Chapter 7

The boys didn't like the cafeteria. Well, Shota didn't like it. It was too noisy and crowded for his tastes and Hizashi and Oboro usually humored him on that point. They liked being alone on the roof. It had become their thing. They were even known for that. And the girls had easily accepted that tradition and joined them. The two still ate at the cafeteria with their friends sometimes but never pressured the guys to come.

So seeing them eating in the cafeteria, that day, at her table… needless to say it attracted attention.

An attention neither Shota or Kyoko endured well.

If they knew that he had been the one to propose it… Not that he wanted to, but they needed to make a statement after this morning. It was only the logical thing to do. Show that she wasn't the one to blame, that they supported and protected her. That's all.

"Come on Kyoko, nobody's mocking you. Our classmates were all impressed, that's not everyday someone dares stand up to Miss spoiled-and-rotten Nakamura!"

"Yeah! And trust me, you realized many people's fantasy today babe!… No! No no no Nemuri, not like that! No stay away… AAAH!"

"Hizashi…." Shota sighs… Great. Even more heads turned in their direction now…

Well, at least it makes her smile, and she doesn't seem to notice the gazes on their backs. Or she's very good at pretending she doesn't care. He, however, is not that good an actor. They give him goosebumps, and cut his appetite.

Why can't he find anything to say to make her feel better? They all try, and succeed apparently. Oboro finds the words, Hizashi and Nemuri play the card of clowning to make her laugh… And he's just sitting there, brooding.

"Hey you don't eat this?" Oboro asks her, eyeing greedily her last onigiri.

"No. I hate umeboshi… You can take it if you want." she answers, putting the rice piece on his plate.

"Thaaanks! They're my favorite!" he quickly side-hugs her before wolfing the thing down in three bites. "Hey want my konjac? I'm not a fan..." she nods and he gives her the grey piece of rubber from his plate. At least that how Shota sees it. He's not really a fan either, but he eats what's on his plate, not really caring about the taste.

The small gesture of affection provokes some more giggling and oohs behind them, so Shota turns toward them to throw them his darkest glare, activating his quirk to add some dramatics. They immediately shut up and lower their heads.

Well, at least he could do that.

When he turns back he catches Kyoko flashing him a both grateful and apologetic smile and he answers with a small one of his own.

They end up their lunch quite peacefully and get up to leave. Hizashi and Nemuri ahead, taken in some agitated musical debate, Oboro following right behind them. He and Kyoko were still at the table, less excited at the idea of going back in the crowd.

"Hey Aizawa?" he hears her call shyly from behind him.

"Hmm?"

"I'd like to… to begin fighting training. With my quirk I mean. Now that I can control it enough. If something had happened this morning…"

"You could have hold it back but not use it to defend yourself. Yes. I… I thought about it too."

"Oh… So you'll be with me when I ask Gran Torino about it?"

"Yes."

"Thank you... Shota."

"Hmm..." hearing her use his given name makes his ears go red. Why it sounds so much more meaningful coming from her than from anybody else he couldn't explain.

When they get out from the room, the others have already disappeared, but they can still hear Hizashi's screams from afar.

"Sooo… We could go to see him now. We still have some time." Kyoko tries, trying to hide her sudden nervousness. She had not thought it through…

"Yes. You're sure you're ready?"

"Hm? Yes! Why?" she kneels to hide her face, pretending to redo her shoelace.

"You're nervous. We can wait a little more if you're not sure." So she had failed then…

"What? How..."

"You scratch the tip of your nose and you constantly wipe your hands on your skirt. These are signs of nervousness. And you're currently flushed, which happens when you're caught. So I guess I'm right." he states with a small smug smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"Okay you can stop it Poirot…" she grumbles, getting back up. "Waiting won't help it. Lets go."

"Wait. What is it? What's wrong? Tell me." he asks, grabbing her arm as she walks past him in the large corridor. His grip is firm but he still lets her a chance to escape. He is offering her his trust and advice and lets her free to accept it.

"I… I'm scared. I don't know Its strength. Last time…"

"Maybe it's time to talk about it don't you think? We can't help you if…"

"I know…" Time has come… She knew that moment would come.

She's scared to talk about it, to remember it. But also that it might change the way he sees her. They were better now, the banter was friendly now, not aggressive anymore. They still had their disagreements but now they talked them through, instead of fight over them…

"Roof?" she shakes her head no. She doesn't want the others to hear that story, or risk anyone barging there and overhearing something. And she might need some feline support.

"My room."

They walk there in silence. Once safely inside, Shota settles in one of the beans and she goes to find something in her cupboards to end her meal. She is used to end with something sweet, which is not really a thing in Japan, so she has a good stock in her room.

"Do you want one?" she asks him, presenting him one of her favorite snacks she had discovered here.

"What is it?" he frowns, eyeing suspiciously the small colorful packages.

"Jelly pouches! I have… strawberry or grapes!"

"Strawberry. I don't like grapes. Thanks."

"Cool! More for me! They're my favorites!" she tries to lighten the mood but he is not so easily distracted. So she sits cross-legged on the floor in front of him and takes a sip from her pouch.

"So. Tell me. What happened?"

She takes a minute to collect her thoughts and to pet Calico that had come to nestle on her thighs. She always knows when her mother needs comfort.

"I discovered my quirk quite late. I was five, and a half or something like that… It happened when some boys from the older class came to bully me. I… I didn't really have friends because my family had a reputation, so I was an easy target…"

"A reputation?" he asks, but she dismiss him with a wave of her hand. That's another problem.

"Later. Anyway, they came to me after school, while I was waiting for my nanny to come get me. We weren't many left in the playground… They were three. They came and asked me for my money. I told them I didn't have any, which was true - I mean, I was five! -,but they didn't believe me and after a long argument one of them hit me. I fell and they began kicking me on the ground. It didn't last for long, after a few kicks I heard them screaming and then a loud noise."

She stops to take a look at Shota's face, but she can't read anything on it. Nothing more than his usual blank and a little annoyed expression.

"One of them was lying on the ground a few feet away, the other running away and crying. And the last one, who had thrown the first blow had disappeared. Well disappeared from my line of sight. And at my feet, watching me, was an adult-sized black creature with bright red eyes. I got so scared I passed out."

She stops talking, petting the ball of fur now sleeping on her lap, and he waits a moment before coaxing her into continuing her story, into the part that is really bothering her.

"What did It do to them, Kyoko?" She blushes at the rare use of her name and stop the tears from spilling on her cheeks. He's the first to not accuse her, of the incident. He is the first to distinguish her from It.

"The running one escaped without a scratch. The other one I saw only had a small commotion and bruises everywhere from the fall, but nothing life threatening. The last…" this time she couldn't stop the tears.

"Is he…"

"No! No… I'd rather… He did not die, no. It's worse… He fell against a fence. Broke two cervical vertebrae, crushed his spine, and fell into a coma for two month. I condemned a perfectly healthy seven-year-old boy, with a great quirk, a great future ahead of him, to live the rest of his life in a wheelchair. To being just a head on a useless body…"

"Quadriplegic…"

"Yes… I didn't end his life. I broke it. Ruined it. He will live without living, because of me… And his family too…"

And she thinks about it everyday. About him. What he could have done, but won't be able to. All his dreams she destroyed even before he had them… Just like he must think about her and curse her everyday of his life… And she deserves it…

"That wasn't your fault. You couldn't know…"

"I know. But… It happened… And…" she shakes her head to drive her gloomy thoughts away. "Anyway. If it could do that when I was a child, I think you can understand why I'm scared of what it is capable of now… I don't want to hurt anybody but I don't know how to… measure its strength."

Shota doesn't speak for a while, deep in his thoughts, and Kyoko simply watches him, waiting. She studies how his brows wrinkle the end of his nose, the thin line of his lips, his thoughtful gaze lost in the swirls of her flourished carpet.

She doesn't push him, she knows that he is thinking seriously and that when he'll finally speak, he'll be efficient and to the point. That's one thing she likes about him, he doesn't waste time or saliva for nothing.

"Do you remember what you were thinking? When they attacked you?" her eyes widen at the question.

"Hmm… no… I barely remember what I ate this morning so… Must have been something like 'get away from me! Please someone help me' I guess…"

"And how do you control it now?"

"I think very hard about what I want It to do, like if I was talking to It directly. Not like orders though. More like if I was talking to myself, you know? Like 'come on girl, get out of bed and go to work!". You do that too right? I'm not crazy?" He chuckles at her truly worried face.

"Yes, yes I do that too. I see. In a way, It got them away from you, literally…"

"Is this supposed to help?"

"What I mean is, that maybe you can dose its strength too. Like you only gave him a vague order that time so It… lets say improvised. But maybe if you also decide on the intensity you want, it will work too. We still don't know how you and your quirk are linked, but it seems to me like it is not a different entity from you, more like a part of you that you project. Do you see what I mean?"

"Yeah… Yes I do. I thought about it too a few times, like when it started growing. I tried to determine what had changed. At first I couldn't tell but now I think I know. I'm more confident. I'm stronger… Happier, too… I don't know if it's that, but it coincides."

He watches her like a hawk, his eyes reduced to splits. She waits for the rebuke, the 'why didn't you say that before!". But once more, he surprises her. He truly isn't the same that the boy she had first met anymore.

"How are you feeling now? I mean, after this morning?" he asks, still thinking hard.

"Oh… I didn't care at first. But after she attacked me, I felt humiliated. I wanted to be a little mouse and crawl back in my hole in the wall. But I was even more humiliated by myself. For a minute I was ready to unleash my quirk on her. And I wouldn't have hold it back… That's why I was so sullen at lunch. I didn't really care about the incident anymore. I was just disgusted by my own thoughts…"

"You're not a villain for thinking things Kyoko. We all do. Even me, I dreamed to strangle you or Hizashi a few times…" She gasps in fake offense before laughing.

"Did Monsieur Shota Aizawa just make a joke? Should I take you to Recovery Girl?" he gives her one of his signature deadpan face, but leaves a small smile sculpt his lips.

"My point is… that it's the fact that you resist and understand your faults and limits that makes you a hero. Now, make it appear."

"What? My quirk? Here? But..."

"Yeah here, there is something I need to see. I can punch you if you prefer."

"No! No. Okay I'll do it."

She takes one of her knives in the kitchen and cut a small nick on her forearm. Immediately, It stands in front of them, in the middle of the room. Its head inches from the ceiling and shoulders brushing the bookshelves.

"It's smaller. Not much, but still…"

"It's barely noticeable, but yes… Last time it was hunched to fit in height."

"Last ti… Anyway. We need to go to Nezu."

"What? But we have to… what time is it?" she takes her phone on the table to look at the time and has to have a double take to be sure of what she reads. "Already?! We're ten minutes late! We can't..."

"A little more a little less won't matter now. Come on!" Shota goes, taking her arm to make her move.

"What's in your head must really be important for you to say that!" she grumbles as he drags her out her door.

"Inner strength you say? Mental… Will… That would make sense, yes…" the little bear-rat says thoughtfully, standing up and walking to look out the floor to ceiling window. He stays like that for a few minutes, deep in his cogitation, and neither Shota or Kyoko dare to interrupt.

"I am going to think a new training program for you in consequence Kyoko." he finally turns back toward them and sit back in his leather chair. "Now, I also have been thinking about something after this morning, and I hope you will both agree with me. I think it is time for you to show your quirk."

"You mean..."

"To your class first. The word will spread fast enough and I hope it will be enough to stop the rumor mill. I have to say, I heard things today that I can hardly tolerate… If not, we'll see then."

"But… I still don't know its strength! What if I hurt someone! I should train more! I…"

"I agree, sir." Shota answers, cutting her panicked rambling.

"Aizawa..."

"Because you're afraid of it, you won't do it. It's a part of you, you control it, not the other way around. Just be clear and truthful about what you want. We talked about it alre..." he tries to explain to her. He admits that it's not an easy concept but she should have figured it out by now.

"I get that!" she snaps "What I want to know is what part of me it will listen to! I know that as long as I'm focused it will obey me, but what about being startled, panicked, overwhelmed? What would have happened this morning? Would It have listened to the part of me knowing how petty entering her game would have been? Or to the part that wanted to strangle her with her own guts? What I do is one thing but It does is another!"

Shota remains speechless at her outburst. For once she had been thinking ahead of him and he is kind of impressed. He had not thought about that. He hadn't thought that she trusted herself so little, and was so aware of her toying with the hero to villain line… He should have seen better past her walls. She isn't as proud as she acts, as detached of the public opinion. She is more mature in so many aspects that he had forgotten that she was also still a teenager in others. She acts like she doesn't care, but it's only because blows hit her twice as hard. Once again, he felt like if he had failed his promise. Failed her.

In the end he trusts her more than she trusts herself.

"That's why you will now need to join your training classes my dear." Nezu says with a calm soothing voice. "To see what will happen in realistic conditions. I believe in you, Kyoko, I know you're ready. Do you trust me?" he adds the last question after a bitter laugh from the girl sitting in front of him.

"… Yes." she sighs.

"Then don't be scared. Now! I believe there are still twenty minutes left of your afternoon quirk training class." he beams, standing beside her, holding out his paw for her to take. "Shall we?"

As always, if you like the story, comments are welcome!