When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin, and it feels like a battle you will never win. When you're aching for the fire and begging for your sin. When there's nothing left inside, there's still a reason to fight. ~ DISTURBED
Steve is finally able to see Kate, Basically this is another angst filled chapter exploring their relationship.
Steve felt a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake.
"Steve," Bernie's soft voice broke through his slumber. She smiled softly, kind eyes offering solace. "You can go and see Kate now. I'll take you up to the ICU."
Still groggy with sleep, Steve followed the blonde Doctor through the Hospital corridors. The lights overhead flickered and hummed, all sense of time faded as footsteps echoed through the empty corridors. Dazed and worn out he wasn't really paying attention where he was going. There was only one thing on his mind. Kate. His best friend. He needed to see her, to know she really was okay. He didn't know what to expect, but anything had to be better than seeing her bleeding out in that desolate Lorry Park.
The Intensive Care Unit at Central City Hospital was a large brightly lit space, bleak and sterile, devoid of all personality. Clinical, clean and eerily quiet, Steve couldn't help but feel uneasy as Bernie led him to a bay at the end of the unit. Hospital was meant to be somewhere where people got better, so why did he feel so drained, as if the life was being sucked out of him.
"Just, before you go in," Bernie said quietly, placing a comforting hand on Steve's arm. "It can be quite upsetting to see someone you care for in intensive care, but understand all the machines, the monitors, it's all there to help her."
Bernie's gentle reassurances only seemed to make Steve feel more anxious. Noticing the uncertainty beginning to creep across his face the Doctor continued, "Just talk to her, just like you normally would. She won't be able to reply but she might be able to hear you. It can help sometimes, to hear a familiar voice."
Steve took a deep breath as he entered the bay, he found a fragile figure lying in the bed in front of him. She was crowded by medical equipment, his mouth fell open in dismay. He didn't even know it was possible to be hooked up to that many machines and monitors.
Her eyes were closed and her skin a deathly pale under the bright lights. She looked like a ghost, as if she wasn't really there. Only an illusion, imitating life. Translucent and faded/
It wasn't that Kate, lying in the hospital bed, kept alive by machines, weak and broken. Dedicated, confident and ballsy, a fire burning behind her eyes. His best friend. It couldn't be Kate. Except it was. It was Kate, lying in that hospital bed, surrounded by wires, machines and monitors. They hummed gently, working in unison to keep her alive.
The heart rate monitor kept time with its steady, regular beats. Steve had to keep looking up at the screen, trying to remind himself she was still alive. That somewhere, underneath the wires, tubes and monitors was the same strong and stubborn Kate. His best friend. Still hanging on. He watched as her chest rose and fell, with every gentle rush of air from the ventilator that was breathing for her.
She looked so small and frail, as if she would break from the slightest touch.
Kate had died, she'd been dead for nearly 10 minutes. She still looked dead.
He couldn't get that thought out of his head. It haunted him seeing his best friend in this state. Kate, he'd always thought of her as unbreakable, and that had been her downfall. If only they'd got there sooner, if the surveillance hadn't been dropped, if they'd brought Ryan in sooner, fuck, if Kate hadn't blindly trusted Jo, she wouldn't be fighting for her life, dependent on machines to stay alive. The what ifs circled round Steve's mind, threatening to overwhelm him completely.
"Oh mate," was all he could manage before he sank into yet another uncomfortable plastic chair.
He gingerly took hold of Kate's hand, not wanting to hurt her or disturb any of the wires or IV lines that snaked from her arms. For a while, he just sat and watched, feeling the warmth of her hand in his, clinging to the reminder that she was still fighting.
There was so much he wanted to say, but he had no idea where to start.
"Just hang on in there mate, you're gonna be okay," he whispered, scarcely able to get the words out.
"The Doctor, Bernie said it could help to talk to you, that you might be able to hear me. Reckon you'd like her y'know, she seems like one of the good ones. Kind, but ballsy and good at what she does. I wouldn't want to mess with her. Bit like you y'know."
Steve sighed, a lump caught in his throat.
"You had me so worried mate, I was scared, really fucking scared. I thought I was going to lose you. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you, y'know.
You're my best friend Kate, I know things ain't been easy this past year, with you leaving AC12 but bloody hell mate, I still care. I still care about you.
I probably should have made more of an effort too, cos I've missed you mate. I know you had your reasons, but it ain't been the same without you. Heck, I've even missed you leaving your dirty mugs in the sink, and everywhere else in the office for that matter. And that's saying something y'know. I just don't know how I'm supposed to face a world without you.
So you keep fighting mate, y'hear me. Cause I know you're strong. You're stubborn and downright bloody minded at times. It drives me nuts, but that's how I know you're gonna get through this, alright. And I just need you to know, if you need me, I'm here. I know you don't like to ask, but I'm here for you mate, whatever happens. You've got me mate. So, you're gonna wake up and get better and then we're going for a long overdue drink in the pub. I think you owe me that mate. You hear me, you're gonna be okay."
Steve's words gradually faded into the silence as tears rolled down his cheeks.