AN This chapter is a bit angst and later sappy, I guess you can say, but I needed some things to happen before the next chapter; the Thor plotline is coming to a close the following two chapters, I didn't want to be on it too much, and yes you do get a hint of who Loki's mother is, at least in my story. So if you're this enjoy.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 7: To Jotunheim We Go
Saphira took a break from pulling weeds and looked up towards the sky and enjoyed the sun hitting her in the face; she had been on Asgard for two months now and had gotten Frigga's garden looking even more beautiful; that was something she missed when living in Las Vegas, gardening, it was relaxing to her. Saphira smiled and went back to pulling weeds; she never wore gardening gloves, not even on Midgard, preferred the feel of the dirt on her hands; Enid never could understand why Saphira would want to get her hands dirty; she figured it was a part of her connection with nature. Another surprising thing about her, or so Enid thought.
Saphira stood and moved to the other side to start pulling weeds there; after removing the weeds, she planned to make more flowers grow in their place; Saphira sat down, and before starting, she glanced over at Loki, who was sitting a little bit ways, on the bench that sat at the side of the garden pathway. Loki sat sideways, with his legs probed up on the seat, one foot crossed over the other and reading; the book he was reading was one she gave him a few years ago, it was a book of dark poems by Edgar Allen Poe, she had read them once herself. She thought the dark nature of them would be something Loki would enjoy.
Saphira sat and studied Loki a moment; he wasn't wearing any armor type cloths like he usually did, but more comfortable ones, dark green trousers, with a lighter green top, and smaller, more lightweight boots than usual; Loki wasn't wearing his helmet; his hair had grown just a little since she's been there, and Gungnir was in Loki's chambers, he decided to leave it behind when offering to accompany her to the garden. A week or so back, Saphira mentioned to Loki many Midgardains got Sunday off for various reasons. Loki decided that sounded like a good idea, and they would have one day a week to relax and time to themselves. Saphira liked the thought of that and agreed.
Saphira's idea of relaxing was working in a garden or being outdoors; Loki's idea of relaxing was to read, so since Loki could read anywhere, they spent their day off outside, Loki would find a nice spot to read, and Saphira would either work in the garden or something else outdoors unless there was bad weather, or too hot, then they stayed indoors. They didn't even have to snuggle or sit with each other or even constantly kiss to enjoy being with each other; Loki was a few feet away, reading, and she was sitting on the ground pulling weeds, neither saying a word to the other, but yet we're enjoying this time together. Just knowing the other was there with them was good enough; they have days they talk and other stuff, but today was one of those quiet days.
Loki, finally sensing he was being watched, looked up, and asked. "Was there something you need, love?" Saphira smiled a little and shook her head, then went back to gardening, missing the smile on Loki's face as he went back to his book. She just realized she was doing the same thing that he used to do to her when they were younger.
Saphira worked on the garden for another hour before deciding to stop and go in; by then, Loki had started reading a different book; when she walked over to him, he smiled and stood, ready to go in also. After stopping a maid and ordering drinks to be brought to Loki's chambers, the couple went there to avoid being bothered by anyone, and Saphira got in the bag she had brought with her and got out a deck of cards and made Loki play with her.
"Be warned," Saphira said as the two sat across from each other at the table, Saphira shuffling the cards. "I am good at any card game you can think of, thanks to my friend Remy so know that you will lose."
"I would not be so sure, darling," Loki smirked as Saphira tossed him a card; she just grinned and ended up winning that hand and the next, but the third and fourth, she lost to Loki, and after winning again, the fifth they decided to stop playing for now. When it Was time for diner, they had it brought to Loki's chambers afterward. Loki excused himself to check on Frigga to make sure she has been eating and that there were no signs of Odin waken; it was late by then, not too late, but still late; Saphira was tired from working in the garden all day and decided to turn in early, so after stealing and putting on the top to the pajama set Loki laid out to wear to bed when he went, she crawled under the covers in Loki's massive size bed and got comfortable and closed her eyes.
Not long after that, the chamber door opened, and knowing it was just Loki returning, Saphira didn't move, almost being asleep; she heard him moving around before he spoke up.
"Darling, did you steal my shirt again?"
Saphira grinned; ever since she returned to Asgard, Saphira keeps stealing the tops to the pajama sets Loki would choose to wear that night; it almost has become sort of a game to them. Loki always ended up sleeping in just the pajama bottoms and shirtless. Saphira told him it's wasn't her fault his silk pajama tops were so comfortable or that he refused to miss match his pajamas to have a top to wear.
"Would I do something like that?" Saphira asked, trying to sound innocent.
"Yes," Loki replied as he turned out the light; Saphira laughed as she snuggled farther into the covers and closed her eyes. He turned on the lantern that sat on the table next to his side of the bed so he could read until he got tired enough to go to sleep and crawled into the bed, and Saphira moved closer to him and put her arm around his waist, Loki laid his hand on her arm.
"Goodnight, Loke, Loke," Saphira told him; Loki looked over at her.
"Goodnight, sweetheart," Loki replied, rubbing across her arm with his thumb. "And please, do not call me that." Saphira only giggled as she drifted off to sleep.
Much later that night, Saphira woke to find Loki sitting on the edge of the bed, with his head in his hands; worried, Saphira moved to sit next to him and laid her hand on Loki's back, he jumped a little started by her sudden touch.
"Loki, are you okay?" Saphira asks, "Did you hurt yourself or something?" He raised his head and shook it; Saphira frowned a moment. "You had a nightmare?" Loki nodded his head. "Would you like to tell me about it?" Loki shook his head. "It might make you feel better." Loki looked at her, then away; after a long moment of silence, he spoke.
"It always the same," Loki replied, not looking at her but straight ahead. "It starts with when Thor and I went to Jontunheim; everything happens as it did then, except when we are running after being outnumbered, Odin appears in front of me, I hear laughter, turn around and see Laufey behind me, he starts to grow, becoming much more giant, I turn back to Odin, and he's suddenly holding the Casket of Ancient Winters, he throws it to me, I catch it. Odin announces I am where I belong, then he, Thor, and everyone started laughing at me; as I begin to turn blue and even though I drop the casket, it doesn't stop, and I start growing. Nothing I do will stop it. I'm suddenly one of them; Thor then pulls out this massive sword and says, "I told you, father, I would slay them all." and he comes after me; I always wake before he...before he."
"It's okay; you don't have to finish," Saphira told him; she leaned over and kissed Loki's shoulder, then laid her head on it as she rubbed his back. "Loki, Thor wouldn't do something like that; he is way too loyal; I kept arguing with him and calling him names down on Midgard; he still pushed me out of the way of a van, took the hit instead, and I would barely call him and me friends."
Saphira got up, grabbed the glass Loki had been drinking out of earlier on the table, went in the bathroom and rinsed it out, filled it with water, then brought it back out and handed it to Loki. He thanked her and drank it all down in two drinks. When he handed it back, she made him get back in bed and crawled in next to him, and allowed him to lay with his head in her lap as she ran her hands through his hair. It always comforts him.
"Once Odin wakes, I swear he's going to get an earful from me," Saphira promised; Loki chuckled a little.
"As much as the thought of you yelling at Odin amuses me, it might not be a good idea," Loki said, "Not if you wish to stay on Asgard."
"Your adopted father is an asshole," Saphira said that made Loki laughed; he didn't understand the Midgardain name-calling, he knew it wasn't good, as Saphira kept telling the Warriors Three they were assholes.
They both fell silent for a while, then Saphira decided now might be the time to tell Loki what she had been thinking about since finding out he was adopted but hadn't dared to bring it up to him yet.
"Loki, " Saphira said.
"Mm, yes, darling?" Loki asks.
"Please don't get angry with me; I am not sure if this is a good or bad time to mention this, but I've been thinking," Saphira begin.
"What is it, my love," Loki asked as she continued to run her hand in his hair.
"I have been thinking about your heritage and the jotuun," Saphira said.
"Why?" Loki asked, frowning.
"Well, they are...giants, but you're not." Saphira explained, "You're tall. Yes, an average height guy on Midgard would be shorter than you, or most anyway."
"I am not following." Loki said, "What are you trying to say?"
"I don't think you are full, Jotuun." Saphira said, "I could be wrong, but I think your birth mother was something else, anyway, sorry to bring it up; I know you don't like it, and you just had that dream." Loki didn't say anything; he was deep in thought. "Are you mad I mentioned it? I hope I did not upset you."
"I could never be mad at you, sweetheart," Loki said; he sat up. "I am fine now, and we should probably go back to sleep. It is pretty late." Saphira agreed, and they both snuggled together under the covers and went to sleep.
A week later, Saphira was awakened one morning by Loki moving around in the room; she stretched, yawned, then opened her eyes to see Loki was already up and dressed.
"Is it morning already?" Saphira demanded, yawning, then she buried herself in the covers.
"I was just about to wake you, darling," Loki said. Saphira opened her eyes and looked up at Loki in time to see him set on the side of the bed.
"Why?" Saphira demanded, closing her eyes back," It's still early; come back to bed."
"You can stay in bed if that is what you wish." Loki told her, "Or you can spend the morning visiting with my mother until I get back." That made Saphira open her eyes again and look at him with a frown.
"Get back from where?" Saphira demanded.
"I have something I need to do," Loki explained, not given a direct answer. Saphira frowned when he wouldn't meet her eyes. "Should not be gone long."
"Loki, where are you going," Saphira demanded, raising a little. "You sound as if you are leaving Asgard." She narrowed her eyes in suspicion when Loki didn't answer right away. "You are? You are leaving Asgard; where are you going?"
"Jotunheim," Loki answered; after a pause, Saphira sat up father.
"What on earth for?" Saphira demanded; Loki smiled a little.
"We are not on Earth, darling." Loki teased, his smile fell when Saphira continued to frown at him. "I can not get what you said the other night out of my head; I am going to talk to Laufey, demand him to tell me who my birth mother was."
"I wish I never said anything." Saphira groaned as she rubbed her eyes, then looked at Loki. "Isn't it dangerous to go there? What makes you think he will even tell you?"
"I'll make him," Loki said; standing, he grabbed a jacket and slipped it on over his shirt. "Are you going back to sleep or visit mother?"
"Neither," Saphira said, getting out of bed. "I am going with you."
"Absolutely, not." Loki said, "Too dangerous."
"But it's okay for you to go," Saphira demanded, crossing her arms.
"Please do not be upset with me, darling," Loki said, taking Saphira's hands in his. "I just. I want you to be right; I need you to be correct, then I will not be a complete monster."
"Loki, you're not a monster no matter your birth." Saphira said, "I wish you wouldn't think so little of yourself. Let me come with you; let me be there for you."
"I could not handle it if anything happened to you, sweetheart," Loki said,
"Do you think I could handle it if anything happened to you?" Saphira demanded. Loki sighed, then pulled her to him. "Please, you can't go over there alone."
"Okay, darling, but if you go, you stick close to me, and if I tell you to run, you do so, even if I am not following you," Loki told her. Saphira pulled away from him and looked up.
"I can stick close to you, no problem, but if I run, you are running with me; I am not leaving you behind," Saphira said. Loki frowned at her but sighed and ran a hand through his hair at the determined look on Saphira's face.
"Make sure you put on something that will keep you warm." Loki told her, "Jotunhiem did not bother me too much, but you will probably be cold there."
Saphira kissed Loki's cheek, then went to get dressed; she put on a pair of black trousers, with a dark blue long sleeve tunic type shirt and black boots, she brushed her hair and left it hanging down, when she turned back to Loki, he took her hand and put one of his daggers in it.
"Hide that on you, just in case it is needed," Loki told her.
"You forget, I have a built-in weapon," Saphira said, sticking the dagger in her back pocket, then she held her palm out and made a flame appear, and Loki smiled.
"If it comes down to it, uses it, but as a last resort," Loki told her. Saphira agreed, and Loki kissed her before slipping his hand in hers, and with a flicker of magic, they disappeared, then reappeared on Jotunhiam, and Loki was right; it was pretty cold there. Though it didn't bother her too much, her body quickly adapted to the cold. It does the same thing with heat; Saphira figured it was something to do with being the goddess of nature; her body could quickly adapt to the temperature where it hot or cold didn't bother her much.
"This way, darling," Loki said, pulling her close to him as they headed across Jotunhaim.
Saphira looked around with a frown; she found this realm depressing, and even though her body adapted to the cold, it was still cold, snow was fallen, and the whole planet looked like a frozen wasteland, with no signs of animal or plant life anywhere. She didn't know how anyone could live here or why they would want to.
Saphira got a little nervous closer they got to Laufey's palace because more and more jotuun appeared from nowhere watching them; as they walked past, Loki's grip on her hand tightened. She looked at him, like Saphira, Loki was looking around; to anyone else; they would think he was at ease, but to Saphira, she knew he was nervous but hiding it well.
"You have some nerve showing up here," Laufey said as Loki and Saphira walked up to him, the first time Saphira had seen Frost Giants up close, and even though she knew they were giants, she never pictured them being so, well..giant.
"I was the one who let you guys in the palace," Loki told him. Saphira reached her other hand up and gently held Loki's arm while still holding his hand with her other one, trying to be comforting as Laufey laughed softly.
"Ah, a son of Odin betraying the allfather, what are the odds in that." Laufey grinned. "I say pretty high, to be honest, as I told that brass brother of yours, the palace of Asgard hides behind many secrets. Odin hides behind many lies."
Loki said nothing, and Laufey stared down at Loki with a mock grin on his face. "So, why are you here now, boy? Want a repayment of some kind. You will not get anything from me."
"No, " Loki answered. "I...do you know who I am? Truly know?"
Laufey looked Loki over a moment, then raised his hand, and the jotuun that were standing guard watching and listening got up and lift at once; as they were moving, Loki dropped Saphira's hand, put his arm around her, and pulled her closer to him, the act made Laufey laugh again.
"Nobody is going to hurt your little elf, " Laufey said, "Not unless she does something first."
"We are not here to fight." Loki said, "I came for answers." Loki dropped his arm from Saphira and slipped his hand back into hers again. Saphira was glaring at Laufey for calling her "little elf," She guessed she had so much of an appearance of a Ljosalfar he didn't realize she was Asgardian also.
Laufey sat back in his seat. "Not sure what answers an Asgardian would seek from the jotuun but let me ask you, word around the realms is that Odin has gone into Odinsleep, and you are temporary King?"
"I am," Loki said.
"And your brother? Is it true he was banished to Midgard?" Laufey demanded.
"Yes, " Loki answered.
"Though I am guessing his banishment is not permanent?" Laufey asked.
"Most likely not, " Loki answered. "I am not planning to allow Thor back, but once fa...Odin awakens he most likely will at some point."
"Yes, he most likely will," Laufey said. "Now, tell me why you are here, boy?"
"I want answers." Loki said, "And you going to give them to me."
"Is that so?" Laufey asked.
"Yes, " Loki answered. "Do you know who I am?"
"Youngest son of Odin," Laufey said. "A spoiled little Asgardian prince."
Laufey's eyes turned to Saphira and looked her over as if he was trying to read her, tell if she was trustworthy. His eyes traveled from her head down to her feet, then raised back up and looked her right in the eyes; Saphira didn't back down and stared right back, with narrowed eyes. After a tense moment, Loki stepped a little in front of Saphira, blocking most of her from view. Laufey then turned back to Loki and asked.
"Or do you mean what you were born as and not raised as?"
"So you do know who I am?" Loki demanded.
"That you are the runt son I threw away?" Laufey demanded with a smirk. "Of course I do; I saw Odin ride off with you with my own eyes. First, I thought he was going to try to get something from me by using you, which would not have worked by the way since I had already tossed you out, did not matter to me if he killed you."
"Hey, " Saphira cried; she went to take a step forward, but Loki held her back. Laufey just kept talking as if nothing happened.
"When no word of you from him reached my ears, I just figured he killed you," Laufey said as if it was no big deal. "But then I heard tell of Odin having another son, had my suspicions of where this son suddenly came from, as no word of Odin's wife being with child reached me, but suddenly he had a second son. Then years later, you show up here with that other Odinson. You look so much like her. I knew right away who you were.
"I look like who?" Loki demanded.
"Your mother," Laufey answered. "That's what you came here to find out about, is it not? Who the woman was that gave birth to you? "
"Yes, " Loki answered, "Who was she? What was she?"
"It does not matter now." Laufey said, "She is long dead."
"Did you kill her?" Loki demanded.
"No." Laufey said, "I did care something for her, not love, but something. No, I say she's long dead because she was Midgardain; we know they do not live very long, especially back in those days, when they died a lot younger than they do now."
"Midgardian?" Loki demanded. "My birth mother was from Midgard?" Saphira looked at him in surprise; she didn't think Loki was full jotuun but had figured his mother was from one of the other realms. Never would she have guessed she was Midgardain.
"Yes," Laufey said. "A Midgardain woman I had a short fling with during the war, she was not like other Midgardains, she was devious, cunning, knew how to manipulate people to get what she wanted. You have her black hair and green eyes, or at least the form she favored at that time, no idea what she honestly looked like; that was another thing that intrigued me about her; even though she was Midgardain, she somehow could shapeshift."
Loki, who had been looking down trying to take it all in, looked up real fast at that. Saphira laid her hand on Loki's back in comfort. And Laufey laughed a little.
"I am guessing she passed that ability to you since you stand before me looking like that," Laufey said. "Shortly after giving birth to you, she disappeared; I never saw her again. Shame she helped us a lot with battling the Asgardians; she would take one to spy on my enemies for me. A real...trickster, you might say." Laufey laughed softly to himself as Loki frowned at him.
Laufey leaned forward and grinned at Loki, "After you and that Odinson left, I had my people go to other realms, ask about you, out of curiosity, nothing more, and the more tales I heard, the more I thought of her. If the stories are true, you take a great deal after her."
"Better than taken after you, I'm sure," Saphira spoke up; Loki squeezed her hand, trying to calm her before she did or said something foolish, but Laufey only laughed again; he seemed to think everything was funny; it was annoying.
"Her bravery is...amusing." Laufey mocked.
"Loki, " Saphira spoke up. "Maybe we should go now; you found out what you wanted to know." Loki nodded his head, then turned back to Laufey.
"Her name?" Loki demanded, "What was her name?"
"I think I told you enough," Laufey said. "You already owe me for telling you that much; if you want her name, you will have to agree to do something for me."
"Loki, let's just go," Saphira said. "If her name is that important to you, we'll somehow find out ourselves."
"Well, boy? " Laufey demanded."Do you want to know her name? You have to be willing to do something for me."
"Depends on what that is," Loki said.
"You are going to get me into Asgard, so I can kill Odin while he slumbers," Laufey said.
Saphira gasped and wrapped her arms around Loki's one arm. "You can't ask him to do something like that." Saphira turned to Loki, pulling on his arm a little, trying to get him to follow her, but he just stood there, staring at Laufey. Then to Saphira's surprise, Loki gave a slight nod, and Laufey laughed.
"Raven," Laufey said, sitting back and grinning big; he looked frightening. "I do not know if that was her actual name, but she called herself Raven."
"Loki, come on," Saphira demanded; she tugged on Loki's arm and pulled him along with her; they only got a few feet before Loki stopped, wrapped his arms around Saphira, and disappeared with her, taken them both back to Asgard.
"Please tell me you lied to that jerk," Saphira demanded the moment she and Loki appeared back in his chambers.
"Of course, darling," Loki told her; he kissed her, then sat down on his bed, took his jacket off, and tossed it to the side. Saphira sat next to him.
"How do you feel about all this, sweetie?" Saphira asked gently.
"Shocked," Loki answered. "Laufey is right; she's long dead by now."
"Yes, but you had the best mother you could ask for in Frigga," Saphira told him. "She may not have given birth to you, but she loved you as if she did."
"I know," Loki answered. He looked at Saphira a moment, then laid down, putting his head in her lap; Saphira ran her hand through his hair. "Odin...he favored Thor and no matter what I did, never seem good enough for him, I had to live in Thor's shadow, but, it could have been worse, I was saved from death, made a prince of Asgard, and ignored, but at least I was never beaten or thrown away."
"Or locked up." Saphira put in.
"Indeed," Loki answered. "I will do what Laufey wants when the time comes, I will let him in, but I will not allow him to kill Odin." Loki rolled over on his back.
"You want to kill Laufey, don't you?" Saphira demanded.
"Yes." Loki answered, "Not only will I get back at him for leaving me to freeze to death, but I'll also put an end to this war before it begins, and maybe Odin will finally see that I am just as good as Thor."
"You're better than Thor," Saphira told him, Loki smiled at her, but she saw in his eyes Loki didn't believe her; Saphira frowned as Loki sat up.
"At least I am not a complete monster," Loki mumbled. Saphira frowned at Loki for a moment, jumped up, grabbed his arm, and pulled him up.
"Follow me." She ordered, pulling him up and down the corridor; Loki frown, not sure where Saphira was dragging him but following her anyway; his confusion grew more as she led him into Odin's vault and right up to where the Casket of Ancient Winters sat.
"Loki, baby, I know it's going to take time to accept yourself and come to terms with everything," Saphira said. "I am going to be there for you, but please stop calling yourself awful things cause you are not a monster, never have been, never will be." Saphira turned Loki to face the Casket and stood behind him, with her hand on his lower back. "Pick it up, show me your jotuun form."
"No," Loki said, a shocked look on his face. "You already know I am one of those monsters; why would you want to see it?"
"I am not trying to be cruel." Saphira promised," You know I would never hurt you, but to prove something to you, I need you to show me your jotuun form."
"No, I am not showing you that monster." Loki refused, his voice was raising a little, and he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He looked at Saphira to apologize to see tears running down her face.
"Darling?" Loki asked.
"Please, stop calling yourself such names," Saphira told him. "You're not only hurting yourself when you do." Loki was surprised by her reply and felt terrible for hurting her. "Would you show me, please?"
Loki closed his eyes and took a deep breath and picked up the Casket, and turned around to watch Saphira's reaction as he turned blue with red eyes. To his surprise, Saphira did not react as he thought; her face showed no disgust, no fear, nothing but the same loving look she always had when looking at him.
"You look like Loki, but blue," Saphira commented. She reached out to touch him, but Loki took a step back and sat the Casket back down.
"Darling, I wish not to hurt you," Loki explained. Saphira just smiled at him, and before he could stop her, she took his hand in hers.
"I am not afraid of your jotuun form," Saphira said. "You're my Loki no matter what you look like, the Loki, I have loved all my life, the same Loki I waited for a century to be with again; I see you standing in front of me, not a monster."
Loki looked down at her hand in his. " I am not giving you frostbite." He took her hand in his other one and looked it over. Then he reached his hand out and touched her face. To his surprise, Saphira didn't back away or finch.
"Maybe it's because you're only half, or maybe they do something to make their hands colder." Saphira guessed, "Your hands do feel a lot colder like this. But you see, you're not a monster, and you're not going to hurt me; it doesn't matter if you're born Asgardian, or Midgardain or Jotuun. What you truly are is in here." Saphira laid her hand on his heart. "Just because you were born something other than you thought doesn't change who you are."
Saphira moved her hand up to his face and laid it on his cheek, then leaned in and kissed him; Loki immediately put his arms around her and pulled her closer and deepened the kiss.
"Your lips are colder too," Saphira said; Loki only grinned as he laid his forehead on hers, then he laughed a little; his skin was turning back to its usual shade.
"What would I do without you?" Loki asked.
"Probably go mad." Saphira laughed as Loki pulled her closer to him and leaned in for another kiss.
"I love you," Loki mumbled in her ear, holding her tightly.
"I love you too," Saphira said, holding on to him just as tightly as he was her.
AN If your wondering, no, Loki's mother never showed her natural form to Laufey, as it wouldn't have gained her anything, Loki did get his looks from her; that was the looks she had when she got pregnant with him, and because of who she is her genes were stronger,(hopefully that makes sense) and Loki got more of them than Laufey's. Some readers probably already figured out who she is; some may not like or thinks it makes sense, but I've read Fics where Hela was his mom. I am Sorry the ending was sappy; I needed Loki to start accepting who he is before the next chapter and before Avengers starts, and no matter way to do that, then have someone who doesn't look at him different no matter what form he may be in. This story is partly a romance story, after all.