"Mmm, I've dreamed of this for months," Tori groaned lustily. She seemed to lose herself completely, eyes closed, licking her lips. "Oh, god."
I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I knew what was coming next. I wasn't disappointed.
She erupted into a massive coughing fit.
"Spicy! Too spicy!"
Tori grabbed her water and drank straight from the glass, ignoring the straw.
"Pretty sure that's what extra spicy means," I said as she tried to fan her tongue.
I hadn't gone to Karaoke Dokie since I graduated, but Tori had a craving for their "famous" buffalo nuggets and begged for that to be her first stop now that she was home. I didn't have a better idea, so that's where we went. It was weird being back there with her, honestly. My brain wasn't sure what to make of it. I associated that place with high school, not with being a working adult. And Tori's presence just added more confusion. It was an odd line to cross.
"It's like eating lava rocks," she said, fishing an ice cube out of her glass and rubbing it on her tongue. Part of me laughed because she looked ridiculous and part of me shifted in my seat because Tori had kind of a long tongue and I was already struggling to contend with my…whatever it was I felt towards her. I pushed aside any and all thoughts of her tongue, its length, its dexterity, what she might do with it…
Oh, good job, Jade. What are you, thirteen?
I was relieved when she stashed her tongue and just started sucking on the ice cube. I tossed her an extra napkin to dry her hands. She shot me a curious glance. "What, you're not going to make fun of me for this?"
"It's tempting, but no. I'm more worried about you frying your vocal cords before we make the movie."
"I didn't think of that. These are so good, though."
"Here, try it this way." I grabbed one of her nuggets and dipped it in my ranch dressing, then offered it to her. She took it hesitantly and tried it.
"That's good. And it's not as hot."
"Yeah, it's magic. Or something." I slid her the rest of the ranch. She reached for it and our hands brushed for a second.
It was one of those idiotic moments you see in every lame romance movie. That gentle touch, that unspoken, accidental connection that is completely innocent but somehow profoundly transformative. Before I could comment on how insipid it was, she pulled her hand away.
"Sorry," she said quickly.
"You should be. Now I have to wash my hand."
A grin lit up her face. "Do you know how boring it is without you around to keep me on my toes?"
I had to fight to keep from smiling at that. "Do you know how great it was to not constantly be annoyed by you?"
"Oh, please. You know you've missed me."
Absolutely. A lot.
"Not even a little."
Tori wasn't buying it. "Yes, you have. You'll admit it before I go back."
"I really won't."
"We'll see." She dipped another nugget in the ranch sauce and took a bite, groaning again as it went down. I shifted again.
"Do you two want some privacy?"
She laughed. "I'm sorry. The food out east is just…it's not great. I've missed these." Our eyes connected. "I've missed a lot out here, actually."
I looked away, grabbed my water, drank a bit. I struggled for another smartass remark, but nothing came. I settled for anything that would break that moment.
"Hear from Cat lately?"
"Yeah, we text all the time. She's really nervous about her show. Opening night's in two weeks."
"I'm sure she'll do great. That director guy seemed pretty impressed with her."
"Do you blame him? She was amazing." She hesitated for a moment. "I actually got a phone call from Sam before I left. She wants to try and get us all together for it. I guess she's got some big thing planned for Cat. She got them their first apartment or something. She wants us to come be part of the surprise."
I gave in and let a smile out for that. Sam Puckett was such a badass, but she had an enormous heart and it belonged completely to Cat. I'd never met a girl more whipped. She'd become a good friend of mine almost as soon as we met. Cat had tried to keep us apart because she thought we'd kill each other, but we were so much alike we ended up getting along great. After a rough patch at first (Cat got very jealous), the three of us ended up hanging out a lot.
It helped bring Cat and me closer too. It's true, she was a bit airheaded and she had some bizarre issues, but she also had the most genuinely good soul out of anyone I'd ever known. I loved her like a little sister. I hated to see her go, but she deserved her opportunity in New York, and I knew Sam would take care of her and watch out for her like I had tried to. I genuinely loved hearing that Sam wanted us to come out and share in Cat's big show.
"That sounds amazing," I said. "We should definitely plan to go. I think we can wrap the short by then."
Tori's big, round eyes got wider. "Really?"
"Once again you seem surprised when I want to support my friend," I groused. "I bought her prom dress, I went to New York with her to audition, and I bought you and Sam plane tickets to join us so they could patch things up. Did you forget all that?"
"Okay, okay, you're right," she said. "Of course I remember all that, it's what finally convinced me you're a—"
"Don't say it."
"A good person."
"You said it. Now I have to hurt you."
"You need me for your movie."
"I need most of you for it. No one will notice if you're missing a few toes."
Tori's confident smirk faltered for a moment. "Still not buying it."
There was a time when I would have pushed the issue and tormented her until she backed down or admitted she was wrong. I'd have made her fear for her life. Yes, I even would have gotten her to quit the very movie I needed her in just to prove my point. But I found myself not wanting to push it that far. It had been a long day already and I wasn't in the mood for it. It wasn't surrender, I told myself, just a strategic redeployment of mental resources.
If you buy that, I've got a bridge in Brooklyn for sale.
The silence continued as Tori downed another buffalo nugget, to much less fanfare than her previous few. I could see the wheels turning behind those enormous eyes. She was up to something. A very subtle smile crossed her lips.
"Let's do a song," she said.
"Go for it. I'll sit here and laugh at you. I mean clap. No…I mean laugh."
She leaned closer. "No! Both of us. Come on, it's been forever since just you and I did one!"
"Yeah, and I'm okay with that," I said. "The only reason I did it the last time was because of those eggheads that were hitting on us."
Tori's smile faded as her face began the slow transformation into the notorious Pouty-Tori. I braced my ears for the whining. "Do I really need to go find a few guys to come hit on us? I doubt it'll be that hard, those two in the corner have already been looking this way."
I glanced over to the corner to see a couple of guys that looked more like children than anywhere close to our age. "Those kids? Really?"
"They're seniors. I recognize them from last year."
I looked closer. Tori was right, I did vaguely remember them from Hollywood Arts. Why the hell did they seem so young ? Or did I really just feel that old already? For chrysler's sake, I was only six months out of high school. I was way too young to feel so old.
I glanced back at Tori. Her hopeful eyes sought out mine and we connected. She saw the surrender on my face before I'd even made up my mind.
"Pick a song," I said. "If it doesn't suck, I'll get up and sing it with you."
She smiled to herself…it was a devious smile and it spread across her face like a grinch about to steal a vaguely non-denominational winter holiday.
She hurried up to the deejay, they spoke for a few seconds, and his face lit up.
Oh, god. What have I done?
He put on a track as Tori grabbed a mic and stood center stage. The music started with a thick, tense guitar riff. When Tori began singing, it wasn't her typical, pop-princess style voice. It was guttural, raw, and damn sexy. She ran her hands through her hair and flipped it around as she growled out the lyrics to Halestorm's "I Miss the Misery." She couldn't have chosen better, and it made me a little angry and vulnerable that she knew me that well.
I've been a mess since you stayed
I've been a wreck since you changed
Don't let me get in your way
I miss the lies and the pain
The fights that keep us awake-ake-ake
I'm tellin you!
Tori started swaying her hips and moving towards me. I was transfixed. Her innocent demeanor seemed to evaporate with every sway of her hips.
I miss the bad things
The way you hate me
I miss the screaming
The way that you blame me!
Her endless legs marched towards me. Our eyes connected, and my heart felt like it stopped or skipped or something. I'd never seen such a visceral look in her eyes.
I miss the bad things
The way you hate me
I miss the screaming
The way that you blame me!
Tori reached the edge of the stage. She smiled, but it wasn't her usual smile. It was more like a sinister, deliciously wicked smirk. She swayed down to her knees and her hand reached for me.
Miss the phone calls
When it's your fault
I miss the late nights
Don't miss you at all!
I reached out. Her hand closed around mine and I was pulled right out of my seat and onto the stage. I barely noticed, I was so drawn to whatever this energy was. There was some movement and a mic was thrust into my hand. Tori winked at me and then her attention turned to the crowd.
I like that kick in the face
And the things you do to me!
I love the way that it hurts!
I don't miss you, I miss the misery!
The energy in the room was insane. The energy on the stage, between Tori and me, was…I don't even fucking know. It wasn't like anything I'd felt before. All I could do was squeeze the mic and hold on tight.
Just know that I'll make you hurt
(I miss the lies and the pain what you did to me)
When you tell me you'll make it worse
(I'd rather fight all night than watch the TV)
I hate that feelin inside
You tell me how hard you'll try
But when we're at our worst
I miss the misery
Tori nodded to me and stepped aside so I could take center stage. I can't describe the unspoken connection as we sang, but it was there. Like we didn't need words, like the music was pulling both our strings. I gripped the mic like it was my life.
I miss the bad things
The way you hate me
I miss the screaming
The way that you blame me
Tori slid up next to me. I felt her back press into me, her hips swaying. She slid down to the floor. I felt the movement and matched it.
I miss the rough sex
Leaves me a mess
I miss the feeling of pains in my chest!
My body was practically on fire as I felt hers against me. I spun away from her, slipped out of my vest, and on inspiration, I threw it around her waist and pulled her over to me. Our bodies pressed together for a moment. The smile on her face had all kinds of meaning hidden behind it. I only saw it for a second before she spun away, taking my vest with her, but I swear I saw a flash of hunger.
I barely had the presence of mind to think, what the hell is happening here?
Miss the phone calls
When it's your fault
I miss the late nights
Don't miss you at all!
I like that kick in the face
And the things you do to me!
I love the way that it hurts!
I don't miss you, I miss the misery!
Tori spun back towards me, trapping me in my vest and pulling me towards her. The final notes of the song echoed for a moment before they were drowned out by the crazy applause. I barely heard it. I was too busy staring at Tori.
What the hell did you just do to me, Vega?
Tori's smile gradually returned to normal as she glanced back at me.
"Still got it," she said breathlessly, her chest heaving just inches away from me. "I think they like us." Tori's face dripped with sweat. It beaded down her graceful neck and all over her chest, its scent mingling with her perfume. I nearly bit through my tongue. Everything inside of me was on fire.
"Yeah. Sure. They did."
She pulled back and handed me my vest. "Thanks. That was fun."
She took the mics and returned them to the deejay. I realized I was still standing there, staring after her, watching the sway of her hips and those damned legs.
Snap out of it, idiot. Get down there.
Eventually, I did.
It took me at least twenty minutes and three glasses of water to come down off the high of being on-stage. I missed it. Hollywood Arts had given me a lot of opportunities to get up and sing like that, but I hadn't done it once since the graduation after-party, when Tori, Beck, Andre, and I sang a cover of NeedtoBreathe's Shine On, as kind of a send-off for Cat. Leave it to Tori to pick a song about shining. But this, the karaoke…damn. It was cathartic, and I missed it in ways I didn't even realize it.
Even after that first twenty minutes, I felt sweaty and gross. Tori, for her part, seemed to have recovered gracefully. Her hair was a little messier now, with slightly damp strands hanging down in front of her face. Of course, all it did was make her more attractive. I had to avoid looking at her too much; my body was already at its wit's end after that dance. Nights like this, I really missed Beck being around. I mean I didn't strictly need him, but one can only get excited about self-care so much before it gets old. And I've always been very hard to please.
Tori downed another nugget and groaned.
"So where are you staying?" I asked, loudly and awkwardly, trying to cover up the lusty sound of her food porn. "Your mom's?"
For the first time since she got here, Tori frowned. And for the first time in my life, I didn't like it. I knew right away that I hit a sore spot.
"No. I can't stand that place ever since my dad moved out and Gary moved in."
It took me a minute to remember where I'd heard that name before. Gary was the guy who showed up to take care of that crazy chick, Fawn Liebowitz when she was tormenting Tori.
"That cop guy? Wasn't he your dad's partner or something?"
"Ex-partner for the past couple of years. I got the vibe my mom was into him for a year or two before anything happened. I just don't get how you can do that to someone. Especially when you're married. And you have kids together. It's seriously messed up." She trailed off and blinked away the beginnings of a few tears. "Sorry. But no, to answer your question, I'm not staying with my mom."
My mind was every bit as wrecked as my body. I wanted to reach out to her and try to comfort her. I knew what it was like, coming from a broken home. It sucked. And I definitely related to being endlessly pissed at your own mother. I struggled to keep from reaching across the table and putting a hand on hers, or offering her some comforting words.
Don't judge me. I just couldn't do it. It was risky shit. And really, my desire to reach out was probably born out of the intensity of singing together. Raw emotions that got kicked up and turned on in the heat of the moment and hadn't faded yet.
Besides, I hated opening up. I let myself be vulnerable in front of Tori before and it never ended well. The last thing I wanted to do was go back down that road.
So I didn't. I tried to keep the conversation moving.
"So then what, you're staying with your dad?"
She shook her head. "He's not in LA anymore. He started his own firm, he's a private investigator now. I'd love to see him but he's three hours up the coast. I might swing up that way before I go home. I got a cheap hotel for my stay this time. I think it's called the 'Come on Inn' or something."
I'd heard of that place. It had a pretty terrible reputation, actually. Bad location. Bums and rats. No AC. It was a shit hole, to put it nicely. No way Princess Tori would last there.
"Just crash at my place," I said. "That hotel is a dump."
For a second, it looked like Tori might be reasonable. Gratitude flashed across her features but it faded, replaced with a bizarre awkwardness I'd never seen from her.
"Oh…I don't know if that's a good idea," she said. "Your mom doesn't like me."
"My mom kicked me out. I live with my dad."
"She kicked you out?"
"Pretty much the second we graduated. It's fine, I hated living with her anyway. My dad took me in, believe it or not. And I doubt he even remembers you. So just stay there, it's a lot better than some run-down shit hole."
I saw signs of a struggle going on behind her eyes. She seemed to want to say yes, but something was stopping her. I could tell before she opened her mouth that she was going to refuse.
Something came over me. That old irrational, blind rage that she used to inspire in me almost every day. She was going to make up some dumb excuse and shut me down. In light of what we'd just experienced, that really pissed me off. Never mind that what "we" just experienced might have been all in my own, misguided, sexually frustrated mind. I didn't care. I got angry.
"Okay. Never mind. Offer rescinded. Enjoy rooming with the rats."
"Jade, don't take it like—"
"Like how?" I snapped. "I'm offering you a free place to stay and you're choosing a hovel in the worst neighborhood in LA. It's cool. I'm sure you'll enjoy it there. Definitely way better than staying with..." I stumbled right at the finish line. Good job, idiot. Staying with who? A friend? Can't let her know that.
"With who?"
"Forget it," I said. I was ready to leave. I could feel the red in my cheeks and if one more person said something to piss me off, I knew I'd lose my shit on them. "Let's just go," I said. "I've got some things to get ready before tomorrow anyway."
"Jade, I'm sorry. I really didn't—"
"You don't have to be sorry. Save that for someone who gives a shit."
Tori recoiled at that, and I realized that I just genuinely hurt her.
Like, well and truly hurt her.
Damn it! This is why I didn't want her out here.
I kept my yap shut for the rest of the meal. We finished our plates in silence, until our waitress came back and I asked for the bill. I planned on buying Tori's lunch but she insisted on separate checks. I didn't argue.
By the time I dropped her off at her hotel, a full forty-five minutes of thick, miserable silence had gone on between us.
She unloaded her suitcase and stopped by the driver's side door.
"Thanks for getting me at the airport, and for the song. What time tomorrow?"
"Seven. Just meet me at my place, we'll drive to the site from there. If that's all right with you."
"Sure, just—"
I threw the car into gear and sped off, leaving her standing in the parking lot of the Come On Inn. I had a death grip on the steering wheel as I made the left to go back to my dad's.
That sucked, I thought. It was too damn much to think about. I guess I could have let her explain why she didn't want to stay at my place. But why? Why did I even care? She's a big girl. She can choose where she wants to stay. If she wants to catch hepatitis from a mattress in a dump like that, it's her choice. Right? Right?
I shouldn't have cared. But I did.
And that fucking sucked.