love you Livvie."
Squeezing her tight, Olivia felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, "I love you too. Go back and play with your brother and sisters. I'll be there in a minute."
Lizzie nodded and ran towards her siblings when her feet touched the floor. Olivia reached into her pocket and saw Elliot's name flashing across the screen.
Flipping the phone open, she pressed it to her ear, "Hey...where are you?"
She heard Elliot sigh on the other end of the phone, "Hey. I'm still stuck at court and it already started snowing pretty hard here…"
Olivia glanced out the window and saw that large flakes were starting to fall from the sky, "Here too…"
"I don't know when I'll be out of here or if I'll even be able to make it home…" He whispered, "The Precinct is closer to the courthouse than home and they are already talking about shutting down some roads."
Olivia glanced back at the kids who were playing together, "Okay. Well then you should just crash there. It will be safer."
"Yeah but what about…" He paused and then whispered, "I don't want you to feel like you need-"
"I don't feel like I need to do anything Elliot. You think I would leave your kids all alone in the middle of a storm?" She smirked and she knew he could sense it on the other end of the phone, "I'm staying."
He let out a little sigh of relief, "Okay well...there is plenty of food in the fridge. Maureen knows where I keep the flashlights in case...you lose power. Jack up the heat for a while, or light a fire if you need to. You can just sleep in my room. I'll try and get out of here early but-"
"Elliot...I have it under control. Please don't do anything stupid. It's already really coming down out there. The last thing we need is for you to get in an accident." She said. "Just stay put…"
"But...you'll call if you need me?" He asked softly, "If the kids need me?"
"I will. Just let me know what's going on and we'll take it one step at a time. But you have nothing to worry about here. I've got it covered." She said.
She heard him let out a little sigh, "Do you know how wonderful you are?"
She felt the blush in her cheeks and she smiled, "You can let me know how wonderful I am whenever you get home safely Stabler...I'll talk to you later."
She didn't wait for him to say anything else because her heart was pounding away in her chest. She hung up, slipped the phone into her pocket and then walked towards the living room to catch up with the kids. Immediately, Richie tackled her and she was laughing, thinking there were much worse places to be while getting snowed in…
By 7pm, it was clear Elliot wasn't making it home. As much as she would have enjoyed having him here, she knew it was for the best. He was safe staying at the precinct which was one less thing for her to worry about. The kids had seemed anxious at first when they realized that Elliot wasn't coming home. If he worked overnights, they usually stayed with Bernie. It wasn't that they didn't trust Olivia, it was just new for all of them.
Despite wishing he was here, Olivia couldn't help but think that it was for the best. Elliot had told her to sleep in his bed and the thought made her incredibly anxious. She had never slept here before. She'd stayed late, he had offered to let her stay, even before they had decided to make changes in their relationship. She knew she wasn't ready for that. The idea of sleeping in his bed felt...too intimate.
Then when she thought about the fact that was the same bed he had shared with Kathy...she knew she couldn't sleep there. She knew his relationship with his ex-wife was long over. She trusted him when he said he wanted to be with her. That he didn't want anyone else. But it didn't make the anxiety go away. She had slept with other men in her own bed...but not one she had made promises too. Not one she had had children with. She supposed that would be a bridge they'd have to cross eventually...but not tonight.
Tonight was about making sure that Elliot's children felt safe and weren't alone. That was all that mattered. Turning, she saw Richie sitting by the window staring out at the dark sky as the snowflakes continued to fall hard and fast. The wind was picking up and she pulled her sweater a little tighter. As she walked towards him, she checked the thermostat and bumped it up a few degrees just in case.
Kneeling down beside the young boy, she placed a gentle hand on his back and smiled, "You okay little man?"
Richie turned towards her, a little pout on his face, "Is Daddy okay?"
Olivia smiled and leaned up to brush his hair out of his face, "Of course kiddo. You know your Daddy. He's tough. Nothing will get in his way. He's just going to stay at the precinct tonight until the storm calms down. Then he'll be home safe and sound."
Richie scooted closer to her, "And...you'll stay with us all night?"
Olivia smiled and leaned forward to press a kiss to his nose, "I promise. And I don't break my promises Richie. I'm not going anywhere."
Richie smiled, leaned in and settled against her arms, "Can we call Daddy?"
"Sure." She said giving him a little squeeze, "Go sit on the couch. I'll give him a call now. I know he'll be happy to hear from you."
Richie smiled, hopped down and walked over to the couch where his sisters sat. Olivia pulled the phone from her pocket again and dialed Elliot's number. After a moment she heard his voice, "Hey. Everything okay?"
"Yeah." She said softly, "I just have four kiddos who really want to talk to their Dad before bed."
On the other end of the phone, Elliot smiled, "Put 'em on."
Olivia walked over the couch, pressed the speaker button and smiled at the kids, "Go ahead guys."
"Hi Daddy!" Lizzie yelled into the phone, "Are you at work?"
"Hey Lizzie Lou. Yes. I'm at work. Going to sleep here tonight until the storm lets up. The roads are too slippery to drive on. But I'll be back in the morning." He answered.
"Did you get the bad guys in court today?" Richie asked his Dad.
"I did Buddy. Everything went well." He said softly, "Are you guys behaving for Olivia?"
"Uh huh!" Kathleen said, "She made us dinner. We built a block tower and knocked it down. We did some art and she read us some books. Now we're going to have some hot cocoa and watch a movie before bed."
Elliot smiled his heart aching to be with them, "That sounds great. I wish I was there with you now."
Just then the wind whipped outside, a crack was heard and then everything went dark causing the kids to scream, "Livvie!"
Elliot immediately felt his stomach drop, "What happened? What's wrong?" He heard movement on the other end of the phone and Olivia trying to soothe the kids, "Olivia? What's going on?"
"Everything is fine El. We lost power but everything is fine." She reached for Maureen in the dark, "Mo hold the phone while I get the flashlights."
"Mo?" Elliot said into the phone, "Honey, you guys okay?"
"Hey Dad...yeah we're okay. We just...got a little scared for a second. But Olivia is here." She said looking at her siblings in the dark. "We're going to be just fine."
A second passed before Olivia was beside them with multiple flashlights, "Here you guys. You can each hold one but we shouldn't turn them all on. If we're all sitting together we only need one."
"Daddy?" Lizzie asked softly, "Can you come home now?"
Elliot sighed on the other end of the phone, "Baby I wish I could. But it wouldn't be safe to drive. I'm sorry. But Olivia is there...you're not alone. I know she is going to take good care of you. Everything will be okay. I promise. I'll leave as soon as I can."
Olivia looked down at the phone, "Hey El? I think I should probably preserve the battery on my phone…"
"Right…" He said softly, "Turn it off. But call me if you need me. Light a fire in the living room and hopefully the power will be back on soon. Do you need anything?"
"No." She said giving the kids a reassuring smile, "We're good. Don't try and be a hero and drive here either. I've got it all under control."
Elliot smiled and wished more than ever he could go home to his family, and that included Olivia, "Okay. Well...try and stay warm and hang tight. I'll be home the minute I can. I love you guys."
"We love you too Daddy." Kathleen said to him, "We'll see you tomorrow."
The rest of the kids said their goodnights and Olivia hung up the phone and quickly turned it off. Then she turned to the kids and smiled at them, "Okay. I have an idea. You guys go upstairs with a flashlight and gather as many blankets and pillows as you can. I'll start a fire and we can make a fort down here."
"And we'll sleep here?" Richie asked with a hopeful smile, "I don't want to sleep upstairs alone in the dark."
Olivia smiled and touched his leg, "Exactly buddy. We'll all sleep down here together. No one needs to be alone tonight, okay?"
The kids quickly turned on their flashlights and ran up the stairs to get what they needed. Olivia turned to start the fire in the fireplace and couldn't help but think that this plan worked out in her favor. She could once again avoid Elliot's bed...at least for tonight.
Down at the Precinct, Elliot was lying on the bottom bunk of one of the beds in the cribs. He hated being stuck here. He wanted nothing more than to run downstairs, get in his car and make the trek back to Queens. But he knew it was no use. The roads were mostly closed and even if they weren't, it was a total a white out.
Although...he couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be snowed in with Olivia and hids kids. What would happen after the kids went to sleep, if he could curl up with Olivia by the fire and hold her. Just like he had held her that night at her apartment. He had agreed to take this as slow as she needed and he meant that. He still did. He'd take this at her pace but... the possibilities of a snow storm, a fire and a power outage were endless. He wanted to take her out on an official date...he knew she deserved that. But did that mean he couldn't sneak in a quick first kiss before they took that step?
Not that any of the what if's mattered. He was here...and his kids and Olivia were at his house. He knew they were safe. He knew that Olivia would take good care of them, he never had to doubt that. But the protective nature in him was too strong not to worry. He supposed that's what it was to be a Father and a man in love…
Sighing, he turned on his side and pulled a blanket up from the foot of the bed feeling the chill in the drab room. The door opened and Fin and Munch walked in, they had been working late at night and were also stuck here tonight. He wished he had turned to the other side so they would think he was asleep but they knew he wasn't.
Munch kicked off his shoes and plopped down on a bed, "Think the Department will ever pay up and get us some decent beds in this joint?"
"Doubtful." Fin said groaning as he sat down on a bed across from Munch, "Although these are better than the ones that Narcotics had. Those were more like cots."
Elliot huffed, "Neither one of you can complain until you've had to sleep in the barracks in the Marines. These beds are like five star hotel beds."
Munch chuckled, "Good to know. I'll make sure to never enlist."
"Like they'd take your scrawny old ass." Fin said, kicking off his own shoes, "They don't want you protecting our country. They hardly want you protecting the streets of New York...but they can't seem to get rid of you."
Elliot smirked and Munch shook his head, "Elliot...want to switch partners? Olivia's nicer. Much nicer."
He shook his head and smiled, "No thanks."
"Speaking of your partner." Fin said quickly, "She with the kids tonight?"
Elliot's heart rate sped up, "She is...I just talked to them. They lost power and I feel bad that I'm stuck here."
Fin smiled at Elliot, "Wishing to check up on the kids or to get a little alone time with Olivia?"
Elliot groaned and sat up, ducking his head so it didn't hit the top of the bunk, "Don't start…"
Fin shot a look in Munch's direction, "Someone seems defensive...I was just joking."
Munch sat up again and looked at Elliot, "You know...we never heard what happened after Olivia went on that date. Or what happened after Liv's crazy friend threw herself at you."
Elliot looked down at the ground, "Not sure that's any of your business."
"Oh but it is." Munch said quickly, "We're the ones that have to watch the Olivia and Elliot saga play out each day. We get front row seats. So spill Detective…"
Elliot stood up and leaned against the bunk bed, "There's nothing to spill…"
Fin took a deep breath, "If you ask me...the two of you have been a little more flirty lately. A little more...happy. Is there a reason for said happiness?"
"Guys...seriously." He said, turning to look at them, "I'm not talking about this."
"Because there really is nothing to spill or because you respect Olivia enough to not kiss and tell?" Munch said looking at him over the top of his glasses.
Elliot turned and glared at them, "Not having this conversation…"
"Maybe it's both?" Fin said with a shrug, "Maybe you have some integrity after all Stabler."
"If there was a kiss...I wouldn't tell you." Elliot said quickly, "I respect Olivia too much for that."
"If there was a kiss…" Munch said slowly, "Okay...so no kiss. At least not yet. She still hung up about the Sellers kiss? Or is she seeing Ethan?"
"No. She is definitely not seeing Ethan." He said through gritted teeth, "And she never will. Asshole is lucky I didn't break his nose."
"Uh oh…" Fin said with a smirk, "Protective Elliot has entered the building…"
Elliot huffed realizing he was sharing too much information, "Look, it's Olivia's business. Not mine. I'm not trying to be rude...but I'm telling you I'm done with this conversation."
Munch and Fin exchanged looks and shrugged, "Okay...you don't need to say anything else. But we do."
Elliot sat back down on the bottom bunk and sighed, "Here we go...Protective Fin and John have entered the building."
"Damn straight." Fin said with a nod, "You're not the only one who cares about Olivia. Might be different...but we're going to have her back no matter what. And yeah we tolerate you...but we'll pick her side if this goes sideways."
Elliot sat up a little straighter and nodded, "I assumed so…"
Munch stared at Elliot for a moment, "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I think I know the answer anyway but I'd like to hear it from you just to be sure...this is real. Right? She's not just some...rebound from Kathy?"
Elliot shook his head and answered honestly, "God no. Munch I wouldn't do that. That's not who I am. You know me better than that."
Munch nodded, "I think I do. Yeah. I also think that neither one of you would risk this if it wasn't something real...but it will cause changes here. Are you ready for that?"
Elliot took a deep breath and looked between his two coworkers, "I love her. I'm in this. And yeah...I know it's going to change things. We're going to figure that out...but right now we're just seeing where this goes. We're not in a rush. I want Olivia to take this at her pace...the balls in her corner."
"And you'll just sit back and wait?" Fin asked slowly, feeling surprised, "No matter how long it takes? We know that Olivia...is guarded. Very guarded."
Elliot nodded, "I do know that. And I've talked to her about it...she knows that I'm not going anywhere. So yes. I'm willing to wait. No matter how long it takes." He shrugged, "She's worth it."
Fin and Munch turned to look at each other, clearly having some unspoken conversation. After a moment, they turned back to Elliot, nodded their heads and then both lay down on their respective beds.
Elliot frowned, "So...are we done with this conversation?"
Munch nodded and tucked his hands behind his head, "For now."
"Okay…" He whispered to them, "Look the thing is we aren't ready for Cragen or-"
"Our lips are sealed." Munch said quickly, "We won't say a word until you tell us too."
Fin yawned from his bed and settled into his pillow, "Yep. But if you break her heart...we break your body. Understood?"
Elliot chuckled, then lay back on his own bed, "Understood."
As Kathleen and the twins were settling into the pillows and blankets laid out for them, Olivia was stoking the fire and Maureen was making sure that her siblings were warm enough. Olivia smiled at Maureen, knowing even at nine she had a protective nature when it came to her siblings and always would. She was sure that as the oldest, she probably felt the need to act as a Mother in some ways.
Lizzie snuggled into her sister's side and smiled, "It feels like we're camping."
Maureen smiled down at her sister and tucked her in, "See? Nothing to be afraid of. Olivia's here to protect us."
Richie yawned and looked over at Olivia, "You're really going to stay all night?"
"I am." She said turning back to them, "If you need me and I'm asleep just wake me up. But I'll be right here beside you.""And Daddy is safe?" Kathleen asked from Richie's side.
Olivia nodded, "He is. He's sleeping at the precinct. They have a generator there and beds. He'll be just fine." The three youngest smiled and were clearly fighting sleep, "Close your eyes guys...I'm right here."
Maureen watched her brother and sisters as they quickly succumbed to their sleep. When she knew they were out, she turned to Olivia. "Think the power will come back soon?"
Olivia sighed, "I don't know honey. I don't think the electric company will be able to go out and check wires until the snow slows down a bit. It wouldn't be safe. Are you cold?"
Maureen shook her head, "No. I'm fine. We have plenty of blankets and the fire is warm."
Olivia smiled, "I'll try and keep it going. If I'm sleep though...I don't want you to touch it. Okay?"
Maureen nodded in understanding, "Okay."
Sliding down into her sleeping spot, Olivia watched Maureen watching the fire, "You okay Mo?"
Maureen was quiet for a minute, "I was just thinking…" Olivia gave her a look and she pushed on, "This is around the time that Mom left..."
A slow sad breath escaped Olivia's lips and she frowned, "Oh…"
"Do you…" Maureen sighed and settled further into her pillows and blankets, "Do you think she ever even thinks about us? Wonders what we're like now?""I...don't know." Olivia whispered, "That's not something I think I can answer.""Yeah...I know." She said with a little sigh, "I hate that I still think about her."
Olivia shook her head, "It's normal that you do...she was your Mother. No matter what she did...she's still your Mom. It's okay to feel angry, to feel hurt."
"Maybe." She said with a said pout, "But...it won't make her come back. Nothing ever will. And the truth is I don't want her to come back, I just...don't know what I'd say to her if she did. I think Kathleen and the twins would forgive her...but I can't. I just can't.""And that's your choice." Olivia said, "But you know that if she did come back...someday...your Dad would support whatever decision you made. If you wanted a relationship with her...it would be okay."
Maureen tugged at the blanket and whispered, "But...would you be okay with it?"
Lifting her head, she rested her chin in her hand and whispered, "Maureen...more than most people I understand that need to have a Mom. To have a relationship with her. To feel...that you are loved by her. I will always support you in any decision you make. And I'll always be there if things don't go well and you need a shoulder to cry on. I'm here...for whatever you need. I'll be your friend...or-"
"Or…?" Maureen asked softly, "My Mom?"
Olivia sat up slowly and smiled at her, "Maureen...I can never fully take her place. No matter how angry you are. No matter how hurt you feel...she will always be your Mother. But yes...if you want me to fill that void in some way...I can try."
Maureen smiled at her, "You don't need to try Olivia. You already have filled that void. You're doing it right now…"
Olivia's face blushed and she looked down at her hands, "Maureen...are you and Emma-"
"We're fine." She said shaking her head, "We talked about it. We agreed that our Dad's didn't need to be friends. But whatever happened...we wouldn't let it ruin our friendship."
Olivai let out a little sigh and smiled, feeling reassured, "That's...good."
"Yeah. It is." She said honestly, "It's also good...that you didn't like Mr. O'Conner. I love Emma...but if you're going to be anyone's Mom...I really want it to be me and my sisters and brother." Olivia didn't respond right away and Maureen frowned, "Does that scare you?"
Clearing her throat, Olivia smiled, "It...it's not that it scares me. I just want...I want to make sure I'm worthy of that role kid. The four of you deserve the best in the world."
Maureen's eyes started to flutter shut, "If you ask me...we got just that. Between you and Dad...we're pretty lucky."
Olivia's smile grew, "Close your eyes Maureen…"
The young girl smiled as she began to drift off to sleep, "And you'll be right here when I wake up...right?"
Olivia leaned back into her spot and smiled, "You got it."
Sometime after four in the morning, Olivia woke up on her makeshift bed on the floor beside the kids. They were all asleep on the pillows from the couch. She had taken her spot on the floor off to the side, between them and the fire for their safety. She felt a chill in the room and moved to stoke the fire again since the power was still out and the temperature in the room was getting colder.
She was kneeling over the fireplace when she heard movement behind her. Turning, she saw Kathleen stirring. Carefully, she threw another log on the fire and then turned to see the little girl, crawling out from under the blankets. Olivia settled herself back into her spot on the floor and Kathleen crawled over to her and snuggled into Olivia's side.
"Daddy's not home yet?" She asked, yawning softly.
Olivia squeezed her arm and shook her head, "No honey...I'm sure he'll be home soon. It looks like the snow has stopped...once they clear the roads he'll come home. I'm sure of it."
Kathleen shifted and then lay her head in Olivia's lap, "Sometimes I get scared that he won't come home...like my Mommy didn't."
Olivia's heart ached at her words and she started to run her hands through her hair, "Sweetie...that will never happen. I know why you feel that way but your Dad will never leave you like that. Never. He loves you so much."
Kathleen looked up at her, "But...my Mommy didn't love me. I just don't know why."
Olivia stared down at her and wished she could find the words that would make it all better, somehow, "I think...she did love you Kathleen. She just...wasn't ready to be a Mom. At least not the Mom you deserved."
Kathleen's eyes fluttered shut and she nuzzled further into Oliva's embrace, "Sometimes when you're here...it feels like we do have a Mom. A Mom who actually loves us and it makes me...happy."
Olivia felt tears burning in her eyes, "Kathleen…" The young girl's eyes opened slightly and she looked at her, "I will always be here for you...okay?"
Kathleen's eyes closed again and she smiled, "I know. You always are."
As the young girl drifted back off to sleep Olivia felt her love grow for Elliot's children immensely. She looked at all four sleeping forms and wished that she really was their Mother. She loved them enough for that and she wished it could take away the pain they felt from Kathy's abandonment. Turning to look at the fire, she began to run her hand through Kathleen's blonde hair. She didn't know how long she had been sitting there before she saw lights out front and heard what sounded like a plow. She didn't think anything of it until she heard muffled voices.
Turning her head, she wondered what was happening until she heard the key in the lock. A slow smile spread on her lips as it was pushed open and Elliot stepped in, shaking off the snow on his coat. He saw Olivia and she put a finger to her lips, indicating he shouldn't wake up the kids. Elliot paused, quietly he shut the door behind him and then went to look at the scene in front of him.
All the pillows and blankets from the house were spread out in the living room. The twins and Maureen were curled up together near the couch. And Kathleen had her head in Olivia's lap as she ran her hands through her hair affectionately. His heart squeezed in his chest and he wished he could take a picture of this and keep it forever.
As quietly as he could, he rid himself of his shoes and pulled off his coat. Walking further into the room, he glanced at the three sleeping children first and then knelt down beside Olivia and Kathleen, "Hi…" He whispered.
Olivia looked at him, then back to Kathleen to make sure she was still sleeping, "Hey."
Kathleen shifted slightly, turning her head from Olivia's lap and pushing her face into the pillow that Olivia had been using before. Olivia leaned forward and pulled the blanket up over the young girl to keep her warm. When she looked up, Elliot was staring at her so intensely she thought that she might cry. Biting her lip, she looked down and saw his hand resting on her arm, rubbing it gently and she so desperately wanted to kiss him. All she had to do was lean forward...she knew he wanted it too.
Sensing her nervousness, Elliot squeezed her arm and whispered, "Do you want to…"
She looked up at him and nodded, knowing that they couldn't talk without waking up the kids. It was still early and they needed to sleep longer. Besides, she couldn't help but want a moment alone with him to see what could happen next. Elliot pulled himself off the floor and reached a hand out to pull Olivia up with him. They both looked back at the kids to make sure they were okay and then Elliot slipped his hand into hers and tugged her towards the kitchen.
Leaning against the counter, Olivia pulled at her sweater and her eyes darted towards the living room again, "How did you get here?"
Elliot watched her watching his kids and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was the love of his life, "I heard the plows outside the precinct and I dashed outside and bribed them with free coffee and a warm meal if they would drive me home."
Olivia smiled and turned towards him, "Seriously?"
He shrugged and looked deep in her eyes, "I wanted to come home to my family…"
She was more than sure that he would be able to see her heart pounding in her chest, hear the way it sped up as he looked at her, "Elliot…"
He took a deep breath and stepped just a tad closer to her, "Everything went okay here?"
She nodded slowly, her hand instinctively reached out and covered his left bicep, "Kids were great. They uh...didn't want to sleep alone so we figured we'd just settle down here."
Elliot took a deep breath, "I've never left the kids alone overnight with anyone other than my Mom."
She felt him shift even closer to her and she knew where this was headed, and this time it didn't scare her, "I know…" She took a deep breath and looked at the girls, "Maureen and Kathleen...both asked a bit about Kathy."
Elliot bristled at the sound of his ex wife's name, especially in a moment like this, "Okay…"
She shook her head and whispered, "Maureen said that...she wanted…" She looked at their sleeping forms and she shivered, "That she…"
"She wanted what?" He asked, rubbing her arm gently hoping to reassure her.
"That she wanted me to be her Mom…" He saw a tear escape out of the corner of her eyes, "And Kathleen...said that having me here felt like having a Mom again. And I just…"
"If it made you uncomfortable...I'm sorry. I'll talk to them." He whispered, his eyes told her that he was nervous that they had pushed her away.
"No...no it didn't make me uncomfortable." She sniffled and looked back at him, "I just...I don't ever want to cause them any pain. I want...I want to be enough."
"You are enough." He said leaning closer to her, "God Liv...you are more of a Mother to those four kids than Kathy ever was, even when she was here. The way you are with them...it's incredible. They feel so safe with you. So loved. They trust you completely. And I trust you with them. More than anyone I trust that you will always put their needs first...that you'll understand what they mean to you because I know you feel the same way about them that I do."
She smiled at him, "I do El. I love those kids...like they were my own. I always will. No matter what happens."
Hearing her words sent another rush of love, desire and need through his heart. He would wait as long as she needed him too. He meant that. He meant it with his whole heart. But the way she was looking at him right now, the way she had so selflessly taken care of his children tonight told him that they were on the same page. That this...this thing between them was as strong as he believed it to be.
He searched her eyes, needing to know that she was okay with this, "Liv…"
She closed her eyes, searched her brain for all the reasons why she shouldn't do this. Why it would be bad to cross this line. And suddenly...none of those reasons seemed to matter. Elliot was what she wanted...this family, him and his children were what she wanted. Not just for a little bit...but forever. And he was offering it to her...all she had to do was jump. He'd told her he was willing to wait. That she would be worth it. But what was she waiting for? What would a few weeks, a few days, a few months do other than prolong the inevitable?
Her eyes fluttered open, and she could see that he looked both afraid and hopeful all at the same time. She smiled, pressed her other hand into his chest and tugged him by his shirt so that he was only inches from her face, "I'm really glad you're home El…"
That was all the sign he needed, and before he could stop himself, his lips were on hers. His hands cradled her face so gently she felt her heart ache. Pulling him against her she melted into his embrace, his kiss, and she knew she could never kiss another man. She wasn't even ashamed when she heard the little whimper that escaped her lips when his tongue traced her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She was more than willing to comply and before she knew what was happening, they were so wrapped up in each other neither one of them noticed that the power had come back on until they heard the beep of the microwave clicking back on.
They both jumped back, startled by the noise. Elliot turned to look at the kids and saw they were still asleep, not fazed by the lights in the living room turning back on. When he turned back to Olivia, he saw that she was leaning against the counter and had a hand pressed to her lips. And for a moment...he was worried she regretted what had just happened. When he stepped up to her he relaxed when he saw her smile. He waited patiently, and then watched as she leaned up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips again letting him know everything was okay.
"Liv…" He whispered to her, "That was…"
"I know…" She replied breathlessly, resting her hand on his chest, "I know…"
Taking a deep breath he leaned his forehead against hers, "I want you to know that...just because we kissed I don't expect...anything else. This is still all your choice." He felt her hands start to shake and he knew he had to lay it all the line in this moment to make her fully understand, "Olivia…" Slowly, he tilted her chin up so he could look her in the eye, "I love you."
The absolute certainty in which he said it made her whole body tremble, "Elliot…"
"Don't say anything." He said with a shake of his head, "I don't want you to say anything...I don't need you to say anything. But I did need you to know...I hope you felt it before but I had to say it." She bit her lip and tears burned in her eyes, but she didn't look upset so he pushed on, "I'm so insanely, madly and completely in love with you Olivia Benson. I've wanted to tell you for so damn long and I wish I had had the courage to say it sooner but I'm saying it now. Knowing you were here with my children...that you were taking care of them like you always do. Knowing that you would and will protect them no matter what happens means more to me than I could ever begin to describe. You're it for me. So whenever you're ready...I'll be right here. I'm always going to be right here."
She held his gaze for another moment, then looked down again at his chest needing to compose herself, "I've never...told anyone that I-"
"I know." He said softly, "Which is why I don't expect you to say it. And it's okay…I know this is a lot. I just wanted you to know for sure. I didn't want you to have any doubt about how I feel."
She took another steadying breath, then leaned forward to wrap herself in his embrace, "I don't…"
He smiled, held her close and pressed a kiss to the top of her head, "I'm glad."
They stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying being close and knowing all that lay before them. Then Olivia pulled back, pressed herself up on her toes and kissed him gently. He smiled, brushed a lock of hair out of her face and then cocked his head towards the living room. Nodding, she slipped her hand back into his and followed him towards his still sleeping children. They both flicked off some of the lights and Elliot checked the thermostat. Then they settled in on the loveseat together, Elliot pulled one of the extra blankets up around them and Olivia snuggled up to him. He smiled when she wrapped her arm around his abdomen and rested her head in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arm around her and drew lazy patterns on her arm, content to listen to the fire crackling, watch his children sleep and feel the woman he loved pressed against him. After a few minutes, he heard Olivia's breathing even out and he knew that she was beginning to fall asleep. He was about to close his own eyes, when he felt a pair of blue eyes staring at him. Looking down at the floor, he saw that Maureen was awake and watching him and Olivia carefully.
He smiled at her and she smiled back, "Welcome home Dad…"
Elliot winked at her and pulled Olivia closer causing her to snuggle further into him, "Nowhere else I'd rather be."
Maureen smiled, and then closed her eyes again, perfectly happy to go to sleep knowing that everything was finally turning out exactly as she hoped it would.