...
"Ooph, this is extra stupid," I remarked shaking my head, as I rewrote the equation on the magazine.
Before I could turn the page, my ears quickly picked up the sounds of the woman to the side waking back up. Keeping my eyes ahead, I promptly held the magazine with the rewritten equation out to the side, in full view of her.
Maybe if she's distracted long enough with that, I might be able to mollify her anger..?
"What- Who-" The woman immediately made to shriek, her view currently obscured from my eyes given they were dead-set on the tv before me, before she turned quiet.
I presumed she was taking in the newly written equation. The sound of her footsteps was audible as she raised herself from the ground and made to walk closer-
'Zzzp!'
I blinked at the sudden surge of electricity that originated and traced down my back.
Letting out a single sigh, the woman's footsteps audibly going back as a gasp escaped out of her.
"Did you just try to tase me?" I questioned calmly.
"...No?"
I made to open my mouth.
'Zzzp!'
And promptly closed it.
"Can you please get dressed? So we can talk like civilized-"
"Who the hell are you!?" She immediately questioned in response. "How did you get in!?"
I let out another sigh, lowering my head.
"Where's my phone!?"
I obviously took it.
"Get dressed, then we can-"
'Thwack!'
The pot prominently bounced off my skull, earning a twitch out of me.
"Are you done? Because if-"
'Thwack!"
"..."
"What are you!?" The banshee continued to screech.
"I am pissed off right now." I calmly answered. "And if you do anything like that again, I will turn around. Your modesty be damned."
A moment passed before I heard the sudden sounds of footsteps running towards what I presumed was the shower.
I let out another long sigh.
A few moments later, a haphazardly dressed Jane Foster came out, glaring daggers at me.
"Better?"
"No!? Who are you!? How did you get in- Where's my phone!?"
I held the bridge of my nose and stood up-
The woman promptly backpedaled, fear lacing her eyes.
Rolling my eyes, I held up both hands.
"Will you relax! Jeez, I am not going to hurt you-"
"You broke into my apartment!"
"No, I didn't! Do you see a broken bloody door?"
Her gaze filtered to and through before hardening itself. The lock was presumably done by a card of sorts, given the lack of any handle.
"How did you get in here then!?"
"By accident." I deadpanned truthfully.
"Accident!?" The girl's screech increased in volume.
"What the hell would I even want to break in here for?" I questioned in response, raising an eyebrow at her.
A befuddled expression crossed her face at that.
"My research?" She put up one finger. "Money?" She put up another finger. "Or..." Her expression crinkled as she gave a brief look over towards the cover on the floor before patting herself down for something and promptly turned back towards me. "You know there's a camera in here!" She remarked, a disdainful expression on her face, while both fingers pointed to a right corner in the walls. The smallest-looking device stuck in between it.
"Okay." I deadpanned in response. "Good for you?"
"...Okay then... Maybe not the last one."
"Flattering yourself? I didn't know you had an ego."
She twitched in response.
"And for your information, you'd need to have decent research for me to steal- And judging by the lack of employment, I am going to guess you're all out of that." I raised a single finger and promptly ducked the thrown pot that arced for my face. "As for money, unless I really wanted your coffee-maker, I don't see any around." I raised the second finger.
A brief look of something flashed across the woman's face.
"I have a laptop."
I blinked in response.
"Are you telling me that so I can rob you?"
"No! I uh- What do you want then-"
"Accident. Was never meant to come in here toots, try again."
"You stole my phone!"
"Temporarily borrowed it, so you wouldn't call the cops immediately."
Jane Foster scoffed at the explanation, pointing a single finger towards me as she moved a step closer. "If you think I am not going to call the cops-"
I rolled my eyes.
"Call 'em all you want, I just wanted a chance to explain this was an accidental appearance."
She blinked in bemusement.
"Why!?" She questioned, crossing her arms.
"So you don't wind up traumatized for the rest of your life, sheesh," I stated, throwing her phone towards her.
Her complete utter look of confusion was admittedly almost funny, if not for the situation.
"Go ahead, call 'em if it'll make you feel better, and to think I was going to bother enlightening you to the world," I remarked, admittedly tired of the exchange.
"Excuse me-"
I picked up and threw the magazine I'd spent the past half hour doodling on.
To her credit she didn't say a single word, instead electing to read over the page I'd stopped working on.
"Feel free to steal all the credit, call it the fee for ruining your fucking-" For some reason, she winced at the curse. "-shower." I let out an exasperated sigh.
"This is-" whatever words she intended to say died out as I spoke over her.
"Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a big green scientist to meet. And judging by this interaction, I doubt it's going to be much worse." I remarked and promptly started spinning my sling-ringed hand. The action immediately catching the woman's attention as her eyes widened at the sight of the portal.
"Wait-"
I snorted, walking towards the portal. "Why? So the cops can take my statement? No thanks-"
'Thwack!'
My eyes twitched at the sudden blow to the back of my head, the sound of the taser she'd thrown dropping to the floor with a clank.
Turning around, I leveled a glare at her.
"Sorry! I am-" Her wide-eyed gaze tipped around my body, towards the portal. "-not going to call the cops! Promise! Just-" Her gaze filtered back down towards the magazine in her hands. "Holy shit-"
"Look," I started, "I am busy, alright, I've already wasted-"
"Just shut up!" Was her defense. "Shut up and wait! I'll- uh... umm."
"Nothing you do is going to make this worth it."
"I'll make you coffee!"
I twitched.
"I am not sleeping with you. Stockholm syndrome is my least-"
"What!? No! I literally meant coffee! What's wrong with you!?"
"You've hit me in the back of the head three times, and tased me twice. And you think coffee makes up for that?" I deadpanned.
"...Would sleeping-"
"No! What the hell is wrong with you!?"
She actually jumped back, startled.
"Just wait! This is groundbreaking!" She waved the magazine around. "That's-" Her free hand flailed towards the still-open portal. "Holy shit, just who are you!?"
"...Quick question." I shook my head for a moment. "How is any of that worth sleeping with someone over?"
She gave me the most incredulous look I've ever seen.
"You're kidding right?"
"What? I already told you, you can take credit for it." I flailed my hands in the air.
"Credit- I don't care about credit! I care about how!" She responded, audible frustration lacing her every word as she made to walk closer.
"And you'd sleep with someone over it?"
"Why are you so stuck on that? I've done it for worse-" She remarked in response, her voice so full of confidence, it was almost beguiling to hear.
I promptly put my hand on the bridge of my nose again.
"Your standards need improving! And you shouldn't be proud of that!"
After a moment of thought on the matter, the woman lowered her head.
"You sound just like my mom."
How the hell did I get myself into this situation?
Tony Stark was right.
I should've just left.
...
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