I don't see anything, I'm in an endless darkness, even with the strength to open my eyes, I can't do anything. I try to move my arms to reach my eyes and see if there is something covering my vision, but my arms cannot reach. They look short, just like my feet. I feel like my head is huge and yet I have the feeling of being all small in relation to my surroundings. I also feel sleepy, very sleepy...

I've had this feeling before, in fact, another ten times! Logan was right! I'm stuck in my mutation forever! Whenever I die I will restart the whole process and, as I behave on a daily basis, the choices I make will be what will shape the future of humanity and, now I know, even from other dimensions... It is too much weight for someone to endure... And this sleep won't let me continue.

The first few months are the most difficult, I have no one to talk to... I only have my mother's voice, my father's voice and several sounds from the world that I don't recognize with the other senses. I only have my own thoughts to keep me company.

I review my choices and realize that I was trying to change the world, a world that, as Logan rightly said, does not need and cannot be changed, as it will resonate in several other realities that I am unable to assess... So, what is my purpose in life? If I can't change the fate of the mutants, can I change my own? Sina told me that if I die before I turn 13, when my mutation manifests itself completely, then I would end this cycle...

Sleep takes over me again, I am altering moments of lucidity and numbness inside the womb, but I know that I am safe here and that comforts me.

When I wake up again, I think I had already established the following: if I don't act actively in reality, I will die at the age of 74, with a beautiful family, children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. And to repeat this tirelessly, until the moment of deciding to end it, before the age of 13. This is not life! Accumulate so much knowledge for nothing? What if I change my focus to help the people around me, in a subtle way?

Sleep...

I knew that the less sleep I had, the closer I was to birth, and on those days, I hardly slept. I felt that my arms could explore my face and that my legs were long enough for me to be able to run! I smiled at this prospect.

I spend my next 19 years preparing academically to be a successful geneticist. I had already seen Charles at the University, but I did not approach him this time. No more than usual. I wanted him to be able to tell me about his dream, without influencing that thought. I wanted him to have my research skills when he needed to talk about the existence of mutants.

I always want to rush this part; I always want him to trust me more than he is prepared to and tell me about his discovery and his condition before the deadline. I held on, I waited, patient... When I had the fifth anniversary of the construction of the laboratory on Muir Island, he told me. After I provocatively told local scientists to have discovered the next step in human evolution. I see his eyes shine and I wait for his approach:

- And then, Sir Xavier? I hope the party is to your liking.

- I couldn't be happier, Moira. I have made some personal discoveries in this area that you just mentioned, without going into further detail.

- That of the genetic evolution of the human being, I suppose.

- Yes, that one! See, I've been looking at some mental patterns and ... well, there are phenotypic genetic changes as well, in that sense.

- Hum interesting. Do you mean beings other than humans that can be identified by their appearance?

- Yes, but also exclusively genetic alterations, which give the carriers of these mutations, if we can call it that, other capacities in addition to those normally known.

- And could you prove it? The scientific community is eager for evidence, Mr. Xavier.

And it was then that I felt his voice in my mind saying, "Call me Charles, Moira."

I pretend fascination, bewilderment, and joy. After this revelation, we will work together for decades, until Mystique comes to disrupt my plans when I am trying to find a cure for the Legacy virus...

This time, I get closer to Charles in the sense of getting to know his X-Men. I am present in the assessment of genomes, skills, weaknesses; I suffer when they cannot beat Krakoa Island, but I rejoice when he calls for team Ororo, Kurt and Logan to fight against this island.

And so, I go on living, without attaching myself to anyone, always present for all the mutants of Mansion X, without drastically altering their future, but leaving the experience more hopeful, since I really had that: hope! To be able to stay with them as long as possible, helping without being noticed.

On a summer afternoon, when several mutants were relaxing in the pool and others were having a barbecue, Logan approaches me, wearing shorts that are all flowery and shirtless. He brought two beers and two sandwiches:

- Hey, Moira, can I sit here? Accepted?

- But of course, Logan. You don't have to ask permission; I am an intruder in your house...

I accept a beer and a sandwich, smiling at him.

- I know what you're doing, red one. And I can only say that I approve 100%, you know?

- What do you mean, Logan? I'm not doing anything... I help Charles with genetic issues, but I don't dare to do much more.

He takes a good bite of the sandwich and turns the beer right away. Look at the younger mutants in the pool and as soon as he swallows, he tells me:

- That's why. No want to change the world this time, right? I already said and I repeat: I was sick of killing you...

I widen my eyes, smile and feel a huge urge to give him a big hug, but that would not be prudent in front of others. It could generate questions that I was not in the mood to answer.

- Yeah, I guess, it must be a relief to have someone to talk to about this madness! - he completes.

- But how? When did you know?

- I have had some "déjà-vu" and even dreams about our other ten meetings ... Sometimes it's a phrase that triggers your memory, sometimes it's a smell, a sound. The fact is that I thought I was going crazy, but Hank guaranteed that everything is fine with my body and the Professor guaranteed that everything is fine with my mind as well.

- Wait, did you talk to Charles about this? Can't that be a problem?

- I didn't give my mind access, baby. I just said what was happening to me. You know, strangely, in this reality, it is common knowledge that I am immune to telepathy. I only understood the reason when I had my first dream. I dreamed of your previous life and my meeting with my daughter from another dimension where she explained to me about adamantium and the ability to let anyone I want in. But somehow, my subconscious knew, and I came here without giving Charlie a chance to read my mind. Strange, right?

- Weird and super cool! Having that unconscious awareness was very useful, wasn't it?

- I'm going to get another beer; do you want it?

I nod and breathe a sigh of relief. He knew, he understood me, and he supported me! I was on the right track this time! I finally found my meaning for life! He appears with a crate of beers:

- Hey, if you're trying to get drunk, you can think twice ... I was raised with whiskey. These beers are like water to me, Logan.

- What I'm thinking wouldn't be cool if you were drunk, reddie...

I opened my eyes wide and laughed:

- I love your laugh, Moira. And of all the times we have been together, this is the one that you have been able to smile the most. Isn't that wonderful?

I blush and take a sip of beer. I knew Logan well enough to know that he was not a man of one woman. Would I be able to handle it, without stopping smiling and making him miserable?

- Hey, what's up?

- How do you know?

He points to his nose and ears:

- It changed everything about you, I even felt a little scared. That's it?

- Yes ... Fear because I know you too well and I don't know if my lifestyle has to do with yours. We may be approaching the past that we have in common, but wouldn't the future be worse? Wouldn't we be hurt?

- Look, redhead, I don't think about the future, I just live in the present. But who knows, I may not have changed a bit seeing the changes you make in everyone around you, you know? You know me under other circumstances. Just as I know you under other guys. I'm sorry for the wordplay! - both laugh - Fact is that we don't know each other going forward. Since you are not going to repeat your last ten lives and I will, if you allow me, be with you, it changes everything. In fact, not worth it, I'm always here to kill you, right?

He says that last sentence already laughing. I pout. If only he knew what it is like to be killed by claws, so many times. The cold metal penetrating your skin and turning your heart, while you stare at the eyes of the one who could protect you and love you. Yeah ... This can work. Who knows?

- I don't want it to be here, Logan. I will say goodbye to everyone and go to my apartment. I'll wait for you later, okay?

- Everything's good. I'll be there before midnight. - and he opens a big smile.

I go back to my apartment with a feeling of high school in my chest. I'm so anxious that I don't even recognize myself! I had already been with so many mutants and non-mutants in those ten lives, what difference did it make to be with another one in this eleventh? We knew each other so much! Would it be right to do that? What if we were just friends? Friends with benefits? That last thought relaxed me. I couldn't put so many snags on that man's shoulders or in that situation. It was undermining any chance of succeeding for the simple reason of waiting too long.

I change the sheets, choose a drink and bathe, choosing a beautiful dress. I turn on the television and wait, I can't focus on anything, I change the channels until I put the music on. I choose the '90s hit season and calm down again. I drink a whiskey, open a potato chip. At 11:45 pm I hear the roar of his motorcycle under my apartment. He was on the 2nd floor of a four-story suite. We didn't have an elevator and the doorbell rings soon. I push to open the reception door, leave my door ajar and run to the bathroom, to brush my teeth and check my hair. Sometime later, his voice appears at the door:

- Hi! Is there someone here?

I let out a "huh, huh," mouthwashing Listerine and hear his footsteps coming towards me. When I turn around, he is leaning against the doorway, arms crossed:

- I'm not a luxury guy, Moira. I didn't need that much. You look beautiful.

- If that means that you haven't brushed your teeth since that sandwich, I insist that you do at least one mouthwash, please...

- Come here! If afterwards you have a complaint, I write it down and promise not to do it again!

When they kiss, they both feel such good energy that, contrary to what they would normally do, the Canadian continues to kiss the Irish woman, without haste. Between a rest and another, they end up on the couch, exchanging caresses and kisses.

- You know... I have to tell you that you have something different, redhead... I feel an energy so delicious that I'm in no hurry, you're feeling something different. Sincere, will you?

- I felt it too, Logan... What a thing. As if we were going to go slowly, but still touching each other. Sorry, I don't want to scare you, but it came to me as a feeling of fullness. He knows?

- Uh... Yeah... Something like that. How strange, right? - and he takes a glass of wine and drinks it in one gulp.

The night goes by in a natural way. As if they both knew how to make each other as comfortable as possible, even though this was their first time together. They fall asleep. Moira sleeps embracing Logan, who in many years manages to sleep the sleep of the just. Early in the morning, he remembers a phrase, it seemed to have been said by someone out of his time, a great love, would it be Jean? "How much suffering does someone need to have in order for another to live happiness?" He looks at the woman in his arms and has the feeling that he has managed to balance a part of his life, that he is receiving in happiness how much he has already suffered and, therefore, he did not intend to leave her anytime soon. Not in this life, and certainly not in the future ones.