A/N: Back with another chapter!

While writing this fic I've been listening to Jess Glynne – Take Me Home. I just think it's so perfect for Liv and Amanda, so if you feel like this fic needs a soundtrack, that's a good place to start.

TW: This chapter contains some mild violence and mentions of sexual assault. Nothing graphic, but I'm afraid I can't say the same for the next chapter.

Ok, back to the drama.

"Olivia, you need to go. Now."

Amanda had let go of her hand and she wasn't even looking at her when those cold words with a hint of a tremble left her lips.

"Mandy! There you are. I've been walking up and down this damn street for an hour now."

He was drunk and Amanda recognized the tone in his voice. It was a tone that warned of raised voices, and then yelling, and then the inevitable.

"That sweet nanny of yours wouldn't let me in. Guess they don't teach manners up here in this godforsaken city."

Amanda barely registered his words but made a mental note of remembering to thank Sienna for not letting him in, and apologize a hundred times for what she instinctively knew had been an uncomfortable situation.

"Liv, can you please just go?" Amanda said with quivering lips, still not looking at her.

"No, I can't."

"Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?" He was slurring his words and Amanda hated how he looked at Olivia. He looked at her like prey. Just another woman for him to hate and hurt.

"No, she was just leaving. Give me a minute."

Amanda grabbed Olivia's arm and started walking. "Liv, please. This is my mess, not yours."

"I don't want you dealing with this on your own, Amanda."

"I've been doing it my entire life. Please, I'm begging you."

Amanda Rollins was a runner. Literally and figuratively. When she was a kid, she used to run away from home. When she was a teenager she ran tracks, not because she liked it but because keeping herself in shape meant being able to get away fast when her father escalated. But as fast as she still was, as much as she kept running, her family always seemed to catch up with her.

She looked over her shoulder to see him leaning against the railing on her steps, lighting a cigarette.

"Please." Her voice was small and so different from the voice that Olivia knew.

Olivia hated this. She hated just about everything right now. Would there ever come a time where their pasts wouldn't come back to haunt them and make things so goddamned complicated?

And even though it went against every instinct in her body, she felt herself caving to Amanda's desperate pleas.

"Call me. If something happens, if you need anything. Call me."

"I'll be fine."

Before Olivia could do or say anything else, Amanda was already moving away from her and towards her father.

Olivia forced herself to turn around, but with every single step her stomach dropped lower and lower.

"Why are you here? I thought you went back to Georgia?" Amanda glared at him with her arms folded tightly.

"Can't a father visit his daughter and grandchildren?"

"Drunk at eleven pm? No, he can't."

He threw his cigarette on the ground and moved towards her.

"Mandy."

"Don't call me that." Her voice was steady now, but her body was not. She wanted to move, but she couldn't trust her legs. They were trembling with anger.

She would never admit that it wasn't anger at all, just fear.

"What's gotten into you, huh? You think you're so much better than me because you live this big city life now?"

"Stop. Just stop."

"Who was that friend of yours? You two looked awfully close, you better not be pulling that dyke shit that you did back home."

She saw red then and did the most reckless thing she could do. She moved towards him, and when their faces were just inches apart she looked him straight in the eye. She immediately recognized the smell of cheap scotch on his breath.

"Shut the fuck up."

Before she knew what was happening, he came at her with his hands suddenly wrapped around her neck.

She clawed at his arms as she stumbled backwards. But as strong as she was, he was stronger. He would always be stronger.

"Listen here, you little bitch." His grip tightened and tiny spots appeared before Amanda's eyes.

Memories from a different life filled her brain. She had watched him do this to her mother more times than she could count. So she knew that at some point he would let go.

He would let go, right?

"I've never let a woman disrespect me and I'm not gonna start with you. Are we cl-"

"Move away from her right now."

Amanda was so confused. One minute she was kissing Olivia in an alley, the next she had her fathers hands around her neck, and now the woman she'd been kissing, her captain, had a gun pointed at her father's head.

"Mr. Rollins, move away. Now."

His grip loosened and Amanda gasped for air when he finally removed his hands.

"What the hell? What kind of bullshit is this?"

"I'm an NYPD captain and you were attacking one of my detectives. I should be arresting you right now."

Olivia still hadn't lowered her gun.

"Liv, don't." Amanda pleaded.

"Now, Mr. Rollins, you're going to walk away and you're not coming back. Are we clear?"

He laughed a humorless laugh then. "Ok, ok. No need to get so worked up, captain." He spat his words out.

He turned around slowly and as he brushed past Amanda he whispered with gritted teeth "you're gonna pay for this."

And then he was gone.

"Amanda..." Olivia whispered as she moved closer to the blonde.

"I told you to go home." Amanda was shivering and she kept touching her neck where her father's hands had just been.

"Yes, you did. And then I turned around and came back."

"You shouldn't have done that."

"He was strangling you!"

"He's done worse."

"Amanda!"

Olivia stared at her and suddenly the blonde detective looked so tiny and frail. Red marks covered her neck and she had tears in her eyes that refused to escape and roll down her cheeks.

"Can we go inside?" Olivia finally asked when Amanda still hadn't moved or said anything.

"I think it's best if you go home."

"But-"

"No, Liv, I mean it. I... I can't do this right now."

And then, without another word, she headed for the stairs, locked herself in and closed the door behind her.

Amanda Rollins was most definitely a runner.

After calling her three times prior to getting out of bed Sunday morning, Olivia had given up. She didn't know if she should be angry, sad or worried. At the moment she found herself stuck somewhere between all of it.

"Mom, can we go to the park with Jesse and Billie today?"

Her heart sank in her chest. Because yes, that's exactly what she wanted. She wanted long mornings in the park with Noah, Amanda and the girls. She wanted to sit on a bench and watch the kids play while mindlessly running her fingers through Amanda's hair. She wanted easy banter around the dinner table. She wanted Frannie's excitement when one of the kids dropped food on the floor. She wanted Billie's outstretched arms, Jesse's good night kisses, Noah's laugh and Amanda's touch. She wanted all of it.

"You know what, I think they're busy today. And besides, looks like it's gonna rain soon. Maybe next Sunday, ok?"

But she didn't want maybe next Sunday. She wanted every Sunday.

"Ok." Noah said with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"What do you say we finish that Harry Potter marathon you and Lucy started?"

"But Lucy isn't here."

"You can't watch it without her?"

"No, it's a Lucy thing." He said matter of factly.

Olivia knew a lot about "Lucy things". Lucy had been a constant in Noah's life since before he could talk and over the years her son and her beloved nanny had bonded over so many things that sometimes it was hard to keep up.

She pushed the jealousy away, along with the guilt that was at times all consuming.

"What do you say we go get your favorite pancakes?"

"Yes!" He threw his little fist in the air and just like that, the disappointment from before was forgotten and forgiven.

"But you're buying, mister."

"But mo-om, I don't have any money." Noah giggled.

"Didn't uncle Sonny give you a $20 last week?" Olivia joked as she poked him in the shoulder.

"Yeah, but I'm saving it."

"To buy what?"

"A dog. Because I love Frannie."

Oh, sweet boy, I love Frannie, too.

"So we're getting a dog now, huh?" She eyed him suspiciously while ignoring the sting in her chest.

Before they left the apartment she grabbed her phone and just as she was about to start typing she read the last text from Amanda, sent right before their date the night before.

"Just a quick warning: Haven't had time to eat all day so don't be alarmed if I order everything on the menu. Don't you dare judge me."

Everything about last night had been so perfect. Until it wasn't.

"Let's go, honey." She said as she pressed send before dropping her phone in her purse. She smiled at Noah, all while slowly falling apart inside.

"Please, just let me know you're ok."

Amanda stared at her phone.

I'm not.

She hated this. Everything about this.

She hadn't been completely honest with Olivia last night. While it was true that her ex-girlfriend had cheated on her and consequently broken her heart, there had been events leading up to the heartbreak that she just couldn't share. Not yet.

It was too shameful. Too painful. Too much.

Frustrated and confused she threw her phone on the bed.

Just as she was about to walk back into the living room, a pang of guilt hit her in the stomach and quickly spread throughout her body.

Didn't she owe it to Olivia to be honest?

She thought back to their conversation that night on Olivia's couch. How she had shared so much about her complicated relationship with Elliot and how much she had suffered because of him. She had let herself be vulnerable in front of Amanda. Why couldn't Amanda do the same?

So, for the first time in what felt like forever, Amanda stopped running.

She reached for her phone and started typing.

Olivia watched as Noah carefully organized the berries on his plate. He had started doing this about six months ago and every time she wondered if it was just a quirk or something to worry about.

At least he's not killing small animals.

And just as the thought had popped up in her head, another one followed.

Jesus Christ, I've been working SVU for too long.

She shook her head momentarily and was just about to take a sip of her coffee when her phone vibrated against the table.

"Work?" Noah asked without raising his head.

Olivia looked at the screen and unlocked her phone to read the full text.

"No... No, it's not work."

"Hi, sorry. Didn't mean to ghost you. I know you hate it when people do that. Physically I'm fine, a little bruised but nothing an ugly turtleneck can't fix. I'm so sorry about last night. Everything was so perfect until it wasn't. There are some things I want to tell you, face to face. Can I come over tomorrow night? Feel like I need some quality time with the girls today. Hope you understand."

Olivia felt like she'd been holding her breath for twelve hours and she let out a quiet sigh of relief as she started typing her reply.

"Yes, come over tomorrow. I miss you."

It felt a little weird to add that last part, but it was true. Olivia missed her all the time now, to the point where it almost bothered her. But knowing they would get a chance to talk after work tomorrow softened the ache just enough to make her breathe a little easier.

"You finally threw away the flowers, huh?" Fin said as he entered his captain's office Monday morning.

"You should be a detective, Fin." She said dryly.

"And you're still not gonna tell me who they were from?"

"Nope."

"Fine." He eyed her for a second before giving her a smile.

"I hope you didn't come in here just to ask me about the flowers?"

"I didn't. I just like giving you a hard time. Is Amanda doing ok? She seemed a bit off when she came in today. And then she left, saying she had an appointment?"

Olivia felt her hands start to fidget immediately. She had an idea of what that appointment was.

"Really? I haven't noticed anything." Her voice was a bit too high pitched for it to sound convincing.

"Right..."

Just as Fin was about to leave she couldn't stop herself.

"Hey Fin, just... go easy on her, ok? Give her a little space."

Fin looked from Olivia and over to Amanda's empty desk, and then back to Olivia.

"Copy that, captain."

Olivia leaned against Noah's bedroom door and took a deep breath. It had been one of those days.

One of those days where she failed as a captain, failed as a mom, and on every level in between. Noah had been acting out all afternoon, and when she finally got him to bed, she was exhausted.

And when she was exhausted, she was prone to making up worst case scenarios in her head. So when it was a quarter to nine and Amanda still hadn't shown up, she was starting to picture her blonde detective in an underground casino, or beaten up by her father, or just sitting at home ignoring everything and everyone.

She jumped when there was a sudden knock on her door.

"Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late. Jesse had a complete meltdown and I just couldn't leave Sienna to deal with it alone." Amanda said a little out of breath as she walked inside.

Olivia tried to hide how relieved she was but couldn't stop herself from pulling the blonde into a tight hug. "You're here now."

"You want anything to drink?" Olivia asked, trying to make it sound as casual as possible while walking over to the kitchen. She was dying for a glass of red right now.

"Actually, just some water would be good, thanks."

Water. Ok. I can do that.

When they were finally seated, Olivia couldn't help but notice how Amanda had positioned herself on the couch. Like she was going to bolt for the door at any second.

"Hey, relax, Amanda."

The blonde bit her lip and looked at her with tension written all over her face.

"I haven't told this story to anyone before."

Her leg was shaking and all Olivia wanted was to wrap her arms around her and do everything to calm her down. But Amanda's body language didn't welcome any form of physical contact, so Olivia didn't move. She just waited.

"When my dad found out about me and Paige, my ex, he... He didn't take it well."

"He's a homophobe?"

"A raging homophobe. And a misogynistic asshole."

"And he..." Amanda stopped herself, took a sip of water and looked at the brunette.

"Before I tell you this, promise me, promise, that you won't talk to me like I'm one of the victims in the squad room. Ok?"

"I'll do my best." Olivia said, full of worry and with a sting of anxiousness in her stomach.

"Chief Patton wasn't my first experience with sexual assault. When I was outed, I was sexually assaulted by three guys from my town."

Her leg was shaking even faster now, and she kept running her thumb nervously over the glass she was holding.

"And my dad was... He was the reason it happened."

She looked at Olivia then, who had turned pale and wide eyed while listening.

"He set me up."

A/N: Dreading the next chapter? You and me both.