See You Later, Eren Chapter 7
Title: A Life you're Proud of
Hello again, here with my longest chapter yet! Not only that, but there's a lot happening in it, so please tell me what you think! With my college finals approaching soon, I want to let you all know that you probably won't be getting a new chapter next sunday, as I want to be spending more of my time studying the next week, so I hope this chapter can hold you until May 9th! Enjoy! -Y
Response to The r3wr1t3r: I'm so glad that I've been able to fill that AOT shaped hole in your heart, as writing this fic has certainly provided that for myself! And I'm happy you like the Mikasa Ymir dynamic, as I thought their relationship would be super interesting with them both being devoted to the person they love and both being more knowledgeable than they let on. Yes, Armin will be somewhat of a hurdle in Mikasa's endeavors to keep her truth secret, so we'll just have to see what happens with him. I have you stumped, eh? Well that's exactly what I wanted! I promise that you will get the answers you're looking for eventually :). One final thing, Historia actually tells Ymir her true name after the battle at Utgard Cast, not during the snowstorm expedition, but Ymir does reveal to Historia that she is the Jaw Titan, so Mikasa is definitely not off the hook with regards to her. Thank you for the awesome review!
Response to kaffeenator666: Yet another essay despite my shorter chapter, thank you very much! I always get so much insight and joy out of reading them! I really liked your example of how Ymir's stockholm syndrome could work if it was executed better, and I would have been much happier if something similar to that was present in the manga. I'm glad you enjoyed the Mikasa and Ymir dynamic as well, as Ymir's excellent ability to read people and judge the situation as it is, second only to perhaps Armin, combined with her knowledge will present a real dilemma for Mikasa, and you'll see some exciting developments there. Also, Ymir doesn't actually learn Krista's real name until the Clash of the Titans arc, she just knows that Krista isn't going by her true name at the time. Oh nooo the idea of Armin getting Marco'd haha… anything could happen! It's good that I was able to make Mikasa's feelings towards Annie a little bit clear, even if she's flawed in her mentality to an extent, and I'm glad I have you stumped as well with the mystery, as it will be important to the story in the many chapters to come. I'm ultimately very happy you enjoyed this chapter, as I was feeling a tad dissatisfied with it due to there only being 4 scenes, but if you and others liked it then I know it was worth it, so I hope you have a lot to chew on with this new chapter! Enjoy!
Response to Melie - Ann: Thank you for the awesome review! I love your insight on Mikasa's and Sasha's dynamic and completely agree. Sasha breaks her out of her shell like no one else! I also appreciate your thoughts on Armin and Jean, as it means so much to me that you love the little touches I add, and your compliment about being able to imagine the scene in the manga/anime truly made my day! We're all looking for more AOT goodness here, so what good is it if the characters don't feel like themselves? I liked your theories on the scar thing, too! It's great seeing my readers speculate on what's truly going on, and all I have to say is it will all be revealed in due time. Overall, thank you for your thoughts on the last two chapters and I hope you enjoy!
Response to vXBlackreaperXv: Wow, your reviews for each of my chapters sure were a great treat! Seeing your thoughts develop through each chapter throughout the course of a few days was really entertaining, and I appreciate the comments very much! Thank you for the compliments about the way I incorporate the hidden subtleties to each of the characters POV's, as I strive to keep characters as accurate as possible, also your thoughts on each of the scenes, especially with regards to Mikasa's relationship with Ymir and her struggle to keep the truth hidden, were awesome! Also I'm glad you found the eremika stuff adorable, as it is probably the most fun part to write personally :p I'm just a sucker for those two! I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
Mikasa shoves the wooden plate forward on the table, too full to finish her fish. It makes her eyes droop in shame, but the thought of eating anything more causes her stomach to churn as if she's going to throw it all back up anyways, so there's no point. She lifts herself out of her chair slowly, though it still manages to scrape against the floor.
"it's such a small fish... I should have eaten it." She lowers her head, a frown clear on her face as she walks to the other end of the table, picking up the scarf that she let hang there.
Five years, that's how long it's been since Eren left this world, since Ymir's curse took him from her.
She places one hand over her stomach, the other on her back, and sighs. She's getting too thin. Trudging over to her small bed, she slowly bends her knees and takes a seat, the deep orange of the late afternoon filling the bedroom with a soft, saturated glow. She wears thick, dark circles under her eyes, almost as dark as her hair, which she lets grow out to the middle of her back before cutting it. It was a lot easier when Eren did it.
The bed is messy, rarely made these days, as Mikasa never feels the need to do it. She has one pillow in its proper place, the other sitting sideways in the middle of the bed. That one was Eren's. She takes better care of that thing than she does herself, as it's been one of the last solaces she has for the nightmares, when they come in full force. She cries so hard when they hit her, she screams Eren's name, just wanting him back more than anything in this world... to feel his presence, even just to see him again.
A smile finds its way onto her face, but as soon as she recognizes it, she forces it to fall and mutters a sorry to her scarf.
It wasn't a year after his death when she realized she was losing weight, and fast. She tried to correct herself, and for a while it worked, but as the loneliness creeped in it became harder and harder to keep eating. She thinks it was around the third year of being completely alone that she resigned herself to the fact that she was going to die a very early death, that she's going to starve herself. When she realized it, she cried a lot, because she knows that's not what Eren wanted, and so denial started to set in. But... whether she wanted to believe it or not, the fact made itself apparent as the years went on.
A part of her is... truly happy. She'll get to see Eren again, soon, probably. But she's filled with shame, because she bets he's begging for her to live a happy life, and she just can't. Even if there is no afterlife for her, at least this hell will be over, this cruel, cruel world will leave her alone.
Truly, the mountains she lived with Eren in became her prison, unable to leave because she can't leave him. And besides... what's different out there? More people? Yes, more people to bring pain and regret into her life. No one could give her more happiness than Eren, but there are many who could cause her plenty more anguish. So, she stays here instead, keeping Eren company. Her routine typically consists of washing her clothes, and Eren's pillow, spending time by his grave and talking with him, growing her vegetables, occasionally catching a fish if she doesn't feel like eating what she's grown, and picking some flowers to put by his resting place. She also puts some flowers by her window sill, being one of the last things in the house that she bothers to consistently maintain.
She puts the scarf by Eren's pillow and sheds her cardigan, getting ready for bed. Evening still had a few hours left, but what else is she going to do? Realizing that she could do with a glass of water, she walks out to the main room and grabs a cup from the kitchen.
Mikasa hears a knock at the door. Her heart rate escalates wildly with each passing second, coming to understand that she's not supposed to get knocks. She's frozen in place, debating if she should pretend she's not here, or answer the door. The utterly disturbing memory of her parents being murdered stabs into her head, and she realizes that she's too frail now to fight even if she wanted to... and does she?
Her thoughts are cut off by the creak of the opening door. It looks like whoever is on the other side isn't keen on waiting, and Mikasa has no choice but to make her presence known as she stands in shock.
Armin is there. She swears that's Armin. She hasn't seen him in nearly a decade, yes, but she knows those eyes anywhere. Except, the all too familiar, sickening markings are etched into his face, and she knows that it means he's close to death from Ymir's curse. Still, her jaw hangs open for however long they've been standing there, she's lost track of time.
He looks even more shocked than she does. But as he glances around the room, his eyes lingering on the flowers for a bit of time, he shifts his eyes back to her.
"...where's Eren?"
...
Mikasa opens her eyes, but closes them roughly immediately after. Her head is convulsing with dull throbs, and she puts a hand to her forehead. Based on the way her eyes are closed, she can feel that no tears leaked out this time, but she doesn't have much of a mind to be thankful with the way her skull seems to ache. She sits up in bed and caresses her temples, taking deep breaths in and out. Her headaches got bad, but they never lasted long.
Taking in her surroundings, she exhales peacefully. This may be a fantasy, or it may not be, but it's better than whatever hellish world she keeps dreaming about, the one that seems to be in the same world in which she said her last words to him.
She glances over to her left to see a sleeping Ymir, and her eyes narrow. Right... that's what she's going to do.
She's made her decision, but that doesn't stop the nerves from bundling in the pit of her stomach. This is putting everything on the line... but it's necessary. If she's going to save Eren, and she is, then this is something she'll have to do sooner or later.
It's time to act.
Armin flexes his hand, tightening the rim of one of the primary filters on the back of the ODM gear. Him and Marco sit on a couple of boxes, the late afternoon giving the shadows a long stretch, and the boom and bust of many of the trainees frantically going to report to their evening duties filling the main field before them. Then there are a bunch of trainees lounging around, using their free time however they see fit. Armin is among them, helping his friend with a certain technical problem.
"This is probably where your problem is," he points at the circular component. Marco gives him a questioning look, so he elaborates. "Gas tends to escape out of here if it's not tight enough."
Marco raises an eyebrow. "But losing gas isn't the problem, it's that I can't turn sharp enough."
"Yes, and the gas that is expelled out of this," he points to the filter, "can't be turned, so there's a constant pressure that's pushing you forward, hindering your ability to turn efficiently."
He widens his eyes and lets out a laugh. "Wow, I didn't think about that. I knew coming to you for help was the right call." He gives Armin a smile, which he returns sheepishly. Armin really is the last person he expected to have been of service to anyone, given how weak he is, so it would be apt to say that Marco coming to him with a question about his ODM gear, which turned into a bit of a mini-lesson from the blond, certainly made his day.
"Really, how do you remember all this stuff in the class?"
"Actually, this isn't something that was taught in class, but it's intuitive if you think about it," Armin responds.
"I'd have to disagree with you on that. There's a reason you're the best of the best in the classroom." He smiles brightly. Armin's cheeks turn slightly red at the compliment. He realized that he was probably the smartest kid in the 104th, but, being Armin, he didn't let it boost his self-esteem. Yeah, sure, his grades were nearly perfect, with him managing to beat out other high-scorers like Ruth, Bertholdt, Sandra, Reiner, even Mikasa, who seemed to know everything before she was even taught it. But they all possessed something that he didn't, and that was aptitude on the battlefield. What good was his mind if he didn't have the skill to use it during a fight?
"If I was as smart as you, I'd get in the top ten for sure," Marco mentions wistfully.
Armin gives him an encouraging look. "You do well on your tests, and you're extremely skilled with maneuvering, I'm sure you'll be able to join the Military Police."
"Thanks, Armin. I sure hope so, getting to serve the king would be a dream."
"What a strange way to think..." Armin muses to himself. In his experience, most were only concerned about themselves when it came to getting into the interior, and those that pretended to serve the king were nothing but a bunch of corrupt snobs. But with the way he's been so adamant about it throughout the years, Armin doesn't doubt that Marco really does have pure intentions, and it's rare to find someone like that in this world. His ideals might be folly to Armin, but if Marco wants to try and make it a better place, then he's not about to discourage him.
"Hey, do you mind moving, Armin?," a tired voice opens up from behind him. He turns around to see Eren with a lazy expression on his face, holding a large wooden box in his hands, but judging by the lack of a struggle, he guesses it's empty. Krista stands to his right, also holding a box, with a forced smile on her face. Armin gives him a puzzled look, to which Krista responds.
"We were assigned to do some transportation work together, which means we have some boxes to lift," she explains, at which time Armin realizes he's keeping them from accomplishing that goal. He and Marco stand up, with Eren walking slowly over to Armin's former seat and placing his box on top of it. He then squats down and picks them both up, the added height of the second box blocking his view of what's immediately ahead of him.
Krista doesn't move to grab Marco's box, and Armin sees that she's flexing her arms a lot more than Eren in lifting her box, so he guesses she has a nearly full one to handle. Marco seems to notice this too, asking them if they need any help.
Eren opens his mouth but Krista beats him to it. "There's no need for that. You should be enjoying your free time!" A pouty frown forms on Eren's face, but he doesn't speak up.
As she stomps over to Marco's box, Armin gives Eren a consoling look. "I know it's a waste of time and all that, but at least you don't have cleaning duty," he tries to lighten up Eren's mood, knowing how much he despises cleaning duty when he could be training to kill titans.
"Thanks for the optimism, Armin," he responds dryly. Krista gives him a look.
"He's just trying to make you feel better." She places her box on top of Marco's, getting ready to grab both. A recipe for disaster if Armin's ever seen one.
"You can't grab two full boxes, we can just take another trip," Eren suggests as he walk towards her.
"There's no need for that..." she repeats. She makes a grunting sound as she struggles to hoist both boxes into her arms and stand up straight. Armin, Marco, and Eren give her shocked looks, surprised at her strength.
"Okay Eren, let's-" The weight of the boxes prove to be too much for her as her knees buckle. She lets out a high-pitched yelp before falling to the ground, eliciting a thundering crash from the boxes. The three let out light gasps of their own.
"Krista!," Eren exclaims, putting down his own boxes with a thunk and moving to help her up. He extends his hand, but she's only able to lightly graze his fingers before a sound that both Armin and Eren know all too well is heard.
"Eren!" Mikasa shouts. Armin sees her walking briskly towards Eren and quickly grabbing both of his hands, unusually hard if you ask Armin, and giving him a horribly worried look. "Are you okay?"
Eren gives her a sharp frown back. "What? Why are you asking me that?!"
"Oi, Mikasa," Ymir calls, catching up to her at a leisurely pace. "Next time tell me when you're planning on breaking into a sprint like that."
Mikasa ignores her, continuing to look at Eren with wide, concerned eyes. "Does your head feel okay?"
"Uh, Mikasa... Krista was the one who fell," Marco says with an awkward smile. Ymir helps Krista up, the blonde giving her a thank you in return. The brunette gives Mikasa a deranged look, not dissimilar to Eren's. Suddenly, Mikasa turns to Krista, giving her the same probing look, though with a bit less unabashed concern, Armin thinks.
"Are you alright? Do you feel woozy?"
"Easy tiger, she didn't even hit her head." Ymir deadpans back to her.
"what's a tiger?," is Armin's first thought, but he quickly disregards that, stepping into the conversation. "Mikasa, it's fine, there's no need to worry," he says.
"Yeah... really, I'm fine. I just held more than I could handle," she says with an embarrassed laugh. This shouldn't really be an embarrassing moment, but Mikasa's actions seem to be making everyone a little uncomfortable.
The raven haired girl frowns, hastily grabbing both of Eren's boxes and placing them on top of Krista's. She then squats and holds all four boxes with ease, still walking at a quick pace back towards the storage shed. "I'll take these. Eren, you should come with me." Her voice leaves little room for argument, but that's all Eren needs.
"What are you talking about?" Eren's eyes are still wide with confusion and a hint of hot headed anger.
"I'll need help. Krista's injured." Ymir, Marco, Krista, and Armin all stare, mouths agape. They all must think there's a subtext Eren's missing out on, probably the fact that Mikasa's jealous, right?
"Both of the things you just said are a bunch of horse shit," Eren says. Proving his point, Mikasa shifts her right hand so that it's directly under the center of the box. With a light grunt, she places all of the weight there and holds the four boxes with one hand, freeing her left hand to grab Eren's. "Oi, Mikasa, what's with you?!," he says as she tugs him back to the storage house.
"Please," she says. Though there's little emotion in her voice, Armin has known her long enough to tell when she's silently begging, and after a moment of silence, Eren seems to pick up on it too.
"Fine... fine. But carry that with two hands at least." He yanks his hand away from hers and begins to follow her, shooting Armin and Krista an apologetic, exasperated look. The blonde wears a face of understanding, but her freckled friend's expression couldn't be further from that. After they're out of sight, Marco lets out a sigh.
"I was pretty sure Mikasa liked Eren, but I didn't realize she liked him that much." He lets out an awkward laugh.
"I think it's kind of cute!," Krista adds.
"She must be really horny or something, nothing else explains it." Ymir says with a sly grin, earning red faces from the boys and a punch on the arm from Krista. She lightly caresses her arm, pretending to be hurt. "You know I'm right, why else would she just steal Eren like that out of the blue?"
Armin fiddles with his hands, unable to find a way to comfortably occupy them while he thinks. Something was definitely off there. He's known longer than anyone that Mikasa had romantic feelings for Eren. He even remembers the first time he asked her if she did when they were kids, and how she blushed furiously and refused to answer the question and interact with Armin much at all for the rest of the day. But she was never one to stoop to such blatant jealousy like that, more so the type that would fume silently in the corner.
As he thinks, Krista pipes up with another question. "Did Mikasa grow her hair out?"
"Huh? I don't think so," Marco answers.
"If Mikasa was really just jealous, why would she act so concerned for Eren? He didn't even get a scratch on him... neither did Krista, really, she just tripped," Armin ponders.
"Really? I remember it being shorter. I like it," she notes happily.
Armin sighs. There is no way she did that because of jealousy... it just isn't Mikasa, and he would know. But if she isn't jealous, then what was that? He thinks about clarifying his thoughts to the fellow cadets before him, but he figures that there's not much of a chance that they have some insight towards his best friend that he doesn't, so he instead gives the three his goodbyes and walks off, continuing his train of thought.
"Well, I'm not complaining, 'cause she managed to leave you with me." He hears Ymir flirt to Krista in the distance.
"I could ask Mikasa. After all, she's starting to worry me." Though, then again, maybe he was just being paranoid. It's certainly within the realm of possibility, and maybe it's only strange to Armin because he's grown used to the star trainee Mikasa, rather than the Mikasa he's known for so long. Could he be underestimating how attached she was and still is to Eren?
It makes more logical sense, but it doesn't sit right with him. Armin didn't like relying on gut feelings, at least not until he could fully articulate them in his head, but he can't accept that Mikasa was ever as possessive as it seemed she was a few minutes ago. She had a reason... she has a reason for doing all the strange things she does.
Maybe he should ask Mikasa, but if her track record is anything to go by, he won't get a satisfactory answer. He has to get to the bottom of this himself.
It will have to wait, however. His mind, and the minds of all of his fellow cadets for that matter, should be focused elsewhere right now. Their mountain expedition will begin in a few days, so it's time to get prepared.
The snow rattles Eren's face and neck, a shiver working its way through his core. He silently trudges along, having long since learned to tune out Jean's whining. The expedition had begun, and while his exercises that he had done prior certainly prepared him for the exhaustion of a long hike, nothing could have prepared him for the cold.
"It's only been five hours," Reiner says.
"Yeah, five hours! You know how crazy you sound?," Jean barks back at him petulantly.
"Seriously, Reiner, I think you have socks of steel. Mine are completely soaked already," Sasha adds, a miserable taint to her voice.
"To be fair, that's only because you decided to take that shortcut of yours. The snow was a couple inches taller back there," Armin reasons.
"He's right, Sasha, these boots weren't made for that," Eren says.
"Ah, so mister 'keep moving forward' wanted to turn around at the first sign of a little snow eh?" Jean mocks, earning a glare from Eren.
"Who the hell's been complaining this whole time again, Jean boy?"
"Please shut up." Annie raises her voice a tad to make herself known, walking ahead with Bertholdt and Reiner.
"The snowstorm's only going to get worse, you really shouldn't have let your socks get wet so fast," Marco tries to lightly scold the group, to little evident avail.
"Hey, Eren, I thought you were on our side with the shortcut!" Connie interjects, crossing his arms.
"Yeah, and I regret that decision and would like to change teams. It was a stupid idea." Connie frowns at that, because of course he'd take offense at his idea being insulted, no matter how idiotic it was in retrospect.
It only took an hour or two on their expedition for Connie and Sasha to become extremely weary, and having the unstoppable minds that they did, they decided that a shortcut was in order. They knew the general map of their route, so they thought they could get there faster if they cut through a section of trees. Little did they know, the path of the shortcut was quite a bit more jagged and steep than the main path, which stopped most of their squad from trying. Sasha, Connie, Jean, and Eren were the few that decided to do it anyways, fearful of the longer path they had ahead of them if they didn't. Naturally, Mikasa followed Eren.
Ultimately, it ended up being a big mistake, as the thick snow and many rocks overflowed their boots and wet their socks a bit, making the experience just as slow as forgoing the shortcut completely, if not slower.
"What's there to regret? You had Mikasa practically carry you through it all." Jean laughs. Mikasa had made an extra effort to keep him out of danger, which involved her having to yank him out of some deep parts of the snow a couple of times.
"Shut the hell up, horse face!"
"Seconded," Annie adds. Eren inwardly thanks her for the support, even if she definitely would have said the same thing if him and Jean's roles were reversed.
Jean raises his hands in a mock surrender, a smile on his face. "Oi, sorry, my bad. This snow storm's getting the better of me, and your stupid attitude is so easy to make fun of."
"You bastard!" He stomps over to Jean.
"You idiot!"
"If you two are actually foolish enough to start fighting in the middle of a snowstorm, then maybe your deaths were meant to be. Don't expect us to break it off, this expedition takes enough of our energy as is." Reiner scolds the two, giving both Jean and Eren pause, while also silencing the rest of the squad around them.
"Reiner makes a good point. It's waste of energy fighting someone as stupid as this," Eren reasons with himself. Unfortunately, not everyone seems to have as much faith in his ability to calm down, as Eren feels warm, strong arms wrap around his torso and completely lift him up as if he's some log of wood. He doesn't have to look down and see to know who it is.
"Mikasa! Put me down, I wasn't gonna fight him!"
"Ugh! Don't tell me Reiner's words got to Mikasa, of course she'd react this way now!" he laments. He sees Jean and grimaces, expecting a cocky grin to be smack dab on his face, but instead he wears a bitter frown, which somehow makes him more angry. He's been aware of Jean's gross attraction to his best friend, and is definitely not a fan, sniffing the jealousy from a mile away.
After a few more seconds of struggle, cheeks burning from the humiliation of being carried like a toddler, she lets him fall ass first into the snow. He keeps his eyes trained on the ground, knowing the inevitable chastising he's about to receive.
"This isn't the time to be immature. It's important to learn from this experience if you really want to be a Scout, I thought you would realize that." Her eyes pierce into his head, eliciting more shame than he was prepared for. Not that he's about to let that show, as he gets up quickly and brushes the snow off the lower half of his coat, turning around to continue walking with a pettish frown on his face.
The group trudges through the snow in silence for the next ten or so minutes, that amount of time being about all Sasha and Connie can take before they start to joke with one another. Armin and Marco join in shortly after, and half an hour later the tension is more or less gone from squad, though Eren and Mikasa continue to walk silently next to each other, heads slightly to the ground.
Eren looks at her, a focused frown still clear on her face, and for a second he feels guilty. "You don't have to act like this, you know. You could just be easier to deal with, for her." A part of him tries to reason with himself, but his headstrong side interjects. "I know she cares about me, but so does Armin, and he seems to know when enough is enough," he bites back.
"I care about her too, but I know she can easily handle herself, why can't she show me the same courtesy?"
"I can handle myself, you know," he lets out quietly, so that only Mikasa is likely to hear. He really should apologize for his actions earlier, because he can see in her eyes that he's made her upset. But for once, goddammit, he wants her to understand why she can't be acting the way that she does.
She stays silent, pulling the scarf up to her mouth to block out the cold. However, Eren eventually loses patience, continuing the argument himself.
"I might do some stupid stuff sometimes, but I'm not going to get myself killed."
He gets no response.
"Really, do you have so little faith in me that I can't make a single decision by myself, or that I'd die in the military without you?" He lets his volume get a bit too high, earning a concerned look from Armin.
"It doesn't matter." She finally replies, causing Eren's anger to rupture.
"That's a load of crap. It matters a lot!"
"..."
"I'm serious! Just because you're the best of the best doesn't mean I need your help with everything." The fact that she was perfect at just about everything she did made Eren's struggle that much worse. How could he dare call himself a soldier if he needed to be babied by the best cadet the military has ever seen?
"It doesn't matter whether you can handle yourself. You... probably can." She maintains her calm demeanor despite Eren's harsh attitude, but as she's about to continue, her eyes narrow in discomfort, a dreadful taint to her eyes. "But I'm not going to take that risk."
"That risk? That risk, Mikasa?!" He grabs a hold of her arm, which she doesn't resist as he looks at her in the eyes. "I never wanted you to join the military, and I know you only did it 'cause I was going to. Don't you realize what that feels like? To go somewhere where comrades die every day, and for the person you care about most to follow you only because you're too goddamn incompetent to do it on your own?!" Despite the cold breeze, he feels the ghost of angry tears dare to form in the corners of his eyes. Mikasa stares at him with wide, big eyes.
"Eren..." He keeps his glare at her, but as the seconds pass, it becomes harder and harder to stay as angry as he is, not with that pitiable face she wears. He curses inwardly at himself at the tiny thought that enters into his brain, to hug Mikasa and tell her he didn't mean it, just to make her feel better. This is something she needs to hear, though, Eren is sure of it. By his standards, that was quite an eloquent explanation, so it needs to simmer.
"...that's not-" But before she can finish her sentence, Eren walks away from her. He needs his own space, and walking by her side for four more hours after an argument like that... he'd rather be eaten by a titan. "If she wants to talk to me, she's welcome to walk up to me anytime. Though, knowing her, that's not gonna happen."
After what seemed like countless hours... it's finally over.
"Come on! The goal is right here! Keep it up!" a female instructor announces not far ahead of them. The sight of the cabin, despite it's dingy state, is a welcome sight. Judging by the ecstatic gasps of Connie and Sasha, he knows he isn't the only one thankful to be done. But then again, who wouldn't be tired after... how long has it been?
"Nine hours and twelve minutes." A male instructor notes, holding a clipboard in his hands. He looks quite a bit warmer than Eren and his fellow cadets, and he holds back a frown at the idea of these guys getting to stay in the warmth while they were out there freezing their arms off.
"Not a bad time, considering the weather," the man finishes. Eren can see the relatively large open space next to the cabins, multiple fires already started for many of the trainees to get warm in. For some reason, they don't seem to be letting anyone in. As much as he wants to complain, he doesn't have the energy to do it, so he takes a seat where most of his squad has decided to get comfy, on the edge of the fence that surrounded their entire camp. Jean, Connie, and Sasha are sitting tiredly, and Armin looks like he's on the verge of fainting. Marco is standing closer to the fire, lost in thought.
Eren leans on the fence, his eyes landing on Mikasa, who's elected to lean on the fence instead of fully sit. She stares back at him, though only for a split second, looking away quickly. One of them should really apologize, Eren thinks. They didn't speak a word to each other for the rest of the expedition, with the most he could get being occasional glances he would steal at her. Her face remained the exact same for the entire journey, he's pretty sure.
He honestly has no idea what's going through her head. He expected her to be upset by his words, and she definitely is, but her eyes tell a strange story. Eren prided himself on knowing exactly how she felt just by looking into her eyes, but right now, he can't tell. She looks... nervous? Armin surely knows the right word, if only he wasn't panting, head leaning completely on the back of the fence right now. He wants to ask, but the two aren't really in a place for him to be asking 'are you okay?'.
"Are you kidding me, Jaeger? Of course she's not okay." Her protectiveness was always a sore spot when he really tried to confront or argue with her about it.
He looks at her again, and despite the strange deliberation that's obvious in her eyes, at least to Eren, he can't help but feel the slight lift of his eyebrows and the pressings of a smile that he has to force back. The slight red of her cheeks and nose from the cold, the red scarf that she's absentmindedly rubbing between her fingers, the soft sway of her hair in the biting wind... Eren likes her hair. The way she cut it, of course, not, really, the way the black strands outline her face, just barely hiding her tiny ears, not really like that, just the way she cut it. It's short length looks good on her, is all. He likes it that length.
Yeah.
Though, remembering how she looked when they were kids... with her long black hair dangling around her face when she had to wake him up from his naps... he really likes her hair long, too.
He likes both. He just likes... yeah.
He looks at her hand, feeling a strong compulsion to grab it. That would definitely make her feel better... he thinks. But he snaps himself out of it.
"She's your friend, and you feel bad, that's all. But you didn't do anything wrong, you shouldn't apologize." He frowns stubbornly.
Mikasa is definitely going to crack before him, all he has to do is wait.
He sits down with a sigh. "Thought we were gonna die out there," he mutters, more to himself than anyone in particular. "No one ever said winter training would be this tough." It's true, he never could have guessed he'd be trudging through frigid snow for nearly half a day, only getting worse by the snowstorm that slowly dogged at them. He looks at the sky, an exhausted expression on his face.
"Damn it, I can't feel my legs," Jean mumbles, frowning.
"I wish they'd let us inside already," Connie adds.
"I bet they're busy putting together a huge feast for us! Yum..." Sasha says, managing to add a little enthusiasm to the dreary party at the mention of food.
"Hey!" Reiner's voice catches them all as they see him jogging towards the group. "Krista is missing."
"Huh?" Eren lets out. After a second of silence, with them all taking it in, Connie chimes in.
"Wasn't she sticking with Daz, since he was feeling bad?"
"Daz isn't here either," Reiner responds, alarm clear in his voice. "Ymir as well."
Mikasa bows her head slightly, the worry in her eyes vanishing, though Eren doesn't pay it much mind with the situation developing before him.
"Maybe they're with the last squad?" Marco suggests, though Reiner gives him a defeated look.
"Can't be. The last squad, led by Thomas, just arrived. They never saw those three."
Silence penetrates the group at the revelation as they all wear concerned faces. The cold wind, unrelenting, hits the back of Eren's head, reminding him of their current condition.
"does that mean... they're out there in this kind of cold?"
"You don't think... they got lost?" Armin voices what they're all likely thinking.
"Oi... they don't stand a chance if they're stuck in this blizzard." Connie notes.
At that, Eren's made up his mind. "Shit." He grunts and hoists himself back up, starting to walk back in the direction of the woods, but a strong hand holds him back.
"Eren!" She yanks his right arm.
"I'm going back out to try and find them!" He declares passionately.
"No, you're not." Her voice is definitive, silencing the others who look as if they were about to say the same thing.
He looks back "Mikasa, don't start it. I can't just let them die."
"No one's letting anyone die, I'll go."
Eren takes a step back. "...wha... huh?"
Armin stands. "Mikasa, are you saying you'll go by yourself?"
"Yes. No one will die that way."
"Everyone, get in the cabin." The voice of their instructor is heard from behind them.
"But... Krista, and-" Eren tries to argue, but she cuts him off.
"Yeah. We'll send a rescue team first thing in the morning."
"It'll be too late by then!"
Her calm voice becomes stern. "We won't make any more victims!"
A strong gust of wind hits the group. Eren grips at his hood and clenches his eyes as the snow batters his face. "What do we do now? Am I really gonna have to break the rules just to save my comrades?"
"Shit..." he mutters once again.
The instructor walks off as most of the trainees pile eagerly into the cabin, his two best friends still standing beside him.
"Eren... what do we do? We can't just leave them," Armin says. Mikasa puts a hand on the blond's shoulder.
"I'm going to go after them."
Eren scowls once again. "Mikasa, if you think I'm letting you go into a snowstorm by yourself-"
"I won't argue with you. This is something I have to do." She stares blankly ahead of her, where the snowstorm rages and blankets the trail.
"I'm not going to argue with you, either. I'm coming with you whether you like it or not." He states defiantly, walking up to her.
She grabs his hands, holding them tightly in her own and shooting him a look. Her eyes are on full display, conveying an emotion that he rarely sees in her. Desperation. For the first time in a long time, her face isn't hiding a single thing from him...
"Eren... you promised."
He furrows his brow, unaware of what she's talking about, so she elaborates.
"You promised me, in the woods, that you wouldn't do anything dangerous."
He widens his eyes, remembering the event after training with Krista. "Seriously? How was I supposed to know this was gonna happen. It's not like she knew either, this obviously doesn't count!" He mentally shouts. But... a promise is a promise.
He looks back at the path ahead of them, it's ominous white fog filling him with a sense of dread. Krista, Ymir, Daz... them getting lost is one thing, but the thought of him losing Mikasa...
He shifts his eyes back to her, emerald greens pleading. "Mikasa, please..."
"Eren... I promise you, I'll come back. You know nothing would stop me from coming back."
It's true. If there was one thing Eren could depend on Mikasa for no matter what, it's that she would stay by his side... Deep down he knows that.
After a long bit of silence, of them just staring into each other's eyes, Mikasa begins to take her scarf off of her neck. "Here, I'll give you this, so you can give it back to me when I retur-"
Eren puts a hand on hers, stopping her motions. He gives her a reluctantly supportive look. "Don't. You're gonna need that scarf out in the cold. I wrapped that around you, it stays with you."
Mikasa replies with a light gasp of surprise, as she gives his hand a squeeze, eyes filling with a conviction that he's not sure he's ever seen in her. Without another word, she walks off into the cold, her figure disappearing far too fast for his comfort... but he trusts her. Call it his cynical side, because he's not sure she's ever failed at anything in her life, but he gets the feeling that she'll come back.
She always does.
Eren sits by his bed, with most of the cadets lounging by the main hall where the large fire is. As much as he'd love to talk with them, a primal fear has gripped his being for the past thirty minutes, one that he can't recall he's ever felt before. That's not true... there was one time.
His memory shifts to the image of a helpless girl laying on the floor of the kidnappers' house. The thought makes his stomach churn and a panicked pressure erupt throughout his body. He stands up quickly, fingers squeezing into a concentrated fist over and over again as he paces around the room.
"What an idiot you are, Eren..." he says aloud. Did he really let her leave? Just like that? What the hell was he thinking?
There's nothing to be done now, he'd just be getting himself killed if he went out after her. But... if his chances are that low, what does that mean for her?
"She's perfect at everything, did you forget?" his spiteful, jealous half nabs at him, calming him down somewhat at the thought. Maybe calming isn't the right word, just replacing his worry with anger. The frustration is thick in his mind, an aggravating amalgamation of his concern for her, jealousy of her strength, shame at his inability to do anything, not then, not now, not ever... and... something else. A feeling in his heart that he feels like he couldn't pinpoint in a hundred years. Whatever it is, it's the most frustrating part of it all.
He's suddenly glad he's all alone in the sleeping quarters as he realizes just how flustered at all of these thoughts he's become. He forces himself to stay still, placing a hand on his forehead.
"Eren..." Armin's voice cuts through the silent room, the conversations of his comrades in the other room muffled by the walls being the only reprieve. He looks to his best friend, and he can tell that Armin is definitely aware of Eren's state, his inquiring stare being more than enough to cause Eren to sigh and sit back down on the bed. Armin walks up to him quietly, taking a seat to his right.
He would obviously prefer to be alone right now, but if anyone's going to come in here, he's glad it's Armin. His smartest, most considerate, and oldest friend. Without a word from the blond, Eren finds himself letting it out.
"Is she gonna be okay?"
Armin takes a second to respond, looking down at the floor. "I think so." His voice is definitive, like his mind is made up on that fact.
Eren resists the urge to scoff at himself. "Right. I don't know why I'm even worried." Armin is the smartest person he knows, surely he's figured it out. Mikasa is better than Eren at everything, it's an objective fact that if he were to go, the chances of an unsuccessful rescue were much higher. The fact doesn't make him feel any better, though.
Armin looks at him. "What do you mean?"
Eren raises his eyebrows at him, prompting him to continue.
"I'm worried about her, and it's because she could die." The words wither off his tongue, leaving a palpable silence that sends shivers down Eren's back. The thought of her dying...
He slams his left hand down on the bed. "She's the best of the best, stronger than all of us. She's not going to die." He states, more to himself than to his friend.
Armin shoots him a confused look. "I thought you were worried...?"
"I'm not worried about anything." His voice gets louder than he means it to, "She joined the military, she insisted on finding Krista alone... she knows the risks!"
Armin keeps his mouth shut, giving him another inquisitive look. The silence forces Eren to sit and think about his own words, eyes shifting back downwards.
"Eren... I know you don't really believe that."
Eren only sighs in response.
"I heard the argument you had during the expedition," he continues. "You said you never wanted her to join the military..."
"I don't! I-I mean I do! I... I didn't... I don't know."
Armin puts a hand on Eren's back, letting his statements hang in the air so he can figure out his feelings. He looks at his right hand, squeezing it into a fist. "It's good that she's in the military, really. I just have to face the fact that she's out of my league."
Armin chuckles a bit, causing Eren to frown. "What?," he asks
"Nothing... I'm just sure she'd disagree." He blushes a bit, rubbing the back of his neck like he always does. Eren gets the sense that he's hinting at a hidden meaning, but he doesn't have the energy nor will to think about it.
"She'd have to be an idiot to disagree. There hasn't been a single physical test she hasn't gotten a perfect score in. It's like she's been spending her whole life practicing and we just didn't know it." His voice is halfway between bitter and resigned. Armin keeps quiet, allowing Eren to continue.
"My point is, it's a good thing she joined... I just wish she did it for a better reason."
"What do you mean?" Armin asks.
"You know how she is. Everything she does is so we don't die, and that's it. But you're so smart, she only really has to worry about me."
Armin puts a hand on his chin, probably trying to find the right words to say. "So why did you join the military?"
"Huh? You already know that. It's to destroy all the titans."
Armin nods. "But why do you want to do that?"
After a moment of deliberation, Eren answers seriously. "So we can all be free. You know that better than anyone else."
He knows Armin, of all people, understands what he means when he says he wants to be free, wants everyone to be free. Flaming water, fields of sand... to see it all, to be able to see it all, that's what he wants.
"So what's stopping us from that? Why don't we all just leave the walls?"
"There's a pretty big problem with your logic this time, Armin," he deadpans, wanting him to get to the point.
"It's because we'd all be eaten. So, if you only wanted to be free, you wouldn't worry about killing the titans first. No. There are actually two things you want. You want to leave the walls, but you also want to save the people you care about."
"What? Of course I want to save the people I care about, what kind of revelation is that?"
"My point is that Mikasa wants the same thing. She wants to save the people she cares about. She tells you that you can't take care of yourself, but as you heard in your argument with her, she doesn't even believe that herself."
Eren's eyes widen at the fact. "That's true, isn't it? Then why would she..."
"It's what all soldiers fight for, when it comes down to it. It's what makes us human... the desire to protect our loved ones. It's what separates us from the titans," Armin continues. "She wants to protect you. That's what she meant, when she said she wasn't going to take that risk. You could be as skilled as the Survey Corps' Captain Levi, and she still wouldn't leave you alone. It's just who she is."
Eren sighs, once again being beaten by Armin's superior logic. He'd be a complete liar if he said he isn't fighting to also make sure his friends live long lives. Still, it doesn't sit right with him.
"Maybe that's how she is, but I... it's frustrating."
Armin gives him a hearty laugh, forcing a light smile to form on Eren's lips. "Maybe, but you can at least understand where she's coming from."
"Yeah..." Eren lets out. He's not fully convinced, still having greatly mixed feelings about the whole ordeal, but it's always nice, and sometimes a bit humbling, to have Armin put it into perspective every once and a while.
After a while of the two sharing smiles, Armin pipes up again. "You know, that wasn't the main reason I said I think she'll be fine."
"Huh?"
"She had a look on her face... when she said she was going to look for them." Armin stares off into space, a look of reflection on his face. "If you ask me, something about her feels off."
Eren shifts in his seat a bit. "Yeah, I think I know what you mean." Maybe he isn't crazy for having these thoughts about Mikasa. If Armin thought of it too, then it must be grounded in reality.
Armin nods again. "I can't place it, and I don't really have enough to go off of, but it feels like something's going on in her head. Like she's... planning something."
Mikasa stands in the icy field, face turned into a determined frown. Her heart beats rapidly in her chest, but she knows this is something she has to do. It's a big risk, but... when she thinks about Eren...
"I wrapped that around you, it stays with you..."
She's going to save him.
She lets her gloved hands graze her scarf as she stares at the sight before her. The snow covers the entire field, her visibility greatly limited by the ravaging snow storm, but there is one spot, a spot where the snow that lands there instantly melts.
And that's beside the steaming corpse of Ymir's Jaw Titan.
She elects to stay quiet, letting the howling wind and the bloody sounds of Ymir exiting from the nape fill her ears. Given the visibility, Mikasa doesn't think her silhouette will be noticed until after Ymir's disconnected from her titan.
She sees the silhouette walking towards her, dragging another person by her side. It must be Daz, Mikasa thinks, which means Ymir risked Historia knowing her secret to save him...
She takes a deep breath to calm her nerves as the silhouette stops for a few seconds, before starting again, this time with a quickened pace.
It isn't long before Mikasa can make out Ymir's freckled face, her apprehensive stare, and her brown locks flowing with the wind. Ymir narrows her eyes upon recognizing who Mikasa is, but she doesn't make a move. They both stare at each other, letting nothing but the wind, which has grown suspiciously silent, fill in the void of confrontation.
After what seems like minutes, Ymir, not breaking her serious expression, begins. "Are you going to kill me, Mikasa?," her voice, now lacking that playful bounce that always accompanied it, feels different to her. Mikasa stretches out her fingers, noting the total control she has over them despite the cold. She could kill her, she's still strong. In fact, a part of her feels stronger than she ever has. She keeps quiet at Ymir's question, maintaining her composed glare.
Ymir doesn't wait for a response.
"... if you are, you've made a mistake. I can transform again if I have to, and with no gear, I'm not even sure Mikasa Ackerman could stop me from eating her," she threatens, with in a look in her eyes that says "just try it, I dare you"
Mikasa lets her frown falter a bit. "You aren't going to eat me." Her voice manages to remain calm despite her beating heart.
"Huh? Why's that? I'm a titan."
"You're a titan shifter, Ymir. There's a difference."
Ymir's eyes widen, but she stays silent.
"When you inflict an injury on yourself, you have the power to become a titan, but you have complete control over it."
The statement hangs over the two for an uncomfortable amount of time.
"I thought humanity wasn't supposed to know that..."
Mikasa takes a step forward. "Eldians, you mean."
Ymir's shoulders fall, the wary glare replaced by a complete look of shock etched onto her face. "So... you're a Marleyan."
"No. I'm an Eldian of Paradis."
She lets out a bit of a sigh. "For a second I thought you were here to take my titan back for your motherland.." Before finishing she furrows her brow. "You're an Eldian who knows about Marley. I thought if anyone knew about that, it'd be the king."
Mikasa doesn't respond, letting Ymir take in the information. The brunette looks at her hand, then looks back at Mikasa. "I'm a bit confused. But, I guess the only thing I need to know is this." She reveals a small, flat knife from her coat. "Are you going to kill me?"
"Ymir... I'm not going to kill you. I'll..." she hesitates, a small part of her still unsure if this is something she should do.
"For Eren."
"... I'll tell you everything. I need your help."
Ymir gives her that classic inquiring look, probably trying to discover the truth about her statement. Mikasa hopes the pleading in her eyes is enough, as she knows she isn't the best at conveying her emotions. Fortunately, whatever Ymir was looking for in her eyes, she found it. She nods, walking up while still dragging the unconscious Daz with her left arm. "We should at least get back to the camp while you talk, I don't want to keep Krista waiting."
They walk in silence for a bit, the light crunch of their boots compacting the snow underneath their feet dominating the conversation, along with the occasional shift of Daz's covered up body.
"So how long have you known about me," Ymir asks.
"... I've known since I entered the training corps."
Ymir gives her a look, but Mikasa keeps her eyes focused on the trail ahead of them.
"Is that why you bothered to talk to me?," she asks in a more lax voice. After a moment of consideration, Mikasa answers.
"No. You were a nice change of pace from everyone else."
Ymir snorts. "I think that's the closest thing to a compliment I've ever gotten out of you. Still, it's strange to think... all this time you knew about me and you didn't say a damn thing." Mikasa grabs at her scarf again.
She didn't say anything. And in the end, there really wasn't a good reason not to tell Ymir earlier. It wasn't that she truly needed two years to figure it out... she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Things had been so perfect, compared to how they were before she came to the past. She trained, she excelled, she had Eren, she had her friends. There was so little to worry about, and the idea of having to risk it all by taking action... telling Ymir the truth so she could help her... it risked throwing all of it away. Now, there was no going back. If she does nothing she will relive everything again. She has to act.
"Why? And how do you know about Marley and the titans? Are you royal? Are you supposed to be one of those 'honorary Marleyans'?"
"I'm from the future." She said it. She actually said it. For the briefest of moments it feels as if a weight is lifted off her shoulders, but if that's how it was, then an even heavier weight was placed right after. With each passing moment of dazed silence the weight gets heavier and heavier.
"..."
"..."
"I'm waiting for you to give me an answer."
"That is the answer."
"I never took you for the joking type. Especially at a time like this."
"It isn't a joke. Ymir, I'm from the year 854. For some reason... I don't know why... I ended up back here."
"What a crock of shit. You expect me to believe that? For all I know, you're stalling for time until we get back to camp. Hell, there could be a trap waiting for me."
"It's the truth. You have to believe me."
Ymir stops in her tracks. "I like you, Ackerman, but you're gonna have to do better than that."
She was afraid she'd say that. Damn it, what was Mikasa thinking, the very same thing that she thought protected her from scrutiny, the absurdity of her situation, is now her greatest obstacle in getting Ymir to believe her. Mikasa sighs. The encampment is in sight, but she knows that she can't get Ymir to come with her until she convinces her of the situation.
"How else would I know you're a titan shifter?"
Ymir crosses her arms. "I ate someone, maybe you knew them."
Mikasa's eyes widen a bit, remembering something Eren told her a few weeks before their expedition to retake Shiganshina. "How else would I know you'd been a titan for sixty years?" Eren told her he recalled a conversation she had with Bertholdt, where she said that she had been a mindless titan for about sixty years until eating their friend. No one but Ymir should know that.
Ymir gasps lightly, a bewildered expression clear on her face. "How... what? You're actually from the future? I... you know I can't believe that, there has to be some kind of explanation."
"You've always been good at this, so look me in the eyes and tell me I'm lying." She steps towards Ymir, who instinctively takes a step back in shock. She stays silent, but she's still clearly taken aback. Mikasa gives her a stone cold stare in return, waiting for a response. After a while of Ymir going through everything in her head, making subtle changes to her facial expression as she does so, she finally speaks up.
"Fine. I'll humor you. Daz is gonna die if we don't move, he needs to get to the cabin." She begins walking once again. Mikasa opens her mouth to respond, but closes it again, not expecting that kind of response. Before she can decide whether she wants to ask, Ymir explains. "If you really knew I was a titan for years, there's no reason you'd wait for a time like this to capture me. And there's not much of a reason for you to come out here and trick me, either."
Mikasa catches up, walking by her side again. She lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "Thank you, Ymir."
"Don't thank me yet."
The walk back there is silent. Mikasa looks back at Daz's figure, trying to assess him and make sure he'll be alright. He looks to be in dire condition, but he'll make it, Mikasa thinks. By the time they arrive, the snowstorm has cleared up a bit, to where she can see quite a few meters ahead of her. She sees Krista sitting alone, by the fence across from the cabins, a tense look on her face. However, it isn't long before she hears the footsteps of the pair, looking up at them with worried eyes. She stands and approaches them.
"Ymir! Mikasa!," she gasps in relief. She quickly envelops Ymir in a tight hug, her forehead grazing the brunette's neck due to the height difference. Ymir's surprised by the embrace, not hugging back. Despite that, Mikasa sees something in her eyes... something that reminds her of herself. She straightens the scarf on her neck.
"We should get Daz in!" She exclaims, grabbing the rope that connects to Daz's person. Mikasa moves to help her, wrapping her arms around his torso and hoisting him up with ease. Krista lets out a light sound of confusion before letting go of the rope, realizing that the raven haired girl doesn't need any help. She walks into the cabin, getting the attention of two of the instructors. They dash up and take Daz from her, the female instructor speaking up after inspecting his face.
"He'll live, we need to get him by a fire," she orders to some of the other students in the main room, which doesn't consist of all that many people due to the hour. A notable exception is Armin, who gives Mikasa a relieved look when their eyes meet. He walks over to her.
"They'll surely punish you tomorrow, Mikasa," he warns. She doesn't respond to that, eyes roaming around the lodge.
"Where's Eren?" she asks. Armin frowns lightly, but acquiesces.
"He's in the other room, do you want to see him?"
"No. Don't bother him, I have to talk to Ymir," she answers, a little too suddenly, which Armin is sure to pick up on. His investigating gaze is square on her, but she doesn't have the time to worry about it right now, and Eren is the last person she needs to talk to. She hasn't even gotten to her question for Ymir... tonight is going to be a long night.
Without another word, she leaves once again. The cold sends an involuntary shiver down her spine, having gotten used to the nice, warm cabin. She sees Krista and a reluctant Ymir talking as she approaches, and as soon as Ymir notices her, she gives her a serious glare. Krista, noticing, turns around. "Mikasa," she greets.
Before she can respond, Krista interrogates her. "Did you have anything to do with it? How else could Ymir fall down that cliff, it's too big!" Her face is thick with concern, but also a hint of frustration. Mikasa guesses that Ymir hasn't told her anything, so she gives her own explanation.
"Yes. She would have died if I didn't help her. Luckily she didn't have any broken bones." Ymir gives her a look, halfway between surprise and gratitude, as Krista huffs.
"Is that why you took so long? If you had just gotten up you could have easily beaten me to the camp," she asks.
"Yeah. As much as I hate to say it, I owe her my life. But we want to talk about a few things, sorry," Ymir explains, prompting Krista to concede.
"Alright," she says with a frown. She turns to Mikasa.
"Thank you... Mikasa." Her ocean blues are filled with gratitude and relief, and Mikasa can't help but give her a smile in return.
"You're welcome."
The blonde turns away, slowly walking back to the cabin doors. Once it closes on her, Ymir turns to Mikasa.
"Alright... I don't know about this future crap, but I do believe you when you say you need my help, so I'll hear it." She sits her butt back on the snow, leaning against the fencepost and patting the ground to her right expectantly. Though she'd rather stand, Mikasa accepts and sits next to her, getting ready to explain it all.
"We're being invaded."
"Huh?"
"The honorary Marleyans... they're called warriors. A couple of years ago, Marley sent four of them to Paradis so they could break down the walls, and possibly steal the Founding Titan for their government. Each of these warriors had the power of the titans. They were the Colossal Titan, the Armored Titan, the Female Titan, and the Jaw Titan."
"Ah... makes sense. That Colossal Titan was smart, breaking down the gates instead of the walls themselves. My memories are sparse, but I know that I had to have eaten one of them to get this power, and I'm guessing it was either the Jaw or the Female Titan."
"It was the Jaw titan. Thanks to my knowledge of the future, I know that the Colossal Titan plans to attack Trost, just like it did Shiganshina. If we can stop them, we can save everyone," she finishes, hoping that's enough for now.
Ymir sits in silence, taking in the information provided. "That seems simple enough. You're a demon with your blades, and I'm a titan. You want my help to keep the walls from being breached, and to kill the three warriors. That might be easier said than done, though."
Mikasa glances at her, prompting her to continue. "I don't know what this Female Titan looks like, I don't know how we're supposed to crack the plating on the Armored one, and if the Colossal can look over the top of the wall like everyone says he can, there's nothing we can do about him. I'd just be throwing my life away."
"That's not true. I know who the three warriors are."
Ymir's eyes widen.
"You know them, too. They're acting as undercover agents, pretending to be displaced residents of Wall Maria. Their names are Reiner Braun, Bertholdt Hoover, and Annie Leonhart."
Any color there was before drains from Ymir's face. Her eyes are unfocused as she looks at the ground, darting from snowflake to snowflake. Eventually, her eyes stop, the pieces of the puzzle clicking together.
"So... that's why you never liked those three, you knew they were going to kill hundreds of your comrades..." she realizes.
Mikasa continues. "I know exactly where Bertholdt is going to transform, and I can cut him out before he realizes what's happening. The problem is the other two. They'll realize something is going wrong and will probably go into hiding... and that's where I need your help."
"You know, I have a better idea." Ymir stands up, unsheathing the knife once again. "With your help, killing them right now should be a piece of cake." As she walks towards the cabin, Mikasa grips her hand, yanking her back. Ymir gives her a bewildered look.
"What? We're in the mountains, it would be too easy to kill them and let nature hide the evidence. Why wait until they're just about to attack Trost, and Reiner and Annie have the chance to get away?"
Mikasa gives her a stern frown. "That wouldn't be a good idea. We'd be on the offensive, which would make us look like murderers when we're caught."
"If we're caught. Besides, if you can explain to everyone why you did it, then it shouldn't be a problem."
"I don't know everyone's past like I know yours, Ymir." She doesn't actually know much of anything about Ymir's past, but she decides not to mention that. "It's too risky."
"And risking the lives of thousands of people in Trost isn't? No..." She turns back to Mikasa and walks up to her slowly. "This isn't really about them. It wouldn't have made sense to me if it wasn't for your obvious love for Eren, but something tells me he's the real priority for you."
Mikasa's stomach tightens as she maintains her silence. She should have known Ymir would guess her true motivations for this, now it's just a matter of spinning it so she doesn't know about Eren's titan. If she figures it out, then Mikasa will have to tell her everything about Eren, including his descent... and how she had to kill him. Knowing Ymir, she'd want to slit his throat before he gets the chance to inflict anything on the world, which would put her in conflict with Mikasa. The very opposite of what she wants.
"So, spill the beans. I know you're not telling me everything. What happens to Eren in your future where they break down Trost?"
Mikasa knows the key is to tell her the truth, just not the full truth. Steeling herself, she answers.
"He dies."
"Figured as much," she responds, turning back around to face the cabin. Mikasa stifles a huge sigh of relief. "Still, how very selfish of you, Mikasa. Here you are with the perfect opportunity to kill them and save your Eren, but because it could mean your execution, you don't want to do it."
Mikasa doesn't respond, looking down at the snowy ground. For a second, she actually feels bad at the idea. Is it really selfish? No... if she's not alive to protect Eren, what's stopping him from rumbling the world again, and what would be the point of her coming back?
Would she give her life for Eren?
Yes.
Is that the best course of action right now? Surely not.
"I don't have to justify it to you. We won't kill them now. It's not a good idea," she states definitively, instantly regretting her temper.
Ymir frowns. "Have it your way. But your idea seems too life-threatening to me. How about a deal, you don't tell anyone about my titan, and in return I won't get in your way. I might even help you, here and there."
Mikasa's eyebrows lift as a light sound escapes her throat. "Is she saying no?"
Ymir answers the silent question. "Sorry, I don't see a point in chasing after Reiner and Annie. If they're from Marley's military, they'll know a thing or two about staying in the shadows, I'll probably just get myself killed."
This is bad. She needs this to work. Ymir knows now, but she won't help... so she can't know... Should she kill her? It would present the same problem as killing the warriors, though. In fact, it would be worse, as Krista knows where she and Ymir were last. "What should I do...? What should I do?"
After seeing Mikasa's expression not change one bit, she turns around, walking to the cabin doors. She stops at the steps, turning her head. "You have my word, though, I won't tell anyone. You never told anyone about my titan, so consider the debt repaid. Now we both have knowledge we can use against the other, so it's better if we keep quie-"
"Krista is the true heir to the throne." She lets out, desperate to keep her here for just a minute longer, to have more time to convince her. Ymir turns around abruptly, stunned by her words.
"The Reiss family is the true royal family... and Krista is an illegitimate child of Rod Reiss," she elaborates. Ymir's gasps slowly as the gears turn in her head... putting together her knowledge of Krista... of the church forcing her to change her name and join the cadet corps. Mikasa sees something flash in Ymir's eyes, a mix of conviction, fear, and bewilderment. Unfortunately for her, it's about to get worse.
"The warriors know it too. If they find out Krista has royal blood, she'll be useful to them."
"You aren't threatening me with Krista's safety, are you, Ackerman?" She gives Mikasa an icy cold stare, colder than the swaying air around them.
Mikasa shakes her head. "I won't tell them. There would be no reason for me to help the warriors. But it won't be long before they figure it out, unless we do something."
Ymir maintains a glare, leaving the wind and the muffled sounds coming from the cabin as the only thing to fill the silence.
"Please... Ymir," Mikasa pleads, her patience growing thin. Ymir's face is deep in contemplation.
Closing her eyes, she eventually lets out a long sigh, the breath visible due to the cold. "I'll think about it."
Mikasa's stomach drops. That is not the answer she wants to hear. She's unable to think of anything else to say as Ymir looks at her.
"Goodnight, Mikasa," Ymir finishes, opening the door and walking inside.
Eren lays on his bed, the sounds that were going on outside of the room finally quieting down as Armin reenters, moving to sit on his own dingy bed.
"What happened out there?"
"How the hell should I know?" Jean mutters petulantly from the top bunk.
"I was talking to Armin, idiot," Eren says, too tired for another fight the boy's obviously trying to start.
"Daz is back, we got him warmed up," Armin answers.
Eren gasps. "What about Mikasa, and Krista?"
"And Ymir, don't forget," Marco adds.
"They're fine, too. Apparently Mikasa saved Ymir's life. They had a talk outside, but when I came in here only Ymir had come through the door."
"Huh? You're saying Mikasa's still out there?" His voice gets a bit higher than a whisper, earning a shush from Connie.
"Unless I missed something. She probably came in right as I lef-"
Eren shakes the covers off of his bed, standing up. "Eren!" Armin gasps in shock as he slips on his boots and coat. "Mikasa insisted she leave alone out of the blue, and now she's staying outside for no reason?" he muses. He hears Jean talking in his cocky voice as he leaves, probably making a few quips at his expense, not that he has a mind to care.
He opens the cabin door, the cold air hitting his uncovered face like a bag of bricks. Although, if he's being honest, it's a lot warmer than it was during their expedition. The snow storm must have really let up, as there's presently no snow falling. He sees Mikasa sitting by the last open fire in the large, solitary field. She stares at the flames, a frantic expression adorning her face, as if lost in deep contemplation.
He finds himself walking over to her, his loud footsteps somehow not grabbing her attention. When he's only a few feet away, he opens his mouth.
"What are you doing?"
She looks up quickly, as if startled, but upon recognizing his face her gaze softens. "I'm sitting," she answers.
"Why?"
She looks back into the fire, not saying a word. "Here we go again," Eren thinks, though he doesn't have the energy to pry, and he doesn't really want to. She doesn't look happy, possibly even stressed, at least that's what her eyes say, so he decides to sit down with her, which catches Mikasa a bit by surprise.
"Armin said you saved Ymir's life."
Mikasa keeps looking into the fire.
"I'm glad nothing went wrong, even though I don't know why you didn't want my help. Something tells me you're not gonna bother explaining, so I won't bother asking." He can't stop a little bitterness from coating his words, which she picks up on.
"Sorry. You're right. It wasn't worth it."
Eren widens his eyes. That's not what he expected to hear. Is she admitting she was wrong?
She continues. "I want you to be safe, Eren."
Eren lets the statement hang in the air a bit before responding. "Mikasa... I'm in the military. We're in the military. One of these days you're gonna get yourself hurt because you don't treat me like a teammate."
She turns to him. "I do treat you like a teammate."
"No, you don't." Eren surprises himself with how calm he is at the moment, attributing it to his tired nerves. He sighs. "I really don't understand you sometimes, you know?"
She nods. "Sorry..." She keeps her eyes on the fire, once again looking like she's on the brink of saying something, but refraining. A look which gives Eren endless frustration. He distracts himself by looking at her eyes. They're a strong, solid color of blue, but they're so dark you basically wouldn't be mistaken for calling them grey, charcoal even. Because of that, it tends to blend in with the pupil, though Eren's looked into those eyes enough times to easily tell the difference. Sometimes, she looks like she was ripped straight out of a soulless black and white drawing, which he supposes is fitting for the way she acts most of the time.
But, just like Mikasa as a whole, there's a hidden emotion in those little things. A pureness so exquisite that he hasn't seen it in anyone else, and he finds his insides warming at the thought, despite the cold. Quickly, however, his thoughts sour at his conflicting feelings towards the girl at the moment. That aggravating part of her isn't going away anytime soon.
She sees those eyes droop a bit, a blink here or there that lasts a tad too long, and he finds himself wrapping an arm around her. She sinks into him, laying her head on his shoulder and closing her eyes, though her worried expression doesn't fully dissipate. Her black hairs poke slightly at his unscarfed neck, and though he wishes he could go back inside, he doesn't have the heart to shake Mikasa awake just yet.
It isn't long before her breaths start to take a more steady rhythm, and he realizes she's asleep. If only he had the strength to comfortably lift her, he could take her to her lodgings. Considering she is probably heavier than him, with all that muscle, he resigns himself to his fate, deciding to wake her up if it really started to get cold. With the fire going, and the warmth she radiates, he could probably stay here for a few more hours.
An hour comes and goes, and he's practically laying his head on top of hers, fighting off sleep himself.
Unfortunately... the fight becomes a lot less difficult when he hears the sniffle of the girl right next to her. Furrowing his brows, he looks at her face, and to his horror he sees tears starting to dribble down, small whimpers exiting her throat.
A nightmare.
Sheesh what a chapter. I'm surprised I was able to write this many words in a week, but every single scene was super fun to write, so the words kept flowing!. I hope all of this is enough to chew on for two weeks, as final exams will leave little room for such work time. As always, leave a review telling me how you thought about this crazy chapter, and have a good day! -Y