Disclaimer: Gun violence is present in the chapter.
A/N: Robert doesn't have a drug problem here.
Since Sullivan joined station 19 he was in love-hate relationship with Lieutenant Andy Herrera. They would fight daily, she would disobey his orders just to prove him wrong.
He was furious, this woman is so disrespectful but she was his blind spot. When it comes to her he can't control himself. He is lost around her. Somehow his brain doesn't function.
The same is with Andy. It wasn't her attention to disobey his orders but something was just pulling her towards him and disobeying his orders were just stronger than her.
They became friends after AidCar accident and situation at the station was good. They got close but ever since he asked her 'what do you want?' and Andy showing him what does she really want he ghosted her. Andy was so angry at him. So furious.
He finally had it enough of her behavior and he gave her week off to gathered her thoughts and try to act like she respects him. Instead of that she had to cope with the loss of her best friend and only thing she wanted was to be at work. She couldn't take anymore pain. But as she arrived at the station she found out that he promoted her friend over her. When you think he can't go any further to hurt her he did just that.
She just couldn't believe it. It was unreal. She was shaking, she was so mad. She bursted into his office after she spent an hour in her bunk gathering her thoughts so she wouldn't cry or yell or both in front of him.
- You really hate me that much? Her voice was calm yet she was shaking.
- Excuse me? He raised eyebrow and looked at her.
He could say she needed to knock but he just couldn't be that much of a jerk. He did enough damage already.
- I'm asking... She took a deep breath before she continued.
- Do you hate me that much so you gave my promotion to my friend.
- I don't hate you. I did it for you. It was for you.
- How... she stopped to take another deep breath so her voice won't break in the middle of the sentence.
- How that was the best option for me? - How?
- You said we can't be together because it will mess with our promotions and here we are I'm still a lieutenant.
Sullivan didn't say anything he just ran his hand over his face. He couldn't tell her. He was doing it for her. He thought that was the best. Or Pruitt thought it was the best. His head was a mess.
- I thought... I think that she was better fit for now. It was hurting him to say this but he didn't have a proper reason other than he was listening to Pruitt and he couldn't tell her that.
He didn't have to, she figure it out by herself.
- Oh my God. She started pacing around his office.
- He messed with your head too, didn't he?
Sullivan tried to act confused but she can read him. He can't fool her.
- I hate that everyone thinks they know what is best for me. And she stormed out slamming the door of his office.
If that was anyone else he would react at their behavior but he remained calm. He didn't say a word to her. He knows how much this is hurting her.
Andy immediately called Pruitt and argued with him over the phone but also after shift was over she went to his house to discuss everything in person.
The next few shifts Andy was sad, angry, hurt. She wasn't herself. Above everything she found out her dad's cancer is back and that Sullivan knew that and he kept that from her. It was one thing after another. She was so hurt. It was hurting her to breath.
Everyone that she cared about turned their back on her. She had no one.
That night before Sullivan went home he knocked on her bunk door and told her everything. Everything that was on his mind. He apologized multiple times for being a crappy friend, a crappy boss and that he should've listened to his gut not to Pruitt. He finally admit to her that he has been in love with for a long time. But she closed the door. She didn't want to listen to him.
She was on AidCar with Vic today. It was a good thing. Vic was not someone who will push her to talk if she doesn't want to. It was night. Sullivan wasn't at the station. Everyone was in their bunks and call came in for AidCar and they were on the way to the location.
While they were driving to the location Andy blurted out.
- He said and I quote 'I've been in love with you seems like forever.'
Vic didn't say anything she just looked at her.
- And I just closed the door. I'm so angry, I'm so angry at him, at my dad. I don't know what to do with all this anger.
Vic remained quiet. Didn't want to say anything that will get things worse.
They saw that where they arrived it was a really dark street, not too much light, so Andy got suspicious about whether this is a prank call or someone is really injured. The caller said someone is hurt and laying down on the street. So they kept looking but no one was there. Vic went even further in some alley and saw a woman laying down barely moving.
They got out of AidCar and ran to her. After arriving and beginning to check on her they felt a gun on their heads.
- Don't try anything stupid. Get up.
Woman was fine, she got up easily and Andy and Vic kept looking at each other frightened. They got up and follow every instruction the guy gave. The guy took their radios and phones and push them inside of some abandoned house.
- What do you want from us? Andy shouted.
- In here. You need to help him.
And he pushed Andy in one room where another guy was laying down injured, two gunshot wounds. One in the shoulder and one in the abdomen.
- I can't help you, he needs hospital and I'm not a surgeon.
- You'll help him. You are a lieutenant so that means something or you will end up like him. He pressed his gun harder on the back of her head.
At this point Andy didn't care. She felt nothing. She was numb. It was like if he said I'll shoot you right now she wouldn't mind.
- Andy. Vic whispered.
I know you are hurt and angry but please be cooperative so we can go.
Andy nodded and got up to see how she can help. She started treating him but she didn't know if she is doing it right. The man would scream and cursed her but she was doing everything she knows. After a few hours they got out of supplies and Andy said she needed to go to the AidCar to get some more. She insisted that she has to go since she knew what she needed. Vic stayed with them and one of the guy followed Andy to the AidCar.
Andy got in and started looking but she also took a radio and tried to get some help. Her hand was shaking but she managed to take the radio without him seeing it. She went back and start making noises so he won't suspect anything.
- This is AidCar 19. We got kidnapped. We need help. She whispered.
But before she could get any answer a guy opened the door and saw her with the radio. He hits her hard in the head with his gun and she fell down. Unconscious.
- Fuck. The guy said.
He dragged her inside and throw on the floor.
Then the rest of them started arguing why he did it and Vic went to check on Andy.
She slowly gained back consciousness. She had big laceration on her forehead where he hit her. Her vision was blurry so she couldn't get up, she kept laying down.
Back at the station, Sullivan came to work and saw that AidCar was out.
After 2 hours that AidCar wasn't back he went to the beanery and found everyone there.
- When AidCar went on a call?
- It's been some time I think. Maya said.
- You think or you know?
- I don't know since we were all sleeping. She stated.
Sullivan immediately went to his office and called dispatch for more info about AidCar. A few phone calls after he got the time of their call and location. Unfortunately that call Andy made over the radio was just partially recorded so he knew something was up. They wouldn't disappeared like that. He went to inform everyone and that this is his call they just needed to stay at the station and wait. He put station out of service.
The police came and he got into battalion car and they went to find them.
On the way there he got lost in his thoughts. All possible scenarios kept coming to his mind. Fear mixed with anger, above all Andy is in danger. Everything was too much to handle so he pulled over and tried not to have full breakdown. Tears were streaming down his face, he wasn't able to control them. After a few minutes he came to his senses and drove to the location.
Since Andy gained back consciousness the kidnappers made her continue where she left of. They tied Vic so she won't try to do anything stupid like her friend. Andy could barely stand. She wasn't feeling well but she knew they will hurt them if she didn't do what they want.
Vic kept saying that she is not okay and that she could lose balance and lost consciousness again. But they just put a tape on Vic's mouth to shut her up.
The guy that was shot he was barely alive. It was just a matter of time when he will die. Andy knew that and she knew she can't help him more than she already did.
After a few minutes the guy passed away. Andy kept repeating 'I did everything I know. I'm not a surgeon.'
She was very weak. She lost a lot of blood too and she felt dizzy.
- You killed him, bitch.
The other guy pulled her by her hair and leaned against the wall.
- You'll pay for this! He started choking her with one hand and with another he pointed his gun.
He then pushed her to the floor and she fell down again, hit her head again and lost consciousness. She didn't move but the guy kept hitting her and Vic couldn't get to her.
By that time police found their location, they surrounded the house and was about to burst in. In the mean time Sullivan came and called for two ambulances.
He was under so much adrenaline that he didn't have time to take a deep breath. Waiting for the police to burst in all the feelings came rushing again. The tears started to form in his eyes. He started shaking. He got back the same feeling he had on thee way there. Uncertainty what's going on with them inside. What's going on with his Andy.
He didn't have time to panic, he needed to hope for the best. But it was Andy and he will do anything for her. He was scared and nervous but he couldn't show his emotions. He was at work he needed to stay professional.
He kept squeezing the radio while listening to the police, hoping he can ran inside soon and find her.
Police got in and manage to keep a hold on everyone except the guy who was the leader and he escaped.
As soon as Sullivan heard that it's clear he ran inside to find Vic who was getting untied by an officer and she just told him almost whispering 'She is there.'
He ran towards Andy who was laying down, not moving.
- Andy! Andy! Can you hear me? He removed hair from her face.
C'mon!
She grunted a few times before opening her eyes.
- Robert?
- Yes, yes it's me. Oh thank God! You're okay! Hey!
He helped her to sit.
- Tell me where does it hurt?
- Everywhere. I don't know. She said as she touched her forehead and saw blood on her hand.
Robert put a gauze on her forehead to keep blood out of her eyes.
- You think you can walk? He asked as he took her hands in his.
- I... I don't think I can. She said shaking.
Robert immediately lifted her and she wrapped her arms around his neck resting her head on his shoulder.
He carried her outside and placed her on the gurney and jumped in the battalion car to follow them.
Once in the hospital they didn't let him in her room until they finish examining her. He was so pissed and couldn't stop pacing around the waiting room.
After a few minutes the whole station arrived so Sullivan just backed off unnoticed.
Vic wanted to see Andy first so they let her in.
She found Andy laying down on the bed in fetus position, shaking and quietly sobbing.
She sat next to her and waiting for her to react.
- Rob... she looked up.
Uhm. Hi. She said with sadness in her voice.
- It's me, sorry. I didn't see him outside.
- Oh it's okay. She was trying to hold her tears.
- I can look for him if you want.
- You would? I mean he will probably think I told you something but I don't care. And please tell the team I'll be okay but I can't see them now.
- Of course I would.
Vic went to find Sullivan and informed the team about Andy's state and they went back to the station.
Vic was going trough the hospital looking for him and finally she found him outside sitting on the bench.
He was holding his head with his hands so Vic wasn't sure how to approach him.
- Sir, chief... Andy is looking for you.
He immediately looked up.
- I don't know anything, she just wanted to see you. She thought that you were in the room not me. She started.
- It's okay Hughes. No worries. It doesn't matter. His voice was calm but you could see the pain in his eyes.
- Sir... I don't know what happened between you two and it's not my business but when that guy... she cleared her throat.
- That guy kept his gun pressed on the back of her head and she was numb. It was like she didn't care will she get shot. I never saw her like that. The look in her eyes was...
- Full of pain, anger, disappointment? He finished her sentence.
- Mhm.
- I know Hughes. I'm to blame for that. And he left.
All the way to her room he tried not the break. He blamed himself for the state she was in. He got upstairs and kept looking at Andy trough the window. She kept laying down in fetus position and he noticed that she was crying.
- Hey chief! Bailey called him and he looked at her.
- Just make sure she is okay. She went through some nasty things.
He slowly opened the door trying not to scare her.
He came to her side and sat on her bed.
- I'm here. He kept caressing her back.
She stopped shaking and didn't say a word she just slowly got up due to all the pain she was in and throw herself into his arms. She didn't care that everything was hurting.
And started sobbing uncontrollably.
- It's okay. It's okay. You are safe now. He kept caressing her back and whispering on her ear which calmed her a bit.
- It was... it was so scary. They pointed gun at me, he chocked me... and... the only thing I kept thinking about is you. She broke the hug and looked at him.
He pulled into a hug again not saying a word.
They stayed like that for some time.
- Can you stay? I really need someone. I'm can't be mad anymore. I'm so tired of it.
- Of course I can. He finally spoke.
Anything for you.
She managed to move a little and he climbed into the bed and she adjusted herself in his embrace, resting her head on his chests drawing circles on his stomach.
- I'm sorry I closed the door in front of your face yesterday.
- I get it. Don't stress about it, you have enough on your plate.
Try to get some sleep.
And she did. She felt safe. He was her safe place.
After a few hours Andy jumped and started gasping for air. Robert immediately woke up and brought her back to reality. She had a nightmare which was expected.
She went back to laying next to him and he kept playing with her hair to calm her down.
Late that day she got discharged and Robert drove her back to Maya's place.
- Are you okay by yourself? He asked.
- Yes I'll be fine. I'll call you if I'm not I promise. And she left.
She got into the apartment and went straight to her room and locked the door. She got what she needed to went to shower trying to avoid Maya as much as possible.
She showered fast and went back to her room and locked herself again. Her head was still hurting so she decided to sleep.
A few hours passed and another nightmare woke her up. She was sweating, shaking and crying. She took a couple of deep breaths to try to calm herself.
She looked on the clock and it was 6 am so she decided to text Robert.
Picking her phone she saw a text message from him and she smiled.
"I hope you slept through the night! I'm awake and waiting for you to wake up!"
She really wanted to text him 'I need you' but she also didn't want to sound desperate. So she went with...
" My nightmare said no sleeping so I'm awake now. Can you come and bring some breakfast? The key is under the flowerpot."
He replied within seconds 'On my way.'
He was there pretty fast. She could hear him entering the apartment but she did bother to move from her position. She was laying down looking out the window.
He got in and locked the door.
- So eating on the bed I assume.
But he didn't got a replay. He put the bag on the nightstand and sat at the end of the bed. He slowly put his hand on Andy's back and she startled immediately.
- I'm sorry. I heard you entering but I guess I got lost in my thoughts.
- What is bothering you? He kept caressing her back.
- Everything. She straightened into sitting position and wiped her tears.
She decided to be straight forward with him. She had enough dancing around moments with him.
- Let's eat first and then talk, yeah? I got you your favorite. He said opening the bag.
- Cereal?
- No Andy for God's sake I told you that's not breakfast. You need real food. He chuckled.
She rolled her eyes giving him a smile. They sat and eat, occasionally exchanging a few looks and smiles.
After they were done and he put all the trash in the bag and he took her hand for her to stand up.
He pulled her towards her and cupped her cheeks with his hands.
- How are you feeling? He looked deep in her eyes.
- I had another nightmare. I think this was even scarier because I was alone. I don't know. And everything hurts. I don't know what hurts more, my head or my left side.
Being this close to him she lost words. She barely managed to form sentences. She was so nervous. She even forgot about her headache.
He slowly got closer to her and placed a kiss on her lips. Electricity immediately went down her spine and her headache was gone. She kissed him back.
- I can stop if I'm hurting you?
- Please don't stop.
He slowly lifted her shirt and saw bruises on her left side. He ran his hand gently over it and she grunted since a little touch was hurting her.
- We can do this another time. I can see you are in pain.
- I'm not anymore, just don't stop. She lifted his head and place soft kiss on his lips.
- You have no idea how long I waited for this. He whispered.
At this moment nothing mattered. Only thing that mattered in that moment was them. She didn't care about anything else neither did he. They will have all the time in the world to discuss everything that was on their minds.
Robert slowly on the bed and climbed over her trailing kisses from her neck all the way down to his stomach being gently with every move he made so she won't feel any pain. Andy was enjoying it. She felt less and less pain with every kiss he placed on her body.
A few moans escaped her lips as he slid down her underwear. She was naked in front of him and he still had all of his clothes on him. She managed to lift her hands and took off he's shirt and he got up end unbuttoned his pants and stayed only in boxers.
Andy felt vulnerable laying on the bed naked in front of him. She pulled sheets over her.
- What are you doing? He asked as he climbed back in the bed.
- I... I don't know. I guess I started to be shy now. She chuckled.
Robert slowly remove the sheets from her and start placing kisses again on her neck and collar bone.
- You don't need to be shy in front of me. Ever. He said between kisses.
- You make me vulnerable. She whispered.
Andy slowly freed herself and Robert saw she was less hesitant. So he moved down giving her kisses on her thighs which made Andy even more ready for him. She wanted him so bad but also she wasn't capable of taking advantage of him. She kept laying down and let him do all the work.
She thought her head is going to fell off if she lifts it.
Robert gave a few kisses on her sensitive spot which made her head spin even more.
He was ready too. More than ready actually. He slid of his boxers and climbed over her placing a kiss on her lips. He slowly inserted himself into her.
With every move he made Andy gasped for more air and kept digging her fingers deep into his back.
- You okay? He whispered on her ear.
- Mhm. She managed to say.
They soon reached their climaxes and Robert rolled off of her pulling her into his embrace to enjoy their after glow.
- How is your pain?
- Better now! She smiled looking at him.
- Don't act in front of me. I know you are in too much pain and you just let me make love to you.
- Nothing hurt me then but now the pain is starting to come back.
- So you want more? He chuckled.
- No. I mean yes but not now. We need to talk. We need to say things and both of us need to listen.
- Okay. He said hesitantly.
- What do you want to know?
- Why you were scared? She blurted out.
- Scared? He tried to act dumb.
- Don't act dumb. You know what I mean.
- Okay, okay. He got nervous now.
- I was scared that I will messed things up with our lives, with our careers... you know it's forbidden to date your subordinate. I guess I panicked.
- What changed?
- You seriously asking me that?
Andy nodded.
- You almost died, Andy. I almost lost you.
- No it's not that. You came to my bunk, saying you are in love with me since forever. So what changed?
Robert took a deep breath before answering.
- Ever since I told you to go I felt empty. I felt like one piece of me is missing. It hurts me to look at you and see you in pain. The pain I caused.
The tears started to form in Andy's eyes.
- So you just caused me more pain, by promoting Maya? She pulled away from him and sit up putting on her shirt on.
- Your dad came. He said 'if you love her don't promote her now'. Your promotion was ready, the papers were on my desk waiting for you. I thought he knew you better than me and now I see I made a mistake.
You have to understand you are my first choice. You'll always be my first choice.
Andy wiped a few tears that escaped. Robert didn't pressure her to come closer to him. He kept his distance although they were in bed.
- You have to know one thing that apparently you don't know. I would never let my personal life and problems messed up with calls I would have to make as a captain. Ryan's death wouldn't have impact on my captain's orders. That's bullshit my dad told you. I was 9. I'm 30 now if you didn't noticed.
He chuckled at her last sentence.
- Stop mocking me. She hits him playfully.
So you really love me? She said laying back down and covering her face getting blushed and trying to hide it.
He slowly removed the sheets and cupped her blushing cheeks with one hand and placed a long kiss.
- With all my being. And I'm a pretty tall guy if you didn't noticed.
She placed her hands around his neck and kissed him back.
- Does that mean if I say I love you with my whole being it will look I love you less because I'm shorter?
- Andy, geez. A big smile appeared on his face.
Nope, of course not. Shorter people can love more than tall people. He started laughing.
- Okay, okay I was just messing with you.
- Clearly.
All of a sudden a silence filled the room. Robert wanted to ask her about things Vic told him in the hospital, he just didn't know how. Few minutes passed and he got courage to ask her.
- Andy? he said.
- Yes? She looked at him.
- Vic... she told me something that I can't quite shake it off of my mind and I know I'm fully responsible for that.
Andy kind of knew what he was talking about but decided not to tell anything until he finishes.
- I know I'm the cause of all your pain and why you felt numb when that guy pressed gun on your head.
Andy straightened herself not breaking the look they shared.
- Robert I'm not going to lie, I felt numb. I felt numb for a few weeks. At first I wasn't scared, I was angry. I... I can't explain exactly what was going through my mind at that point but when he... hit me the first time it's like he brought me back to reality.
Robert took her hands in his and squeezed them.
- I'm so sorry for everything. For causing you pain, for going behind your back, for listening to your dad and not you...
- Hey, hey... She caressed his cheek.
- It's fine now. She placed a soft kiss on his lips.
- So how are we going to do this? She asked drawing circles on his bare chest.
- Keep it professional at work, shop talk? It's no one's business but ours.
- Okay, chief. I guess we'll go with that.
She went back to his embrace and Robert kept playing with her hair.
- You are a little bit warm. He stated.
- My head is pounding again I need to take a medicine and get some sleep I guess.
- Okay. I'm here to keep you safe and away from nightmares.
She adjusted herself closer to him and fell asleep.