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Beta'd by AnxietyAvocado

"just friends" by keshi

"I'm here."

Seiya couldn't stop staring at the text, unable to suppress the ominous feeling it gave her. Not that she hadn't felt it since that morning after, but the imminence of a painful conversation made it worse. Usagi didn't even want to come up to the room and had requested to meet in the hotel lobby. Seiya took that as Usagi being too uncomfortable with the potential of being alone with her, and she wanted to ensure that the discussion was quick.

What had she done?

It felt so right that night, but it was obvious she was alone in that sentiment. Seiya sifted through the drunken, hazy memories, desperate to find any instance of when Usagi wanted it to stop, but she only found moments of her reciprocation. And Seiya thought she was only following Usagi's lead more often than not. So what went wrong? She felt all the emotions of anger, confusion, and sadness in an endless cycle that left her distracted in her own head most for the past couple of days. Yet throughout the mental exhaustion, each emotional path kept leading to one question:

What the fuck did she expect to happen?

Usagi was married, destined to be with her husband for thousands of years to come. Did she really think she would leave him? For her? After twelve years of no contact? Did she really think she would have woken up to a happy smiling face that morning? In her defense, Seiya wasn't thinking past the sensual moments and the hard sleep that comes after sex and spirits, but then again, Usagi probably wasn't either, which would explain the post-night regret and distancing. Her response was the only logical option.

So now what?

What was to become of them and their relationship? That was all in Usagi's hands, and Seiya was scared. She had put her in a dangerous position—one of carrying such a licentious secret around with her. Or if she told Mamoru or decided to do so later, it would undoubtedly affect the dynamics and trust of their marriage. Usagi had hard decisions to make, consequences to live with… all because of her.

Her long lone journey down in the elevator ended with a daunting ding and parting of the steel doors before her. On the verge of bursting into tears at that moment, Seiya paused to take a breath to gather herself and the courage to step out. She swore to maintain a compliant frame of mind and keep the focus of the conversation on Usagi and her needs. She would agree and bend to whatever Usagi decided, and was deserving of any outcome Usagi saw fit, even if that meant being cut off from her life.

She made her way through the elevator bank, stopping by a mirror to check herself with an adjustment of her messy bun, and arrived in the lobby which was bustling with people. It was crowded enough that Seiya had to move to a clearing in order to spot Usagi sitting in the lounging area. She had found a vacant loveseat nestled against the marble wall, noticeably far away from any other people in the vicinity. She was leaning over, resting her elbows on her knees while she scrolled through her phone. Her eyes looked vacant as her bottom lip was subject to her fingers squeezing and twisting it from between her teeth, and her thumb moved quickly on her screen without any breaks for double-taps.

She was so lost in her distraction, she didn't notice Seiya had approached until she sat down on the opposite end of the sofa.

"Oh, hey." Usagi's eyes looked up as she flashed a small smile.

"Hey." Seiya returned the gesture. She also tried to return the eye contact but her nervousness got the best of her, and she looked down into her hands. While she felt unworthy to even look her in the eye, she was also trying to suppress the urge to try to explain herself. No, not today… not ever. There was no excuse.

Usagi laid her phone facedown on the cushion and clasped her hands together on her lap. "How, um… how've you been?"

"I've been okay." Lies. All lies. "How about you?"

"Same." Usagi released a breath through a smile. "Anxiety has been a little bad lately, but I'm okay."

That's all because of you, you know. "I'm sorry. That—That sucks."

"Yeah, but I'll be okay." Usagi nodded as she repeated herself. There then was a heaviness in the air, suffocating the two women into silence for several moments. She managed to catch Seiya's gaze before getting on with it.

"So, I know I've been acting weird since that night…"

As she sat with a folded leg laying on the couch cushion, Seiya's other leg that had a foot on the floor began to shake. Here it comes…

Usagi's voice trembled as she spoke, both from trying not to cry and from the peak discomfort. "And I'm sorry about that. I've just been trying to process everything. You—you're my friend. We've been through so much together. We have a history together… But what happened that night… it was…"

She paused, her palms now sweating and fingers fidgeting with the ends of her hair in her lap.

"It was a mistake."

Seiya did her best to keep her face neutral despite the gut punch, but couldn't help taking in a loud deep breath. She was half-hoping Usagi wouldn't be so blunt about it, but of course, this wasn't about her hopes. She rubbed her hand on the knee of the shaking leg to quell its movements.

Usagi continued after a gulp. "I mean, I still care about you so much, Seiya. You're my friend. But we need to forget about it and pretend it never happened. I'm married… to Mamo… I can't—I don't see you in that way."

Seiya maintained her grip on her knee, her red fingertips pinned under her white knuckles, as she only kept silently nodding as her response to everything. Her eyes darted back and forth between Usagi's face and her hands' continued abuse of her hair. But she also caught sight through the window of a bus speeding by, wishing she could throw herself in front of it.

"I hope you understand. Mamo and I have a destiny together. Granted, we'll always find each other in the next life, and our relationship might not be perfect, but we care about each other a lot and I love him."

That last part felt more like a stab in the gut, the final blow to her confidence and optimism.

She loves him. Not you, him…

Seiya finally registered the pain in her hand and loosened her grasp on her knee, which had stopped shaking moments before that point. Her other hand was taking out her rejection on the opposite arm with a sweaty vice grip as her vision began to blur.

"Seiya? Are you okay?" It dawned on Usagi that she hadn't said anything in a long time.

Seiya cleared her throat, somehow making the tears retreat back into her eyes, and brushed her bangs out of her face with the hardest smile she ever had to muster. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Usagi furrowed her brow. "I mean, what are your thoughts on all this?"

"Does it matter what I think?"

Her whirlwind of a mind didn't know how to interpret the question and she was taken aback by it. Usagi's hands released her golden strands as she shook her head. "Of course it does."

Seiya's fingers wedged under her bun to scratch her scalp, trying to find the right words yet again for the thousandth time in the last week.

"I only mean that you feel what you feel, and I respect that. Consent goes both ways, and if you are uncomfortable with what happened, my feelings don't matter past that."

"But I just—I mean you agree we were both really drunk, and y'know… hurting? We both had a moment of weakness… being able to relate to each other… right?"

Her eyes met Usagi's, which were begging for her to agree; begging for her to write themselves off as two stupid people who made a stupid mistake and they would be able to move on since it was nothing more than drunk comfort sex. For the sake of self-preservation and salvaging any type of dynamic, Seiya submitted to her wordless demands.

"Oh yeah… yeah." She spoke in between a couple of fake laughs. It hurt so much. "We were so… so drunk."

Usagi also laughed, her shoulders relaxing. "Yes. I think I was still drunk when I woke up."

"Me too." Again, more fake laughter, more lies. Seiya kept dying a little more inside with every titter, and the urge to run away made her leg start shaking again. "So um, are you going to tell Mamoru?"

"Uh, I—uh…" Her laugh turned into a grimace. "I'm still thinking on that."

"Oh sure. It's none of my business, really—"

"No, no! It would only be fair to you to let you know if I did." Usagi returned to fidgeting with her hair, gentler this time. "But Mamo is so busy with work, it's hard to find the right time to talk to him about anything. And since it was only one time… I was thinking…" She bit into her lips as a pink hue colored her cheeks.

"...we could just not say anything to anyone?" Usagi's eyes were again begging for Seiya's compliance.

She shrugged and shook her head. "If that's your decision. I'm not the one who has to answer to someone."

"I just… want everyone to be happy and to go back to normal."

"Whatever makes you happy, Odango."

Usagi smiled. "It would."

They shared a couple of breaths of silence before Usagi reached for her phone to check the time. However, it didn't matter which numbers showed, it was just time to leave on a good note.

"I have to head out." She stood up, grabbing her large tote purse from the floor and dragging the strap over her arm. "I'll be seeing you around… with everyone. I'm sure we'll have another gathering soon."

Seiya followed the bunhead's lead, pulling down on her shorts near her inner thighs. "Sure. Just let us know." Flashing her last fake smile of the day, she began to mentally prepare herself with the possibility of never hearing from her again.

"Okay, I will!" A flicker of light returned to her face as she flitted her fingers. "Bye-bye, Seiya."

Seiya raised a hand to extend her own goodbyes and turned on her heel to head straight for the elevators. She couldn't get away fast enough as she began to hyperventilate knowing she would be able to scream and cry very soon.

Though, being within her own bubble of anxiousness, the Starlight failed to see that Usagi hadn't moved, and had watched her until she boarded her elevator cab.

Her eyes fluttered open as she heard three beeps of the security alarm, indicating that the door was open and that Mamoru was home from work. Heavy with the few hours of sleep her anxiety allowed, her lids fell back closed to take advantage of further slumber while her heart and mind were still calm at the moment. Perhaps it would have helped to turn off the television, but that was the only comfort and company she had nowadays.

Despite sensing Mamoru making his way into the bedroom, Usagi kept still and her eyes closed, laid over on her side, and curled under the lightweight duvet. She listened to him undress for a couple of minutes until she felt him crawl on the bed and give her a light peck on the head.

"Morning, Usa."

She didn't move as she mumbled, "Morning."

"Are you hungry?"

She groaned as she nuzzled her face into the duvet. "I'm so sleepy still."

"I got McDonald's."

Her eyes shot open. "McDonald's?"

They made their way into the kitchen where the ever-familiar bag was waiting in the middle of the dining room table—along with a cup of coffee and an unknown small drink—and their noses were hit with the smell of fried, greasy goodness. Usagi released a yawn as she plopped on a chair, wasting no time retrieving her usual preference of pancakes with extra syrup and a hashbrown, and made her coffee with extra creamer and sugar. A shirtless Mamoru took his seat at the table as well before he unwrapped his sausage egg muffin. With their eyes only on their food, the two took their first few bites in silence until Mamoru hummed with a full mouth to prepare Usagi for conversation.

"So Motoki and Reika's divorce was finalized yesterday."

"Finally!" Usagi didn't skip a beat as she finished cutting a bite-sized piece of pancake. "That only took like two years."

"Three." Mamoru corrected. "Since Reika travels so much for work, months would go by before shit would get signed or they could meet with lawyers."

"How is he taking it?"

He shrugged. "He's just happy to be done with the whole thing. I was thinking since I have Saturday off, I could take him out to celebrate."

"That'll be nice."

"Maybe we can invite the whole group. He hasn't seen anyone in a while."

"That sounds fun." Usagi agreed with full cheeks. "I'll text them."

"Great." Mamoru placed his mostly-eaten sandwich down as he began to work on his hash brown. He let a couple of moments go by before he asked as naturally as he could sound. "Are you going to ask the Starlights? They're still here, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"Well," he raised an eyebrow and even chuckled. "Motoki saw a picture of them on Minako's Instagram from your girls' night, and he really took a liking to Seiya."

Seiya? Seiya who? Who wants to talk about Seiya? I don't want to talk about Seiya… but what about Seiya? Usagi's fork was up and ready to shove more pancakes inside her wide-open mouth until she froze and looked over at Mamoru. She was thankful that she wasn't in the midst of swallowing or for sure she would have choked.

"What?"

Mamoru was none the wiser to Usagi's inner dilemma as he kept his focus down on his food. "He likes Seiya."

She furrowed her brow and stared her husband down. "How could he like her? He hasn't even met her." She placed her loaded utensil down on the plate, still with a grip on its handle.

"He just thinks she's pretty. I was thinking maybe we can set them up—"

"I'm not pimping my friend out. Seiya isn't like that!" She yelled louder than she intended, revealing her defensiveness.

"Usa, calm down." Mamoru squinted his eyes with laughter in his voice. "I'm not talking about sex, just us meeting in a group setting, and him being able to talk to an attractive woman to distract himself."

"But she's not going to be here for very long."

"Exactly—he's coming off a divorce, she's only visiting, so no one will have long-term expectations—it's perfect."

Usagi looked down, her blue eyes darting in deep thought, her breathing now erratic. "What if Seiya isn't into him?"

"That's fine. Motoki could very well not like Seiya either. Worst case scenario: he can at least look at her."

She rolled her eyes. "That's not creepy."

Mamoru paused to peer at his wife as he chewed his food on one side of his mouth. "Why are you so bothered? Motoki's a good guy."

"I'm not bothered!" She snapped and huffed. "I know he's a good guy, it's just that, you know… it could backfire."

"Well, she's into men, right?"

For some reason, she blushed, and her eyes went back to her half-eaten food as she moved around the pancake pieces on her fork to sop up invisible syrup. "Uh, wha—what do you mean?"

"Is she a lesbian, or…?"

From personal experience, it was either a hard yes or a soft possibly. "I, uh… I don't know."

"Can you ask her?"

Her mouth dropped as she looked at him with wide eyes. "Mamo, you can't just ask someone if they're a lesbian, that's so rude!"

"But you're friends, though." Mamoru reasoned, all the while confused. "Surely you can ask your friends. She's not a stranger."

"Would you ask your friends that?"

"If I was trying to set them up, yes!" He put inflection in his voice like the answer was obvious.

She took in a slow deep breath through her nose and released it from her mouth, holding it for a few seconds in between; not only was it to quell her rising anxiety, but also keep her from raising her voice and sounding crazier than she already did. She finally took that bite of pancakes from her fork, which disintegrated in her mouth from how long the syrup was allowed to soak into it.

"I'm not comfortable doing that."'

"Well, then just tell her that a guy wants to meet her and see what she says. If she says no, then that's the end of it. Deal?" He cocked his head down as he tried to meet her eyes, even putting a hand on hers to emphasize his plea for her cooperation.

Usagi dropped her fork on her plate and snatched up her hash brown. "Fine."

She was back in bed, still alone. Mamoru had taken up sleeping in the guest bedroom as it was furnished with thick curtains to help block out the daylight and, not to mention, quiet. Usagi couldn't stand any silence since it only made her thoughts louder, so the television was always going on in the background wherever she was.

She had laid out on her stomach, resting upon her elbows as she once again bit and pulled on her lower lip, channeling her nervousness. She typed out Saturday night's invitation in the mega-group chat, staring intently at it before she was to send it off.

It wasn't that she didn't want to see Seiya, but she just felt weird that their very next interaction would involve setting her up with someone. The question of her sexuality was honestly irrelevant; Usagi didn't want to even go there, she didn't even want to wonder… because wondering always led to remembering that night.

So of course she was awkward and defensive during breakfast. As soon as she heard Seiya's name, the first image that popped in her head was of her dark sultry eyes staring at her from between her legs. Despite their talk going well, Usagi was still apprehensive about seeing her again, even if it was in a group setting. And it had been a few days since then, so Seiya definitely had some time to decide that she hated her. Will she still even want to talk to her, let alone hear her out that she wants to set her up with someone else?

Usagi fell limp on the bed as she released a guttural groan into the duvet. Why is she stressing out so much? What is the big deal if Seiya didn't want to talk to Motoki? Like Mamoru said: if she says no, it means no.

But what if Seiya didn't want to talk to her? While it was for the best anyway—in fact, the best-case scenario for everyone involved—it scared her so much. She felt her chest constrict at even the thought of being on the receiving end of Seiya's silent treatment. But she wouldn't do that… would she? Usagi felt she knew the answer, but also that she didn't; and she wanted to find out, but she also didn't…

She did know she would have to face a get-together anyway, but not so soon. While Usagi would have preferred another week or so for the memories to dull, Mamoru's days off were so few and far between, she would feel like the worst person in the world to try to reschedule. And there was no way of getting around not inviting the Starlights, since everyone else in the group would expect to see them, especially Motoki… Why oh why did Minako have to post pictures of everything?

But she was stuck and obligated by this point. All she could really do was just wait and see… and hope… and trust everything would be fine.

Here goes nothing.

Usagi finally pressed send on the text, anticipating the barrage of replies from everyone who accepted with excited enthusiasm.

That is, all except Seiya.