I do not own Inuyasha.
Sesshomaru searched for the demon who framed Rin, flying high in the air. While Rin gathered her belongings in the village, Jaken had been dispatched to gather information on the prey he now hunted. The pair covered ground quickly, putting significant distance between them and the site of their crimes. Distance mattered not to Sesshomaru. He would catch the duo no matter where they fled.
Let the fools think they'd fabricated the perfect crime. Let them revel in their cleverness. Such arrogance increased the thrill of the hunt. Nothing brought greater pleasure than bringing a trouble-causing upstart to heel.
According to Jaken, the demon he tracked was a widow-maker. That discovery raised as many questions as it answered.
In these violent times, widow-makers were a common, if not prevalent, kind of spirit. Similar in nature to the Un-mother, a widow-maker sought out men to be their husbands, preferring a married man to one who had yet to take a wife. This preference ensured the survival of her kind, for a grieving wife's pain and anger was just one source of their power.
A wraith in true form, the widow-maker needed to consume the organs of young women to beautify her appearance, turning into a lure so captivating that men were easily led astray. Ensnared in her trap, the hapless male lived in a world of his own making, carrying out his desires often without awareness that it was all delusions and lies. Meanwhile, the widow-maker slowly devoured his soul. On the rare occasions that her victim realized that he inhabited a false world, he would be absorbed rather than eaten, becoming one with her and trapped for all eternity. It served as punishment for his rejection of her.
The widow-maker was an especially cruel demon, to males and females alike. She never stopped hunting for she was never satisfied, perpetually fueled by a widow's love and hate for her husband; her grief over his death or abandonment; her longing to be held just once more.
Sesshomaru assumed the widow-maker targeted the husband of the family, which matched her nature. Killing the family did not.
As for the husband . . . finding information about him was proving difficult. Demons ignored humans, solely paying attention to them when doing so fulfilled a particular need (hunger or desire being the usual culprits). The only useful information that had been gathered thus far was the location where he cut trees.
Sesshomaru landed on a cliff overlooking a dense forest. He could smell the pair's scent rising through the air, a familiar musk running through it. He raised an eyebrow at that.
How interesting. And how out of character.
Rin screamed. Hanabusa struck at her, his palm hard against her face. Then she felt his hands roaming her body. Her kimono disappeared and his breath scorched her skin, burning her with shame. Rin cried out again and found herself gagged. Hanabusa forced her legs open and thrust against her. She started crying.
No. Please, no.
Rin woke with a jolt. Her tears hadn't been confined to the dream. The crisp air brushing her cheeks told her as much. Sitting up, Rin hurriedly wiped the offensive moisture away, casting around for her companions before climbing to her feet.
Rin wadded into the small stream. The water brought numbness to her feet almost immediately. If only it could numb the rest of her as well.
She ignored her chattering teeth and knelt down, gathering the cold liquid in her hands and splashed her face. Brutal in its intensity, the sensation of that frigid water repeatedly hitting her face succeeded in clearing the nightmare from her head. Violent shivers racked her, but she remained in the water until her breathing deepened, bringing with it much needed calm.
Discomfort was nothing new to Rin, easily given into and easily pushed away. Right now, it served as a balm to her battered soul. Traces of the nightmare lingered: the feel of Hanabusa's hands on her body, the smell of his stale breath.
Rising to her feet, Rin looked at the moon. Clear and certain, it shone with pride. As she took in the yellow-tinged orb, something inside her broke.
Rin's shoulders began to shake. She used to be like that. Indeed, she had prided herself on being like that. Clear, confident.
She had long noticed that Lord Sesshomaru held a deep affinity for the moon. As a child, Rin had foolishly thought that if she could mimic the celestial orb somehow, he would look upon her with the same reverence he gave the moon. But she had never been able to capture the moon's essence. It was a beacon, guiding travelers to safety with the sheer strength of its light, while Rin was a human girl, who trailed haplessly after a demon who seemed determined to walk in darkness.
How long would these dreams plague her? How long before she stopped feeling fear and shame and anger? How long before she could be herself again?
Rin stood in the stream, gazing at the moon with tear-soaked eyes until her feet began to tingle dangerously.
As she turned to head back to dry land, she pulled up short at the sight of Master Jaken. Rin averted her eyes in embarrassment.
"Have you gathered your composure, Rin," Master Jaken asked.
Unsure if he intended to reprimand her for wandering off by herself, Rin nodded warily.
"Good. Then let us return to the fire. We don't want Lord Sesshomaru to return to find us gone."
Without waiting for her to catch up, Jaken turned on his heel and headed back to their camp. As the light from the fire came into view, so did Lord Sesshomaru. Master Jaken gasped and ran to meet him, Rin close behind. Jaken proceeded to lavish praise on Sesshomaru while the demon lord peered into the fire. He lifted his gaze pinning Rin with an inquiring look. Unsure of what he was able to detect, she blushed and looked at her feet.
"Are you hungry?" Lord Sesshomaru asked, bringing a melon into view.
Rin gasped in pleasure. While his keen sense of smell could be a source of discomfort and embarrassment at times, it also enabled him to find the sweetest melons.
"Of course, I'm hungry. You and I can share it. Master Jaken prefers meat, but perhaps he'll eat some because you offered." Rin turned to the little imp, a sweet look on her face. "Would you like some of Lord Sesshomaru's melon, Jaken?"
Tears streamed down the imp's face. "Of course, I would, you silly girl," he said.
As Rin watched Lord Sesshomaru crack open the melon, Hanabusa and the feelings he invoked disappeared. Wrapped in the protective presence of her lord, Rin's sense of safety returned.
Sesshomaru sat on a rock, contemplating the future. The moon shone bright above him. A wind blew through the meadow and distant smoke reached his nose. A village was near.
Hot on the trail of the widow-maker, Sesshomaru suspected they would catch up to her by tomorrow evening. His motley gang made good time.
Not far from him, Rin and Jaken slept under the cover of trees.
Where did go from here? What would he do? Boredom consumed him, and had done so for decades now. The search for Tessaiga and Naraku's presence had created a brief alleviation of said boredom, but the sword was found and the half-breed gone. It left Sesshomaru wrestling with a choice he'd been putting off for years. Even now, his mind skirted around the issue, fixating on Rin and her return to his care instead.
Before her, his solitary state had never proven lonely. The ceaseless chatter, the carefree humming, the senseless bickering that occurred between her and Jaken were once thought to be annoyances that he tolerated on a whim. That he would grow to miss those very things was unexpected. Silence bothered him. The reduction of his companions by one bothered him.
He tried to occupy himself with running the remainder of his father's empire, but the tasks proved menial and dull. Jaken was more than welcome to them. The number of worthy opponents for him to fight also decreased by the year. . . Once more, Sesshomaru pivoted his mind to other things, unable to contemplate the impossible choices he would have to make eventually.
As if sensing his thoughts, Rin shifted in her sleep. Fear invaded his nostrils. She must be suffering a nightmare. They plagued her often, far more so than when she'd been a child. While the sun radiated light, she likewise radiated smiles and laughter. Once she fell asleep, shadows crept into her mind and made their presence felt. Let her know she was forever changed.
As her fear increased, so did his rage. He longed for a way to make her feel safe, even when she dreamt. Such skills were beyond him, and even if he did possess them, he doubted he would use them on her. Dreams – even nightmares – should remain private unless the dreamer wished to share. He would never pry into her mind and force himself on her, even if it was in the name of protection.
Tomorrow evening.
It would be the first time Rin would be left alone since rejoining them. Sesshomaru's eyes flicked to Ah-Un. No, she wouldn't be completely alone, but the notion caused him unease. Jaken's demands to be present when Sesshomaru avenged Rin's honor would be humored. His retainer lacked a backbone most days and thus should be rewarded whenever it made an appearance. Besides, no danger would be involved.
The sound of Rin's beating heart filled his ears. Her ragged breathing was punctuated by sounds of distress, her body twitching under her blanket. Sesshomaru resisted the urge to wake her.
As a child, there had been times when Rin would awaken in the night and climb into his lap before falling back into a fitful slumber. Her lack of fear toward him comprised one of the many things he found so alluring about her. Thankfully, her latest encounter with humanity hadn't destroyed that trait.
A startled gasp followed by the slowing of her heart, told him Rin was awake. He heard her sit up, and called to her, "Rin, I would have words with you."
Soft silk rustled as she rushed to her feet. The familiar sound of her steps greeted his ears.
Rin appeared beside him, anxious and breathless. "Yes, my lord."
She peered behind her, checking that Jaken still slept, before sitting on the rock he vacated at her approach. Lifting her face to him with shining eyes, Rin waited for him to speak.
Irritated at the evidence of her lingering reverence for him, Sesshomaru looked to the moon for guidance. He didn't wish to examine why reverence bothered him whenever it came from her and not Jaken.
"Do you miss the village?"
Rin looked surprised. "No," she said.
"You have no regrets?" he asked her.
Rin shook her head, brow puckered in confusion.
An idea, as light and delicate as a butterfly, fluttered about his mind. Sesshomaru hesitated. While he despised indecision, he realized he feared rejection. Rejection was a foreign concept to him. Furthermore, it was an action that he did to others, not vice versa. However, Rin was an entity unto herself. As such, he suspected that the damage her rejection would inflict upon him would be great.
"Life is too short for regrets. I want to be with you, Lord Sesshomaru," Rin declared. "Although, I do hope I'll get to see Kohaku once and a while. And maybe Lady Kaede, too. But the others," Rin shrugged, indicating her indifference.
The priestess made sense, but Kohaku?
Unfamiliar with jealousy, Sesshomaru was unaware he'd fallen victim to it. A sense of dissatisfaction and irritation filled him. Violence, too.
"Why Kohaku?" he asked, before he could stop himself. Was the boy a threat to him?
"Well," Rin said. She brought her fingers together, a smile gracing her lips. Color entered her cheeks. Sesshomaru noted these changes with increasing displeasure.
"He told the most interesting stories. He was always off on some grand adventure, or so it seemed. And he was constantly travelling, always going somewhere." Rin faltered and ducked her head. "Quite honestly, my lord, I envied him."
Her answer was unexpected. Whenever Sesshomaru thought of the boy, pity filled him. Kohaku had been a miserable wretch, a puppet and little else. While no longer an object of torment used by Naraku, Sesshomaru still pitied him for his weakness, his obvious humanity.
Once more, he found himself asking Rin why? What was enviable about a being like Kohaku?
"He was free," Rin said. "He could go wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted. He wasn't bound to a village and no one restricted his movements. He reminded me of you," Rin finished, her head bowed.
What started as a simple statement ended up a judgement on her treatment by the old priestess and Inuyasha. Furthermore, it gave him clarity on one aspect of her time with the humans.
Sesshomaru asked yet another question. "You saw the village as a cage?"
Rin nodded.
Her words stunned him, not because they laid beyond his scope of understanding, but because he recognized the sentiments innately. Disliking restrictions, being caged like an animal ran counter to everything that Sesshomaru was. Likewise, he wasn't overly fond of being forced or manipulated into action. He'd thought these feelings to be outside humanity's grasp. They clung so tenaciously to their villages and the boundaries they provided.
When Sesshomaru left Rin in that village with the old priestess, it hadn't been with the intention of making Rin feel like a prisoner. He had not wanted her to feel caged, trapped or forced. That'd been the purpose behind the cruel exercise. He had wanted her to be certain of what she would be choosing, what she would be forsaking. He'd long had doubts about the suitability of a child travelling in his care, but those doubts dissipated in the face of her obvious preference for him. He was a selfish creature after all.
However, when the old priestess had insisted that Rin live among her own kind, she had thrown those doubts in his face. Unmoving in her determination and lack of fear, she reminded Sesshomaru of Rin. But whereas the source of Rin's bravery was unknown to him, he knew the priestess' confidence came from her age.
And so, he left Rin with her though his soul cried out in protest.
It proved to be the right decision. Sesshomaru noticed a difference in Rin's appearance. Her cheeks, slightly sunken before, were now plump and rosy; her energy, so inconsistent previously, now seemed boundless. The dark circles under her eyes disappeared, proof that she was getting enough sleep. As he took in her healthy appearance, Sesshomaru felt something he rarely experienced. He felt inadequate. He'd been ignorant of his neglect until that moment.
So, she stayed in the village, growing healthier with each visit. Her improved health justified his abandonment, while that justified abandonment tormented him.
"That wasn't my intention, Rin," he said.
Rin shook her head. "I know, my lord. I understand your reasoning. I was angry for a long time because . . . at the time, I didn't understand. I don't blame you for your decision, and you shouldn't blame yourself for mine. My choices are my own, are they not?" she finished in a dry tone.
Her slight reprimand jolted him from his moody contemplation. He took her in with new eyes. She had grown bolder still. He felt a strong urge to smile.
Well played, Rin.
He understood her meaning clear enough. He would not question her on the matter anymore, for to do so would undermine the reason why they'd undergone their separation.
"Rin, stay by my side for as long as you are able," he responded. He meant it to come out as a question, not a demand.
Rin eyes lit up. The sight reminded Sesshomaru of their first encounter. That smile. Damn that smile. Yet he could not look away.
Rin met his gaze unflinchingly. Her eyes were clear, holding no hesitation and no doubts. Certainty and confidence poured from her.
"You don't need to ask, my lord. The answer will always be yes."
A huge thank you to everyone who has reviewed. Your words of encouragement and enjoyment are such mood boosters. You honestly have no idea how much they mean to me.
Until the next post . . .