TW for pregnancy loss
Chapter 7 – In the Blink of An Eye
The next morning Harry met Cathbad in the woods as he usually did. Cathbad laughed at his clearly nervous state as he approached.
'I think you will be great together, Harry. There is no reason to be nervous around me. I've known that she planned on pursuing you since the day you arrived, and if there is anything I know about Milcah, it is that she always gets what she wants. One way or another.' Cathbad laughed jovially, like he always did about anything.
'Right, well let's get on with it.'
A few days later Harry and Milcah were having dinner together while Narcissa was out dealing with an issue between a couple villagers. Harry had convinced himself it was best to have a few dates before jumping into bed together but Milcah seriously tested his resolve with the way she was slowing inching her fingers up his thigh, gently brushing against his manhood before moving back down. He made it almost to dessert before he growled and pulled her in for a needy kiss lifting her up off her seat and onto the table in one swift motion as he magically got rid of the food.
It took some time for both Harry and Narcissa to adjust to having a third romantic partner in their lives. Cathbad and Milcah had made it sound so easy, they didn't realize how complicated it would be to figure out all of the small details. Between the three of them there were many fights and lots of makeup sex. Harry's most common complaint was that they didn't spend as much time with him as he wanted. He thought that if he had two partners' he would never have to spend a night alone, he expected them to be vying for his attention. What he hadn't realized was that with their arrangement they would also want to spend time together and he didn't like being the one left out. Narcissa and Milcah's most common complaint was about how immature he could be. Harry always got frustrated with this as he tried to remind them that he was still only 17, and it was unfair to expect him to always act like he was 40. He would end up being in his 40's for like 270 years, he wanted to enjoy being 17. For some reason they didn't seem to appreciate this answer.
o – o – o – o – o
Time moved quickly and before they knew it, they had been in Albion another year and a half. After finishing her training with the Druid healers Narcissa quickly became the preferred healer in the village. They had ended up having to hire a few more guards for the overnight hours, because people were regularly trying to get into the castle to see her, no matter the hours. Harry continued to not see Narcissa nearly as often as he would have liked, but he knew she wouldn't appreciate him complaining about it so instead he resorted to the desperate measure of having Dobby tell him the moment she walked into the castle so he could drag her upstairs to their bedroom. Narcissa was surprised by how much Harry still seemed to want her company. Despite having Milcah and Ella and his projects to keep him occupied, he was always eager to see her. There had been times when she was jealous of Harry's affection towards Milcah, but it never lasted long, because Harry was always just as keen to be affectionate with her.
On the day that marked their three-year anniversary of arriving in Albion, Harry was playing with Ella in the garden when Narcissa joined them.
"Mama," yelled the nearly two-1/2-year-old as she ran up and hugged Narcissa's knees. Her fuzzy blonde hair had darkened and turned silky and now reached just below her shoulder blades. Narcissa picked her up and kissed her on the cheek.
"Having fun?" she asked. Ella shook her head violently.
"Daddy play find me," she said.
"Ah, hide and seek. Well, why don't you go into the kitchen. Winky has a snack set out for you," said Narcissa fondly.
'Is it red blueberries?'
"Strawberries," corrected Narcissa as she put Ella down. 'I would be surprised if it wasn't.'
"Yay!" she screamed excitedly as she ran into the castle. Narcissa took Harry's hand and they followed after her, but at a much slower pace.
'You're pregnant again' Harry stopped in his tracks and looked at her with a wide smile. Narcissa removed her hand from his and scowled at him in mock frustration.
"It takes the fun out of telling you when you do that," said Narcissa with a pout.
"I'm sorry Cissy I was just too excited to wait for you to say it out loud," said Harry as he took her in his arms and kissed her soundly.
'Are you happy Cissy?''Yes, my life is more perfect than I ever could have imagined it being. I miss Draco often, but it helps knowing when I see him again, that only a month will have passed, and I won't actually have missed out on any time with him.'
'It's hard to believe we have been here for three years already. I imagine the rest will go by just as fast and you will see him again before you know it.' Harry gave her another soft kiss as they continued to walk.
That afternoon they were sitting in the conservatory reading when Milcah showed up for dinner, Cathbad trailing behind her solemnly. She thoroughly kissed them both before asking Harry if she could speak with him. He noticed Narcissa's knowing smirk and knew he was in trouble.
They walked to his study hand in hand and as soon as the door shut behind them Harry found himself pinned to the wall while Milcah kissed him passionately.
'No! I couldn't possibly haven't gotten you both pregnant at the same time.' Milcah laughed.
'She told you as well?' Milcah pouted. 'I was hoping to beat her to it'
'Are you sure it's not Cathbad's?''Yes, I can feel your magic.'
'Is that why he looks like someone kicked his puppy? Because I got you pregnant?' Milcah laughed.
'No, this baby has very strong magic, like ours. He or she will be very powerful. He is disappointed that he will not be able to claim them as his heir.'
'But if it's a girl it won't matter anyway.'
'Yes, but he is convinced it will be a boy just to spite him.'
"Ah well, I can't believe this actually happened, but I'm happy about it," Harry said out loud as he flipped their positions and kissed her neck, lingering on the spot just below her ear that he knew drove her crazy. "Are you going to live here full time then until the baby comes? If I'm back to nightly foot massages it will be easier if I don't have to make the trek to the cave every night."
"Hmm, well if that's my reward maybe I will," said Milcah as she started to unbutton his shirt. Harry was excited about his growing family but a bit terrified about them both being pregnant at the same time.
Harry surprised even himself by how well he handled both of their mood swings and late night cravings. The second trimester meant Harry was more exhausted than he had ever been, but he could hardly complain. It might kill him, but what a way to go.
Everything seemed to be going great, despite the women snapping at him on occasion for no apparent reason. Harry and Narcissa had set up a new nursery next to Ella's room for both babies and upgraded her room to a big girl room, much to Ella's delight. They had quickly decided on a name and were excitedly waiting for their newest arrival.
However, everything in their lives was about to change. About seven weeks before the baby was due to arrive, Narcissa woke up in the middle of the night in a panic.
"Harry, something is wrong. With the baby, something is wrong," she yelled as she nudged Harry frantically. Harry quickly shot out of bed at her words and got dressed, using magic to dress Narcissa in something comfortable.
"Okay Narcissa, let's go see the healers," Harry said trying to remain calm. He took her hand and apparated them to right outside the cave and then helped her to the healing ward. An hour later, Harry was holding a devasted Narcissa, wondering what he was supposed to do. He was so lost in his own sorrow and confusions that he completely missed what the healer was telling them.
'…..We will be able to tell you more once you've delivered the baby. I'm sorry I can't tell you anything more right now. I know it is hard not knowing.'
'Wait, she still has to give birth? You can't like magic him out or something?' He could feel Narcissa wince and stiffen in his arms.
'Yes, I'm afraid so. We can give her a potion to help things along and make her comfortable, but it is best for Narcissa's body if the process is as natural as possible.' Harry nodded. They gave Narcissa a potion to induce labor and then sent her home.
Two days later, the contractions started, and they returned to the healing ward. When Narcissa had pushed the baby out there was no loud wail like there had been with Ella and Harry's heart sunk as he knew the last three days hadn't been a nightmare like he had hoped.
"Would either of you like to hold him?" Asked the healer as she approached them with the smallest bundle he had ever seen.
"I can't," whispered Narcissa as tears streamed down her cheeks. "I can't Harry, please." She closed her eyes and shook her violently as her body retched with sobs.
"It's okay Narcissa. You don't have to," said Harry as calmy and soothingly as he could manage. Narcissa rolled onto her side away from him and turned her face into the pillow.
"I would like to be alone," she said quietly. Harry hesitated, not wanting to leave her side, but when she refused to look over at him, he relented. He stood up and kissed the side of her head and then left the room.
"Would you like to hold him?" Asked the healer once they were in the corridor.
"Um, I guess so," he said. Then he conjured a chair against the stone wall and sat down. The healer placed the small bundle in his arms and then walked away to give him some privacy. Harry looked down at the face of the son he would never get to know and cried.
Two days later they buried Sirius James under a large oak tree at the edge of the property. Narcissa stood there on a daze, clutching Harry's hand tightly. When they got back to the castle she quickly let go of his hand and went to her suite of rooms. When she didn't reappear after a few hours, Harry went to check on her. When he knocked a heavily pregnant Milcah met him at the door. He saw Narcissa sitting at the window stoically.
"Narcissa is there anything I can do?" He called, but she didn't answer.
"She needs time Harry," said Milcah. "She won't talk to me either. I've just been sitting here, so she knows she's not alone, but she won't even look at me. We just need to give her time."
'There must be something I can do Milcah.'
'Just be there, continue to reassure her that you're not going anywhere. I'm not sure there is anything else we can do right now.'
'We'll rotate for now. I don't want her to have to be alone, but you need rest as well. I'll come up after I've eaten dinner and then you can go eat and get some sleep.' Milcah nodded and gave him a soft kiss before she shut the door, leaving him in the hallway by himself.
For the next two weeks Narcissa barely left her seat by the window, she hardly ate and slept even less. They only time her face seemed to chang from its stoic mask was when Harry would bring Ella to visit.
After a few more weeks, she started to move away from the window and walk around the castle, but she was always in a daze, as of deep in thought. The only person she engaged with was Ella, and she only spoke if directly spoken too and never more than one-word answers. Any time Harry tried to touch her she pulled away and Harry felt helpless to help her and devastated at his own loss.
On the day Sirius would have been two months old, Harry was eating breakfast in the kitchen with Ella when he heard several loud blasts and screams of agony coming from upstairs. He ran up the stairs as fast as he could and followed the screams to the nursery. He found Narcissa standing in the middle of the room with her wand raised. All of the nursery furniture was exploded to pieces or burned to ash. Tears streamed furiously down her face as her body shook. Harry rushed to her and took her in his arms. They fell to the floor together in a heap of tears. Harry kissed her head and her cheek, and her lips, and for the first time she didn't pull away, but she did not reciprocate either.
"What did I do wrong?" She whispered, so quietly that if Harry's ear hadn't been right next to her mouth he wouldn't have heard.
"You did nothing wrong my love, nothing at all." Harry held her close and gently rocked her back and forth until she fell asleep. Then he carried her to bed and wrapped her in his arms before drifting off to sleep himself.
When Harry woke later that morning she was gone. When he saw her at dinner, she acted like nothing had happened. She avoided his touch and barely looked him in the eyes when she excused herself to her room. Harry felt like they were back to square one and was frustrated. He hurt too, he could feel the loss of their son every day, but he also felt angry at Narcissa for pushing him away, for not letting him comfort her, for not allowing him to get the comfort he himself needed in return.
That day he stopped trying to get Narcissa to talk to him and retreated into his own tasks instead. He focused on the tactical training he was doing with the Druid warriors and threw himself into dueling with a renewed vigor, hoping that someday Narcissa would come back to him.
A week later, Milcah gave birth to a beautiful baby girl that she named Valmoira. She looked almost exactly like Milcah, but she had Harry's brilliant green eyes. He found himself wondering what color Sirius' eyes would have been, and his heart ached. Then he felt guilty for letting that overshadow his joy at his new daughter. Narcissa shook as she held little Valmoira that evening, but she didn't break down and she gave Milcah a gentle kiss in congratulations before she left the room. Harry hoped that meant they were making progress. He wanted his wife back.
o – o – o – o – o
Over the next six months, Milcah was the glue that held them together, although she had moved back to the cave when the nursery was destroyed, she was still a constant presence in their lives; ping ponging between them to offer support and forcing them to spend time together. Harry could feel things improving, but there was still something there, some barrier that Narcissa couldn't seem to get past, but he didn't know what it was or how to get rid of it, so he just kept waiting. One day Narcissa came to find him in his study and told him that she was ready to use the elixir.
"I'll have raised thr - two - children by the time we leave here, and I - I can't go through this again- I can't lose another baby," Narcissa said firmly, her pain barely hidden behind her mask of indifference.
"Are you sure this is what you want Narcissa? I know you are still hurting over the loss of Sirius, but you have to be sure Narcissa because once you take the elixir, there is no going back," said Harry as he walked over and took her hands in his, happy to feel her soft skin against his own again, but his happiness turned to sadness when she pulled her hands away and stepped back.
"This is my decision Harry," she said firmly. "I expect you to support me." Then she walked out the door and didn't look back. Harry sighed, but gathered the alchemy books from Merlin and went to the workshop. He worked on the elixir for a week straight, and when it was perfectly brewed, he bottled it and left it next to Narcissa's bed in the middle of the night for her to find in the morning. He stood there for some time and watched her sleep, longing to hold her in his arms again, to kiss her, to bury himself deep inside her and hear her moan his name. There were so many things that he missed. He lingered for a moment longer and then he wrote a note and put it next to bottle and left the room.
I'll always support you.
Early the next morning he felt more than heard Narcissa crawl into bed beside him. He smiled and breathed a deep sigh of relief as he turned around and pulled her in for a deep, all-consuming kiss that was filled with the desperation and need he been feeling over the last eight months.
'I've missed you.''But you've had Milcah.''That doesn't mean I've missed you any less.''I'm sorry Harry. I've been awfully cruel to you.'
"I'm sorry too Narcissa, I haven't understood what you are going through, and I have taken you pushing me away more personally than I should have. I've been so angry and hurt, but that's mostly because I feel like I'm out of my depth. I love you so much Narcissa, and it hurts to see you in so much pain and not be allowed to be there for you, with you," he said as he stroked her cheek gently. "All I want is to have you back. Please let me in."
"I love you too," said Narcissa as she pulled him in for a deep, sensual kiss. He breathed another sigh of relief that she was finally returning his affections. That morning, they made love for the first time since the loss of Sirius, and both could feel their hearts beginning to heal. They slept late into the afternoon and then Narcissa took the elixir.
As soon as Narcissa swallowed the last drop her skin seemed to glow as every blemish known or unknown disappeared. She declared she was quite pleased with the outcome as she looked over flawless skin in awe. When Milcah arrived with Valmoira for dinner both Harry and Narcissa noticed her barely contained arousal when she entered the room.
'Something has changed in your magic, Narcissa.' Harry explained about the elixir and Milcah pouted.
'It's not fair Narcissa. I have to sit here and watch you remain at the epitome of beauty for the rest of your time here, while I slowly turn into an old hag.' Narcissa laughed and both Harry and Milcah were delighted by the sound. Narcissa stood up and took Milcah in her arms, gently licking her bottom lip to ask for entrance. She poked her tongue in and kissed her so thoroughly that Milcah completely forgot what she had been complaining about.
'You will always be beautiful to me, Milcah. Besides, we both know you will age gracefully, turning into an old hag is not in your future.'
On what would have been Sirius first birthday, Harry and Narcissa visited his grave and told him about the year. It became something they did together every year until they left Albion. They both cried and clung to each other. It was a difficult day for them both, but instead of hiding Narcissa let him in and Harry was beyond grateful for that.
o – o – o – o – o
One day, about three months later, Narcissa decided that it was time Harry started learning how to dance. It was a disaster at first, just as Harry had assured her it would be, but eventually he got the hang of it. Harry remembered how much Narcissa had said she liked to dance, so he practiced every night after that, sometimes with Narcissa, sometimes with Milcah, and sometimes on his own. He realized that the training dummies could make adequate partners with some adjustment to their settings. Ella was always willing to practice with him, she had inherited her mother's love for dancing, but dancing her around on his toes wasn't the sort of practice he was looking for, so he would dance with her for fun before bed, and then once she fell asleep, he would put in his really practice.
For their five-year marriage anniversary, Harry planned a ball. He invited all of the villagers and had Winky help him with all of the arrangements. Somehow, he had managed to keep it a secret from Narcissa, which was quite a feat in a society that communicated in their minds. When he woke up the morning of the ball, wrapped around Narcissa, he smiled contently and kissed her forehead. When she began to stir, he leaned down and gave her a passionate kiss in greeting.
'Good morning Cissy.''Good morning, my love.''Happy anniversary,''You remembered' Narcissa sat up and stretched and covered a yawn with her hand.
'Of course I did, but unfortunately, I do have to go out for most of the day. Shall we have dinner tonight and celebrate?'
'That's fine.' Narcissa hid it well, but Harry could tell by the slight twitch of her smile that she was disappointed. It took everything he had to hide his smirk and keep his mind clear of his plans.
Two hours before they would usually have dinner Harry found Narcissa in her private office. She looked him over in surprise when he walked through the door. Harry was standing there is the fanciest dress robes the castle could conjure, holding a large box.
'Harry, why are dressed like that? You never dress up for dinner.' Harry walked over and grabbed her hand. He kissed each knuckle gently before he bowed.
"My lady, I wanted to formally invite you to the ball I am having this evening. I was hoping you would allow me to be the one to escort you," said Harry in a mocking formal tone. Narcissa laughed and kissed him languidly.
'I had hoped it wasn't just dinner.'
'It was nearly impossible to keep it from you since you can read my thoughts. I had to be very stealthy.'
"Yes, how Slytherin of you," she purred in his ear.
"Now, now Cissy, don't ruin the mood," Harry joked. "Well my lady, will you let me take you to the ball or not?"
"Of course I'll go with you husband," said Narcissa gleefully as she moved to put away what she had been working on.
'Great, then put this on and meet me at the bottom of the staircase in two hours.' Harry handed her the box and then gave her one more chaste kiss before he left the room.
Narcissa took the box to her room and opened it with a smile. She gasped in surprise when she pulled out the most gorgeous black and emerald gown she had ever seen. It was embedded with small shimmering diamonds and she could tell it would fit her perfectly. Harry had also included matching shoes, and a selection of jewelry. Her eyes teared at how thoughtful he was. 'I'm the luckiest woman in the world, even after everything I have put him through, his love for me has never wavered.'
She put on the dress, and jewelry, then lightly did her makeup; including her favorite lipstick that she hadn't bothered putting on in ages. Then she put her hair up in an elegant bun and slid on the heels. Her smile lit up her face as she walked down the stairs towards Harry, who was staring at her in barely concealed lust. He escorted her into the dining room, which had been expanded to fit nearly everyone from the village. She gasped when she saw everyone she knew sitting at the long table in their finest dancing clothes. Cathbad and Milcah were at the end of the table on Harry's left, with Valmoira and their other two children. Harry led Narcissa to the seat on his right and then kissed her cheek gently before he did the same to Ella, who was sitting next to her. Ella giggled happily as he sat down.
"You look stunning Narcissa," Harry said as he signaled for the food to be served. Narcissa blushed prettily and grabbed his hand.
"I have to agree with Harry. If there weren't so many people here, I would be tempted to take you upstairs and ravish you, but then Harry wouldn't get his dance," said Milcah with a wink.
'Dance?''Oh yes, have you not seen him practicing?' Now it was Harry's turn to blush.
After dinner, Harry and Narcissa led the others into the ballroom and opened the ball with a waltz. After several dances, a flushed and pleased Narcissa took a break to catch her breathe while Harry danced with Milcah. After a few songs, she attempted to dance one with Cathbad, but Milcah quickly stole her away. A couple hours into the ball, Narcissa thought Harry had disappeared and was starting to get cross, when suddenly the music changed, and Harry approached her. He had removed his robes and was standing there in just his dress slacks, shirt and tie. He bowed and then pulled her in close. Narcissa gasped when she realized that the song that was beginning was the start of a tango, her favorite, but one her and Harry hadn't gotten to yet, in their lessons. Their eyes barely left each other's while they moved around the dance floor, perfectly in sync with each other's bodies. Most of the others had stopped to watch them, enthralled. The dance was hot and got them both excited. When the song finished, Harry bent her over his arm, and kissed her soundly as her feet lifted off the floor.
"Did you learn that for me?" She asked when he pulled her back onto her feet.
'I did.' Narcissa smiled at him.
'I love you Harry Potter-Black-Emrys.''I love you Narcissa Potter-Black-Emrys.' They danced a few more dances together and then said goodbye to their guests and headed upstairs, not to be seen again until late into the next day.
A few weeks later Narcissa also insisted that they begin his lessons in wizarding etiquette, especially among the noble and ancient families. Harry tried to get out of it at first, but Narcissa had predicted his resistance and came up with a few enticing incentives to keep him motivated. After a few days, Harry was eagerly anticipating their next 'lesson.' This led to the start of nightly discussions where they talked and shared memories like they used to when they were with the Flamels. As the years passed, they covered the entirety of both of their lives, including on Narcissa's part all of the abuse she had experienced at the hands of Lucius. This seemed to be a turning point for them. It brought them back to the closeness they had before all the heartache, and by the time they celebrated their 10-year anniversary their bond was stronger than it had ever been.