Magnus POV
"No."
"Absolutely not."
"NO, Magnus."
My two (former) best friends are sitting in my penthouse living room, saying the opposite of what I want them to.
"He's a Shadowhunter, really, Magnus? We hate Shadowhunters", Ragnor says, pointing a green finger between himself, me, and Catarina.
"I don't hate anyone, Ragnor. I don't want to talk about hate; I want to talk about love. As in I love Alexander Lightwood, and no one is going to change my mind", I respond, "You two are supposed to be happy for me. You're my friends, at least you were."
"Magnus...", Catarina says as if I forgot all my manners again.
"And the other thing is, I was so wrapped up in Alexander, I forgot the OTHER reason I went there was to talk to Clary. Valentine is looking for her", I say.
"He was going to find out he's her father at some point", Catarina sighs.
"He's a Shadowhunter!", Ragnor repeats, unable to change the subject, "A Child of the Angel. Does he know you're a warlock? Wait til you tell him who you're a child of!" He hoots with appreciation for his own joke.
"Alexander knows who my father is", I shout back.
"Why hasn't he arrested you? Have you ever considered this may be a Clave plot? Everybody knows how you are...", Ragnor suggests.
"And how am I?", I ask softly with a simmering undertone.
"Ragnor, he's not just a warlock, he's an alpha", Catarina reminds him.
"Listen, I mean no disrespect", Ragnor goes on, "But I've never in a thousand years met anyone, and I mean anyone, who falls in love as easily or quickly as you do. And I've never seen anyone suffer more when it doesn't work out."
"Our bond is stronger than anything else in nature, it overcomes any force. It doesn't matter that I'm a warlock, I can have a CHILD with this man, do you understand what that means?", I ask.
"There are many children who need homes already, and you've always been Dad to many lost Downworlder souls, look at Raphael...", Ragnor says.
"You would say 'look at Raphael'", I comment.
"You could only have a child under certain conditions", Catarina points out.
"We're soul mates. I'm positive. The smell..."
"He's smells?!", Ragnor shouts.
"You don't get it." I rub my forehead in frustration.
"I know what you're talking about", Catarina offers, "The alpha/omega smell thing. What does he smell like to you?"
"Vanilla, honey, butter, cream, dessert", I offer.
She sighs. "Yeah, that sounds pretty bad. It sounds like..."
"He's my soul mate", I repeat.
"It sounds like... maybe, and what do you smell like to him?", she asks.
"Indonesia, he said", I point out. "A white boy who's never been out of Manhattan except to portal to Alicante guessed Indonesia."
"Fuck", she answers.
"Exactly", I say.
"Can he spell it or find it on a map?", Ragnor asks tartly.
"Can any of them? But that's not the point. And he calms right down when I tuck his face into my neck and he takes a depth breath. Right down. He'd fall asleep if I left him there longer than a few minutes. Omegas are sooooo damn anxious, but the scent from my glands just makes him go so soft and relaxed...and Catarina, I've never felt this way about anyone. I'm going crazy not to be near him."
"Do I have to hear about this?", Ragnor fusses, "I don't care who stuck whose nose up whose omega, okay? You can't do this, period. Now weren't we going for pizza?"
"I don't have an appetite anymore", I say, standing up.
"Don't be like that", Ragnor says, "C'mon, you know we have your best interests at heart."
"Do you?", I ask, wounded. "You know how to find your way out."
"Go, go", I hear Catarina whisper to Ragnor.
"Well I don't believe this", Ragnor fusses, leaving with a bang, presumably waiting in the hallway.
She follows me into my bedroom.
"Magnus..."
I hold up a hand. "I've really heard enough, Catarina."
"I don't care, you're going to hear more", she says, sitting beside me on the gold silk comforter on my bed.
"He's right, you fall in love too easily. A mortal?! Magnus, no. Have you forgotten the other mortals? Their lives go by in a blink compared to ours! You know this. Your first love, the beautiful Indonesian woman who died in your arms, or Immaso who left you, or Etta who left you for a man who could give her children...Magnus, you'll have to watch him DIE. You may have to watch your own children DIE. Have you even thought about that?"
"I think about nothing else!", I scream, my full demon voice on display.
"Magnus. Oh Magnus, no, I'm just trying to remind you. This doesn't work out. Ever. For a warlock, a mortal soul mate is a sentence of pain and suffering for eternity; just because he's your soul mate doesn't mean you have to get involved with him. Find a nice warlock who can go at the same pace you do. He'll either leave you and die, or die of old age or childbirth in your arms. This only ends one way, Magnus, and no matter what, you lose", she says. I'm ready to put my hands over my ears to make it stop.
"Stop, stop, stop!", I growl at her and my glamour falls.
I'm not just angry, I'm a physical threat to her right now.
"You wouldn't hurt me", she says.
"I wouldn't want to, that doesn't mean the anger won't take over."
She backs away toward the door. "Just think about it", she says.
"I'll find a way, Catarina. Even if I have to beg my father himself", I get out. "He's my soul mate."
"You said", she whispers.
"If you've never felt this before, you don't understand", I tell her.
"I haven't, and it's possible I don't. I just love you, Magnus, and I can't bear to see you shattered again, and this time, I don't know if you'd recover." She turns and walks out.
"Two weeks have gone by, but I'm not ready. They're carrying on over there about the flowers and the tuxes and the guest list, while I'm sitting in my penthouse wondering if I'm going crazy.
It looks like a flower show over there with white orchids and blue hydrangeas dripping from every surface, even from the ceiling. Golden utensils, additional plating made with the Lightwood crest. I see they're putting my money to good use. Or use anyway.
But...I can't do it. First of all, there's no way I can control myself around him until his heat, neither can he, and second—I need to talk to my father.
Catarina got to me, and I've spent the last week thinking about it. I force myself to go to the Institute—by portal, if I walked, I'd just wind up somewhere else. This is the last kind of visit I'd ever want to make
The guards no longer bother me. They give me dirty looks, the same ones they give Alexander, but it's not worth engaging them.
"Magnus!", Isabelle cries as I walk in the door. "Good to see you. My brother is training, he'll be finished in a few, but he'd kill me if I didn't let him know right away that you're here..." She notices the big bag on my shoulder. "You movin' in?"
"Stop, stop, Isabelle. I'm very glad I met you and not him at the door. Let him train. I have to postpone the wedding."
Her face falls, then turns furious. "You're dumping my...!"
"NO!", I cry out, "I'm not dumping anyone. I didn't say cancel the wedding, I said postpone. I have to go see my father. And I'd like our wedding to not be more than a few days before he goes into heat again, for his sake. He's a virgin and I'm not a small man."
She looks and checks me out. Shadowhunters! This isn't uncomfortable or anything. "You're right, you're not", she agrees, taking a deep breathing, "You're not dumping my brother?"
"Of course not. He's my mate already, I adore him", I answer. "I just need some time."
"If you're getting cold feet, warlock..."
"Isabelle, relax. What I need help with is telling him", I sigh.
"We better do it together."
"What?", he asks, his blue eyes are round as saucers. "You don't want to get married? I..." He gulps in a rush of air.
"NO, baby, no no no, that's not what I said. I need to visit my father and I really want you to be closer to your heat when we wed, we've talked about this before", I say.
"We can have sex when I'm not in heat", he whispers despite the fact that Isabelle is across the room giving us privacy.
"I know that, Alexander, and we will, but I want you to remember your first time forever, and not for how painful it was. I'm a big man, Alexander, even by alpha standards."
"Good", he smirks.
"Oh you think you know what that means, you don't", I insist.
"I know an excuse when I hear one." Ouch.
"Okay. That's only part of the reason I want to postpone. I have to see my father too", I insist.
"If you don't want me, if you've changed your mind, just say so", he says. I put joy back on that face and now I'm taking it away again. Dammit, Catarina.
"The only thing that's changed is that I've fallen in love you with already", I murmur, kissing his neck. He goes slack.
"Then why..." There are tears in his eyes. I did that. I made an angel cry. Great Magnus, being half demon wasn't good enough, you had to go and destroy purity and goodness itself.
"It has to be this way. Do you trust me?", I ask him.
The fact that he has to think about it a minute is hard. He nods his head.
"Yes, alpha", whispers, unconvinced, his face in a pout so adorable I have to remind myself it would be inappropriate to laugh. But not to kiss those sad plump lips, which I do immediately. Then I tuck his head into my neck and he breathes deep without being asked. He needs the comfort and he knows it. I wish I could bottle it. But I've done the next best thing.
I pull a big blanket out of the bag. "This is from my bed. I sleep wrapped up in this blanket every night. I thought while I'm gone, it might help."
His eyes light up and he holds the blanket to his nose. "Thank you, Magnus", he murmurs.
"It's like pulling off a bandaid folks", Isabelle says, splashing her alpha cold water everywhere, "Let's not suffer through this over and over. When will you be back, warlock?'
"Soon."
"A date?", she asks.
"Soon", I repeat. She glares at me.
"I love you", I whisper to him, nose to nose, "You're my world. Keep those words close to you. I'm coming back. I swear it." I fill my words with every drop of alpha confidence I have and he nods his head.
I take him into my arms and kiss him hard, then turn to leave quickly. If I look back, I won't be able to go.